I was going to write a post about why you should never save jeans that you may some day wear again when you've lost weight. You know after you're all done having kids and everything goes back to the way it was before your first pregnancy? Ha! That however will have to be for another time. Perhaps by then I can include a photo.
Today I had my usual addiction carefully monitored time on Facebook so as to not spend gobs of time on it to lose 15 or so minutes on it. As I was checking my newsfeed I saw that my SIL had announced her and my BIL's exciting news: they're having a baby! Their daughter will be born at the beginning of May. Obviously they're thrilled. I immediately emailed her to see if she was OK with me putting it as my Facebook status.
We were thrilled too when we heard the news earlier. In addition to being happy for them because they're becoming parents, I am super* excited about my new role: aunt. This is the first time I will be an aunt.
A. Elliot's Lesson that I Already Knew: Being an aunt is exciting!
*I know "wicked" is the big well known MA word but I really think "super" should have that distinction. I am amazed, or I should say super amazed, by how often people around here say "super" including my own kids.
This past weekend was FIRMMAN, the half Ironman that I relayed. Perhaps I should say the weekend I had my near death experience. I'm kidding. Well sort of anyway.
I arrived in Narragansett, RI late on Saturday night. Right away hotel patrons starting talking about how the waves were 12 feet high. What?! Tell me again why I was doing this?
The next morning my relay team and I arrived promptly at 5 AM when the transition area opened. I was amazed with how crowded it already was. Good thing we got there early because the swimming start was 3/4 of a mile away from the transition area. We had a "J" course as they call it. It didn't look exactly like a J to me, but I got why they call it that. Basically you swim from shore out to the first buoy, turn right, swim the majority of the course parallel to show, turn right around another buoy and swim into shore on a diagonal. When you finish you're right by the transition area.
I went walked down to the start with a bunch of athletes. I was already nervous about the waves. People were saying they were five footers. One woman told me to be careful when choosing which wave to dive under because if I misjudged another larger wave would hit me in the face when I surfaced.
I was the fourth heat: men 29+ and relays. The horn blew and off we went. I angled to the left of the buoy because of the current. I saw what I thought was the first big wave and dove under it only to be hit in the face with another much larger wave and dragged under it. Then it happened immediately again. By this point I had been dragged half way out between the shore and the first buoy. I seriously contemplated turning around and going back to shore. I felt like I couldn't get my breath and the waves just kept coming. I decided to just stop and try to get a grip. After calming down I decided that I would go out to the first buoy. There was a lifeguard on a kayak right there. If I made it to the first buoy and still felt like I couldn't make the swim, I would ask that person to take me into shore. If not, then I should be okay for the rest of the swim.
Swimming breaststroke I made it to the first buoy. My angling did work out perfectly and I arrived right next to the buoy. By then I was fine because the water was deep enough that the waves weren't breaking anymore. I was also swimming parallel to shore instead of into the waves. I couldn't breathe to my left because of the waves, but that was alright. The rest of the swim was great. Coming in was a little scary again because the waves were going right over me as soon as I hit shallower water. However, I took the advice of that woman and body surfed in. I finished with a group of swimmers two heats in front of me. I was really pleased with my race. I know I lost a lot of time in the beginning, but next year I'll know what to expect. Yes, my relay and I already decided to do it again next year. We're registering next month when registration opens.
I haven't gotten to the best part though. Because this was such a big race, they had all sorts of fun stuff for the athletes like massages and wetsuit strippers! I was very intrigued by the idea of the wetsuit strippers. Hey, you're talking to the person who accidentally had the half nude massage a few months ago. Of course I just had to take advantage of this free service that day I had never heard of.
After the swimmers ran over the timing mat with their wetsuits half down, they could lay down on a square of carpet and two guys would grab the top of your wetsuit and pull the whole thing right off of you. I love my new wetsuit, but I have a hard time getting it off my ankles. It all bunches up like a bad pair of rubber pantyhose. I too lay down on the carpet with my wetsuit half off and they yanked it right off of me. Now if only I could take these two guys two all my races....
I had a great time at the race. My teammates were amazing. They are such nice people too. I'm really looking forward to next year and also to Timberman because we're relaying that as well.
So what does a wetsuit have to do with a lemon tart? Oh yeah! Yesterday was my younger son"s (YS)first day of preschool. He was really excited about it until the moment the teacher came to the car. Then there was a lot scowling and some tears. Off he went. I got together with two of my friends who are always inviting me to lunch and I can never make it. We went out to a nice lunch. I had such a good time and enjoyed my lemon tart so much that I almost forgot to pick YS up from preschool! Yes, I am mother of the year. Thank you thank you. My son's first day and instead of anxiously checking the clock in anticipation of pickup, I'm gossiping and sharing desserts. He may have been the second to last kid to be picked up, but I did make it on time! He had a great time and can't wait to go back tomorrow. Good thing I didn't waste energy anxiously worrying about what he was doing, right? At least that's what I've been trying to tell myself!
Lest you think I'm living the life of leisure now that YS is in preschool for a grand total of five hours a week, the next few weeks are filled with various committee meetings and school commitment. Somehow I got sucked into a library expansion committee today as well.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Wetsuit strippers and lemon tarts are two of the finer things in life!
I'm so excited for you! When I first started reading, I thought you meant you had to run 3/4 mile to the transition area after the swim, and I was wondering HOW you could have left that out! I'm looking forward to getting your expertise on swim training...maybe I'll stick to learning about long-distance swim :)
Happy 6th birthday, OS! I know it was a big day for you. It was your first day of kindergarten as well as your birthday not to mention your first bus ride and first experience with a school cafeteria. It's also the longest you've been away from me in a day.
I was impressed with the way you bounced right out of bed eager to start your day. You opened your presents, played for a while and then got ready for school after I promised you that you could use your new telescope to look for planets tonight. You were so excited, but fortunately happy enough to be cooperative despite the excitement. Your planet lunch back was packed in your back pack, and out the door we went. The school bus arrived and for a moment I thought I saw a flicker of hesitation pass over your eyes, but then you hopped right in with a big smile on your face. You were gone so quickly, that I was only able to catch the back of the bus on video.
I'm sure that as you get older you'll want to know how I felt when you went away for your first full day of school. Hey, you already ask me now how I felt when you went to preschool for the first time. I was really happy for you. It felt like I got to relive a small part of my wonderful kindergarten experience. I had hoped that you would get the message that kindergarten was something to be excited for because I was so excited for you. I think it actually worked!
Did I cry? No. I was just too happy for you. I was so proud of your eagerness. I did feel though throughout the day that I had left something behind the way I feel when I'm driving around without my wallet or my cell phone. Yeah that's a bad analogy but it's true. You can print that out and take it to your therapist when you're older!
I started checking the clock at around 1. Preschool used to end at 11:30, and even when you stayed for lunch you were done by 12:30. You were out until 1:30 for only one week of camp. This seemed a lot longer. I was worried that you would find being away for so long difficult. On the contrary, you took everything in stride. You were unfazed by the major bus snafu on the way home, and it didn't bother you that you didn't snack program. In fact, when we did "thumbs up" to express what we like about the day, your items were (in order)
The fact that you had a really good birthday
The fact that you got to ride the school bus
The fact that you enjoyed your first day of kindergarten
and the fact that you got to eat birthday cake
I don't think you would have handled things the same way one year ago. During the year you were five you showed a tremendous amount of growth. I was glad that you missed last year's kindergarten cut-off by one day. Don't get me wrong. I'm sure you could have gone to kindergarten and done fine, but you just didn't seem ready. Last year I would have cried when the bus pulled away. Since then you've blossomed with growing self-confidence and self-awareness while becoming more outgoing. If there's a problem, you're not afraid to ask for help. Last year I saw the potential. Yesterday I saw the reality. When you walked into your classroom for the day-before-school class meet-and-greet, you introduced yourself and your brother to every kid you saw and asked them for their names.
When I reflect back on today one phrase comes to mind: you are ready. Recently someone told me that they held their daughter back because they wanted to give her the gift of time. While the choice wasn't ours, you got the gift of time from our town. You have done wonderfully with that gift.
Happy birthday, OS! May all the stars and planets shine brightly for you.
Love, Mommy
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Children can grow a lot in a year.
Happy Birthday to your boy! What a day, so glad it went well. Here in Canada kindergarten is only half a day, I can't imagine sending them off for a full day right off, I would have been checking the clock too!
They really do. It's just amazing. I couldn't get over how much growth C would experience over each time he went away to sleep away camp when he got older.
Happy Birthday, Big Giraffe. I know this past week I told you that the reason I write birthday posts for the kids is so that there is some sort of documentation about the little, but important events in that year that don't always make it into my blog posts. I won't even mention the baby books which are pretty much empty and collecting dust.
Did you think I would forget about you? Without further ado, here are the highlights of your 38th year of life. At least the ones that I remember and keep in mind that for a brief moment both of us thought last night was Friday night.
Alright honestly I'm drawing a blank about what happened at the end of last June, but I do remember the 4th of July. We decided to take the kids to the fire works, but they were fast asleep by the time they rolled around. We vowed to take them next year (this year). This vow has become a tradition for us, as our firework trip was rained out the year before. July was also the month we went on vacation with Suzanne, her husband and several friends. Most importantly, one of your closest friends was there, and you stayed up into the wee hours talking with him. You spent hours arguing with a Republican friend whom you used to debate when you were both in Political Spectrum in college, and you played many board games including Who's the Boss and Who Killed Mr. Lucky. It was great to see you enjoying yourself so much.
We game back and the next weekend you and the boys cheered me on as I competed in the Webster Triathlon. You joked that despite bringing two boys and their gear, you made it to the finish line first. Since it's your birthday, I'll concede that you were technically right.
I'm drawing a blank on the rest of August, but in September we threw our first away-from-home birthday party for our older son (OS). We stared at each other in disbelief over how easy the setup and cleanup were compared to hosting a party in the yard. In October we went to see So You Think You Can Dance Live Tour in Boston. We had a terrific time. We also got a call from the sitter during intermission saying that your mom had suprised us with a visit. (We knew she was driving from Kentucky, but she told us she wasn't leaving until the next day.)
OS was a red octopus for Halloween, and YS was Nemo. You wore the boys old giraffe suit on your head again to work and allegedly entertained people with different jokes. In November we went over to Sally HP's place for Thanksgiving. In December your mom came and spent Christmas with us. It was also the Christmas that my aunt gave us the Wii and Wii Fit.
