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| Monday, April 28, 2008 |
Shower Me, Baby |
I've hosted a handful of showers in the ten years (has it really been that long?) since I've graduated from college. This by no means makes me any kind of expert, particularly since each shower has been pretty different. I've hosted showers at a restaurant with just a few guests, at other people's homes with a lot of guests, and at my current home during the holiday season because my good dishes, which I love, are Christmas china.
Sunday, I threw a shower with two other women for a friend who's due with her second child next month. We decided to have a tea. I was quite excited about it. About once a year, I decide to embark on a journey of self-discovery. It leaves me feeling like I know myself a little bit better and have given myself a full mental workout. I think the everyday word for this is baking. That's right. Before packing for this journey going to the grocery store, I conjured up images of hairnets, safety goggles, bio-hazard suits and Bunsen burners. Maybe that was a little extreme. I did announce to the Big Giraffe though importantly that I was off to bake. He inquired what I was baking first, and I announced sandwiches. He looked puzzled. I clarified that baking to me means having to deal with anything that makes a mess on my counters. Placing school projects and mail on the counter also falls into that category. Wow, I really do have a lot of experience with baking!
I had fun with my baking. That's why I like to keep it as the rare treat: it allows to me fully enjoy the experience leaving me wanting to do it again, but not anytime soon. That and the fact that I munch on the extras and thus always leave a baking session feel slightly ill and exhausted.
I'll leave you in suspense regarding the menu for a moment longer. We used several people's tea cups and saucers so that every guest had a unique cup. We also used four different tea pots including mine. In addition to coffee, an assortment of teas, punch and water with limes, we had the following menu straight out of Barefoot Contessa Parties! cookbook which I definitely will be adding to my Amazon wish list.
- Herbed goat cheese sandwiches*
- Cheddar and chutney on mini-brioche*
- Lime curd and strawberries*
- Lemon bars*
- Mini fruit tarts
- Ganache cupcakes
- shortbread cookies half dipped in chocolate
*Denotes items made by yours truly.Labels: Food (Solid), Milestones |
posted by Alex Elliot @ 7:52 PM   |
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| Thursday, April 10, 2008 |
Reaching New Heights |
The past few days have been beautiful. As such, I've forced myself to get off the couch cheerfully rounded up the kids and taken them to the playground. The first time we were there, my older son (OS) went straight to the slides. My younger son (YS) just sort of wandered around not sure where to go first. He picked up sand, then put it down. He walked here, there and everywhere. Part of walking everywhere was that he walked right in front of someone using the swings and almost got hit. He was so scared he started to cry. After comforting him, it occurred to me that he's never really been to the park before. Alright, yes technically he's been to a park, but not since he's been able to walk and therefore actually play on the playground. This was quickly followed by another realization: I've never been to the park before with two kids who were interested in playing in it. Both kids were interested in different things. I don't really have a definite solution to this right now except for sticking to small parks or parks that are fully enclosed. No words of wisdom here from me. Maybe this time next year I'll have figured out a good system.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: If you're not learning one thing, you're learning another as a parent. Labels: Milestones |
| posted by Alex Elliot @ 9:15 PM |
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| Sunday, February 03, 2008 |
A Funeral, A Plane Ride and Back Home Again |
Saturday was my great aunt's funeral. The nicest aspect of the wake and funeral, was that it was exactly what she had wanted. To me, that's all that really matters. While there were parts of both that I was uncomfortable with, I know that the event was about her and not me.
Since I was a pallbearer, we had to be there pretty early. Our older son (OS) came with me to pay respects to Aunt Julie. I was impressed with how well he did. A short while later, the funeral director led everyone in prayers. It was very quick.
The rest of the "white glove club," which consisted of my brother and cousins, and I had our duties to attend to, so the Big Giraffe was solely in charge of the boys. We had agreed ahead of time that if we thought for whatever reason that they wouldn't be comfortable with the funeral, he would leave with them. I wasn't surprised later in the church when I didn't see them. I had heard some laughter at the beginning, but apparently the Big Giraffe took them out the car where they were much happier. Again, the service was really quick, although apparently the Big Giraffe had not felt time was passing quickly enough when he had the boys in the back of the church.
