This past Thursday my younger son (YS) had a pajama day at preschool, or as we call it in our house a no underwear or commando day. When our older son (OS) was YS's age, he wasn't night time potty trained. The morning of the preschool pj day, he took off the overnight pull-up, put on underwear and put his pajama bottoms back on. YS however, has been night time trained for a while. Thus no need to remove a pull-up and no forced opportunity to add underwear.
When I dropped YS off at preschool, I explained to the teacher that Pajama Day was synonymous with No Underwear Day and that there was a pair of underwear in his backpack in case it was a problem. It of course wasn't. A former kindergarten teacher friend of mine told me that on any given day there's at least one student not wearing underwear. She also said something about the teachers, but I'll leave that to you.
Without revealing anyone's secrets, I will say that I opened up about this story to a lot of people, and in return I learned a lot about whether various people wear underwear at night...or during the day for that matter. The stories just kept on coming free throughout this weekend. The phrase "let it all air out" came up a lot.
As for what I do, well I may be a blogger but I'm not going to spill that secret! However, I'll leave you with an additional lesson learned.
A. Elliot's Relevant Lesson Learned: If you need to get a conversation going, discussing whether or not one should wear underwear to bed at night will do the trick.
A. Elliot's Unrelated Lesson Learned: If you decide to wax part of your face because your 6 year old lists you as one of the people he knows who has a mustache, be aware that doing so will hurt a lot.
It is the end of an era. A major milestone has passed. History has been written. Now my older son (OS) will be able to say, "Back when I was in preschool." That's right, OS has officially finished preschool. A chapter in his life has been completed. Forget end of the year classroom parties and recitals. The schools should really take the money they spend on them and hire a bunch of therapists for the parents.
The time is fast approaching. On Monday I will have to make a crucial decision. A decision of utmost importance. A decision whose implications will follow my son for the rest of his life. That's right, I need to put a deposit down on a preschool for my younger son (YS). Alright, obviously I'm kidding about the importance of this decision, but at the same time I maintain that having to register my two year old next week for preschool that won't start until next September seems extreme. Someone in my spinning class left straight from spinning to register her son for preschool. Spinning ends at 6:30 am. The registration wasn't for a few hours, but she needed to get in line. Apparently she was the 8th person there.
Sure, I understand that the school needs to know how many kids to expect so that appropriate preparations can be made, but it still seems odd to me. Once again, I may be able to make a million dollars. That's right; I got the top lottery time slot again! Hmmm...with the money I could make from my ticket I could pay for YS to go to a different preschool.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Preschool registration is intense for parents.
Lordy, I'm already starting to think about this, and any potential registration is still a year away... and actual entry into preschool nearly two years! Insane... And I don't even want to think about what it'll cost for two of them. Some offer the paltry 10% "twin discount," but a lot minus 10% is still a lot. Bleh.
We have two open houses next week for the preschools/kindergarten we're looking at for Marvey and Lobster. Our big question...Marvey, as of yet, has no interest in using the toilet. He has to be potty trained by start of school in August. Do we go ahead and register him and pray to all the gods ever that he gets a move on?! DECISIONS DECISIONS.
I'm so glad there is no wait at my daughter's school! The public preschool in town (associated with the public school, but it does cost to attend) has a waiting list of TWO YEARS!
Having been a preschool teacher and having the opportunity to tour many preschools when our MOMS Club hosted a preschool fair, I am glad my girls are where they are at. Their preschool was one of very few at tactually has a preschool curriculum and is more school, less play time place. My girls even get art, music and movement, computer and library class!
Most of our preschools do registration in January, but a couple have just moved it to December.
Unfortunately, the free one associated with the public school, does assessments in March & then tells you in May if you get it. So to cover your butt you have to register at the others and lose your security deposit if your kid gets in the free one
Our registration is in March, and I did in fact stand in line last year at 7AM. However, not because I was afraid my kids wouldn't get in, I just wanted them in a specific time, and I wanted them in at the same time. I couldn't take a chance that I'd have one on T/Th and another on MWF. Ack!
Next year we're switching schools, hopefully, since I'll only have one kid in pre-school.
I am grateful that we live in an area with lots of good preschools. But I do have 2 favorites that I will work a little bit harder to get my daughter into. However, I won't be devastated if she doesn't!
My goodness that sounds extreme! My youngest will start pre-school in Sept and wasn't thinking about registration until springtime! Maybe I should start moving.
I'm looking for a couple more bloggers to review Jooners. Please leave me a comment or email me if you're interested.
Speaking of the Jewish holidays, I had a little bit of a whoops moment yesterday. My older son's (OS) preschool follows the local public school's calendar. I had heard friends discuss plans for what to do during Rosh Hashanah since their children had the day(s) off and they don't celebrate it. In fact I remember that when growing up we had both days off from school. Thus, when I was invited to take my kids to the zoo with a couple other friends and their children, I happily agreed.
The kids had a wonderful time. OS in particular was excited to be included on a fun outing since he's convinced that his little brother has all the fun while he's at school. The zoo was fairly crowded. You can imagine my surprise then when I checked the on-line preschool calendar to find out if OS's school gave both days or only the first day off. I found out that not only did he not have the second day of Rosh Hashanah off, but in fact he was not supposed to have the first day off. Whoops!
It's preschool. It's not like he missed his SATs or anything. However due to a cold I've had since Friday that seemed to be getting worse instead of better, I went to lie down while the Big Giraffe, who does take both days of Rosh Hashanah off to observe the holiday, took both boys and dropped OS off at preschool. He got to explain why OS wasn't in school yesterday. The teacher thought it sounded reasonable.
OS had a fun day, the Big Giraffe got to do the explaining, and I woke up feeling much better.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Just because some members of your family take certain religious holidays off does not mean that schools will close for other members of your family.
That is totally something I would do. My school actually has Weds and Thurs off next week, which is sorta strange since it's a non religious private law school and it doesn't take any of the other Jewish holidays off. But I refuse to complain any time someone wants to give me time off.
A couple weeks ago, the Big Giraffe, my older son (OS), my younger son (YS), and I all went to OS's preschool open house. The boys immediately found some toys and began playing with them. So far so good. However, as the open house wore on, there were some sharing issues between YS and OS...actually between YS and just about everyone else. YS was most offended that the bigger kids did not want him to jump on their giant bristle block chain. I'm sure that the teacher's description of the kids' homework assignment coincided with YS's expressions of outrage. I remember my ears perking up because frankly since none of those kids can read, you just know who is doing that homework assignment. In fact I think she even came right out and said at some point that the parents would have to do it. Basically, it was a "get to know you sheet" where you answered a bunch of questions about your child's interests and hobbies. Then you were supposed to attach a photo of your child.
Perhaps it's not too surprising to hear that the Big Giraffe and I are horrible about printing out photos. I uploaded a picture to snapfish.com and made the arrangements to pick it up in an hour at Walgreens. I purposely did not say it was the picture of OS's choosing because it wasn't: he wanted some awful picture of himself facing my midsection...at least we both think it was of him. We couldn't actually see his face in the picture, and I really didn't want a picture exposing my midsection to be hanging on his classroom wall for all to see. I therefore pulled the mean mommy card and said no. Not only that, I held firm even in the face of persistent whining. I also decided to use the on-line service instead of pulling out my photo printer and special photo paper because that's reserved for when I remember at 7 am that we need a photo for the day and I don't have time for the hour long photo service.
This morning everything was all organized and ready to go. I carefully packed the paper into OS's backpack this morning and had OS tell the teacher, at my prompting, that the paper was in there. It was particularly important because today was OS's birthday celebration at school, and they have a special board for the papers of the birthday celebrant. Also, today might have been the deadline although neither the Big Giraffe or I were sure most likely because we were reconstructing a bristle block line that YS had accidentally broken when the homework assignment was discussed. We thought it was due the 21st, but the 21 is a Sunday. A key element of the instructions was apparently to use the blank piece of white paper that came in the plastic casing to paste multiple photos of your child doing activities he liked and spending time with his family. The Big Giraffe and I both thought the paper was just filler paper for the plastic liner. Needless to say, I got a post-it note home asking me to please send in the paper with pictures on it.
When I was in 4th grade, my parents made me do a geology report on rocks by myself. I used my scissors and a mountain of glue and pasted jagged edged pictures on construction paper with handwritten descriptions and definitions. I think I got a C on it. The kid who got an A on it had beautifully mounted pictures on black construction paper (I never even knew you could do that) with typed up descriptions underneath the pictures. I later found out from him that his dad had done all the work. Poor OS. His parent did the work and she didn't even follow directions!
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Paying attention in school is as important for parents as for children.
I still looking for bloggers to do blogger reviews. Did I mention that there are going to be prizes? In fact there will be prizes for both bloggers and blog readers! Click here for more info.
Just wait. My 9 year old had homework today and I honestly, HONESTLY didn't know the answers! And I had a study guide in front of me!! HOW am I supposed to double check it if I can't even figure it out?!? I just clucked my tongue and said, "Well, if YOU feel it's your best work, then you should turn it in..." And went off to cry silently in the bathroom.
See? Now that's why I think all those instructions need to be written down, not just told to parents. I can't remember stuff like that even if I hear all the directions.
those problems never happened to me....maybe because my mother was one of the teachers :p.
the opposite happened: we had a knitting assignment and I made a mistake in the design. The year afterwards my mom needed an example and took mine....and then for the next 10 years everyone has taken over my knitting mistake. whaaahaaa. I always cracked up when I walked into my mom's class and saw all the knitting pieces displayed with my mistake in it.
I'm re-reading the instructions from preschool again, and that's just for what we're supposed to do when we're on snack duty. This is more complicated than it should be. ;)
Happy 5th birthday! I can't believe that you are already five years old. It seems like my own 5th birthday was celebrated just the other day, never mind the birthday of one of my kids. I have been reflecting on your birthday for the past couple of days, not only because you would be turning five, but because the days of the week are aligned the same way they were when you were born, when Labor Day was also on Monday, September 1. I joked around that for me it really was labor day since I went into labor with you on September 1.
This year has brought about so many remarkable changes. Somehow you grew from being a toddler into being a true, little boy. Suddenly you became so much more independent. You learned to make your own decisions. You learned how to stand up for yourself. You made friends with kids in preschool and on the playground whom I hadn't met. I went from knowing all about your life because I was part of everything to listening to you tell me about it. Sometimes getting you to talk required bribery! Except when the subject was a little girl named M whom you just adored or two boys named M and J who were very outgoing and on a couple of occasions got into trouble. You were very impressed with these boys. Your own interests have really developed. They've run the gamut from princesses to sports to emergency vehicles. Yesterday you wanted to visit with a police officer in the parking lot at the beach so you could learn about his job, including whether he had ever rescued any cats from trees and how exactly his police car worked. You were so excited when he let you turn on the sirens and speak on the speaker.
This year was a first for you with parent/child t-ball where you amazed us all with your swing. Tae Kwon Doe has looked to be pretty impressive too. Your knowledge of ocean life this year impressed all of us, not only including your teachers but sometimes including employees of the aquarium. You were enthusiastic and happy with your swim lessons this year. You also very firmly told your instructor and me several times that you were fully aware of the swim lessons process, but you would not jump in the pool and you didn't care if you didn't move up the next level of lessons. I have to confess that I'm hoping you'll reevaluate that decision. What was I saying about making your own decisions? I'm also hoping you'll re-evaluate your decision to boycott milk and decide that you will at least attempt to drink it and some point in the future.
You spent a lot of time with H and C this year and have just loved it. You really look forward to your playdates with them. Daddy and I are thrilled with what great friends you and your brother are. We love that you stand up for each other. You politely but firmly told the little boy at the beach yesterday to stop splashing your brother because he didn't like it.
These past five years have been wonderful. Happy 5th birthday little one. May all your dreams come true. As Cinderella says, "A dream is a wish your heart makes."
Love, Mommy
Cinderella's Lesson Learned: A dream is a wish your heart makes.