January was when YS had his surgery. We were really worried about it, but it went really well. We joked that the two people who looked like they were recovering from surgery in our house were you and me. We also started our parenting class. While the class wasn't what we expected in any way, shape or form, we used to dicuss what type of parents we wanted to be. We also were able to learn a little more about each other. Hey, let's be honest, it's the first time we had the opportunity to gossip together about events we both were part of! Purina anyone?
In April the class ended. We went out for brunch with Sally HP and her family for Easter. We also almost forgot to take the boys to see the Easter Bunny, We were amazed about the big line of equally "negligent" parents who waited until the day before Easter to see the bunny. See! We're not alone in this crazy parenting adventure. April was also the month during which you dusted off your toasting skills to host a bachelor party in Atlantic City and be the best man in a friend's wedding in Virginia.
In May OS started soccer. You practiced with him, and we both cheered him on. May was also the month we went to both Storyland and Santa's Village. It was the first family vacation we've taken with just the four of us. It went really well. The next weekend you flew out to visit your mom in rehab.
That brings us to this month. OS finished preschool and his first soccer season. YS turned 3. It was going to be our last at-home birthday party until inclement weather caused us to make last minute reservations at a candlepin bowling alley. Everyone had a great time! The moment that birthday ended, we immediately turned to your birthday. The boys were extremely excited to pick out a soccer birthday cake for you, even though the only remaining soccer figurines at the store were of female players. The bakery claimed it currently wasn't making boy soccer birthday cakes. Those females did look pretty androgonous.
I think this last part sums up your year as a 37 year-old pretty well. Forget the lady at the bakery who was shocked that any dad would want a birthday cake like yours. You were happy simply because the boys were so happy.
I hope your 38th birthday was all that wanted it to be. I love you.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned Twice in a Week: A lot can happen in a year.
Happy birthday, YS! It's hard to believe that you're already three.
When I look back over the year, it's hard to pinpoint each and every accomplishment because there were so many and the year went by so fast. Let me give you some of the highlights.
Right after you turned two, we went on vacation with Suzanne and friends and you had a blast. From swimming in the pool, to your first water park you had a lot of fun. You did better than all of us on the raft ride. We were all nervous, but you were eager to go.
September brought on your being a community kid in the Early Intervention playgroup. It was your first time in a structured environment, and you did great. I thought that they might have to get me the first time I left you alone to go to parent group, but you did fine. You loved doing puzzles there and playing with the busy boxes, particularly the one that you always made me do with you including the hot air balloons, trains, and cars. I wish I had a recording of the way you said "hot air balloons," because it was so cute. Of course your favorite part was having snack.
In October, you were Nemo for Halloween. That worked out well, not only because Finding Nemo was your favorite movie but because I had gotten the costume the spring before Halloween.
November brought along authentic potty training. Yes, you had dabbled with the concept over the summer, but once you announced you wanted to wear underwear in November, that was it. December was the first time you were aware of Christmas and appreciated Santa Claus. You were so excited about it and unlike the year before, you weren't at all scared of Santa Claus.
January was your surgery to remove your tonsils and adenoids. I was so worried about the recovery, but you didn't even act like you had surgery. There were a couple rougher nights, but they were no rougher than anything that one expects of a a two year-old. Your favorite movie by then was Cars.
In March we found out you had grown two inches since your sugery in January. The surgery was clearly a success. March also seemed to bring out your mischevious curious side. In the spring you got into my makeup and made yourself into a "cat" complete with the "eyebrow"whiskers. You also climbed on the bathroom sink and opened up the medicine cabinet to get the nail scissors and give yourself a haircut.
This spring also brought on your obsession sense of...duty to the public to make sure all the public bathrooms are clean. Whereever we are, you insist on using the bathroom. During OS's soccer games and practices, the other parents all smiled as we headed to the portapotty for a second and third time. You claimed it was to use the bathroom, but we all knew you just wanted to make sure that the orange peel and Starbucks coffee cup were still inside the portapotty, and I don't mean sitting next to the seat either, even though the town claims that it is cleaned every week.. And yes, you always managed to pee.
This spring has brought along so many changes in you. Your speech has improved so much, your fine motor skills are soaring and you've successfully learned to ride a tricycle. You are now learning to ride a bike with training wheels. You know what you want and aren't afraid to express it. You still have a shy side to you that reminds me of your brother at the same age; big groups aren't your cup of tea. When it all gets to be too much, whether a larger group of people, or not getting something that you want, you respond in an age appropriate manner by either clinging to me or melting down. While I would prefer that you used words, the meltdowns do remind me of one thing: you are just three. As grown up as you may seem, you still have a baby face, dimples in your hands and still look like a baby. You are still one after all. Thank God for that! We have many many years at home together.
Happy Birthday, YS! I hope you had a fabulous birthday and birthday party.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: A lot can happen in a year.
It is the end of an era. A major milestone has passed. History has been written. Now my older son (OS) will be able to say, "Back when I was in preschool." That's right, OS has officially finished preschool. A chapter in his life has been completed. Forget end of the year classroom parties and recitals. The schools should really take the money they spend on them and hire a bunch of therapists for the parents.
I could write a blog post, but I'm too glued to the TV. I heard reports from neighbors that the lines to vote were horrendous. Fortunately when we went to vote, there wasn't any wait. We also went during an off time though. We had hoped to bring OS with us, but he had absolutely no interest in it and we decided not to risk having a whining 5 year old in a potentially hour long line with us. Quite frankly having a whining 5 year old in a 5 minute line is too long. Anyhow, back to the TV and the election coverage!
Before I became a parent of two, I swore that I would treat my kids equally. What worked for one would work for another. Yeah, you can just add this to my list of things I swore I would never do (or LTISIWND).
Back when I had just one, I was convinced that it was best to wait until a child was 3 to switch to a bed (unless the child was climbing out of the crib or you needed it for another baby.) Since my older son (OS) wasn't trying to climb out of the crib and seemed quite content to stay in his crib, I saw no reason to move him. I had even read some articles from a sleep institute that supported it.
Fast forward to a few years later. While my younger son (YS) never tried climbing out his crib, he really didn't like being in it so I figured it was just a matter of time before the inevitable occurred. His distress affected his brother as well. He kept OS running back and forth to fetch the various toys that he insisted needed to be in his crib with him at night and again in the morning. Plus he always wants his overnight diaper off immediately. Hence, my two year old is spending the second night in his big boy bed tonight.
While it certainly has made it easier for OS to sleep, I'm not exactly sure how much sleep YS has gotten, since he keeps getting out of bed to get toys himself, and has been up late playing with the assortment. by himself while his brother is sleeping. Isn't that parenting, though?
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: With parenting, solving one problem creates new ones.
As a teacher I treat all my students differently, and I'm up front about that.
I feel they're all individuals with different needs and it's my job to meet them where they are and to make sure that they all grow.
C started polevaulting out of his crib at 16 mos. He did it over night and then we warned his daycare the next day and they said, "Oh, that's a fluke." Then they called me at 1:30 and told me he'd done it 3 times in the past half hour and I'd better get him another sleeping arrangement, pronto.
My parents definitely treated us differently. My younger sister had a lot less freedom than I did (not my fault), and I asked her once if that bothered her. She said, nah, I still have more freedom than most of my friends.
Happy 5th birthday! I can't believe that you are already five years old. It seems like my own 5th birthday was celebrated just the other day, never mind the birthday of one of my kids. I have been reflecting on your birthday for the past couple of days, not only because you would be turning five, but because the days of the week are aligned the same way they were when you were born, when Labor Day was also on Monday, September 1. I joked around that for me it really was labor day since I went into labor with you on September 1.
This year has brought about so many remarkable changes. Somehow you grew from being a toddler into being a true, little boy. Suddenly you became so much more independent. You learned to make your own decisions. You learned how to stand up for yourself. You made friends with kids in preschool and on the playground whom I hadn't met. I went from knowing all about your life because I was part of everything to listening to you tell me about it. Sometimes getting you to talk required bribery! Except when the subject was a little girl named M whom you just adored or two boys named M and J who were very outgoing and on a couple of occasions got into trouble. You were very impressed with these boys. Your own interests have really developed. They've run the gamut from princesses to sports to emergency vehicles. Yesterday you wanted to visit with a police officer in the parking lot at the beach so you could learn about his job, including whether he had ever rescued any cats from trees and how exactly his police car worked. You were so excited when he let you turn on the sirens and speak on the speaker.
This year was a first for you with parent/child t-ball where you amazed us all with your swing. Tae Kwon Doe has looked to be pretty impressive too. Your knowledge of ocean life this year impressed all of us, not only including your teachers but sometimes including employees of the aquarium. You were enthusiastic and happy with your swim lessons this year. You also very firmly told your instructor and me several times that you were fully aware of the swim lessons process, but you would not jump in the pool and you didn't care if you didn't move up the next level of lessons. I have to confess that I'm hoping you'll reevaluate that decision. What was I saying about making your own decisions? I'm also hoping you'll re-evaluate your decision to boycott milk and decide that you will at least attempt to drink it and some point in the future.
You spent a lot of time with H and C this year and have just loved it. You really look forward to your playdates with them. Daddy and I are thrilled with what great friends you and your brother are. We love that you stand up for each other. You politely but firmly told the little boy at the beach yesterday to stop splashing your brother because he didn't like it.
These past five years have been wonderful. Happy 5th birthday little one. May all your dreams come true. As Cinderella says, "A dream is a wish your heart makes."
Love, Mommy
Cinderella's Lesson Learned: A dream is a wish your heart makes.
My older son (OS) and I had been looking forward to today. After the Big Giraffe got home from work, we planned to run a couple of errands together, including ordering birthday cakes and ending with getting ice cream cones. Needless to say, we were both pretty excited about it.
First on the agenda was stopping at a Tae Kwon Do studio recommended to us by a friend. OS is interested in taking lessons in the fall. We observed a class, and I got to ask one of the instructors some questions. We also made arrangements for OS to take a trial class. All of OS's prior outside activities have been activities that either the Big Giraffe or I did as kids. Alright so all only means swimming and parent child t-ball, but still... OS asked me what my Tae Kwon Do uniform looked like when I was a little girl. I explained to him that back when I was a little girl, it wasn't very common for little girls to take martial arts where I lived. In fact, I don't know any girls my age who took it. OS was completely shocked. I mentally juggled several theories on sexism and gender before simply saying that people realized it was silly and that's why now both little boys and little girls are encouraged to participate in martial arts and many other sports.