They stayed in the car too when we went to the cemetery. This was actually one part of the event with which I was uncomfortable. I personally didn't want the boys to come in the mausoleum where Aunt Julie was going to be buried. This type of mausoleum has many wings each filled with the remains of different families. The coffins are placed in a drawer, and the drawer is sealed. A plaque with the name and critical dates is placed on the "drawer." I have terrible memories of this place from when I was around OS's age. I remember thinking it was incredibly creepy that people were buried in the walls. Since my great aunt Val had already announced that she wanted everyone to tour the mausoleum, I thought it was better for the boys to avoid the whole situation. I know, I know...just because I was scared of something as a child doesn't mean my sons will be. By the same token, it still wasn't something that the Big Giraffe and I were prepared for our children to experience yet. Frankly I didn't see any benefit to them or to anyone else for having them there. Plus anytime I'm agitated or uncomfortable, the boys unsurprisingly pick up on it. The Big Giraffe had no angst about spending another fifteen minutes in the car with the them.
The festivities ended with a family gathering, lunch at a restaurant called New Warsaw (although my cousin and I swear it used to be Old Warsaw). My family is Polish. This is where we always gathered for family reunions. My cousins and I all dislike it because it gives us really bad gas (and sometimes more than gas) because we're not used to eating authentic Polish food. My parents and aunts and uncles all love it. So does the Big Giraffe. I was just grateful that I didn't have to get on an airplane with him and the boys, who also really enjoyed it, afterwards. I had been calling the place Old Diarrhea, but I guess I'll have to start calling it New Diarrhea. The Big Giraffe said it gives new meaning to Chicago's nickname Windy City. Plus, you also get charged $2 if you waste food by not finishing the food on your plate. (We didn't actually see this happen, but they have signs all around the buffet describing the policy.)
We had a pleasant flight home. In fact it was the smoothest flight we have ever had with the boys, in turn leading to a relatively calm and peaceful airport experience back in Providence. Tomorrow we will be back to our usual routine.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Wasting food may be costly.Labels: Food (Solid), Milestones, Travel |
| posted by Alex Elliot @ 9:15 PM |
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| Friday, February 01, 2008 |
The Wake |
Today was the big day. Actually it was the "big day" for several reasons. First of all, the Big Giraffe flew in this morning. I had been worried because last night before I went to bed, he told me that some flights into O'Hare were delayed more than 8 hours. It was looking pretty bad out this morning so I was pleasantly surprised to learn that not only did his plane land, but it landed on time. The boys and I were thrilled to see him.
The other reason that it was the Big Day was because today was the wake. We talked with our older son (OS) again about where we were going. The thing is, he's only 4 so it was understandably hard for him to comprehend Quite frankly my 36 year old husband is Jewish and he also finds the embalming and viewing confusing because they are not done in the Jewish faith. We realized that we could only say so much. This was something that OS would just need to experience.
A few people have asked me this past week whether we would bring the children to the wake if one of my children's grandparents died. I am not sure. However, we are out of town and there isn't anyone available to watch our kids. More importantly, we believe that this is just the natural cycle of life and not something to fear. This is of course because we know our kids and we know how wakes/funerals are run in my family. I have a small family that I know wouldn't get offended if we had to leave part way through the wake or funeral because one or both of the kids struggled with it. Another factor is that my boys do not know my great aunt. Yes, OS met her, but that was when he was two. This isn't a sad event for him like it would be if he knew the deceased. YS is only 19 months old. The bottom line is that I am not suggesting that every parent should bring the entire family to a wake; I am saying that we believed it was the right decision for our children in this situation.
We got the wake and the boys were immediately greeted by my family members. They are the only kids. They both loved all the attention. When things settled down, OS and I walked up to Aunt Julie's casket. OS looked at Aunt Julie and it reminded me of when our cats see a dog at the vet's office. His eyes widened, and he snapped his whole body back and then went to go sit with my mom. That was fine. That was also it. The boys spent the rest of the time in the upstairs living area with the Big Giraffe, various relatives, and me. The funeral home had a very nice kids room off of the living room. We had come to pay our respects individually and to be a support to our family. That's exactly what happened.