Somehow despite the fact that almost every day I have wondered when preschool is starting up again, this summer has flown by. In fact it's gone so fast that I realized that I better get my act together and mail out my older son's (OS) birthday party invitations. I'm one of those people who needs to be at places early, who sometimes writes blog posts in advance (I'm actually in Upstate New York with the Giraffes for the week which is why I haven't been visiting your blog), and really appreciates it when people send out invitations with ample time to respond. No, it's not that we're oh so busy. I just like planning my schedule ahead of time if possible. Plus as a friend pointed out, OS's birthday falls during transition between summer outings and getting ready for school, so if I waited too long, many of his guests could already have plans.
I already had the party invitations from a couple months ago. Relax! I'm not that deranged! OS wants his birthday at a very popular birthday place, and since my parents are flying in from Chicago I wanted to make absolutely sure he could have his party on the day that worked for everyone. Last year we had our last home party, which also was the only home party in OS's preschool class. You know it's bad when even the kids look bored! Turns out two months ago, that two of the three slots for our desired day were already booked! That's right in May, September was already starting to fill. Fortunately, we got the third slot. The real miracle was that I managed not to lose the invitations between booking the date and now. The class list though...well that's just another story.
Despite the fact that I have every preschool newsletter from this past year and all three updated copies of OS's class list from the year before, I could not find the most recent list anywhere. Sadly, 800 million pages of stamp art cannot substitute for this. Fortunately the preschool was 1) open and the preschool director was not only willing to give me another copy but kind enough to assure me that I am not the first parent to need this sort of help.
The invitations are addressed and waiting to be mailed. However, instead of feeling relaxed, I feel anxious. What if no one comes? I know I'm the parent here and the parents of two of his favorite friends already told me that they're coming, but it's moments like this where I really struggle separating where I end from where my son begins. When I think about it, I know I would be upset for my son, for myself and then some third overlapping space in which, like a covalent bond in chemistry, our feelings would be intertwined.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Birthday politics are challenging.
Our current problem is the complete lack of RSVPs for Lobster and Marvey's party which is on Sunday. I even included an email address for rsvping...it's not like anyone had to talk to to anyone!!!!
My son's party this year had that happen. We invited 9 (including his brother, and 2 kids of our friend) and had 2 kids from school actually show up. TWO. Even though 4 said Yes, and 2 said no. One kid got punished the night before (WTF?!? I was paying for him to bowl, I don't CARE if he had a bad day at school!!!!) and the other just. Never. Showed. Yeah. They forgot.
Moe's birthday is like that. Her party needs to be the first or second weekend in September (due to husband's work schedule)- she starts school September 2. She didn't go last year, so I don't feel right inviting the whole class. SO I'm inviting peoiple I know will be in her class (some are her sister's friends siblings, some are our friends kids, etc.) I'm not inviting everyone though, just a few! And I'm totally having it at my house. Not sure what I'm doing though.
Whatever happened to cake and playing? We've got a jungle gym!
I going to come right out and admit it. I'm one proud mama. Last spring my older son's (OS) preschool class had a music recital in a local park. Several classes of 3 year olds formed a line and sang and danced to songs. OS was not among them. In fact OS spent the whole concert hanging on my leg and asking to leave. We finally did.
Today was this year's recital. The Big Giraffe and I hoped that this year he would at least stand with the class. Stand with the class he did...and more. He sang and danced. Most importantly he had a fantastic time! He was so proud of himself, and we were so proud of him. I had to hold back tears. Fortunately I was successful, because there's nothing like capping a fond childhood experience with the memory of your mom embarrassing you. It is also fortunate that we recorded the recital. Now I can sit on the couch with my own box of tissues in the privacy of my own home. One less family therapy session to worry about!
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: To quote the first song from the recital, "The more we get together, the happier we'll be."
i nearly cried today at the end of Vacation Bible School, which I've been looking forward to ending (even though I enjoy it). I blame the lack of sleep, but I think it had something to do with it being MQ's first year in with the big kids, and doing beautifully.
It's so fun watching our kids take such big steps in growing up, but a little sad also. I miss my tiny snuggly babies sometimes, but I adore the big girls they are now, and I am looking forward to the fantastic women they will be one day.
A few other moms have shared the idea of a free pass with me. This is when you give your child a "free pass" to skip a lesson or sports activity. I previously filed this idea in the back of my mind because my older son (OS) seemed sort of young to fully grasp this concept. It seems like just one of a number of concepts that preschoolers need to grow into. For example, his preschool teacher has also indicated that time is a very hard concept for 4 and 5 year olds.
Today though both boys were exhausted. (Quite frankly I was exhausted too.) OS started protesting that he didn't want to attend swim lesson today. My younger son (YS) had meltdown after meltdown. He even got into a "fight" with the dog when the dog had the audacity to glance at him while he was eating breakfast. I decided to test out the free pass. OS was pretty excited about it.
Later on, OS and I were discussing the fact that some of his friends will be visiting later this week. We did not agree on the timing of later. As a calendar-saavy adult, I am well aware that one friend will be visiting tomorrow and several other friends will be visiting on Thursday, but, in support of his teacher's claim that time is an advanced concept for someone his age, he insisted that one friend was coming over later today and others were coming over tomorrow.
I realized that OS may or may not understand the concept of free pass, but even if he does, he may not understand time well enough to remember that it is one pass per season when it comes time for next week's lesson. I might have to file the free pass with the "sore rope."
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: The best things in life are free, including free passes.
I am all for the "you signed up for this activity and your team is counting on you, so you have to attend the practices and games" but I will, occasionally, know that we just need a break. That life WILL go on if we don't go to that soccer practice or Cub Scout game. And we DID Let the boys quit karate class, with only 2 lessons left, when they started crying before the classes... the instructor had a VERY loud voice and my eldest (who is sensitive to being yelled at) wasn't enjoying it at ALL.
It's usually me that wants the free pass, not my kids! As for the time thing, I made my kids each (well, the older 2!) an event calendar to help with that. I mark things like playdates on there and they can mark off the days until then. When they ask a million times when such-and-such is happening, I tell them to look at the calendar. It helps a little.
Free passes have been a godsend for us. I even give them to my students to opt out of one assignment per semester (just not the final exam or unit tests).
I think kids sometimes don't even realize they are taking on too much, and if they don't get down time it's like the domino effect, everything can topple for them. Sometimes they just need to rest.
One day I will be a better parent. In fact I can already tell you when it will be; precisely three years from now. As I gaze into my crystal ball, I see my younger son (YS) coming home with his preschool progress report. Next to "knows phone number" will be a "G" for good. Not a "W" for working on it because I had no idea that phone numbers were something a four year old should know. As I've complained to the pediatrician, it would help to get some sort of check list of important skills that my child will be expected to know before the doctor's appointment or school term in which they are evaluated. Whether it's sitting up or saying the Pledge of Allegiance, at least I would know because frankly the only thing I hear from OS about preschool is what snack OS ate. If I really push it, I may hear a couple words about a story that was read...not the title though!
I understand the rationale that it's important for a child to know the phone number in case of getting lost. Of course that begs the question, what number should children know? I overheard another preschool mom describing how she lost her daughter in the parking lot of a restaurant. Apparently the little girl had gone back into the restaurant. Calling her home wouldn't have flagged her parents in the parking lot. Perhaps by the time YS is in preschool there will be a line item on the progress report evaluating whether a child "knows parents' cell phone numbers."
Don't get my wrong. I think knowing the home phone number is important but I suspect that many times when kids are lost, it's out in public with their parents.
In the meantimes, I can just file this knowledge with what I have learned about valentine's cards, preschool gifts and birthday parties. Yes, OS. Your brother does have it made! On the other hand, he won't have nearly the free time you enjoy at 4 because he's going to be busy making valentines and memorizing phone numbers.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Four-year olds should know their home phone numbers.
The girls didn't need to know their phone number before preschool, but apparently they did before Kindergarten. Meenie came home and told me she had her Kind. eval (well I coaxed it out of her from bits and pieces she mentioned) and that she needed to know her phone number. She repeated it back to me minus one number, which is 6 numbers MORE than I thought she knew.
But yes, even my 6 year old doesn't know my cell phone number!
My son (who is child #2) doesn't know our phone number either. I think my daughter finally learned it toward the end of preschool last year...but I didn't really teach it to her.
It does make more sense to me to teach the cell phone number than the home number, which I never have understood what good that does a kid when they're lost.
Another bad thing about teaching kids this info too early (when they're too young) is that they will tell EVERYONE they see what your number is, and your address. It took a while for our daughter to understand that it isn't info you tell everyone!
Thanks for all your comments and suggestions! I have found out some interesting things about fine motor skills in the past day.
First of all, I decided of course that I'm going to do the suggested activities on the worksheet from my older son's (OS) teacher. Since my younger son (YS) wants to do everything that OS does, he'll also be participating. However, since YS has always had remarkable fine motor skills, this extra work will probably give him superhero skills where at the tender age of 21 months, he'll be able unlock the deadbolt go outside and hotwire my car.
I talked to a friend of mine who was a kindergarten teacher for many years and she told me something very interesting. She said contrary to what people might think, many times the best way to work on fine motor skills is to work on the upper arm strength. Of course I should have OS do the activities for fine motor skills, but I should alternate them with upper arm strength skills; one day for fine motor skills and one day for doing things like throwing a ball.
The reason behind this is that if the upper arms aren't strong enough, it affects the way the entire arm functions. It doesn't go backwards though so working on fine motor skills does not increase arm strength. Too bad about that or I could trade my weight lifting for typing on my computer!
One of the questions she asked me is if OS crawled using his arms. Not surprisingly he didn't. He was a "butt hopper". I don't know how to explain because I've never seen another kid do it nor had his pediatrician, but it was like he frog hopped on his bottom. He would actually get clearance. My friend said that he may have never fully developed his arm strength.
Then she told me the big question. Get ready because here it is: can your child do the monkey bars? Yes, you did read that right. There is a correlation between kids doing monkey bars and penmanship. The better the kids are at the monkey bars, the better the penmanship. The Big Giraffe looked stunned by this realization because he really struggled with monkey bars as a kid and he still struggles with his penmanship now. It all has to do with arm strength. Needless to say, OS cannot hold on for more than a second or two much less attempt to move to the next bar.
We actually had already been discussing enrolling OS in gymnastics. He's currently in swimming and I didn't want to do too much. However, school is over next month so I think two activities for the summer would be really fun for him. Actually for all my initial issues with art class, I soon began swim team and did gymnastics and I would go so far as to say the fine motor skills are one of my strengths now. In the meantime, we will be doing fun and exciting things like picking up pasta and dried beans with tongs and working on monkey bars at the park. I have a feeling the Big Giraffe will be right behind OS in line for the monkey bars.
I talked to OS's teacher this morning and she said that OS's struggle is age appropriate. Phew! Other kids in the class also got the note.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Got bad penmanship? Go for a swing or two across the monkey bars.
I'm surprised with the monkey bars! most kids in my daughter's first grade class are just starting to be able to do the monkey bars! And I never could, but have fairly decent hand writting. My oldest cannot move from bar to bar, but she can hang forever. We got them a jungle gym with bars so they'll probably get plenty of practice this summer!
My best friends daughter was a butt hopper! It was very weird and I never saw anyone else do it.
My daughter was an Army crawler. She'd pull herself along with just her arms. It was quite a feat. I think she transitioned to hands and knees for a week or two before she just stood up and walked.
My son looked a little like a frog.
I think it's actually really cool to see the different methods babies come up with to get moving.
I'll have to ask my hubs if he was good at Monkey bars because his handwriting is atrocious.
Actually, I have excellent, beautiful, flowing penmanship but I have never, ever been able to go across the monkeybars. (Goofball, mokeybars are a tall play structure in which kids swing with their arms from one rung to the next to get across.) My upper arm strength is basically non-existent. I can do calligraphy, though, so I guess there is an exception to every rule.
On a semi-related note, it always cracks me up when people tell me that I have beautiful handwriting. Is that not a bizarre compliment?
It is just a correlation. It has to do with upper arm strength so it's how long you can hold yourself not necessarily how far you can go across. However, I think her point is that most kids would probably not just hang there if they could go on to the next bar. I'm sure it's largely dependent on how often you go on the monkey bars therefore someone who's at the park every day and struggles with the monkey bars vs. someone who's at the park every day and can go across.