We went to our wholesale club where OS ordered a small princess birthday cake for his at-home party and a larger emergency vehicle birthday cake for his big kids' party. I was careful not to express my opinion, so that he picked what he wanted. He was so ecstatic that he was literally hopping up and down. In fact he hopped out to the parking lot and we headed out to Friendly's for ice cream. He proudly told everyone about his two birthday cakes.
We then settled down to talk over ice cream. After talking more about his birthday cakes, OS wrinkled up his face and disbelievingly asked me to confirm that no little girls the I knew took Tae Kwon Do when I was little. I could see why he was confused. First of all, it doesn't make sense. Second, there were obviously girls taking Tae Kwon Do now. The instructor who helped us was female, and there were girls in the class that we observed. Finally, a child who orders one princess cake and one emergency vehicle cake clearly does not feel bound by any gender stereotype. Yeah, he was right to be confused! He wanted to know if I had wanted to take Tae Kwon Do. I started to describe Karate Kid. I was getting into it when I realized that OS had a glazed look in his eyes. He wanted to know if I ever would take martial arts. I looked on the class schedule we were given and sure enough adult Tae Kwon Do is offered. My last triathlon of the season is over in a couple weeks.... surely it wouldn't hurt to look into it. I mean you could even go say far as to say that I would really be doing myself a disservice by not trying out a sample class, right? Boy won't the Big Giraffe be surprised when he reads this post!
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: While Tae Kwon Do was not always an option for girls in the past, it is now available for girls and women of all ages.
I took gymnastics as a kid, and I loved it. But I also don't know any girls who took martial arts in our area. Interesting. I did take Aikido once in college, and I was beyond awful in it. I'll be curious to hear about your martial arts experiences.
Milestones don't always come at the most convenient time. For example, the most convenient time for potty training is during a week when you have nothing requiring you to leave the house, rather than during a weekend when your college friends are getting together in a house they rented somewhere, like say New Hampshire. Unfortunately my younger son (YS) either didn't know or didn't care that we had planned to head up to New Hampshire yesterday for just such an event when he decided he was ready to be potty trained. We didn't want to miss out on the trip because of the potty training, but we knew the trip would take a couple of hours particularly with road construction and stops.
The good news is that there weren't any accidents in the car. Unfortunately, the Big Giraffe got to experience what seemed like every gas station bathroom on the way to the house. As a native New Yorker he rarely has kind words for the New Englanders amongst whom we live during baseball season, but he expressed particularly...articulate views about the barbarism of a people whom he claimed had not flushed a toilet in any public bathroom off of I-495, I-93, or I-89. The boys were less concerned and were quite excited to eat lunch, play, and swim when we got to the house.
We were all surprised to hear one of the little girls at the house announce "The baby is peeing!" Our older son (OS) elaborated by saying, "OS is making footprints!" That's right, YS not only peed on the floor, but he became upset and walked right through the puddle. Before any adult could intervene, the attentive little girl accidentally dropped her brand new, electronic barking black lab stuffed animal in the middle of the puddle. All of the kids except OS were crying. What did OS do? He jumped into the puddle to make a splash!
Fortunately, not only did the stuffed animal clean up nicely after going through the wash and dryer, but it still barked perfectly. The boys also cleaned up well, and there weren't anymore accidents. I think I forgot how important it is to keep reminding a potty training child to go. When OS was first in underwear, I kept setting a timer. Of course I no longer remember how much time I scheduled between each potty visit. It's funny how something that was such a big deal at the time, is a very distant memory just a couple years later.
Big Giraffe's Lesson Learned: The toughest part of learning to use the toilet is apparently learning to flush.
I read this to Husband, and he could not stop laughing about OS jumping in the puddle. And Jen, I agree that the NY thruway would not be better. Nor would the Jersey Turnpike.
Could We Really Be...Dare I Say it... Diaper Free?
It started a little before I left for BlogHer. My younger son (YS) announced one day that he was a big boy. This was followed by his request for underwear. I thought it was very cute, but there was no way I was going to let him be potty trained. After all, I was an expert on potty training. I successfully potty trained my older son (OS) with minimal work and, more importantly, published two blog posts on the subject. You can't get better credentials than that!
"This experience reminded me of why I'm a big fan of waiting until a child is three to be potty-trained. At three they'll potty train in a couple of days, and their bladders are large enough that you'll never have to abandon a shopping cart of frozen foods to explore the scary bathrooms in the bowels of the grocery store while hoping that the creepy teenage sales clerk who's lurking around will go back to playing with his...iPod. Not that parents of young children don't get to enjoy the memorable grocery store bathroom experience for other reasons, such as pregnancy or when shopping after a workout during which you have drunk an entire large sports bottle of water. Potty-training is even better if you wait until children are 8 because they can do their own laundry. So maybe I'm kidding about the last part.
"I am back to my plan of holding off on potty training until YS turns three or hires an attorney to convince me that he was ready."
As you can see, I did not intend to permit any unauthorized potty training in my house. As usual with parenting, just when I think I have something figured out, I am proven wrong. Hmmm...I wonder if this blog is going to provide ammunition for my sons in their teenage years. YS was pretty persistent about getting underwear when I got back from BlogHer and I really meant to get him some, but I didn't have a chance before we left for our vacation. When we were in the Catskills we forgot his swim diapers, despite the fact we have about a million of them in our linen closet, and he was able to tell us in advance of needing the bathroom except when IN one long line in the water park where he peed on my foot. However, he was scared of the toilet and we didn't have a potty chair with us so we gave him a diaper to use until we were able to get more swim diapers. Now we are the proud owners of 1,000,005 swim diapers.
The Big Giraffe and I discussed it when we got back. He's only 25 months and we didn't want to push him. However on Thursday he asked for underwear again so I took him to the store to let him pick it out. Knock on wood big time here, perhaps I should take a moment to knock on every tree in our backyard as well, but so far no accidents! He even managed to successfully pee in the bathroom at Old Navy today, which the Big Giraffe said was actually somewhat more upscale than what might have been found at a grocery store. Everyone was very proud! We'll see where we're at on Thursday. I'm scared to say it, but we might actually be diaper free; at least for the daytime anyhow.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Sometimes parents don't know everything; just don't tell my kids!
Man,my almost 2 year old will not keep a diaper on short of duct tape... which I have seriously considered. She has been asking and asking and asking for big girl panties for weeks.
Sometimes parents don't know everything? I think some days I would settle for knowing anything. Isn't there some rule that the second child is supposed to do everything different than the first so that the parents can't make any generalizations? That is how my mom makes it sound.
Although I only attended law school for three days, I would like to act as YS's legal counsel after the fact and request that my godson be allowed to continue his quest to be potty trained. You'll have our "briefs" soon. Ha ha ha.
WOW! That would be terrific. My older son is finally making progress with the potty. Maybe his baby brother will be interested at a younger age, like YS.
I think I may have told you before that is how my daughter did it as well. Just announced that she would be needing big girl pants and basically took care of it herself: At TWO YEARS OLD! And my first experience being over THREE when he deemed the toilet worthy to use, I wasn't expecting it at all from Emma, and yet, there it was. In HER time. Shows just what cumulative parenting knowledge gets you, eh?
Can I say I hate you? Is that ok? I have a 3.5 year old who I thought was trained and then this week, on vacation, nothing but accidents. Vacation potty training regression can happen, right, right?
I'll give you a minute to get the Salt N Pepa song into your head. It may help you to buffer yourself from some of the...colon-related subject matter in this post.
Today is the start of the Olympics! Hurray! I am currently camped on the couch watching the opening ceremony. I love the opening ceremony for the Olympics. I told the Big Giraffe that I love the opening ceremony, and he replied that he knows that I love the opening ceremony, apparently because I had told him that I love the opening ceremony earlier in the day, at which time he told me that he knew that, apparently because I had told him that I love the opening ceremony earlier in the day, at which time...The same thing happened in 2006, 2004, and 2002. While I may not be even close to an Olympian myself, the Olympics offer the perfect backdrop for me to share my exciting news: I have officially become a runner.
Unfortunately, and unbelievably, in the past 6 years, I have lost two friends who were my age to colon cancer. In addition to being a very sad experience, it has made my hypersensitive to certain health issues. After two entirely separate heavy workouts in the summer heat this month, I have had to make a mad dash for the bathroom within 10 minutes of the workouts' conclusion. My insides felt like they were turning inside out, and there was bleeding. While it was not a hemorrhage by any means, there was quite a bit of blood. The first time it disturbed me, and the second time it flat out freaked the Big Giraffe and me out. Since we were in the Catskills without cell phone reception and the bleeding did stop, I made a mental note to call my doctor first thing Monday morning upon my return. I was feeling a little panicky all week, and the Big Giraffe and I have had several discussions in which I wondered out loud whether it was cancer.
After I mustered up the courage to explain the situation to the doctor, she examined me and gave me her diagnosis. I had something called Runner's Gut. Basically bouts of Runner's Guts occur when you get so dehydrated that your electrolytes get thrown off balance causing a wide range of symptoms from gas to bad diarrhea. Alright, why is this not listed in my triathlon books? To me this should be one of the first entries in the section describing common injuries! In hindsight I realized that I didn't have enough water during both of my episodes. Thanks to my hydration pack, I've never run out of water during my triathlons even though the exercise has been more vigorous and the temperature has been hotter and thus been spared this experience.
Basically my doctor told me that runners are very prone to hemorrhoids as are people who ride bikes. This seems tough for triathletes to avoid, particularly since triathletes in training typically lift weights, and weightlifters are also prone to hemorrhoids. She summarized by saying that any sport where "you have to grunt or where there's friction" between a seat or your legs and an area where the sun doesn't shine. While I had never heard of this before, once I started discussing this with others, I have had a couple of friends confess to having some...familiarity with it.
So, what is the connecting between hemorrhoids and Runner's Gut? Well, if you have hemorrhoids and then get diarrhea, which can be triggered by things ranging from dehydration to food poisoning from things like bad mayo, those hemorrhoids may rupture from the pressure. You will then see a lot of bright red blood. Perhaps you should take this time to let the song play through your mind again. Doing okay? I know this can be an uncomfortable subject.