Even though Aunt Julie's wake was from 1 pm - 9pm, and everyone was planning on being there for most of the time, it didn't occur to us to bring food or ask anyone to bring food when they asked what they could do to help. Another family was having a wake at the same time, and several friends brought platters of food. It struck me that the next time I am struggling with how to help a friend in the face of such a tragedy, bringing food to the funeral home would be a really great way to do so. The Big Giraffe commented that it is traditional to bring food to the home of those mourning in the Jewish faith, when making a "shivah call." It certainly gives those in the midst of grieving one less worry.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Bringing food to a funeral home can be one way to help a family that has just undergone a tragedy.Labels: Milestones |
| posted by Alex Elliot @ 9:11 PM |
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| Thursday, January 17, 2008 |
The Dead Bird |
I would never claim to be an expert at parenting because really I am anything but an expert. I am continually surprised, I'm not sure why, by what works and doesn't work. Sometimes I'm right on the mark. More times than I'd like to admit, I'm so off it's almost humorous. Alright sometimes it's flat out funny. Isn't part of the fun of life to be able to laugh at our mistakes even when our mistakes are about the topic of death? At the request of Mayberry Mom, here's my humorous saga with books on death.
When I talked to the Director of Religious Education at our church the other day, I asked her if there were any books I could borrow. She explained that my older son (OS) wouldn't really be able to start comprehending death until he's about 8. As such, the books on death tended to be written for audiences of eight and up. However, she was happy to lend me several books. She thought one particular book would be very good for four year old OS, although she warned me that I probably wouldn't be too impressed by it. It's The Dead Bird by Margaret Wise Brown (author of Goodnight Moon). It was first published in 1938.
She dropped the books off yesterday and I began browsing through them. I pulled out The Dead Bird. It looked terrible. Two pages had one giant picture and no words followed by two pages containing a few sentences and no pictures. The layout of the book did not vary at all. The pictures were simple, basic illustrations drawn in a small number of colors. The story looked cold, probably because the word "dead" was written into the text about a million times. I put it back in the bag. I was drawn to the books with beautiful illustrations. I particularly liked one in which the little boy asked all sorts of different people what happens when someone dies. I loved the message that everyone views death differently. OS...did not. In fact, he was not impressed by it at all. I tried another book that I thought looked somewhat interesting. Same reaction. After trying all of the remaining books, I eventually had to give in and retrieve The Dead Bird from the bag.
OS was immediately impressed by the big picture on the first two pages showing a blue sky, green grass and one small dead white bird. No words or anything else. The words on the next two pages, which were devoid of pictures said "The bird was dead when the children found it". For some reason, when I read it, I felt the urge to bellow the sentence out just like the voice-over for movie previews. OS did not seem to appreciate my need for theatrics, and he looked at me quizzically. The next two pages showed another picture of said dead bird being peered at by a group of children who (the book subsequently explained) knew that the bird was dead even though it was still warm, because its heart was not beating. OS didn't understand that. I let him feel my heart beating, and then we felt his heart beating. I explained that the bird didn't have that. Much to my surprise, that seemed to resonate.
When the book described the bird growing stiff and cold, I tried not to gasp in surprise. Was this really a kids' book? The word "dead" was used repeatedly just like it had been at the beginning of the book. As I tried to stifle giggles, I put on my most serious voice, or perhaps my most serious non-movie preview tone. I expected OS to respond to how serious I sounded, but he seemed completely unperturbed. So I went on.
The rest of the book described the way the children dug a hole with a shovel and buried the bird. They even put up a marker that read (and again I tried not to laugh) "Here lies a bird." The last line of the book is and I'm not kidding "And every day, until they forgot, they went and sang to their little dead bird and put fresh flowers on his grave." On the next page there was a picture of the little grave in the woods and the kids playing in the clearing.
I was concerned that it might not be long until the children forgot, but OS actually connected with that book. In fact he asked me to read it to him later, and then he "read" it to my younger son (YS). After a while it dawned on me that the book resonated because the word dead was used over and over again. It used simple terms to describe what had happened to the bird, what death meant, and what the bird felt like. The book did not describe the long-term fate of the dead bird, but OS didn't seem to care. Why should he, if he didn't understand the concept of death in the first place? Plus, the book was very clear that the bird was buried in the ground, a fact which OS kept pointing out to me. The only problem I've had with the book is that now OS thinks he can bring his beach shovel to the funeral to help dig Aunt Julie's grave.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: It can be fun to laugh at oneself and a relief to laugh at death.