Whirlwind, I was surprised by that to but I do have to say I've also been surprised by the number of kids OS's age who can do one or two bars.
This morning at playgroup I asked one of the moms who is a teacher about bullying. This has been a topic on our moms group list-serve and I was surprised that no one had suggested talking with the parents to handle the situation. I wasn't sure if you weren't supposed to do that or if I had missed an email where the mom explained that either she already had talked to the other mom or had chosen not to for a specific reason. Turns out it was the latter. However, my friend did say that a lot of times parents don't want to hear that their child is being a bully.
You probably know where this one is going. Immediately I swore to myself that I was never going be one of "those" parents who didn't want to hear that her child was less than perfect. I mentally scoffed at those parents. Then I went to pick up my older son (OS) from preschool.
After unclipping his backpack and strapping him into his booster seat, I opened up his backpack and noticed a note from his teacher. It contained a printed list of things to do to improve fine motor skills. At the top was a sentence from the teacher suggesting that OS do some of them. I felt myself getting defensive. OS didn't have a problem with his fine motor skills! His skills are just fine. He's four not fourteen! There's no reason that being a little behind in fine motor skills should cause someone to almost fail art class and thus be in danger of repeating second grade. Oh wait a minute, that was me! Who exactly was I talking about? I silently said my little mantra "I am not my child, my child is not me".
I still felt a little indignant. Then I remembered that only seconds earlier I had found myself questioning whether OS may have a little difficulty with fine motor skills. After all, he cannot strap himself into his booster seat with his seatbelt, and he cannot easily clip the straps of his backpack across his chest, much less unclip them. While his teacher had mentioned to me that she still has to help some of the kids in the class, most of them can do these things themselves. OS is one of the youngest in the class...though. Hmm...apparently I just can't get past this art class. It probably is a good idea to do some Crafts for the Clueless-worthy activities follow some of the suggestions from the worksheet. Of course I left a message for the teacher to to discuss it.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned:You are not your child-repeat after me.
I can identify with this. I get all defensive when given suggestions of what to do to help my kids. I don't know why I take it that way. I suppose I'm thinking it's a reflection of me.
Good mantra...I think I need to start repeating that to myself.
Hey Alex... You aren't your child, but the small motor thing can have genetic components. It's not a big deal for OS, but if he doesn't balk at trying the exercises, why not? OTOH, sometimes preschool teachers forget differences between boys and girls - and there's no doubt the girls trump the boys (generally speaking) in small motor skills in that age group.
It's hard not to be initially defensive. I mean it is your baby after all. I think many of us have the inclination to get defensive when we receive criticisms about our children. We want to believe that our children are truly perfect. (or that we are the only ones who can point out their shortcomings)
So I have this great book at Jen of a2eatwrite suggested to me that has activities for kids 0-5. Email me and I'll send you some descriptions of motor skills building games for OS's age range.:)
As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I realized that there were a number of phone calls I never wanted to receive. Some of them are obvious like a phone call from the hospital. Some of them came to me the longer I have been a mom. Unfortunately today I received one such phone call from the director of my older son's (OS) preschool. Immediately visions of what it could be flashed through my mind:
a broken arm, no the director wouldn't sound so cheerful
OS had told his entire class how babies were made, that seemed very likely
OS had pushed someone, unlikely as he's not very aggressive, but then again you never know
OS had peed in his pants or worse, again not likely
OS had said said a swear word, no comment on that one except to say that I have never heard him say a swear word and the Big Giraffe and I do try to watch what we say
Oh no, I knew what it was! He had that stomach bug that was going around his preschool
It turns out it was none of those things. It was Pink Eye! Yeah, I was thrilled, particularly when the director said it was likely that our younger son (YS) would get it along with the Big Giraffe and me. I think I would rather have the stomach bug. Of course I felt bad that I had brought OS to school and exposed the whole class. Honestly, if I had thought he had it, I obviously would not have sent him. I do have to say that I am pleased that we've gone this long without every experiencing pink eye. In fact, this is the first of the common childhood illnesses that either of my kids have had. We've, knock on wood big time, have not yet experienced strep throat, Fifth's Disease or Hand Foot and Mouth. Hopefully I won't be getting phone calls about that in the few weeks. Now I just have to make sure to check caller ID to screen out any angry calls from parents of OS's classmates!
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Eventually Pink Eye does seem to hit every family.
Words of advice - if you get a prescription - ask for the drops instead of the cream stuff -it's much easier!
And I wouldn't wish Hand Foot and Mouth on anyone. Absolutely the worst (I'm a bit biased though, because my daughter came down with a secondary potentially life threatening disease as a side effect from the aforementioned disease)
Oh, no! My entire family just recovered from the pink eye plague... first my 3-year old grandson, then his 1-year old brother, then my daughter (their mommy), and of course me because I was taking care of them all! Add to that coughs, sore throats... you name it. I agree with whirlwind to get the drops.
I've washed my hands 'til my skin is raw and gone though a dozen rolls of paper towels... but it seems the worst is over!
The SECOND your eye feels yucky, get the drops or ointment. I was able to avoid the guck and redness this last go around.
Oh and those dreaded phone calls? My favorite was the first day of school last year and I got a call at 2:30 asking where I was. I thought school went until 3pm. They got out at 2:20pm.
I am so sorry you are dealing with the pink crud. There was a bad outbreak in Oregon a couple of months ago and both my girls got it more than once. Luckily it was just the girls and J and I both avoided it.
The nurse recommended Clorox bleach wipes - those things are fantastic. I'm sure you already know, but you should bleach everything in sight to kill the germ.
Faithful readers of this blog are familiar with Lindsey. She is the woman who saved helped me when I had that monstrous teeny tiny mishap - accidentally locking my clothes in a locker with a random lock that happened to be hanging there while only wearing a towel. Last week her 5th grade math class was working on different number combinations, using locks as an example. The class apparently did so well that she decided to reward them with a humorous story about locks. Yes, that would be the story about yours truly. It was an example of how the right combination does you no good if it isn't applied to the correct lock. The class thought it was hilarious. Just glad to be doing my part to educate today's youth. Alright, I even admit it was really funny...in retrospect...alright it was even funny when it was happening!
Not every child enjoyed a recent brush with the education system. As I predicted on Monday, my younger son (YS) did pitch a fit today when I dropped my older son (OS) off at preschool. I assumed he believed that his brother was being feted with cookies and brownies at preschool. However, when I took him out of his carseat at home, I realized he had been uncomfortable from sitting on a Fisher Price Little People dog. He was all smiles once he was back to playing with OS's most coveted toys while his brother was at school.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Playing at home and hearing stories at school are both fun.
That reminds me of when Michael complained his feet hurt so we took him to get his shoes checked and it turned out he had a rock in his shoe. Yeah, we are morons.
I ignored my daughter when she was 3 and insisted she didn't feel well. I took her to preschool anyway because I thought she was just being a pill. Then she threw up all over the car.
Ha ha! That is another well learned lesson. Put another way, if you child is crying, always make sure to check that they aren't sitting on anything pokey.
Oooh... Poor YS. I feel his pain... or rather MJ feels his pain. I found a wooden car under her after a 20 minute drive where I thought she was just being argumentative.
Throughout the year, my older son (OS) has had a number of parties at his preschool where specific parents were invited to help. I participated in his preschool birthday party at the beginning of the year, and since then I have been waiting for my invitation to return. I was thus excited when my younger son (YS) and I were invited to help out at today's preschool St. Patrick's Day party. Of course, I wasn't even half as excited as YS. While at 20 months-old, he has not asked me any questions about OS's preschool curriculum, he has become increasingly interested over the past few weeks in what happens to OS between preschool drop-off and pick-up.
When we walked into the classroom, YS found that the teacher had set aside a spot for him at one of the snack tables. He sat down and was given a shamrock plate, followed by a sprinkle cookie and then, drum roll please, a frosted brownie. These treats were topped off by a Dixie cup of apple juice. YS seemed thrilled beyond belief! I could just see the wheels turning in his head. This must be what preschool is like for OS every time! The fun didn't stop with snack time. YS joined the other students in going through books, danced to Irish music with the other students, and finally sat quietly with the other students while yours truly read a story. YS even went outside to play on the playground with the other students.
I'm curious to see if YS will want to go to preschool with OS on Wednesday. I predict a giant temper tantrum will ensue. I hope I'm wrong.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Whether or not learning is fun, school is.
Pride, Pet Rocks, and Alex Elliot: Annoying Parent
Before I became a parent, I vowed that I would never be one of those obnoxious parents that would boast about their kids left and right. You know what that's like...you politely ask a mom (or dad) how her kid is doing and she gives you a list of the kid's top 50 achievements...in the four months that have passed since his birth. I would never ever do that!
Who am I kidding? I have yet to find a pre-parent declaration that I've kept. There may, and I stress may, possibly have been some blatant subtle bragging during the past five years. I do know one thing for sure though, I just have to take a moment here to talk about how impressed I am with my older son (OS). Yes, I know I am just like am one of those annoying parents. Come on though and cut me some slack! My most recent post was about how both my kids were playing in the toilet yesterday, not how they were finding the cure for cancer.
OS is really into ocean life. Some kids are really into trains, dinosaurs or pirates for example, and they can tell you every little detail about them. That's how OS is about marine life, in particular dolphins and whales. He can recognize many sea creatures, and even explain the differences between various types of dolphins and whales.
This morning when I dropped OS off at preschool, his teacher handed me a pet rock that he made in class. She told me that most of the kids chose to do bunnies, kittens, or puppies for their pet rocks. Not OS. He made a whale pet rock. It was the only whale pet rock in the class. After school I asked OS to tell me about his whale pet rock. First he specified that it was not just any pet rock, but was specifically a blue whale pet rock. I noticed two cotton balls on the rock. OS matter of factly told me that the two cotton balls were for the two flukes of the whale's tail. Six months ago, I didn't even know what a fluke was! OS actually ensured that his whale had them.
Yes, I know I know. I'm totally bragging here, but I was just so proud that he took an interest and carried it over into a school craft. Alright now I'm off to slink away. Did I mention that my kids bathed a cloth doll in the toilet yesterday?
I still can't find my camera and had to rely on my cell phone.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: It is no fluke that I am proud of my children.
I think it is spectacular that he has a subject abotu which he is so interested that he wants to share it with not only his family but his class as well.
I think you should be proud of his pet whale. I work with Fish Biologists all day long, so I am particular to sea creatures myself. What a fine whale he made. :-)
He's a darling pet rock whale! And passions are wonderful. If you ever get down to NYC, go to the Museum of Natural History and to the Hall of Oceans to see the Blue Whale there - it will rock his world. That's the best museum room in the universe, as far as I'm concerned. ;-)
You should be proud! That's great that he knows that stuff. My kids haven't ever gotten that interested in anything to want to learn that much about it.
That is an awesome whale. Totally bragworthy. I have realized lately I have a horrible habit of actaully downplaying my baby's strengths among other mothers because I am trying to compensate for the fact that deep down I think my kid is so cool. That has to be a worse habit than actually bragging, doesn't it?
Homeschooling Restrictions in CA and Breastfeeding
I know, what a bizarre title! What does one thing have to do with the other? Well, yesterday I read an article in the Chicago Sun Times about breastfeeding or rather the the big push for people to breastfeed regardless of whether it's the best decision or even feasible for a particular family. It's called Moms Feel Pushed to Breastfeed. It actually was a very interesting article because it talked about the history of La Leche. La Leche was founded to ensure people have the support they need to be able to choose breastfeeding. To some people, it continues to be an invaluable support. Some perceive certain chapters as "pushing for your right to choose, but only if you choose breast-feeding." I empathized with one of the women who felt guilty about not breastfeeding.
Then I read an article about the restrictions on homeschooling in California where a state appellate court ruled that parents must have a teaching certificate in order to be homeschooled.
So what do the two articles have to do with each other? To me they're about choices. Personally, I'm not planning on homeschooling my children. I reserve the right to change my mind, but for a variety of reasons, I don't currently consider it a fit for me. However, I like that I have the choice to be able to do it. I like that I can decide what's best for my children and my family without government interference. I think there are many reasons to homeschool kids. While a teacher's certificate may ensure that parents are qualified to homeschool their children, certification does not guarantee that a parent will do a good job. More importantly, lack of certification does not mean that a parent cannot do a good job of homeschooling.