My doctor made clear that this does not offer me an excuse to stop running. She prescribed a heinous breakfast for me for the next week or two (and whenever else problems arise, because she said they would) consisting of oatmeal with raw bran and 2 dried prunes in it. My stomach is churning just thinking about it. I am also supposed to really make sure I'm drinking enough during the day and when I workout. As she left, she reassured me that this is very common among runners*. It was then it hit me: I am officially a runner! I have the Runner's Gut to prove it! The Big Giraffe did not appreciate my humor when I suggested he say to me, "Congratulations, You're a Runner Now!" All kidding aside, I am incredibly relieved that nothing is really wrong. Needless to say, I would eat 100 bowls of heinous cereal every day rather than have it be cancer.
Apparently standard protocol for any bleeding is a colonoscopy if you can't find the cause for the bleeding, and sometimes even if you think you know the cause for it. You definitely should see your doctor if you have any. Runner's Gut should not be self-diagnosed.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Drink plenty of water when working out and see your doctor if you have any irregular bowel symptoms.
This has happened to me too! I thought it was the diet coke, but maybe not, though I am sure it didn't help. I had no bleeding but the rest happened while I was running. Yes that was fantastic.
So glad that's all it was for you, how very frightening!
Glad it was "only" runner's gut. That breakfast will give you lots of energy. If you cut the prunes up and cook them together with the oatmeal, they'll taste better (and so will the oatmeal).
Feel better! And you're so right... get those gut things checked!
Very interesting. Just an extra word of caution about bloody doody: if there is a lot of black stuff in poo, it could be blood from higher in the digestive tract, so be as aware of that as other nasty shit.
Thanks for all your well wishes! Everything seems to be going well in that department so to speak and is back on track. Suzanne, my doctor did tell me that. Apparently also with colon cancer you can get oozing.
Somehow despite the fact that almost every day I have wondered when preschool is starting up again, this summer has flown by. In fact it's gone so fast that I realized that I better get my act together and mail out my older son's (OS) birthday party invitations. I'm one of those people who needs to be at places early, who sometimes writes blog posts in advance (I'm actually in Upstate New York with the Giraffes for the week which is why I haven't been visiting your blog), and really appreciates it when people send out invitations with ample time to respond. No, it's not that we're oh so busy. I just like planning my schedule ahead of time if possible. Plus as a friend pointed out, OS's birthday falls during transition between summer outings and getting ready for school, so if I waited too long, many of his guests could already have plans.
I already had the party invitations from a couple months ago. Relax! I'm not that deranged! OS wants his birthday at a very popular birthday place, and since my parents are flying in from Chicago I wanted to make absolutely sure he could have his party on the day that worked for everyone. Last year we had our last home party, which also was the only home party in OS's preschool class. You know it's bad when even the kids look bored! Turns out two months ago, that two of the three slots for our desired day were already booked! That's right in May, September was already starting to fill. Fortunately, we got the third slot. The real miracle was that I managed not to lose the invitations between booking the date and now. The class list though...well that's just another story.
Despite the fact that I have every preschool newsletter from this past year and all three updated copies of OS's class list from the year before, I could not find the most recent list anywhere. Sadly, 800 million pages of stamp art cannot substitute for this. Fortunately the preschool was 1) open and the preschool director was not only willing to give me another copy but kind enough to assure me that I am not the first parent to need this sort of help.
The invitations are addressed and waiting to be mailed. However, instead of feeling relaxed, I feel anxious. What if no one comes? I know I'm the parent here and the parents of two of his favorite friends already told me that they're coming, but it's moments like this where I really struggle separating where I end from where my son begins. When I think about it, I know I would be upset for my son, for myself and then some third overlapping space in which, like a covalent bond in chemistry, our feelings would be intertwined.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Birthday politics are challenging.
Our current problem is the complete lack of RSVPs for Lobster and Marvey's party which is on Sunday. I even included an email address for rsvping...it's not like anyone had to talk to to anyone!!!!
My son's party this year had that happen. We invited 9 (including his brother, and 2 kids of our friend) and had 2 kids from school actually show up. TWO. Even though 4 said Yes, and 2 said no. One kid got punished the night before (WTF?!? I was paying for him to bowl, I don't CARE if he had a bad day at school!!!!) and the other just. Never. Showed. Yeah. They forgot.
Moe's birthday is like that. Her party needs to be the first or second weekend in September (due to husband's work schedule)- she starts school September 2. She didn't go last year, so I don't feel right inviting the whole class. SO I'm inviting peoiple I know will be in her class (some are her sister's friends siblings, some are our friends kids, etc.) I'm not inviting everyone though, just a few! And I'm totally having it at my house. Not sure what I'm doing though.
Whatever happened to cake and playing? We've got a jungle gym!
Today was my younger son's (YS) birthday party. We invited a few of our friends and YS's little friends. My older son (OS) has been really struggling with the fact that his brother is having a birthday. He wants to talk about his own birthday party...in September.
The preparations started out well yesterday afternoon. The prospect of small children wildly swinging baseball bats somehow does not appeal to me, so I wanted to get a pinata that is opened by pulling strings, rather than one that is opened through force. After an unsuccessful search through Target, the boys and I headed to iParty. iParty had a huge selection. Great...until OS, who really likes Disney Princesses, zoomed in on a Princess pinata. I explained to OS that his brother can choose his own birthday pinata. While OS started to protest, YS, as an obedient younger sibling starting whining that he wanted the Princess pinata. I'm probably the only parent of two boys to lose it over a princess pinata. YS ended up choosing an Elmo one.
We got home and my friend Suzanne and her husband were waiting with the Big Giraffe for our return. We had a fantastic evening. Suzanne and hubby generously helped us to sample the candy while we stuffed the pinata. For quality assurance purposes of course!
YS had a wonderful party. The kids enjoyed running through our new Ariel sprinkler. They had a good time with the cake and pinata. OS also enjoyed talking about his own birthday party. YS particularly enjoyed stirring the water in the water table with a giant stick...until we caught him and the stick got confiscated. However, when everyone started singing "Happy Birthday," YS cried. I was surprised because he's usually very easy going and does not get stressed out by small groups of people. I think all the attention got to be too much. Afterwards he was totally fine. In fact I even got to subsequently watch him singing Happy Birthday to himself.
All in all, the party was a big success. I can't believe this is the 6th kids party that the Big Giraffe and I have thrown (4 for OS and 2 for YS). Where does the time go?
Unfortunately, the day wasn't perfect for everyone, although someone else's experience does provide today's lesson.
Suzanne's Lesson Learned: Leaving your GPS in your car at parking lots risks having someone smash your window to steal it. This is particularly bad if you're visiting from out of state.
Sounds like fun. We had Meenie's party yesterday and I can't say I was happy with the facility (I'll post more later)./ The kids had fun so thats all that counts, right?
I am giggling a bit over the princess pinata....I could see me in the same situation. I bet you were a bit relieved when Elmo was the final selection :-)
Thanks for all the sympathy about the stolen GPS. It was a bummer, but we had a really good time visiting the Elliot clan and eating copious amounts of candy and cake despite the small inconvenience. The window was replaced that afternoon, which is more important than the loss of the stupid GPS device, which will be easy enough to replace.
Alright I really don't walk around thinking of myself as being old. In fact, I still get excited about my birthday every year. Every once in a while, something makes me stop and realize that a lot of time has passed, and it genuinely surprises me. Of course it really surprised my kids. I can't even describe the look of amazement I got from my older son (OS) yesterday when I showed him a picture of when I was 4.5. I am not sure if he even believes that the photo really was of me.
The big event that made me stop and pause this time was my ten year Wellesley College reunion. Yesterday my younger son (YS) and I joined a few of my college friends and their daughters. We had a great time. It was fun to catch up with everyone and see how they had changed. Although I wished it were cooler, the kids got to splash in the lake, and I discovered if you open your car door after it's been sitting in the sweltering heat without shade for hours, a ball of heat rushes out at you. It's odd that I've gone my whole life without knowing this.
So yes, I felt old, and I didn't feel old at the same time. It seemed like just yesterday that I graduated from college, so it seemed weird to me that my friends and I all had kids just one day ten years later. Then again, when I stop to look back, I realize that a lot has happened during the last ten years; you could say ten years worth of events have happened! Also, as one friend pointed out, we're at the age when a lot of people have kids so it really shouldn't be very surprising at all.
In case you're wondering, because everyone else seems to asked, Hillary wasn't there. You had to have graduated in a year that ended in 3 or 8 to have a reunion this year.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Time flies, and heat rises.
I always wonder where time has gone, too. It cracks me up when I realize that people I think of as my "new" friends have been my friends for a decade already.
It does feel a little strange to step right back into being together on campus... with our kids!!I'm really thankful for those college friendships. I feel like we've all grown with each other...without even realizing it!! Let's hang out again soon!
I've hosted a handful of showers in the ten years (has it really been that long?) since I've graduated from college. This by no means makes me any kind of expert, particularly since each shower has been pretty different. I've hosted showers at a restaurant with just a few guests, at other people's homes with a lot of guests, and at my current home during the holiday season because my good dishes, which I love, are Christmas china.
Sunday, I threw a shower with two other women for a friend who's due with her second child next month. We decided to have a tea. I was quite excited about it. About once a year, I decide to embark on a journey of self-discovery. It leaves me feeling like I know myself a little bit better and have given myself a full mental workout. I think the everyday word for this is baking. That's right. Before packing for this journey going to the grocery store, I conjured up images of hairnets, safety goggles, bio-hazard suits and Bunsen burners. Maybe that was a little extreme. I did announce to the Big Giraffe though importantly that I was off to bake. He inquired what I was baking first, and I announced sandwiches. He looked puzzled. I clarified that baking to me means having to deal with anything that makes a mess on my counters. Placing school projects and mail on the counter also falls into that category. Wow, I really do have a lot of experience with baking!
I had fun with my baking. That's why I like to keep it as the rare treat: it allows to me fully enjoy the experience leaving me wanting to do it again, but not anytime soon. That and the fact that I munch on the extras and thus always leave a baking session feel slightly ill and exhausted.
I'll leave you in suspense regarding the menu for a moment longer. We used several people's tea cups and saucers so that every guest had a unique cup. We also used four different tea pots including mine. In addition to coffee, an assortment of teas, punch and water with limes, we had the following menu straight out of Barefoot Contessa Parties! cookbook which I definitely will be adding to my Amazon wish list.