 For a real review, check out Flexible Reviews to see what I had to say about Prestone Windshield De-Icer and Washer Fluid Booster.Labels: Child Health and Personal Care, Milestones |
| posted by Alex Elliot @ 5:39 PM |
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| Wednesday, January 16, 2008 |
Talking About Death |
One of the really cool things about being a parent is getting to influence a young mind. Yes, of course relatives, close family friends, teachers and clergy to name a few also have this privilege. However, somehow it's different when it's your own child. First of all, I'm able to take the great explanations, leave out the not so great or bad ones, and say things the way I wished they had been said to me. For example in fourth grade when we learned about fractions, the teacher kept on explaining them in terms of a pie. It wasn't until a while later, I realized he was literally referring to a pie. When my kids are older, they're getting a fractions demo with an actual pie. Second, many aspects of parenting offer an opportunity for self-reflection...a chance to stop and take the time to think about how I really feel about different issues...and a way of realizing that my thoughts on a subject are valued. It's sort of like when I first became a mom, I was thrilled to be able to go to parks, have picnics, and visit the zoo. Then it dawned on me that really I could have done those things all along; I didn't need to be a parent to have those experiences.
Back in September my great aunt, who's in her 90's, had a bad stroke. It's pretty much been down hill since then. She was just moved into hospice. When she passes, we will all fly to Chicago to attend the funeral. What should we do about the boys though? Everyone will be at the funeral, and the funeral will be at least an hour from where I grew up so it's not like I can ask childhood friends or their parents to watch the boys because I want the boys to come out to the dinner afterwards with our extended family. I began to think about what I wanted to do and what I wanted to tell them about death.
This led me to a different question however. How do I feel about death? Could I answer the questions that my older son (OS) may ask? Was I ready to get on board this train leading down a track to more and more difficult questions? What about the fact that my kids are growing up in a different faith, Unitarian Univeralist from both my husband, who grew up Jewish, and me, who grew up Catholic. That also means they are of a different faith from most of the people who will be at the funeral. How would I explain it?
I think the trickiest part of this situation is that it is just so personal. I never really thought about it before, but how one handles funerals, how one handles whether their children attend funerals, and at what age they do is deeply intertwined with personal religious beliefs. While I'm not a fan of saying "never," I think it's very hard for the two to be separated. This was one discussion, that I didn't feel I could post on my moms group list-serve.
As I thought further, I began to believe that I wanted both boys to come with us to the funeral. We actually have had some very elementary conversations about deaths already with the passing of a friend in November. It was very abstract to OS. I ended up calling the Director of Religious Education at our church, who is also a child psychologist. She confirmed my gut reaction on bringing the boys to the funeral, and she also dropped off a bunch of books today to help start the conversation.
I'm feeling good about the conversations that OS and I were able to have today. I am way more comfortable with conversations about when he grew in my uterus and who in our family has what genitalia. In fact I can pretty much guarantee that it will come up at the restaurant afterwards!
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Every family needs to assess how to discuss the subject of death with their children.Labels: Milestones |
| posted by Alex Elliot @ 9:40 PM |
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| Friday, January 11, 2008 |
A Birthday Fit for a Mermaid |
Yesterday the Big Giraffe, the boys and I all went to the New England Aquarium. We finally made it to the bottom floor of the jellyfish exhibit. Attempts during previous visits had always failed due to the lure of the penguins in the other part of the aquarium. Armed with an even better line than "Because I said so" (which in all honesty I've been trying albeit not always successfully not to say as both the Big Giraffe and I hated that line as kids,), I declared "Because it's my birthday" to get a sulky older son (OS) to reluctantly come into the exhibit with me. Then we had to drag him out because he enjoyed it so much.
OS has been excited for a long while about my birthday cake. At some point he decided that I needed to have a Little Mermaid cake for my birthday. Seeing as I've never had a Little Mermaid cake before, and it was so important to OS, I thought it was a fabulous idea. After dinner, OS could barely contain his excitement. With some help from the Big Giraffe, OS carefully placed each plastic princess on the cake (Ariel was one of four princesses). OS made sure to keep me updated on the progress of the princess placement. Finally the big moment came. All three giraffes san | | |
Wow impressive table! That's a lot of effort you've put into it.
...but can you explain to me what exactly is a "shower". For me it is simply a bathroom activity, but clearly it has other meanings as well :p. What makes a shower different from a party or guests coming over?