I am not convinced that homeschooling parents should be accountable to the government. On one hand, I can understand wanting to make sure that children are learning the basic skills they need. On the other hand, once the government is regulating what children learn, I struggle with where the line should be drawn. However, if we assume for the moment that California is right in believing that homeschooling parents are accountable to the government, a more fundamental question is whether requiring teaching certification is the best way to drive such accountability.
I don't think that having a teacher's certificate means that children will necessarily be homeschooled better than children whose parents do not possess the certification. Do I think there's a good chance that those kids will get a good education? Sure. But it's not a guarantee. Nor is it a guarantee that children of a parent without the certification won't have a good education. Personally, if the government should be regulating homeschooling this way, I prefer the approach that I have heard described in Massachusetts, where parents are required to go over their lesson plans with school superintendents. That way there is some sort of check. I've also been told that most MA libraries offer lesson plans that parents can use.
If MA were to try something similar to CA, I would be out picketing with all the homeschoolers. I know not all families homeschool for religious reasons, but it does seem ironic to me that liberal me would be on the same side of the picket line as some people who are very conservative.
Ultimately, parents are the ones who know themselves and their children the best. Whether it's breastfeeding or homeschooling, you're the one raising your child. Neither government experts nor community organizations are around for midnight feedings or when your child doesn't understand fractions. Our kids aren't all the same. We as parents aren't all the same. Our families are not all the same. We don't all learn the same way. We also don't handle social situations the same way. Finally we don't cook the same way. Why would we need to feed our children the same way or educate them the same way?
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Parents should have freedom of choice.
I was outraged when I read the article about the CA decision. First of all, HS parents are accountable. They have to report yearly on the progress of students. There are state requirements that must be met. I'm not exactly sure why the supposition is that forcing parents to get teaching certs will guarantee a better education. Many, many many HSed children far surpass the level of education of their public school classmates.
yes, if I were in CA I'd be picketing. If this becomes an issue in FL, you know I will be.
btw, I tried to email you earlier with a response to a question you asked, but for some reason it got bounced back. Shoot me an email and I'll reply to it. :)
CA has tons of crazy education laws for both the regular-schooled, homeschooled, etc.
The teaching certificate thing is laughable. They already have way too many restrictions in CA.
What I'm most worried about is its setting a precedent for laws in other states. I'm guessing that one may go all the way to the Supreme Court. It will be a big battle.
Not to mention that if CA requires teaching certification, the very notion of homeschooling as being a different kind of education from the mainstream gets entirely subverted.
I definitely don't agree that you need a teacher's certification to be a great teacher. I think your stance actually jives well with your liberalness because it's basically just down to individual civil rights - and that's what liberals care about.
I read about the decision in California, and I don't agree with it. I don't think a teacher's license is the answer. On one hand, I like the idea of being able to raise my kids however I want with no government interference. On the other hand, as a former teacher, I've seen home-schooling go wrong on so many, many levels. I don't think it's wrong to want some kind of system that doesn't let these kids fall through the cracks. I'm just not sure what the answer is.
And I would never, ever, ever home school in a million years. Never. Ever.
I'm going to go out a limb here, in which many of the fine readers of this blog may want to beat me with, and say that I have no problem with expecting home-schooling parents to demonstrate that they have teaching qualifications. As a society, we have a vested interest to make sure that all kids have access to a quality basic education. I don't care if it comes from public school, private school, parochial school, or home school, there are effective methods of learning that teachers should understand. If we expect teachers in non-home schools to meet certain standards, than it short changes home-schooled kids to exempt their teachers from those standards.
A teaching certified parent may still determine what the child's curriculum is - something I also don't entirely agree with, as it may mean that kids get no exposure to ideas that the parent does not agree with, but that's another story and I don't think most local schools should set their curricula, either because then you wind up with crazy regional selectiveness, like kids in the south not learning about the civil war... now I've really digressed, sorry.
The point is, we expect teachers to meet minimum requirements that enable learning. A parent's love and best wishes for a child are an excellent start, but not always an effective way to prepare a child for success in this complicated world in which we live.
Thanks Alex---I agree with so many of your points. Let us parents decide what is best for our kids---the VAST majority of us has weighed all the options and come up with the ones the best fit our family and situation.
Suzanne, Thanks for your comment. I'm all for accountability. The CA law does not address this, though. Different states have different ways of measuring this. Some require students to take tests. Others require the parents to meet with the superintendents to go over lesson plans. I'm sure there's others out there too. To me that seems like a way to check and make sure education requirements are being met or at the very least being thought about.
The home schooling thing is very hard for me, since I come from a family with so many teachers. It just strikes me as absurd that we acknowledge that teaching is a profession but then say that really, anyone can just do it. To me, it denigrates all the important skills that teachers should master before they are set loose on kids. At the same time, I acknowledge that there are enormous quantities of extremely shitty certified teachers out there, and I'd like to see something done about that. My husband read somewhere that most new teachers come from the bottom 25% of their graduating class, which is really depressing. I guess my main interest is in finding the right balance to ensure that kids get a quality basic education.
Thanks for providing a format for having such an important discussion!
Hmm, I was about to softly disagree with you and then I read someone else's comment clarifying the HS parents are actual subject to annual state requirements. It is a complicated issue for me. On one hand, I think families should be given large amounts of freedom with how to raise their kids, but I also think that parents individual rights cannot be allowed to infringe on their children's right to the same basic education that all other children have access to. Not that public schooling is perfect. Far from it. But I don't discount the knowledge and skills that certified teachers acquire in their study and experience. (I say this as a university teacher, who would feel sorely underprepared to teach elementary education.) I guess, I am not necessarily immediately opposed to having HS parents subject to some regulations...although requiring teaching certification sounds a bit extreme, and, as you already stated in the comments section, doesn't actually address the issue of accountability.
Excellent points, Suzanne and Chantelle. That is true. Our teachers work incredibly hard and have to take numerous classes to be qualified. They also need to learn about different learning styles and flags for learning disabilities, not to mention the information that they are teaching. Again, I am also have no plans to homeschool. To me school was a great experience and one that I want my kids to have not to mention it seems like a tremendous of work, but I could be wrong. To me though it's about individual freedom. I think as long as there's accountability, the education is generally speaking still protected. As was pointed out, even in public schools you can't always guarantee that the kids are learning what they are supposed to be learning. Thanks for all your comments!
Oh this steams me. I'm a California resident and while I don't plan on homeschooling, I don't like that I no longer have the option (unless I get certified which is such hoop jumping if you ask me.)
Having certified teachers teach your kids in no way guarantees they'll get any kind of a decent education here. People are fleeing to private schools in huge droves because the schools are so bad in areas, my city in particular.
I'm not faulting the teachers of course, but for the parents who need options, taking this one off the table is poor legislature. They might try fixing the schools rather than trying to force kids back in them.
My understanding with homeschooling was that there were standardized tests that they had to take to move up, just like in regular school. If the kids are achieving, why insist on certification?
Thank you for being an open minded non-home schooler. As a HSing mom, I am the first to admit that I am not qualified to teach in a large class. The dynamics of the public/private classroom are very different from the dynamics of my 4 student classroom. I can see the areas where they thrive and where they need to improve because I can afford to take the time to see it. I am not held to a bell ring if a math lesson needs some extra time to make sure they understand it today and not wait for the next scheduled class time.
Also, I make sure my kids take the standardized testing (we have more options than that here) because I want to hold myself accountable to their education.
Ultimately, you can have good or bad teachers whether at home or in a school setting, and unfortunately it is the bad that make better news stories.
When I picked my older son (OS) up from preschool today, he was bursting with excitement. Something really great had happened at school. Immediately I started thinking about what it could be. Cheetos, Oreos and Hoodsie Cups like they had for George's birthday snack on Monday? That seemed unlikely as according to the class list there isn't another birthday this week. How about Santa Claus! Seeing as it's February, that didn't seem to likely either. OS was practically shaking with excitement, and he had trouble getting the words out. Then it hit me: a traveling birthday party from the aquarium. Those things cost about a bazillion dollars according to the pamphlet that the aquarium recently sent us. I could barely contain my excitement. If OS got invited, then it would mean that I would most likely be invited too. I would love to go to a party like that!
My dream quickly ended when OS began to tell me what was so exciting. I thought that in my daze, I must have misheard him because I swear he said something about getting a comb. I gave the teacher a quizzical look. It turns out that because of picture day, all the students got free combs. OS was thrilled that they got to keep them. He proved to be even more thrilled when we got home and discovered that OS had in fact been given two combs! He very generously gave his little brother, my younger son (YS) the second comb. YS was delighted. The two of them then proceeded to play with the combs. I proceeded to check my eyes for tears because I was so touched that OS would give a treasured item to his brother...and because I was laughing so hard that my kids were so excited to have free combs.
The funniest thing I've ever heard in my life was one year during the Christmas parade. I looked over and saw these two boys, I don't know how old, but definitely not out of elementary school. They both had these Bibles in their hands, holding them like the holy grail, and they looked at each other and said, "FREE!"
I was nearly rolling on the floor, it was so funny.
As I dropped off my older son (OS) at preschool yesterday, his teacher mentioned that OS doesn't like to participate in Duck Duck Goose. The teacher wanted to know if she could prompt OS to participate in the games they would be playing that day. I said "yes," while becoming anxious as to whether there was more to discuss. On the other hand, how much is there to say about a game of Duck Duck Goose; you either play it or you don't. Since she shared this with me while I was in the dropoff line, which you are not supposed to delay by having detailed conversations, and it was pouring rain, I knew it wasn't the time to fully explore the issue.
As I drove home, I reflected on my own personal Duck Duck Goose experiences. Alright "reflected" is a strong word. I had flashbacks to how much I hated that game. I got agitated even thinking about it. The only game I disliked more was kickball. Kickball was really awful! I managed to get hit in the face with the ball in second grade, and my glasses split right down the middle. I almost had an anxiety attack on the spot. It was like standing up and shouting to everyone that I was terrible at the game. I feared that no one would ever want to pick me to be on their team. Plus with the broken glasses, I couldn't see well, but no one else had trouble seeing me walking around with broken glasses with tape for the next few days. Was I so bad at these games because I missing an important skill or there was something wrong with me? I almost failed gym class that year as a result! Was that an early sign that I was doomed to live a life of misery and failure?
I certainly was not going to allow OS to suffer the same fate. I called the school to talk to the teacher. She seemed surprised by my concern. She had simply spoken to me because she wanted to know if she could prompt OS to play. Apparently a lot of parents don't want teachers to do that. I'm relieved to learn that OS's failure to play Duck Duck Goose has not ruined the rest of his life. Now that I think about it, despite being wretched at Duck Duck Goose and Kickball, I went on to be a high school and college athlete; just not in kickball! He may choose to do the same.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: There is no correlation between a child's skill at playing Duck Duck Goose and overall life success.
Well, to be honest, I applaud OS for not wanting to play. When I was a kid I always hated those sorts of games. Although I became a really athletic person, when I was younger, let's face it, I sucked. I was nearly always picked last and picked on. If I could have I would have abstained.
Of course not playing Duck Duck Goose won't hurt him in the long run. Who knows, maybe it'll be better. :)
Wow what a horrible experience with kick ball... we have a game called dodgeball that maybe is similiar... the point of the game was to actually hit the other team with the ball. Since tag has now been banned I am positive this one has too :-)
And in regards to your question, I am 5'3" on a good day :-)
I hated duck, duck, goose! It made my stomach turn in knots. And I would end up being "it" forever, because running was so not my thing. I was a very strong swimmer, but terrible at running.
My P.E. teacher in either K or 1st grade actually had to have a talk with my parents about my lack of coordination... and I'm mostly fine now. A missed DDG or two is not going to hurt him.
It's funny, reading your post made me think about the games I played as a kid, and come to think of it, I hated that game, too! That and "Red Rover, Red Rover", which was basically a popularity contest, no one wanted to be the last one called, that meant you were a nerd! I wouldn't force little OS to participate if he doesn't want to, some kids just aren't into that kind of game, or he may enjoy it later when he's a little older.