Wow impressive table! That's a lot of effort you've put into it.
...but can you explain to me what exactly is a "shower". For me it is simply a bathroom activity, but clearly it has other meanings as well :p. What makes a shower different from a party or guests coming over?
Hey Goofball - A shower is when you "shower" a woman with gifts. Generally, these are when someone is going to have a baby (a baby shower helps them get all the baby gear they need) and a bridal shower (to help equip the bride to set up her new home). Please note that showers usually denote that women are resposible for providing gifts to their female friends, while the guy who is usually on part of the reason that a shower is thrown does not require his friends to give gifts.... (Of course, generally the men do not get to attend the party, either.) Many women, however, are not crabby bitches like me and more appreciate the tradition because it allows them to bond with other women and support them, which is the nice part of the event.
Anyway, Alex, you did a great job with the shower! Everything sounds and looks scrumptious.
@Suzanne, thanks for the info!!! Bridal or baby showers do not exist in Belgium. We just bring a gift when we go to the wedding or when we visit the baby.
That table looks gorgeous and delicious. This post was so funny, I love the way you talk about cooking as if it's a science experiment. Looks like everything turned out great. Maybe you'll try it again next year then?
The past few days have been beautiful. As such, I've forced myself to get off the couch cheerfully rounded up the kids and taken them to the playground. The first time we were there, my older son (OS) went straight to the slides. My younger son (YS) just sort of wandered around not sure where to go first. He picked up sand, then put it down. He walked here, there and everywhere. Part of walking everywhere was that he walked right in front of someone using the swings and almost got hit. He was so scared he started to cry. After comforting him, it occurred to me that he's never really been to the park before. Alright, yes technically he's been to a park, but not since he's been able to walk and therefore actually play on the playground. This was quickly followed by another realization: I've never been to the park before with two kids who were interested in playing in it. Both kids were interested in different things. I don't really have a definite solution to this right now except for sticking to small parks or parks that are fully enclosed. No words of wisdom here from me. Maybe this time next year I'll have figured out a good system.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: If you're not learning one thing, you're learning another as a parent.
Ever since I had to go to zone defense instead of man-to-man (or woman-to-kid, I should say), I've stuck to small, enclosed parks. My bigs have adjusted that way and they know that they're stuck with the little stuff, and they're okay with it. That's because I lost my oldest (okay, she willfully wandered off, but still) at a large, popular park here where the place is so big you can't see everywhere at once unless you are on top of the drawbridge on the play structure, and there was no way I was climbing up there. When I found her again and found out she'd just decided she didn't have to wait for the other adult to arrive for her to leave to go to the bathroom like I had asked her to, we left. I won't go there anymore unless there are no fewer than 4 adults to keep track of the kids.
I hope you have someplace small and fun you can stick to. No one should have to go through the heartstoppage I did when we couldn't find her.
I definitely endorse the small park approach. I remember taking my kids (who are 18 months apart) to a big park by myself when they were like 3 and 2; I was in a state of panic the entire time! Where's that cloning device when you need it?
The only way to manage the bigger playgrounds is to treat it like a trip to the gym. Expect to spend your time running between children. Mine actually love it when I decide I have the energy to do it and they tend to stay closer together because it ends up being a game. They are 2 and 4.
The rest of the time it's a small enclosed polayground for them and a bench and a thermos of tea for me.
Take this bit of advice for every trip, every outing, and any excursion especially to a crowded area:
Matching. Orange. Shirts.
And? If you can stomach it? Matching. Green/Yellow. Hats.
Seriously. I have never lost a kid when they were wearing orange. Especially when they're all wearing the same color. And? If one should happen to get lost? You hold up the spare child and say "He looks just like THIS ONE, only bigger/smaller!!"
Saturday was my great aunt's funeral. The nicest aspect of the wake and funeral, was that it was exactly what she had wanted. To me, that's all that really matters. While there were parts of both that I was uncomfortable with, I know that the event was about her and not me.
Since I was a pallbearer, we had to be there pretty early. Our older son (OS) came with me to pay respects to Aunt Julie. I was impressed with how well he did. A short while later, the funeral director led everyone in prayers. It was very quick.
The rest of the "white glove club," which consisted of my brother and cousins, and I had our duties to attend to, so the Big Giraffe was solely in charge of the boys. We had agreed ahead of time that if we thought for whatever reason that they wouldn't be comfortable with the funeral, he would leave with them. I wasn't surprised later in the church when I didn't see them. I had heard some laughter at the beginning, but apparently the Big Giraffe took them out the car where they were much happier. Again, the service was really quick, although apparently the Big Giraffe had not felt time was passing quickly enough when he had the boys in the back of the church.
They stayed in the car too when we went to the cemetery. This was actually one part of the event with which I was uncomfortable. I personally didn't want the boys to come in the mausoleum where Aunt Julie was going to be buried. This type of mausoleum has many wings each filled with the remains of different families. The coffins are placed in a drawer, and the drawer is sealed. A plaque with the name and critical dates is placed on the "drawer." I have terrible memories of this place from when I was around OS's age. I remember thinking it was incredibly creepy that people were buried in the walls. Since my great aunt Val had already announced that she wanted everyone to tour the mausoleum, I thought it was better for the boys to avoid the whole situation. I know, I know...just because I was scared of something as a child doesn't mean my sons will be. By the same token, it still wasn't something that the Big Giraffe and I were prepared for our children to experience yet. Frankly I didn't see any benefit to them or to anyone else for having them there. Plus anytime I'm agitated or uncomfortable, the boys unsurprisingly pick up on it. The Big Giraffe had no angst about spending another fifteen minutes in the car with the them.
The festivities ended with a family gathering, lunch at a restaurant called New Warsaw (although my cousin and I swear it used to be Old Warsaw). My family is Polish. This is where we always gathered for family reunions. My cousins and I all dislike it because it gives us really bad gas (and sometimes more than gas) because we're not used to eating authentic Polish food. My parents and aunts and uncles all love it. So does the Big Giraffe. I was just grateful that I didn't have to get on an airplane with him and the boys, who also really enjoyed it, afterwards. I had been calling the place Old Diarrhea, but I guess I'll have to start calling it New Diarrhea. The Big Giraffe said it gives new meaning to Chicago's nickname Windy City. Plus, you also get charged $2 if you waste food by not finishing the food on your plate. (We didn't actually see this happen, but they have signs all around the buffet describing the policy.)
We had a pleasant flight home. In fact it was the smoothest flight we have ever had with the boys, in turn leading to a relatively calm and peaceful airport experience back in Providence. Tomorrow we will be back to our usual routine.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Wasting food may be costly.
I think it's always a good idea to go with your gut when it comes to how to deal with your children in all circumstances. I'm glad your Great Aunt got the wake/funeral she would have wanted.
Sounds like you and I had very similar weekends! We had a wake and funeral also, not a family member of mine, but of a close friend. It is so hard with kids, knowing what to do and trying to anticipate their reactions. My youngest is 12, and he asked my husband and I if it would be alright if he didn't have to go up to the front to view the deceased. We told him that was absolutely fine. I was really proud of him, he gave his condolences and shook hands, etc. I guess the only way they learn these things is to experience them. So sorry about your Aunt Julie. It's too bad you weren't in Chicago for a happier occasion, we could have met up for a drink! I surely needed one this weekend as I suspect you did too!
I just love how you and BG respect the kids and talk through expectations, needs, etc. And you were right to let the boys miss the internment. It is still a scary idea to grown-ups!
Today was the big day. Actually it was the "big day" for several reasons. First of all, the Big Giraffe flew in this morning. I had been worried because last night before I went to bed, he told me that some flights into O'Hare were delayed more than 8 hours. It was looking pretty bad out this morning so I was pleasantly surprised to learn that not only did his plane land, but it landed on time. The boys and I were thrilled to see him.
The other reason that it was the Big Day was because today was the wake. We talked with our older son (OS) again about where we were going. The thing is, he's only 4 so it was understandably hard for him to comprehend Quite frankly my 36 year old husband is Jewish and he also finds the embalming and viewing confusing because they are not done in the Jewish faith. We realized that we could only say so much. This was something that OS would just need to experience.
A few people have asked me this past week whether we would bring the children to the wake if one of my children's grandparents died. I am not sure. However, we are out of town and there isn't anyone available to watch our kids. More importantly, we believe that this is just the natural cycle of life and not something to fear. This is of course because we know our kids and we know how wakes/funerals are run in my family. I have a small family that I know wouldn't get offended if we had to leave part way through the wake or funeral because one or both of the kids struggled with it. Another factor is that my boys do not know my great aunt. Yes, OS met her, but that was when he was two. This isn't a sad event for him like it would be if he knew the deceased. YS is only 19 months old. The bottom line is that I am not suggesting that every parent should bring the entire family to a wake; I am saying that we believed it was the right decision for our children in this situation.
We got the wake and the boys were immediately greeted by my family members. They are the only kids. They both loved all the attention. When things settled down, OS and I walked up to Aunt Julie's casket. OS looked at Aunt Julie and it reminded me of when our cats see a dog at the vet's office. His eyes widened, and he snapped his whole body back and then went to go sit with my mom. That was fine. That was also it. The boys spent the rest of the time in the upstairs living area with the Big Giraffe, various relatives, and me. The funeral home had a very nice kids room off of the living room. We had come to pay our respects individually and to be a support to our family. That's exactly what happened.
Even though Aunt Julie's wake was from 1 pm - 9pm, and everyone was planning on being there for most of the time, it didn't occur to us to bring food or ask anyone to bring food when they asked what they could do to help. Another family was having a wake at the same time, and several friends brought platters of food. It struck me that the next time I am struggling with how to help a friend in the face of such a tragedy, bringing food to the funeral home would be a really great way to do so. The Big Giraffe commented that it is traditional to bring food to the home of those mourning in the Jewish faith, when making a "shivah call." It certainly gives those in the midst of grieving one less worry.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Bringing food to a funeral home can be one way to help a family that has just undergone a tragedy.
you're not alone.....each family needs to do what is best for them. last year my mil passed and we had to travel several states for the funeral - we have 3 children, they were aged 3 (twins) and 5 at the time. had to take them to the whole shebang. at the viewing the twins stayed out with older cousins who didn't want to go in, but my 5yo was adamant on going in. she had made grandma a card and wanted to give it to her and say goodbye. she would have been heart broken had i not acquiesced. i remember my gma dying when i was 5 or 6 and i wasn't allowed to go to the funeral...i still think about it (i'm 41) and i didn't want her to go through that. as for the funeral itself, people understand. if they don't, they should. what better juxtaposition is there than hearing a baby laugh or even cry at a funeral?