BTW, loved your post about the dead bird book. Sometimes the most simple message is the most powerful one, huh? Sorry about your loss. Take care!
I love this post Alex. I swear isn't it funny the things we can get worked up about as it relates to our kids.
My kid teacher said my daughter was a bit shy in some scenarios in school (which is not at all my experience w/her). Of course I stewed on that forever and immediately set up a play dates and stuff....Duh she's fine..It was just a new school year - she just needed some time. I laugh at myself now when I think about it.
Playing Duck Duck Goose can ruin your life! I got my second concussion while playing the game in preschool. I was running to get away from my pursuer and turned around to see what the situation was, then ran smack into a table and knocked myself out. (Incidentally, my first concussion was also at preschool when I was involved in a big wheel accident.) I suspect that I am partially so, um, me, due to genetics and my youthful brain injuries. That said, I still liked Duck Duck Goose, but maybe that proves my point...
I always knew that there would come a time when I would have to protect my kids from the dangers of the world. I know that I would walk across hot coals barefoot for my kids, but I just never knew when I would be called to do that. At some point my fencing skills from high school would be called upon to be used. Alright maybe not that last part.
On Wednesdays, my older son (OS) stays at preschool for lunch while my younger son (YS) and I are in playgroup. Since he not only views it as a special treat, but he will actually eat whatever I pack him, this arrangement works out well for the both of us. When YS and I went inside to pick up OS today, he told me that Santa had visited his classroom. (According to a note from the teacher, he asked Santa for a "surprise." He told me that he asked for a car just like mine that he can drive.)
When we were in the parking lot, YS started clawing at my neck, as if he were scaling me to try to get away from something. Unable to wriggle free, he started to bury his head in my neck. I couldn't figure out what was going on. Was there a coyote on the loose? Had one dinosaur escaped extinction and was coming out of hiding looking for his first meal in 62 million years? I tried to comfort YS, but all I could get was the silent scream. You know the one where the baby scrunches his face, gets all red, and opens his mouth but nothing comes out? You have approximately two seconds to brace your eardrums to protect them from being blown out. OS was alarmed too.
That's when I saw him. He was driving through the parking lot in a tan pick up truck, apparently on his way to visit the afternoon class. It was...Santa. OS was thrilled. YS still had the silent scream going, and he began clawing madly at me. Then Santa stepped over the line. He actually rolled down the window and...wished us a Merry Christmas. YS lost it. He began howling at the top of his lungs as we finished walking across the parking lot.
I had one kid tugging my hand wanting to follow the pick up truck as it parked and another one who isn't walking yet , but who would probably have jumped up and sprinted to my car if I had let go. My only question was how come the pickup truck wasn't red?
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Reindeer have a better union than Santa Claus; while Santa is driving around in a pickup truck scaring babies, they are resting in the North Pole until their single, annual night of work..
Yeah, I have one that LOVES Santa, one that is---just this year---able to get near him without panic, and one who is terrified. Makes for interesting photos.
Your walking over glass might impress everyone with your devotion, however it would do nothing to benefit your children. Half an hour a day playing Hi Ho Cherrio or tossing a ball with them might be of more value.
This is so common, sadly. I shared that with ys when I was little. Cable Girl at 42 wrote a funny post about it a week or two ago. Hugs to your little one!
Today is the last day of November, meaning that it's my last post for NoBloPoMo! So I am planning on taking a break for a week or two. I'm totally kidding. Truth be told, while I think I've come close to posting every day in previous months, I don't think I've ever officially blogged every day for a whole month before. I takes solace in the fact that not every day is an embarrasing adventure in motherhood for me! My little confession is that if I hadn't been pariticipating in NoBloPoMo this month, I probably would've posted a lot less than usual just because this month has been stressful. I'm glad that I stuck with it. Tomorrow I'm excited to be hosting one of my favorite bloggers and email friends, Jodi for the Blog Exchange.
Of course how could I not end NoBloPomo without a story about yet another item that I did not learn from the hospital manual for new parents or any of my parenting magazines: the pick up/dropoff line at preschool. I love the pickup/drop off line at my older son's (OS) preschool because it means that I can, if need be, throw my coat over my pjs, a hat over my unwashed unbrushed hair and maybe a pair of sunglasses so no one recognizes me when I'm driving, and drop OS off at school. Even when I am dressed to the nines (hypothetically), I love that I don't have to take my younger son (YS) in and out of the car when I take OS to and from preschool.
The preschool assigns pickup/dropoff times by class. They say it's better to be 5 minutes late than 5 minutes early. I like to get to places early, so this one isn't intuitive to me. The reasoning is that if you get there early, you get into another class's line and then can subsequently hold up the line if your child's class isn't outside waiting. I usually am in one of four modes when I go through the line:
Unkempt and in my pjs because I just woke up
Unkempt and unshowered in my workout clothes so I can go straight to the Y, but looking like I just woke up
Neatly dressed in my uniform of jeans and a v-neck t-shirt and wearing a little make-up and trying to give the illusion that I am a" with it" organized mother who did not just wake up
Praying the my car won't run out of gas in the pickup/dropoff line. (Note that this fourth option can be combined with options 1, 2, or 3)
These four things all have one thing in common: I don't want to draw attention to myself. Hey, I pull out the big guns, which of course means pretending to be Tyne Daley's character from Judging Amy, for important events in my life: Kids birthday parties and gatherings that include more than 10 people (or on a truly bad day, more than 2). That is why I was completely mortified when I messed up the preschool pick-up line today. I don't know how it happened because I left the house a little later than usual and there wasn't any increased speeding going on, but I got to the school early. Things weren't helped by the fact that the class was running slightly late and was still playing outside.
No problem. I just pulled over to the side. Two other moms from my son's class pulled up behind me. Except that other cars got there and instead of going around us (seriously there was a ton of room and everyone always just pulls over to the side when they're early so it's pretty standard to just go around them. Wait that's something else not in the magazines!) they stopped behind me. Pretty soon, the whole line was backed up. Feeling I had no other choice (and also because my gas gauge had dropped me into pickup line mode 4 from the list above), I pulled forward and ended up being first in line for the pick up line followed by the other two moms from OS's class. Nice, except that I totally screwed up and managed to get the three of us in front of some of the other people whose pick up time was before ours. Of course there just had to be about 4 teachers watching what I was doing, so of course I felt the need to explain what had just happened as they were rushing to catch up with the delayed line. Ugh! The good news, is that at least I didn't run out of gas.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: If whole parking lot of people witness a snafu, then it truly is an embarrassing moment. As always, it's really NOT a good idea to drive around with the gas tank almost empty.
Sounds like a good morning. At least you feel good knowing that gas is a full 48 cents cheaper per gallon by you than by me. Although I happen to have free gas right now as I type this...
Last year, I was quite excited when my older son (OS) was invited to his first birthday party for a preschool classmate. I should have immediately realized that there was a problem if I were excited about this. This was the invitation for OS that had nothing to do with me. A mother did not decide to invite Alex's son. A little girl sat down and put down my son on the list of kids with whom she wanted to spend her birthday. (pause as I feel that peaceful reassurance that my child is liked.) OK he was on the class list and the whole class was invited, but if the birthday girl had disliked OS, I'm sure his invitation would have been "lost" in the mail.
OS and I showed up to the birthday party and we, by which I mean I, was very exited. OS eagerly handed over his present to the birthday girl. Then he grabbed a piece of pizza and we found him a seat at the kids table. Then it was time for me to socialize with other parents whom I knew. I looked around and panicked. I didn't know anyone!
As I desperately scanned the room again, I noticed that several other parents had the same trapped look in their eyes that I was sure I had: we had to make friends! The birthday invitation suggested that the children wear comfortable clothing and implied that the children should bring a birthday gift and a zest for a good time. Nothing that said that parents needed to bring our own gregarious personalities.
As the event wore on, it become clear to me that a lot of my child's socialization was dependent on my ability to make friends. The parents who were talking to each other were setting up playdates with each other's children. The ones who were leaning against a wall were not. I wasn't very good at this the first time around when I was in preschool, (or elementary school, junior high, college, first job, or really any other point in my life), so why would I be any better at making friends the second time around? Let me put it another way: it's no surprise to me that OS is quiet.
I had to gather my strength and turn myself over to my higher power within: my Tyne Daley from Judging Amy part. After taking a few big breaths and an imaginary sip gulp of wine (yes I am a pathetic geek), I was able to muster the courage to go and introduce myself to all the other parents.
Last Friday OS was invited to his first birthday party for his new preschool class. Again I was very excited. The difference was that now OS fully understands birthday parties, and he was also very excited about it. Not that he wasn't for the last one, but this year he really gets it. Of course a new year brought a new dilemma: was I invited? The invitation was addressed solely to OS. Normally I would specifically ask, but I didn't want to because I didn't want the birthday girl's mom to say "no". Gosh my teenage rebellion has never subsided! What if OS wanted me to stay for a little bit?
It turns out that there were a mix of kids with parents and kids there by themselves. I did note that all the kids there by themselves had older siblings. I assume that once my younger son (YS) turns 4, I will immediately book myself for a manicure or at the very least a date with my pillow anytime he receives a party invitation.
The party scene was better this year. I knew two other moms from last year, so I wasn't completely on my own. While I did have to imagine that I was playing the role of a more outgoing person (alright it was Tyne Daley again) at least this time I didn't have to take as many deep breaths. Alright I didn't have to do the wine thing either! Maybe by the time YS is invited to parties, I will be able to just chill out and be myself. Wait a minute, I forgot, I'll be relaxing with a nice manicure!
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: With your first child you force yourself to make friends with other kids parents at birthday parties. With your second child, you drop your child off at the birthday party and make time for yourself.
Birthday parties for the younger set are tricky. My daughter is just getting dropped off for parties since this summer (she turned 5 then). Although sometimes I still want to stay and talk to MY friends too!
ooops! I had a manicure booked, what's a girl to do?
Ha! Kidding, my older son quickly adapted to the kid only parties and given that I feel the same way about mingling with parents I don't know, I head for the door ;-)
Oh I do wish you lived closer. You would love our playdates & kid parties that my husband and I host. Whenever we plan a kid event, we use a paper invitation along with an emailed reminder invitation. In the invitation, I try to provide an idea of the crafts/activities we have planned - it also includes specific activities for "dads" which usually includes grilling food, a best dad dartboard or pool table player contest or just watching a football game. I also make a note that children's juice & adult beverages will be available. I have found a small glass of wine or a beer helps break the "parent ice". No pretend sipping/gulping here.
As far as I am concerned, a child's birthday is a mom's celebration too. Two, three, four, five and on it goes is annual celebration of the number of years a mom has been doing a GREAT job of being a mom. When I give birthday gifts for kids under 10, it usually includes a basket of inexpensive gifts from Big Lots wrapped nicely and I bring the birthday Mom a bottle of Korbel champagne to celebrate another amazing milestone.
But, that's just me and it that rings true with my saying that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes a village to support a mother raising her children!
Cheers!
-EE
PS-You are invited to Scooby's third birthday party in February. You'll love it!
I would love to meet you at a party and know there was a friendly face. I am also a wallflower but would hate to think that it would ruin my child's life if I didn't get past it.
Group dynamics always impact what happens to me when I go somewhere and don't know anyone. usually I wind up in a corner by myself. Sometimes, if the group is exceptionally friendly to newbies, I have fun. I think it works this way for most people.
I recently went to a horrific book party and the host was a wretched bitch who noticed me hovering around waiting to talk to her since I didn't know anyone else and not only did she not speak to me, so didn't bother introducing me to anyone else. I was very proud of myself when I approached another woman who looked lost and introduced myself. The problem was keeping a conversation going. Sigh.
You are not a geek at all. I can total relate to the social anxiety. Once again I am going to take a lesson from you though and book myself a pedicure when my son first gets party invites. (Forget the manicure. With a pedicure you geta foot rub!)
I consider myself to be outgoing (interpret that as I talk way too much) and sometimes still find these situations to be challenging .
Ok, and please tell me the invitation didn't says bring presents... Of course I wouldn't send my child to a party without a gift for the birthday child but spelling it out on the invite strikes me as a little much.
Good to note for future parties. I'll skip the cake and take myself out. My hubby and I have often talked about what life is going to be like when you have to socialize at kids' events. I suppose it's like at work, sometimes there will be people you click with and sometimes there won't but it's always good to try.
I may have spoke too soon yesterday when I gave out my idea of Three Items or Less. It's kind of ironic because at this time last year, I also had a million dollar idea: sell my fantastic lottery ticket for preschool registration. I had the first registration slot.
This year I am in need or a million dollar idea. Why is that? Because this year the lottery ticket I have for preschool registration is for the very last slot. In fact, I was told by the director that OS will not get into morning preschool with that number and that my afternoon options would be very limited. Fortunately, I'm on the waiting list for turned in tickets (a.k.a. tickets from people who don't need their tickets because their youngest is done with the preschool).
I know what you're thinking. "If you get a better lottery ticket, how is that fair? Are you going to be cutting in line so to speak?" The answer to that bluntly is yes. However, preschool registration in and of itself is ironic in that parents pay lots of money for kids to learn important life lessons like how to follow directions and wait in line yet can't do these things themselves. I quickly found out last year that parents do not follow directions when it comes to preschool registration. I guess it's a good thing they're paying for their kids to learn these lessons from someone else. If a new ticket doesn't pan out though, keep your eye out for Three Items or Less since I'm going to need the cash to buy a better lottery ticket.
I'll leave you with my lesson learned from preschool registration last year: Preschool registration is like voting in Chicago: register early and register often.
Argh, I'm just starting the preschool application process and it sucks. Around here they give preference though for currently enrolled students and siblings.
Today was one of those days when I was just 5 minutes off for everything. Hmmm...let me rethink that. I was 5 minutes off and forgetful today. I completely spaced on the fact that my older son (OS) needed to stay for lunch at preschool, and therefore I needed to pack him a lunch. I remembered this when I was halfway to the preschool running of course 5 minutes late.
I wasn't really sure what to do. Obviously it wasn't a crisis by any means, but I did need to somehow get OS lunch. However, I was hosting playgroup in 20 minutes so I really didn't have time to drop OS off at school, which we were already cutting really close, and then go home to make lunch and come back again. Frankly I didn't really want to do that either. I also would rather walk to the preschool and back barefoot with the lunch rather than unload the kids from the car if we stopped at a grocery store. That's when I came up with my million dollar idea which in reality has probably been thought of by 99% of all parents. I even came up with a name for it: Three Items or Less.
Three Items or Less would be a drive-thru convenience store where you could purchase three or less items. In my case, I would have driven through and picked up a Lunchable or another somewhat palatable lunch offering or at the very least something that resembled lunch. Let's say you were running low on milk and tampons. Instead of having to schlep your kids out of the car and listen to the ensuing whining, you could get the items through a drive-thru window!
Since Three Items or Less only exists in my head, I had to go to the closer real life version of it: Dunkin Donuts. Fortunately they're located about every 5 feet here in MA. I got OS a bagel with cream cheese and juice. I have to say that I was surprised by two things
I am not the first parent to send their kids with a drive-thru lunch (and here I was patting myself on the back for my sheer brilliance...in an effort to assuage my guilt for forgetting about lunch in the first place.)
It was his favorite lunch of the year.
As for my million dollar idea, if I had the time to implement it, then I wouldn't need Three Items or Less in the first place. On a side note, can someone please explain to me why my golden retriever had to contemplate whether or not to eat Teddy Grahams off of the floor? Due to some weird force of nature or perhaps my younger son (YS)'s carseat, YS had about 15 of them stuck to his bottom which of course spilled on the floor right when we walked in the door. The dog initially stuck his nose up at them before reluctantly eating them. He loves eating out of the cats' litter box, so you would think that the cookies would be a gourmet treat!
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: If your first choice place doesn't actually exist, use a drive-thru to grab lunch for your child.
That's a really great idea. I would have loved a place like that when I had 2 kids under 3. Heck, I'd still like a place like that, especially when I'm sick, or one of the kids is sick.
I love your idea. I would buy stock in that store and drive thru every day! When I lived in Detroit, they had something called "drive through party stores" where you could buy convenience items, alcohol, and cigarettes all from the comfort of your car.
If you are ever in a similar pickle in the future, Arby's actually serves kid meals that include turkey sandwiches on whole wheat bread and mandarin oranges as a side!
Very solid idea. Maybe it could actually be combined with a coffee to-go business. "I'll have one lunchables, a pack of diapers, and a vanilla latte, please." Between this and the teenager moving start-up you should rake in the big dough.
See, your dog doesn't have good taste. I LOVE Teddy Grahams and very well might have eaten them off the floor had I been at your house. However, I am not at all interested in eating from the cat's litter box. It's a matter of good taste, if not behavior.
Love the idea. I had a kind of related one. An "after hours" delivery service. People could call up and have your deliver things that they had forgotten on their way home, suddenly developed a craving for or were otherwise needing and didn't have time to get due to the fact that it was late and they had other responsibilities.. This came about when I realized I was out of Diet Coke at 7 pm (I'm a fanatic about that stuff) and was too lazy to go to the store!
Yesterday I had one of those days where everything just seemed to go wrong. First of all, I overslept. As I dashed around the house trying to get everything together, the kids were whining constantly. There is a direct correlation between my level of stress and my kids' whining. It doesn't take SPSS for me to confirm that correlation, either. (That one is for you Self-Made Mom!)
During all this running around, I briefly considered whether or not I should have my older son (OS) stay at preschool for lunch since I had a doctor's appointment that morning. However, it was supposed to end well before I needed to pick OS up at preschool. Honestly, the last thing I wanted to do when I was running late was prepare an unneeded lunch. After a battle with OS to get him into the car and to preschool because he was having one of those days, I was able to drop him off, and my younger son (YS) and I headed off to the Y.
After dropping YS off in the Y's childwatch, I enjoyed my spinning class. I then headed up to the locker room with only about 10 minutes to take a shower before I had to pick up YS and leave for the doctor's appointment. Unfortunately a very chatty woman approached me as I was changing to get into the shower. First of all, I think it's an unwritten universal rule of life that if you see someone undressed or in the process of undressing, you shouldn't go up to them and start up a conversation. (Okay, Big Giraffe, there may be exceptions to that rule, but not at the Y.) This woman was giving me the third degree about what type of workout I had done (presumably because I was sweating like a man but really I have no idea) and then she went on to explain why she personally didn't like spinning. In my haste to get away from her, I grabbed my bottle of leave-in conditioner instead of my shampoo and unknowingly washed my hair with conditioner. When it wasn't sudsy, I checked the bottle. I was low on time, and I didn't want to deal with the chatty lady again, so I didn't go back for my shampoo.
After dealing with annoying traffic and YS's stroller that really needs to be replaced and doesn't open easily, my greasy hair and I got to the doctor's appointment without a minute to spare...or so we thought. Right away the receptionist told me the doctor was running a half hour late. That actually is really unusual for her. I called OS's preschool to see if he could spend 10 minutes in the lunch group after class. No problem.
I had a good appointment with the doctor. That is a separate post though, except that I will share that I was offered some sample prescription eye cream samples. Unfortunately, as my greasy hair, YS, and I reached the elevator on our way out of the office, I realized that I had never the samples that I needed. I went back in. The doctor had already left, and no one knew where the eye cream could be found. I kept insisting that I could come back another day (sans grease in my hair), but the staff kept telling me that they would find it. They called the doctor on her cell phone and still couldn't find it, so after all that wait, they called in a prescription.
So what did all this mean? By the time my greasy hair and I got to the preschool, the lunch hour was over. I felt horrible. OS didn't have a lunch! I pictured him sitting sadly at the table while all the other kids ate their turkey sandwiches or whatever else their parents had packed; not to mention it was way past his lunch time. I was practically in tears because I felt so bad. I walked in and immediately apologized to him. The teacher pulled me aside and said that actually OS never asked for his lunch and was really happy playing the whole time. While I appreciated her words, that didn't make me feel any better. He knew that I hadn't packed a lunch for him today. Nothing was going as planned anyhow, so in my extreme guilt, I offered to take OS to McDonald's. He was thrilled. How ironic is it to spend 50 minutes killing myself with spinning class only to set foot inside of McDonald's? We all took mandatory naps when we got home. The day drastically improved. A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Greasy hair beats wearing a squirrel on your head.
I personally will never understand the concept of conversing naked at the gym. I don't care if it's with your best friend. On the other hand, it is unfortunate you had to spend your day with greasy conditioner hair, but better than the time I went to the gym and forgot to bring a clean pair of undies with me.
Next time she approaches you in the gym, tell her all about your "yeast infection" or something equally pleasant. There was a woman like that at my gym for awhile. She would come up to me like 3 days after the last time she cornered me and ask if I had lost weight. Uh, in THREE DAYS?? lol
Rushing out the door in the morning is the worst. I am still having trouble adjusting to kindergarten (since we have to be there at a specific time--unlike day care where there was flexibility in the drop-off).
When I first joined my old gym (which has subsequently been torn down along with two parking garages to make way for luxury condos, just what the neighborhood needs more of), women used to stand around in groups, naked and chatting, and applying lotion to themselves. I seriously thought I accidentally stepped into some kind of porn movie set, as I was sure that this didn't happen in real life. The weird thing is that those weird moments only went on for a few months, and then I guess more normal women joined the gym since I didn't have to deal with their bent over asses in my face as they applied lotion for too long. (I'm also convinced that this is why the gym was demolished: not enough action in the locker room to fulfill the male fantasies of the world.)
I have to admit that I was a little bit nervous about my older son (OS)'s first day of preschool today. Yes, he went last year and loved it. In fact one of his teachers from last year is working in his class again, much to his delight. However, three things were different about this year:
He has a new lead teacher
He slammed his hand in the front door of the preschool at the open house
I still had yet to vacuum my car.
OS did not sleep at all on Friday night after the open house
Fortunately number 3 was quickly remedied last night. Hey, I don't want everyone knowing my literally dirty secrets! All dog hair and Cheerios disappeared with one swoop of the industrial vacuum cleaner at the gas station. Seriously, when I think of all the time and effort that I wasted using a regular vacuum cleaner instead of just paying the $1.25 to use the gas station vacuum...wait a minute...am I seriously writing a post on vacuuming?! My car is spotlessly clean as always.
So why would OS not go to sleep? He kept complaining to the Big Giraffe that his throat hurt. I had mentioned a sore throat earlier in the day, which became a red herring. The Big Giraffe and I both assumed that OS had caught my sore throat. I should have known better. I was exhausted from having finished my workout at the gym by 6:30 that morning, yes you did read that right, and practically comatose. I forgot that my father, who's a doctor, repeatedly told me growing up that a lot of times ear pain is a symptom of a throat problem and throat pain is a symptom of an ear problem. Without that information, treatments administered by the Big Giraffe such as kids' cough medicine, a nightime drive for both father and son, and some nighttime TV did not directly help OS's ear. They did end up tiring both giraffes, who both fell into bed around 6am.
That morning, several of OS's friends were coming over to celebrate his birthday. (That's another post for another day.)
Very discreetly during the party, my friend Linda leaned over and asked me if I was aware of the slight leakage from OS's ear. What?! I had no idea. I looked at his ear. It looked absolutely like an ear infection. He just turned 4 years old! He hasn't had an ear infection since he was 20 months old! It never even occurred to me that an ear infection was responsible for his discomfort.
Fortunately, for reasons I don't entirely understand at all, we were able to go to an urgent care clinic not affiliated with our insurance company or our pediatrician's office instead of going to the ER. OS got antibiotics and seems to be doing a lot better.
Despite my clean car, OS still had a new teacher, had still recently had a bad experience coming to school, and was still way behind on sleep. I was therefore worried about his first day of school. OS was a little hesitant when we got there, but got out of the car without any problems. When I picked him up later, his teacher from last year told me that OS had "the best preschool day ever!" That's right, he did fantastic! I am so proud of him. He was beaming from ear to ear and he told me all about his day. Did I mention how proud of him I am? Enough so that I even bought him the totally annoying book Chicka Chicka 1, 2, 3 by Bill Martin Jr. which he desperately wanted because it has the number 70 in it which is his new favorite number.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: A clean car is apparently the only thing you need to enable your child to be successful in preschool. Well, maybe a clean car and a wonderful child.