Glad that BG got there in a timely fashion. Husband was supposed to leave for Arizona via a connecting flight in Chicago yesterday and his first flight was canceled, his replacement flight caught on fire before he boarded and was thus canceled, and when he tried to board the third flight he was place on, they rescinded his ticket and put a pilot on the plane because there was a severe crew shortage at O'Hare.
I hope the rest of your weekend goes smoothly! And sorry about my seething response to yesterday's post.
I would never claim to be an expert at parenting because really I am anything but an expert. I am continually surprised, I'm not sure why, by what works and doesn't work. Sometimes I'm right on the mark. More times than I'd like to admit, I'm so off it's almost humorous. Alright sometimes it's flat out funny. Isn't part of the fun of life to be able to laugh at our mistakes even when our mistakes are about the topic of death? At the request of Mayberry Mom, here's my humorous saga with books on death.
When I talked to the Director of Religious Education at our church the other day, I asked her if there were any books I could borrow. She explained that my older son (OS) wouldn't really be able to start comprehending death until he's about 8. As such, the books on death tended to be written for audiences of eight and up. However, she was happy to lend me several books. She thought one particular book would be very good for four year old OS, although she warned me that I probably wouldn't be too impressed by it. It's The Dead Bird by Margaret Wise Brown (author of Goodnight Moon). It was first published in 1938.
She dropped the books off yesterday and I began browsing through them. I pulled out The Dead Bird. It looked terrible. Two pages had one giant picture and no words followed by two pages containing a few sentences and no pictures. The layout of the book did not vary at all. The pictures were simple, basic illustrations drawn in a small number of colors. The story looked cold, probably because the word "dead" was written into the text about a million times. I put it back in the bag. I was drawn to the books with beautiful illustrations. I particularly liked one in which the little boy asked all sorts of different people what happens when someone dies. I loved the message that everyone views death differently. OS...did not. In fact, he was not impressed by it at all. I tried another book that I thought looked somewhat interesting. Same reaction. After trying all of the remaining books, I eventually had to give in and retrieve The Dead Bird from the bag.
OS was immediately impressed by the big picture on the first two pages showing a blue sky, green grass and one small dead white bird. No words or anything else. The words on the next two pages, which were devoid of pictures said "The bird was dead when the children found it". For some reason, when I read it, I felt the urge to bellow the sentence out just like the voice-over for movie previews. OS did not seem to appreciate my need for theatrics, and he looked at me quizzically. The next two pages showed another picture of said dead bird being peered at by a group of children who (the book subsequently explained) knew that the bird was dead even though it was still warm, because its heart was not beating. OS didn't understand that. I let him feel my heart beating, and then we felt his heart beating. I explained that the bird didn't have that. Much to my surprise, that seemed to resonate.
When the book described the bird growing stiff and cold, I tried not to gasp in surprise. Was this really a kids' book? The word "dead" was used repeatedly just like it had been at the beginning of the book. As I tried to stifle giggles, I put on my most serious voice, or perhaps my most serious non-movie preview tone. I expected OS to respond to how serious I sounded, but he seemed completely unperturbed. So I went on.
The rest of the book described the way the children dug a hole with a shovel and buried the bird. They even put up a marker that read (and again I tried not to laugh) "Here lies a bird." The last line of the book is and I'm not kidding "And every day, until they forgot, they went and sang to their little dead bird and put fresh flowers on his grave." On the next page there was a picture of the little grave in the woods and the kids playing in the clearing.
I was concerned that it might not be long until the children forgot, but OS actually connected with that book. In fact he asked me to read it to him later, and then he "read" it to my younger son (YS). After a while it dawned on me that the book resonated because the word dead was used over and over again. It used simple terms to describe what had happened to the bird, what death meant, and what the bird felt like. The book did not describe the long-term fate of the dead bird, but OS didn't seem to care. Why should he, if he didn't understand the concept of death in the first place? Plus, the book was very clear that the bird was buried in the ground, a fact which OS kept pointing out to me. The only problem I've had with the book is that now OS thinks he can bring his beach shovel to the funeral to help dig Aunt Julie's grave.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: It can be fun to laugh at oneself and a relief to laugh at death.
When our hamster died, we wrapped it and put it in a box. The girls each insisted on coloring a picture to put in the box and then they watched as we buried it in the back yard. They too, left flowers by it's grave. And all last summer (and into the fall, every time I walked past that spot, there were clusters of flowers, weeds and clovers. Even the few times we ventured out this winter, I've noticed dried sticks placed carefully nearby.
Being "underground" really makes a big impact on kids with death.
I wish I had heard of this book when our bird died! My kids have been through the death of one bird, one cat and one grandfather. We've always been pretty matter-of-fact about the whole thing and I'm amazed at how unafraid they are of it all. I don't even tell them that I know what happens after death (we talk of heaven more as a 'I hope there is' vs. 'there definitely is').
i have a friend who is a hospice chaplain, and he says that kids need us to use simple words (dead. not "gone" or "Asleep" or "passed away" but DEAD) and not to beat around the bush. And that ultimately they get it much better than we do. My daughter talks about how we used to have cats, but now they are dead. It's just a fact. They are gone. And sometimes kids wonder if we will see the dead again, and express this. As opposed to adults, who KNOW it but don't want to believe, so don't express it. Kids express it, we explain to them, and they move on. Yes, I think kids actually get it much better than we give them credit for.
Well, I laughed out loud. I love the last line. I think my OS would like this book. We talk about it every time we pass a cemetery. Yesterday he wanted to know what would happen if there was a gravestone with his name on it. I think it's really important to say DEAD. Asleep is just terrifying! Sometimes I hate Margaret Wise Brown, but I can see that this is a good one for kids.
Thanks for this. I'm always being asked if I know any books to help kids deal with the loss of their pets. This might help, even if it is a bit gruesome.
One of the really cool things about being a parent is getting to influence a young mind. Yes, of course relatives, close family friends, teachers and clergy to name a few also have this privilege. However, somehow it's different when it's your own child. First of all, I'm able to take the great explanations, leave out the not so great or bad ones, and say things the way I wished they had been said to me. For example in fourth grade when we learned about fractions, the teacher kept on explaining them in terms of a pie. It wasn't until a while later, I realized he was literally referring to a pie. When my kids are older, they're getting a fractions demo with an actual pie. Second, many aspects of parenting offer an opportunity for self-reflection...a chance to stop and take the time to think about how I really feel about different issues...and a way of realizing that my thoughts on a subject are valued. It's sort of like when I first became a mom, I was thrilled to be able to go to parks, have picnics, and visit the zoo. Then it dawned on me that really I could have done those things all along; I didn't need to be a parent to have those experiences.
Back in September my great aunt, who's in her 90's, had a bad stroke. It's pretty much been down hill since then. She was just moved into hospice. When she passes, we will all fly to Chicago to attend the funeral. What should we do about the boys though? Everyone will be at the funeral, and the funeral will be at least an hour from where I grew up so it's not like I can ask childhood friends or their parents to watch the boys because I want the boys to come out to the dinner afterwards with our extended family. I began to think about what I wanted to do and what I wanted to tell them about death.
This led me to a different question however. How do I feel about death? Could I answer the questions that my older son (OS) may ask? Was I ready to get on board this train leading down a track to more and more difficult questions? What about the fact that my kids are growing up in a different faith, Unitarian Univeralist from both my husband, who grew up Jewish, and me, who grew up Catholic. That also means they are of a different faith from most of the people who will be at the funeral. How would I explain it?
I think the trickiest part of this situation is that it is just so personal. I never really thought about it before, but how one handles funerals, how one handles whether their children attend funerals, and at what age they do is deeply intertwined with personal religious beliefs. While I'm not a fan of saying "never," I think it's very hard for the two to be separated. This was one discussion, that I didn't feel I could post on my moms group list-serve.
As I thought further, I began to believe that I wanted both boys to come with us to the funeral. We actually have had some very elementary conversations about deaths already with the passing of a friend in November. It was very abstract to OS. I ended up calling the Director of Religious Education at our church, who is also a child psychologist. She confirmed my gut reaction on bringing the boys to the funeral, and she also dropped off a bunch of books today to help start the conversation.
I'm feeling good about the conversations that OS and I were able to have today. I am way more comfortable with conversations about when he grew in my uterus and who in our family has what genitalia. In fact I can pretty much guarantee that it will come up at the restaurant afterwards!
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Every family needs to assess how to discuss the subject of death with their children.
We didn't take the girls to their great-grandmother's funeral, however, we did tell them the truth. They asked alot of questions (and for a long time after, kept asking more) but we answered as best and truthfully as we could. They were able to deal with it very well, even thought they were sad. They knew she was very sick and that now she wouldn't hurt anymore.
I was a tad miffed when Meenie came home from school and said the classroom pet went to live at the vet's because it was sick and when the vet made it better, it was happy and he liked it. So they adopted two brother hamsters. I can understand the teacher's reasoning and I will respect her decision (and will not tell Meenie) however, I can't say I agree it was the right one to make. I knwo she didn't want a classroom full of upset kids.
I think it's a wonderful idea for you to bring your children to the funeral. Every mammal has the basic need to have closure with death. Those that are deprived of it tend to show the strain later. Not that I'm implying your boys need closure, but I think it is a great opportunity to teach them that death does not need to be feared and is a good way to gain that much needed closure.
Of course they will ask many many questions you will not be able to answer, but I'm of the opinion that it is not a bad thing for children to realize that their parents do not know everything.
It sounds like you are being very smart about it. My kids have not really had to deal with death yet but with some very elderly relatives, I know it's coming soon.
Can you note the books you read, if you like them and think the boys are getting something out of them?
We've been talking about death at our house lately, and my mom who is a social worker, therapist, and former daycare worker has given me a bunch of books to read with the kids, if you are interested in any titles. I thought the ones at Borders looked AWFUL. (Read overly religious.)
I think one of the important things for kids to realize is that it's another facet of life.