I don't know what it is about my car, It's a disaster weekly, Thankfully I carpool with a lady and seem to tidy it up just so she doesn't report me to the junky car police.. Arrghhh!
For the past few days my older son (OS) has eagerly anticipated his preschool open house. He was practically skipping up to the front door of the preschool this afternoon because he was so excited, while chattering all about meeting his new teacher Mrs. Forest and all the new students in the class. We opened the front door. I paused to look and see where the new classroom was. OS and I both stepped inside, and the door slammed shut on OS's hand. He was hysterical. We had a slight detour to get a boo boo pack. All was lost. OS was so upset about his hand, he had absolutely no interest in being at the open house. The worst part was that some of the other parents and the teachers thought he was having school anxiety. Reassuring comments were made about how school really would be fun. That made the crying worse, because I don't think OS thought that he wouldn't have fun at preschool. Hopefully Monday will be better.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Keep fingers clear from the closing doors.
Oh here's hoping that Monday is better! Poor little guy, helpful parents bug me. It bugs me when people make assumptions about little's ones hurts and feelings.
Both of my little monsters start preschool on Monday! (Jumping up and down) I'm so excited can't you tell! They only go one morning a week but it's the first time in 3 years that I can go out and do something all by myself on a weekday. I can't wait! Oh watch out Starbucks and the book store.
Loved your home owner post, gave me a good chuckle, can you imagine having kids and going through that?
Soccer Mom in Denial did a great post on her twin sons' first day of first grade. That reminded me of what life was like this time last year as my son approached his first year of preschool.
Three years previously Last July, I began counting down the days until school began last year. This year I am counting down with much more intensity, particularly after today when my four year-old son was dealing with boredom while I was dealing with horrible cramps and a headache. Last year, I was so excited for him to start school. In fact the night before his first day I did what I know all you parents of preschoolers are doing right now (if you haven't already done so) - vacuumed my car for the pick-up drop off-line.
Because I had been anticipating preschool and more importantly my few hours of freedom two days a week, I was really surprised by the tears that occurred after I dropped OS off on the first day of school. As soon as I pulled away I burst into tears. The hours completely dragged. I have an incredibly embarrassing recollection of myself parked myself at a table inside a nearby coffee place so that if they called me on my cell phone, I could dash over to get OS. The hours completely dragged. I never received a call, while at the table, but I somehow did receive a donut. I have no idea how it got there. The hours completely dragged. Finally I picked OS up and he was fine.
The next preschool day, I worried how I could make it through counting the minutes until pickup time yet again. I got on the phone with a friend after dropping him off and I almost forgot to pick him up. That was the last time I worried about OS's preschool time dragging for me.
So once time no longer dragged, did I enjoy those few hours of freedom? (Pause to laugh.) OS was in preschool for two hours and 30 minutes. That was basically enough time to go to the grocery store, put the groceries away, do a quick email check and then go back out the door to wait in the pick-up line. Not exactly a lot of time, and, more importantly, I had a newborn.
We'll see what happens this year on the first day of school this year. Did I mention that my kids are driving me crazy these days? Do you think that if I bribe the preschool, they'll alter my younger son's records so that he's "officially" 2.9 years instead of 14 months?
Last year's pick-up at the parochial school (that lone Friday I did the pick-up with all the other moms) was a crazy social scene! The clothes, the hair, the cars.... EXCUSE ME - I thought this was time to pick up our kids not parade around like a beauty pageant. I'll let you know how tomorrow's pick-up at a public school goes.
So this was a long-winded comment of solidarity over cleaning the car. That made me spit wine on my monitor!
A while back I researched "siblingitis" for the moms group meeting I hosted. It was actually entitled "How to Infant Proof Your Toddler", but a lot of the articles I read talked about ownership of toys and not sharing certain toys as a way to prevent siblingitis, and also at the same time to childproof. In other words, the idea is that my older son's (OS) Matchbox cars are solely his and as such he shouldn't share them with his brother so I don't have to worry about my younger son (YS) choking on the wheels, and OS feels good that his cars are truly his. For the record, that is not how it works at my house because playing with the cars in his room is not nearly as fun as running them under the refrigerator and counters when I am trying to cook. Plus the boys share a room.
Back to my siblingitis research. I learned that many times it doesn't really hit until the younger child is mobile. The good news is that I learned about it. The bad news is that we have a bad case of it in our house now that YS is crawling. He is just into all of OS's things. OS has been handling it pretty well, but we're seeing all sorts of other attention getting behaviors like the towel on his head. Yesterday I had to bring YS into the doctor and I talked with her about OS. I tried to be sly about it but that only made OS more intrigued by the conversation. Note to self: next time just call the pediatrician on the phone. She assured me that this is completely normal and just to make an effort to really give some extra special attention and do some special things with him while not making a big deal out of the attention getting behaviors.
For reasons I don't entirely understand, at OS's preschool they celebrate summer birthdays the last few weeks in May instead of the child's half birthday which is what I would have preferred. As such OS celebrated his birthday yesterday complete with a crown and a few rounds of "Happy Birthday" sung to him and numerous classmates wishing him a happy 4th birthday throughout the day. He was on cloud 9 when he came home. Yesterday was even better than Christmas. I have to say I was pretty taken aback with how happy he was about it. In fact, if the teacher hadn't sent a note home specifying celebrating summer birthdays in May I might not have had OS celebrate his birthday at school at all. I just finished Jodi's Picoult's book Nineteen Minutes for book club. One of the themes in the book is how well do you know your child? It surprised me that I didn't realize how important the birthday celebration was to my 3 year old. It really was a big deal.
While he understands his birthday is in Sept. and that that's when he will be four, he seemed convinced yesterday that it was really his birthday. Thanks, preschool! Since I hadn't seen him that happy in a while I decided that there was no harm in celebrating it. Okay really I debated the whole tell him the truth and thus be a truthful parent and crush his fantasy vs. just letting it go. We didn't do gifts or anything, but I consented to having a cake after dinner. Both boys were thrilled to be having cake (OS because we were celebrating his "birthday" and YS because well, who doesn't like cake? ) Interestingly enough, as quickly as the idea of yesterday being his birthday came on, he just as quickly forgot about it. I really thought he would have brought it up at playgroup today, but he didn't. One of the many big struggles for me with parenting is knowing when it's okay not to be entirely truthful or when to omit the truth. I definitely am a "tell it like it really is" mom. For the most part I think it's a good thing. I have been great (at least in my opinion, we'll see what OS has to say years from now) on how the babies are made talk. However, I would like to learn to be more laid back about it at the same time. Parenthood certainly is one adventure after another!
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Sometimes it really is okay to lie.
Since the boys have a summer birthday we had our first half-birthday in February. It worked really well.
Since OS forgot so quickly I would suggest not saying anything (before you acuse me of being an MIL in training you did muse about this). And I find myself taken aback at things my kids do/know that I wasn't aware of.
First of all, I would like to thank the person who found my blog using the search phrase "how to get my preschooler to listen and follow directions." I am honored that Google thought that I knew the answer to that. That being said, please let me know when you find the blog that answers that question because it's definitely not mine!
Yesterday I was very amused when the Big Giraffe (BG) showed me a picture of his co-worker Theresa's homework assignment. It was a huge, beautiful, and elaborate poster board that had tons of photos of her child and their family pasted on it. "What is that?!" I asked him. It looked like something that might be part of an advertisement for family life at his company. BG told me that it was part of the Panda of the Week program at Theresa's son's daycare.
Apparently a child is selected (at random?) each week and given the title of Panda of the Week. Monday involves bringing a posterboard with pictures of the child from birth through the present. Apparently it took Theresa half the day. Her son helped out by putting stickers on the board. Let me also say that Theresa is an engineer. If I had to make something like that I probably would rip photos out of a magazine and claim that they were our family. Tuesday is the child's favorite game. Wednesday is favorite book, Thursday favorite toy, and Friday is snack day where you have to bring your child's favorite snack.
Just to summarize... Basically this is a big scam where the child is told that they have this special honor, and his parents have to spend what little free time they have working on a posterboard and putting together all sorts of stuff to entertain the kids, so that the daycare doesn't have to. I personally think that Panda of the Week is a good name for this program. Just as Pandas are unfortunately becoming extinct, I have a feeling that this particular practice at the daycare is as well.
Anyhow, this leads me to my latest brilliant idea: Donkey (read Ass) of the Week. I am going to volunteer to host playgroup and any playdates at my house for the next 6 months which obviously will include both children and a parent (maybe not so obvious if you're not a parent and are thinking back to the days of your childhood where your mom or dad didn't come on playdates with you.) How many times as a parent have you felt that parenting was all about your child? Wouldn't it be nice to see something that just focuses on the parent? I will randomly pick a different parent to be Donkey of the Week each time. When this honor is bestowed upon you, you will have the opportunity to bring in a craft, board, book or other sort of entertainment for all the kids present. Because you are the Donkey of the Week, you are given the privilege of entertaining the children for the entire playdate/playgroup. Because I want to fully understand you, it seems only appropriate that I sacrifice my plan for cooking a 7 course meal for all of you and let you bring in your favorite snack. After all, they say you are what you eat! Finally, as Donkey of the Week you will be entrusted to special privileges. You will have your choice of dusting my baseboards or mopping my floor. There's nothing like being a role model for your child!
I know, I know, you don't know what to say. You can thank me later when your child is all grown-up and on his own and has a superbly clean apartment with fabulous baseboards and floors. He'll owe it all to watching how much joy you took in being Donkey of the Week. A cash donation would be nice too. As part of my April special, you can receive a discount by signing up for ACHOO and Donkey of the Week at the same time. Stay tuned for further details.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Sign up for Donkey of the Week by calling 1-800-ASS-WEEK.
I just want to make sure that none of my colleagues, even those with children, including Theresa, are eligible for this honor. I don't work with any donkeys.
I just thought it was worth sharing that Theresa indicated that her son really enjoyed the poster and the focused attention from the class. The effort that went into the Panda appears to have been well worth it.
I agree that someone should sleep in this Saturday. I would suggest that it be whoever gets the least sleep during the week and thus has the greatest need of more snooze time. Wake me up when you need me, preferably about 5 minutes before I need to leave for Music Together.
It seems like there are two groups of people that I know: those who refrigerate and those who do not. I am in the former group. The thought of eating pizza that has been left out overnight grosses me out. Similarly I have developed a complex system of rules that determines what I will and will not eat that has been in the refrigerator based on a careful analysis of what the item is, how long it has been there for, what the expiration date is, and what it looks and smells like. (Okay the rules specifically about looks and smells of food tend to be simpler.) Before you think I'm heavy-handed with the trash can, I am almost always still using Egg Beaters weeks after the expiration date. However, because I am a member of the group who refrigerates, I always pack my lunch in an insulated lunch bag and stick one of the frozen fake ice packs in the bag with it.
When I became a stay at home and re-discovered picnics (basically lunch where there's no high chair tray to wash etc!) I packed my lunch the way I always did with my old reliable frozen ice packs (and yes, I do mean old as in I really should have replaced them.) I never thought anything of it. Then when my older son (OS) was about 2, a couple people pointed out that I could use a frozen juice box and then give OS the box to drink. Well, that plan never worked out because the juice box inevitably hadn't thawed enough and if I was going to carry around a half thawed juice box that no one could drink, that I would rather carry a freezer pack around because at least it wouldn't explode when it did thaw and someone inevitably stepped on it.
Last month I sent OS to extended preschool for the first time. As such I had to pack him a lunch. You guessed it: the standard freezer pack, although he did have his own new insulated lunch bag. OS was not a big fan of this, because it made his backpack heavier and consequently threw his balance off, but he persevered! (It upset the Big Giraffe too, because he kept weighing the backpack as part of some safety game he was playing at work that involved getting points by constantly checking our car seats, overusing hand sanitizer, and ensuring that the backpack was under 3 pounds.)
A couple weeks ago, I made an amazing discovery. It turns out that the more modern thing to do is to freeze a Gogurt and stick it in the lunch bag. Because there isn't as much volume, it thaws faster. I had never purchased Gogurts before, but I decided to invest in some the next time I went to the grocery store. The Gogurts were a hit with OS. That leads me to today: OS asked if he could stay at extended preschool (with no leading questions from me...it was totally his idea). Since I had a bunch of errands that I needed to do, it actually would be pretty convieniant for OS to have lunch at school. This time though I was on top of things. That's right, I was a "with it mom. OS's mom has got it going on!" I packed a frozen Gogurt, and it worked great.
So there you have it. I have maintained since I started this blog that the caring for your infant manual I received for the hospital when my sons were born was insufficient. I double checked and there is nothing in there about using Gogurts as ice packs. (It does mention using them frozen on the Gogurt box.) I'll have to make sure to send them this post.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Use a frozen Gogurt as an ice pack.
I realized that in all the excitment of going to the wrong house for a playdate and hanging out in a complete stranger's living room (much to her surprise), I never followed up on my older son's (OS) valentines. All of the kids decorated brown lunch bags at preschool and then exchanged valentines. Feeling pretty good that I had followed the directions and thus minimized the chance of majorly screwing up and subjecting OS to years of therapy, I dumped OS's valentines on the table so that we could go through them together.
The first one he opened up was exactly like the ones we...I mean he...had sent out: Cars valentine with tattoo. To: (blank) From: Johnny. Then we opened up the next one. To: My Acme Preschool Valentine From: Your friend Jane. What was this?? Nowhere in the instructions did it say anything about cutesy messages. All it said was not to address valentines to specific children and to write your child's name on them. When my younger son (YS) is in preschool, I will know to put cutesy messages on his valentines. How would Jane (or more likely her parents) have known that there was a loophole in the instructions? I thought about it and came to the logical conclusion: Jane was a second born. (Either that or her parents had major connections.) Either way, someone had clearly given their family advance information. And had also given advance information to a few other special folk as well.
As we continued reading the valentines, we (I should really say I because OS was way more interested in consuming the lollipop his teacher had given him to eat at home)opened up the motherload of valentines. It initially seemed just like Jane's. To: My Acme Preschool Special Friend From: Your Friend Matthew. Then I turned over the card. It was attached to an envelope with a few pieces of candy in it! The instructions really said absolutely nothing about candy! Poor OS did not give anyone candy. How was I supposed to know to do that? I will know when YS goes to preschool to include candy. Are all older children known by their peers for failing to personalize valentines or give kids candy? That's when I realized a lesson I had first learned when I was a little girl with a younger brother.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Older children are screwed
Here is yet another thing about parenting that totally floored me: there are RULES about Valentine's Day cards in preschool. Gone are the days where a preschooler can make a special card for a friend in the class like we could back in the good old days where we walked 6 miles in 8 feet of snow to school, and candy bars cost a penny. Obviously, I am being facetious, but in reality, there are rules about bringing in valentines for the class. Here's the valentines etiquette that I have learned both from my son's preschool newsletter and from the moms group I'm in:
Buy or make a valentine for each kid in your child's class.
Do NOT address the envelops. Yes, you did read that right. The reason is that most 3 year olds do not know how to read and thus cannot pass out the specific valentines to their classmates. It also helps to avoid hurt feelings if some kids get special valentines and others don't. Your child can always mail a special valentine to his friend.
Sign your child's name on each valentine because 3 year olds also typically can't sign their own names. I plan on having OS "write" his name and then I'll print his name underneath his "signature".
Apparently some kids will send in valentines that have a piece of candy with them. If you want to do this, check with your child's school first to make sure it's okay, since some schools have a no food policy or allow food from an approved list only. Another option that some know people include is a small toy. Some specific examples I have heard of are pencils, playdough or McDonald's certificates. I have no experience with any of this so I thought I would err on the safe side. I bought a box of Cars cards that came with tattoos. I'll then do the wise thing: look through what OS got so that we'll have ideas for next year. By the time my younger son (YS) is in preschool I'll know exactly what to do! So although YS doesn't get the same amount of attention that OS did when he was a baby, since OS was an only child, he reaps benefits in other ways.
A lot of kids will give a valentine to their teacher. This can be a specially made valentine or just one that your child picks from their lot of valentines that they like best. Sometimes kids will bring in cookies they made for the teacher or a special treat that they made.
I'll do a follow up post and let you know my findings.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Yes there really are rules about Valentine's Day in preschool.
I'm glad that they give one to every child, as I know people that were "forgotten" and it hurt. However, I also think that preschool is a little young.
When my older son (OS) was a baby, I started to hear a lot about birthday parties from parents with older kids. It seems that people have some pretty strong opinions on them, for example: believing that parties should only include families, believing that parties must include friends, believing the number of guests per birthday must be less than or equal to the child's age, believing the party has to be in the house, believing the party has to be out of the house, and the big ones: either believing that goody bags are a vital necessity or that goody bags are abhorrent. You can get into a fierce debate on that one alone.
One the issues that I heard "tsk tsking" about was inviting a whole preschool class. Apparently to some, that sends the message that you just want gifts (is that wrong?). I have to say that I didn't agree with that one when I heard it because it just sounded...well...lame. To me, a parent might invite the whole class because she didn't want anyone to feel left out.
I should have also paid more attention to this statement that I've heard repeatedly: "when the kids are about 5, you start to invite their friends from school whom you may not know, instead of the kids of the parents that you're friends with". Like I said, I'm relatively new to the whole "friend party" thing, so I didn't pay too much attention.
OS just recently attended a birthday party to which his entire class was invited. Yeah, I know you're picturing a college lecture hall worth of preschoolers, but rest assured it was really just about 10 (if that) plus some of the birthday girl's other friends. As the parent of a quiet child, I was thrilled when OS was invited. It was his first party where he wasn't invited because I was friends with the birthday parents. Notice how I said "I" was thrilled. That should have tipped me off right away about this new territory in parenting, but it didn't. I should add that OS couldn't wait for the party.
The big day arrived and OS and I arrived at the children's "museum/activity center" where the party was being held. We took off our coats, gave the birthday girl her gift, and got settled with snacks and drinks. Then we looked at each other like "now what?" All around me other nervous parents were exchanging similar looks with their kids except for a couple of the parents who already knew each other. That's when it hit me: "Sh*t! I have to make friends!" Absolutely NO ONE warned me about that one. If they had, I might not have been so thrilled. :-) I wasn't very good at this the first time around when I was in preschool, (or elementary school, junior high, college, first job, or really any other point in my life), so why would I be any better at making friends the second time around? Let me put it another way: it's no surprise to me that OS is quiet.
So I did what I normally do when I'm in a social situation that demands some sort of interaction with other human beings: I pretend I'm outgoing. There was talk amongst some of the parents about where other kids in the class had already had their birthday parties, and they apparently typically invited the kids of parents they knew (hence the above statement which I never had paid attention to, that until he turns 5 OS is riding my coattails when it comes to friendships). Since my son's social connections appeared to depend on this, I had to pull out the big guns and pretend I was Tyne Daley from "Judging Amy." As her, I was able to go up to each and every parent there and introduce myself and my son (although I pretended to be Tyne Daley pretending to be me so that I could use my real name). I even managed to set up playdates with a couple of them. For the record, OS had a great time at the party.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: At birthday parties, you need to make friends with the other parents.
You must be better than you think! I recently took my daughter to her first party and didn't walk away with any playdates. Then again, 98% of the kids there were little boys.
My friend Betty, as in Betty Crocker since she loves to bake, emailed me following story. I thought I would pass it along with her permission of course. Betty is an awesome friend. In addition to giving me homemade soups and baked zitti multiple times when I was pregnant with my younger son, a few weeks ago when both boys were sick she called me up to ask what I took in my coffee and dropped off a steaming hot cup of coffee from Dunkin Doughnuts along with a care package.
Today I had an experience that I thought you may want to help others out with. I had all my presents for the teachers, the new health form for my child, the registration forms for both boys for next year. I was early for the Christmas party ("A" refers to as the cookie party). However, as the mom who pulled up next to my minivan and took out her other kiddos out of the car. I noticed she had her camera. Yes I went to my child's first christmas party with cookies and singing without a camera. So i raced down to the local white hen. I walked around the store and could not find one. However, i noticed 2 behind the counter. Two ladies where in front of me and I prayed they both didn't need a camera. I noticed the line took alot longer that I wanted it too. Didn't the people in line realize that i was going to be late for the party. I bought one of the 2 cameras and raced back to the school just in time for cookies and juice. As all the other mothers and fathers had their video cameras and digital cameras taking pictures. I took out my disposable camera to record the moments that i almost forgot to get. My lesson ....carry a disposable camera in your bag for those mommy moments.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Carry a disposable camera or a camera cell phone in your purse/diaper bag.
Betty, Thanks for your contribution. Based on your writing skills, I would love to share your comments more often. Even people like me, who are too lazy to create an account, comment anonymously. :-)
My two cents...Carrying a digital camera is just as good. Unfortunately I am as irresponsible as I am lazy, and I always forget to bring batteries.
The time has come where once again I'm in uncharted territory. There is the clear potential to screw up big time and thus mess up my child's life forever and ever. It all centers around this critical question: what should I get my older son's (OS) preschool teachers for the holidays? While I personally think that they should all get a 2 week cruise or some sort of other relaxing vacation, I'm a little worried it's out of the price range for a class gift. So that leaves me with my big question: What can I (notice it's all about me and not my son!) get that will both show my appreciation for his teachers and be something that they will enjoy? More importantly, will someone just tell me what to get? Seriously, I don't want to look like a jerk. When I posed the question to my moms group listserve (which has a lot of teachers and former teachers), I got some wishwashy answers and some good ones. Here are the rules that I learned:
Teachers have more coffee mugs and candles than they know what to do with.
Don't give things that collect dust.
If it's appropriate (you're 100% positive that your child's teacher celebrates Christmas) an ornament is a really great gift. Every year the teacher will enjoy it and think of your child, which will hopefully offer constant, happy associations because your child is so angelic in school.
Gift certificates (GC) are greatly appreciated ($20 or whatever you can afford.)
GC for places like Staples are really good because the teacher can get things for the classroom (which doesn't sound like much of a gift to me, but at least she/he doesn't have to pay for it)
Restaurant certificates are also good, although they have less educational value to your child.
Barnes and Nobles or Borders GC seem to be the best options based on rigorous data collection from the list serve (which means "kind of / seems like a good idea)
If your child has a main teacher and teacher assistants like OS does, it seems to be more common to give the main teacher a larger gift certificate than the assistants. Some parents will give them the same amount. Do what you feel is right.
If you can make something homemade like a French Memo board (which I actually know how to do!) or something else crafty or that tastes good you are golden.
Make sure to include a homemade card.
The most important thing is a personal message expressing gratitude. This can be done either in person by taking a few minutes to express this or in writing through the above mentioned homemade card. Either way a gift isn't necessary.
If there is someone else that your child mentions frequently like a gym teacher etc, you should ask your child if they would like to make that person a card/get them a small gift.
Check out your child's school to see if there's a classroom/school wish list. Apparently if you donate to this you are "covered" and need not get a teacher gift.
Hope that the room parents organize a class gift/gift certificate. Highly important: if you are organizing this, you ask each parent to contribute what they feel comfortable with and not a specific amount like for example $5 per student.
If you are a homeroom parent and want to do a class gift, any letters or phone calls should be made well in advance, so not for example on December 14th, because many parents will have already bought a gift for the teacher (note: I am not one of these parents.)
Who knew that there were so many rules about this?
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Choose gifts for teachers with great care.
Those all sound pretty sensible to me, although I agree with you that the Staples gift is not really a gift. I like the idea of gift cards, even though they are a bit impersonal, because they really let someone get the perfect gift for herself. And it can easily be personalized by writing a really nice message. People never forget those.
Professional Mom of two cats, a dog, an ant farm, and oh yeah...two boys: a 6 year old and a 3 year old. Also found in my house is my husband who is known on this blog as The Big Giraffe.
For those of us who didn't get an instruction manual with our babies and for whom parenting hasn't always gone as planned. On a more serious note this blog is about supporting a woman's ability to make her own choices about parenting including the choice, for whatever reason, to bottle feed her babies formula.
damn now I am curious