I lost my sister when C was about your OS's age, and he found ways of thinking about it. He also had a ton of questions. And he finally decided that when people die, they just become a part of "GOD" who is one giant being made up of all the dead people. It was interesting. We also used to say that God was everywhere, so he decided all the dead people we loved were all around us all the time and that was very comforting to him. Probably more comment than you wanted/needed. I must be rambling today!
On a much lighter note, I'm delighted you'll be joining us for the Writing Game!
When FIL passed away in 2000 it was my girls first glimpse of death. We explained it as best we could, and they did ok with the wake and the funeral. I think the blessing to having such events is most people enjoy having the younger ones around, and if questions are asked will help answer questions that you can not answer yourself. Some of the answers none of us can give. When my Grandma passed away at the age of 96 in 2006 we took my 18 month old to the funeral, when one of her older friends asked at the wake if I was taking him to the funeral the next day, my grandma's oldest friend spoke up, and said Hulda would never forgive her if she didn't, that baby, those babies (including my girls) were her life the last couple of years.
I wrote about the boys asking how do you say goodbye to someone in a casket. It led to me recounting, in tears, the last conversation I had with a friend dying from cancer.
It has always been important for me to tell the kids what I believe but stress they can believe whatever they want to feel safe. I don't believe in heaven, etc and have told them so.
You and BG can combine what you like about your traditions and make that the basis of the conversation.
Yesterday the Big Giraffe, the boys and I all went to the New England Aquarium. We finally made it to the bottom floor of the jellyfish exhibit. Attempts during previous visits had always failed due to the lure of the penguins in the other part of the aquarium. Armed with an even better line than "Because I said so" (which in all honesty I've been trying albeit not always successfully not to say as both the Big Giraffe and I hated that line as kids,), I declared "Because it's my birthday" to get a sulky older son (OS) to reluctantly come into the exhibit with me. Then we had to drag him out because he enjoyed it so much.
OS has been excited for a long while about my birthday cake. At some point he decided that I needed to have a Little Mermaid cake for my birthday. Seeing as I've never had a Little Mermaid cake before, and it was so important to OS, I thought it was a fabulous idea. After dinner, OS could barely contain his excitement. With some help from the Big Giraffe, OS carefully placed each plastic princess on the cake (Ariel was one of four princesses). OS made sure to keep me updated on the progress of the princess placement. Finally the big moment came. All three giraffes sang to me, and I blew out the candles. I could see both boys gazing at the princesses. I gave one to each of them and they acted like it was the best gift. Then they proceeded to use the princess, who were hollow under their skirts to scoop up their cake and eat it.
The princesses also came on the ride to preschool today, but waited in the car. They subsequently had quite a make believe story with the various plastic sharks, whales, squids, and other sea creatures that we have acquired ever since OS became obsessed with ocean life this past summer. My concern about these trendy kids cakes has been that after the candles are blown out, the overpriced cheap plastic toys on the cake are discarded. Not a problem in my house. These princesses are one of the boys' favorite gifts these past fews months. That and the free dog leash from the vet.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: As a parent, you may not choose your birthday cake, but you can choose to keep the last piece.
I absolutely loved this post, Alex. I sense what a real joy you get from parenting. And I love the idea of the kids scooping up their cake with the princesses.
I have a favorite memory from the N.E. Aquarium, too. When I was in grad school in Boston, my DH (who was then my BF) took a friend and I there soon after I had arrived. It was my first big "evening out" in Boston. My friend was from Japan and it was her first big evening out, too. So... as we were discussing the fish, the discussion turned to sushi, and we ended up having a wonderful sushi dinner, with everything chosen by my friend. It was great fun, if a little weird (having just seen them swimming and all).
And now I feel compelled to have a princess cake for my birthday in a month or two, when I will turn *gasp* 42 and become officially a decade older than you! Will you come for my party?
What a great day and the jelly fish exhibit sounds fantastic. We have nothing like an aquarium here so that sounds like a great thing to be able to do regularly.
The cake story is priceless. Keep this story for a great one to tell at their weddings!
at is the most hilarious 32nd birthday cake ever. I wish I had been there to eat it with you. Glad you had a wonderful, jellyfish and Disney princess filled birthday!
As I was driving my older son (OS) to school today, he announced that today is my last day of being 31. I immediately corrected him and said that it was my last day of being 32. Actually I'm going to be 32 tomorrow. Who accidentally thinks that they're older than they are? Shouldn't I be forgetting that I'm not 28 anymore?
29 was a huge birthday for me simply because for my entire life I have been hearing my elderly relatives tell me that they were 29. This lead me to believe that there must be something extra special. In fact 29 was to me was what 21 is to a lot of people: a birthday you look forward to your whole life. 30 was fun because well, it was the start of a new decade. Now I view people in their thirties as either being 30 or 35. I consider you around 30 if you're between 30 and 35, and I consider you around 35 if you're between 35 and 40. I don't make a distinction because honestly what's the difference between 33 and 34 for example? OK obviously the distinction is the difference of living a year longer, and I apparently consider the difference between 32 and 33 significant enough to devote an entire post to it, but there aren't any milestones between 30 and 35. Or at least there aren't any commonly recognized milestones. The Big Giraffe was really excited to celebrate a third of a century of excellence exactly 4 months after he turned 33, but that is only one of the many ways in which he is...unusual. Everyone is welcome to mark their own personal milestone, the way I marked 29 and the Big Giraffe marked 33.333 (repeating).
I still take pride in getting older each year. I don't deny that there may come a day when I want to hide my age, but for now, I'm still proud that I'm aging; you know the whole thing about getting older with wisdom, dignity and grace. Wait a minute! I'm still waiting for those things to happen. Does anyone know the exact age when I can expect to start experiencing these things? I have no problem with the number itself getting higher. Hey today I thought I was turning 33 tomorrow instead of 32. Hmm...perhaps that in and of itself shows I'm getting older!
In celebration, the Big Giraffe is taking the day off and we will be having a family outing. My older son (OS) also picked out a Little Mermaid birthday cake for me. He is quite excited about it. In fact he was so excited about it, he told everyone at preschool that I am going to be 32 tomorrow. You know it actually made me a little uncomfortable. Are you assuming that it made me feel old? Nope. It made me feel really young when the teacher commented on my age.
Happy birthday! I've thought I was 32 since Steph turned that age on Big Giraffe's birthday. Although sometimes I forget how old I am and answer with random ages because I'm a space cadet. And I am with you - I don't have any problem getting older. Why should we?
That is too funny! I keep forgetting how old I am too. I think 33 but maybe I have spent the entire year thinking the same way you were. Maybe I am only 32.
Probably not. Just wishful thinking.
Oh and is Big Giraffe and accountant or an actuary? 33.3333. Being an accountant myelf that cracked me up!
Oh and I'm so with you on the 'eh what's the big deal about getting older. I'm just happy to be here living life. (although I reserve the right to change that thought process at any time over the next several years)
Happy Birthday! I like your perspective on getting older. I look pretty young and have gotten quite a few "really??" when I tell people mt age, which makes me even older for some reason. maybe this year I'll just be happy about it.
Happy Birthday Alex! I hope you are having a wonderful, wonderful day today. And, yep, I also appreciate my age and look forward to enjoying the phrase "with age comes wisdom". One day I'll get there ; -) Big birthday hugs! -EE
Happy Birthday, Alex! I shut down blogs for The Day to Read and missed this post. I hope you had a wonderful day. What more could one wish for than a little mermaid b'day cake? ;-)
I just found out that my maid of honor with whom I have been close friends since high school gave birth yesterday. I know that the circle of life has obviously always existed, but I am really moved that a friend passed away one night and another friend gave birth the next day. It gives me goose bumps.
A big howdy from the Sunshine State. We're having a great time here! Our trip started out with us having an uneventful ride to the airport, other than the fact we had to leave our house at 3:30 am, and an uneventful boarding of the airplane. However, just as we were seated, we realized the downfall of having unassigned seats on Southwest: we had to sit next to other people's kids. That's right I had to entertain my older son (OS) and another little boy who was 7 because he and his brother could not sit next to their parents. I have to say that the boy was very polite and I had a nice time playing UNO with him. Of course that made me re-think my last post and packing too light because this kid really didn't have anything to do except play UNO...with me.
The first day we were here, we all took naps and then headed out to Epcot. Yes, everyone did tell us not to bother going there with kids. However, my reasoning was that since the boys didn't know about the Magic Kingdom or any of the other parks, they didn't have anything to compare Epcot to so hopefully they would enjoy it. They seemed to like it. We ate at a fabulous restaurant where "Every Day is Oktoberfest!". That's a post in and of itself though.
The next day we went to Sea World. So far that has been OS's favorite park. It's pretty low key. It's a lot of walking, but not really any lines. The boys enjoyed looking at all the animals. They were having some special where you got a second set of tickets free so we'll probably go back this week. I have to confess that I really enjoyed it as well.
Yesterday and today we went to the Magic Kingdom. This is where I've had some parenting struggles. Yes, I know it's the Magic Kingdom so we're all supposed to be magically happy. Hmmm...you wouldn't believe the number of temper tantrums I have witnessed from both children and parents, my family included.
In my short time of being a parent, I've really tried to separate my boys interests from mine. I've tried to make the distinction that just because I really enjoy something, doesn't mean that they really enjoy it. Let me just also say that I have failed at this many times.
I have some great memories of Disney as a child and again from 5 years ago when my husband and I went to Disney World. I was eager to share these wonderful experiences with my kids. As such, I immediately convinced OS that the Country Bear Jamboree was the place to be. I had absolutely loved it as kid and again when I needed an air conditioned place to sit as an adult. We rushed to it because it was incredibly hot so that OS could enjoy it as well. Except that he didn't. He didn't hate it, but he was not enthralled by it whatsoever. Thinking that it was just because he wasn't warmed up to the idea of the Magic Kingdom yet, we tried It's a Small World, another one my childhood favorites. It was OK. That's it. Not great, not bad, but he didn't want to do it again.
I thought well the Tikki Birds would be a big hit. Prior to that the Big Giraffe had got us all Fast Passes to the Winnie Pooh ride. No one was really into the idea of Tikki Birds except me. We stopped to have my favorite Disney snack: funnel cakes. Guess who liked the funnel cakes? Just me. Neither one of my boys liked it. That's when it hit me that what I considered fun wasn't necessarily what they concerned fun. OK really I got depressed first because I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong. I abandoned the Tikki Bird idea. We went back to the Winnie the Pooh ride since it was our time with the Fast Pass tickets. I thought the ride was awful and a waste of time. OS loved it. OS also loved licking a lollipop (I've never been a big fan of lollipops) while waiting outside It's a Small World and people watching. That's what he liked to do. He's number one favorite thing to do though is to ride the tram back and forth to the parking lot.
This isn't to say that OS isn't having a great time because he is. It's just that it's very different from what I had expected and planned and yes, it does make me a little sad. I guess what I hadn't realized was how much I had wanted to go on these different rides/shows not because I solely thought that my boys would enjoy them, but really because I wanted to ride/see them for me. On that note, one ride I really did want to go on was Space Mountain so this evening my cousin and I went to the Magic Kingdom without the kids and rode on Space Mountain.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Sometimes we, and by that I mean me, confuse our inner child's wishes with our real children's wishes.
I loved the Tikki Birds! I would have been with you there sistah!
Erin
BTW...mentioned you in a post today. About how I love, love, love your breastfeeding posts. But...you may reserve judgment of my assessment: http://blogspot.expectingexecutive.com/2007/10/07/what-breastfeeding-ban-defending-facebook.aspx
When we took my oldest to Disney, she was not yet two. Her favorite part? Outside of meeting the characters, it was playing in the playground at Toon Town. Bor-ing, but it made her happy, so we let her play.
I am glad you were able to get a post in from FL! That happens to me a lot... I get excited to show somone something that I find really great, and they're like, "Ho hum"... well, they don't exactly say that, but they act it. ;)
I am glad you are having an overall good time, though! Yes, please do share the Oktoberfest restaurant story!
I know it's been a while since I've been around - I've missed your posts! I'm glad to hear that you're having a good time in Disney. My father is a BIG fan of the Tiki Birds and the couple of times I've been to Disney it was always a must see.
P.S. I LOVE the post about the spinning class :) And I appreciate the advice about the padded seat since I was thinking of starting a class very soon myself.
Oh gosh. I would be so aggravated if I had to entertain a kid other than my own on a plane! I can barely summon the strength for my own two, so desperate am I to kick back with whatever trashy magazine I happen to have with me... You are a Good Person.
Moving On to Another Chapter: One Less Child in Playgroup
Yesterday was a big day for me. I would say it was a big day for my older son (OS) and me, but in reality it really was about me. I could pretend differently, but it's not true. Yesterday was the first time I attended playgroup with just my younger son (YS). OS is now in preschool during playgroup.
When I first had OS, I only knew a couple of people who had kids. Neither of them lived near me. The first couple of weeks with OS were filled with the excitement or really I should say "high" of having a newborn. Then my mom came to visit for 3 weeks. OS was sleeping for a good part of the day like most newborns, and I had someone with whom to talk, go to lunch, and go shopping. I had someone to whom I could show off OS. What could be better?
After three weeks, my mom returned to Chicago. I cried that day. I also cried the last few days leading up to the end of her visit. Who was I going to talk with? Having a baby that slept all day was honestly really boring (although seriously if OS could nap for just a half hour now, my day would be so much better!) I joined a lapsit class at the library. That totally bombed. Our class just didn't gel. Plus everyone was there to hear a story and sing songs so there wasn't really much opportunity to interact.
I also participated in a new moms group through a nearby town's resource center. While I honestly did enjoy going to that group, I felt like I didn't have much in common with most of the other moms, so most of the friendships fizzled out when that group ended. First of all there was breastfeeding, which was obviously one of the hottest topics of conversation for a new moms group. The other moms were positive that they wanted to be stay at home moms while I was in the process of applying to veterinary school. In addition, there were some philisophical differences in our parenting styles. Finally, although this point is minor, I had the only boy in the group.
The only mom who I felt close to and stayed in contact with was Cee. She invited me to join her playgroup when OS was just 3 months old. I was so nervous about it, that I forgot OS's formula AND forgot to bring any money. When another mom insisted on running out to the store to buy us formula, I actually had to borrow money from my mom who happened to be visiting for her to be able to pay for it. Talk about support!
From that day for almost four years, until last week, OS had been part of that playgroup. While I enjoyed that group as soon as I had joined, my appreciation for it has grown the longer I was with it. Cee is the only mom still in the group from when I started. We have had many different moms join and leave over the years, but the structure of the playgroup has always been the same: the kids run around and play and the moms talk. In fact, for about a year and a half, it has been the same group of moms. It has been a wonderful source of support.
Although OS is no longer part of playgroup, I still am. I still will enjoy the same friendship and companionship with other moms, while watching my younger son (YS) play with the other children. However, I have been teary-eyed during the last couple of playgroups. OS doesn't fully realize yet that playgroup is over for him save the holiday breaks (maybe summer as well, although he may also be in the preschool's summer camp extension).
What makes me nostalgic is that this is the first chapter of OS's babyhood that has closed. Yes, he was in preschool last year. But last year preschool did not conflict with playgroup, so he was still part of the group. Now playgroup is over. Maybe this is how parents feel when they their kids start kindergarten and they realize that preschool is truly over. This brings home the fact that his "babyhood" is officially gone. While of course I'm thrilled for him that he's growing up and being able to do new things, there is a part of me that is sad that there won't be anymore playgroups for him. Alright, really there is a part of me that is sad that he's not a baby anymore.
I am happy that YS gets to experience playgroup as an "only child". He absolutely loved it yesterday, because he was not competing with his brother to play with any of the toys. I absolutely loved it too. It's also very different. I know you're not supposed to label kids so I'll just say this: on September 13th, 2007 my younger son is more independent than his brother and thus easier to parent in playgroup. I missed OS though. I started this particular journey in parenthood with him, and it's strange to me that I'm still on this journey while he has moved on.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: They grow up so quickly.
I too have had a playgroup since Michael was a few months old. Some of the moms have become my closest friends. We have started to dwindle as more kids start pre-school and moms go back to work or have their seconds. It is very sad.
That's terrific that your playgroup has continued! I've had to miss our group for a long time now, since I'm in the office during the daytime, but we've just started to hold get-togethers once a month on late Friday afternoons. Wheee, we get to join!
Oh, so bittersweet. We have found a great playgroup here, but sadly we are moving in either January or February. Makes me sad to have to start over again.
Thats great - we still get togheter with the playgroup that was started 5 years ago when my oldest daughter was a newborn (granted we are all on our third kids). The group has changed over the years but there is still a core of us that have been apart of it for a long time.
With school starting again (and me sending 2 most of the week) it's been rather odd having just the youngest around.
My oldest two think that I should stay home when they are at school and get upset if they find out I went to the park or visited a friend.
Yes, that is another sad part of my daughter starting Kindergarten this year. We won't be able to get together with her friends from preschool much anymore. We say we're going to try to continue, but I bet it will be few and far between.
I have a playdate scheduled for my son next week. It will feel weird to only have him there.
My Dad and I were just saying the same thing this morning "they're growing up way too fast."
Such a sweet post, Alex. It must have definitely been bittersweet to be there without OS, knowing that he has moved passed that stage now. They do grow so fast!
It was so nice to meet you yesterday. Looking forward to getting together at the zoo (and Gregg's!)with Audrey and her boys!
Between my older son's 4th birthday, 4th birthday party, and preschool open house, my dog's 6th birthday, and whatever else was going on this week that has left me feeling wiped out, I missed my blog's anniversary on September 4th. I can't believe I've been blogging for a whole year. In honor of that milestone, I am republishing my first blog post below:
A smidge over 3 years ago as the nurse handed over my first child to me to breastfeed for the very first time, I really thought that breastfeeding would work. After all I was the knowledgeable, well informed mom who had gone to the breastfeeding classes when I was pregnant. If I wanted to breastfeed than I would be able to breastfeed.
I had had a breast reduction 6 years prior, but my surgeon had many patients who were able to successfully breastfeed, and even the lactation consultant said it was possible. In fact the woman in the room next to me at the hospital was a fellow veteran of surgery, and after exclusively breastfeeding her first two children, her third had latched right on. I also attended the required breastfeeding class at the hospital when I gave birth and I met with the lactation consultant 4 times including one time at my home. It was a huge shock to me when my 8 day old baby ended up in the ER for dramatic weight loss, and I was devastated when the same lactation consultant told me "some women aren't meant to breastfeed and you're one of them". You know it's got to be pretty bad when the representative of the forces of breastfeeding tells you to throw in the nursing bra.
I grappled with thoughts like "how could this have happened when my son's weight was being closely monitored" and "I'm a horrible mother" and did I mention that it was September and September is National Breastfeeding Awareness Month? I then realized that while I had learned all this stuff about breastfeeding, I had no idea how to bottle feed a baby. Case in point: when I was in the ER, I let him drink the whole bottle of formula the resident had handed me. I let him try to get out every last drop. The resident then yelled at me to take the bottle away because apparently I was supposed to make sure there was a little bit of formula left over so he wouldn't suck in air and then get gas. (He gets enough without my help.) Gee, I sure wish someone had told me that BEFORE I had a baby.
Then there were all the issues of what formula to use, what bottles, why were the bottles leaking, what do you mean there's different nipple sizes, to heat or not to heat, etc. Never mind the pressure from some people not to use a bottle at all. Such a big deal was being made of this big move to breastfeed that those of us who couldn't were and have been left to fend for ourselves (the bottle feeding info was no better with my second child). I also learned that a lot of parenting in general involves trying to figure it out as you go. When my first child was born I started keeping a list of things I wish people had told me about parenting. This blog will contain the stories of my experiences and those of many friends through which we learned these lessons (and any other anecdotes I randomly feel like sharing).
A. Elliot's first lesson: Leave some formula in the bottle so you don't give your baby (extra) gas.
I can't read (apparently) so I first took this to mean your blog was 4 years old and I was like Holy Cow! But 1 year is still pretty good, so happy blogiversary nonetheless!
I'm shocked that your kids are normal and healthy since you selfishly chose to deny them of your precious breast milk. At one point, I considered calling child welfare and turning you in for abuse, you bad woman!
Seriously, I am happy that you are filling an important void out there. I adore your blog and always look forward to reading it. I admire you very much.
Soccer Mom in Denial did a great post on her twin sons' first day of first grade. That reminded me of what life was like this time last year as my son approached his first year of preschool.
Three years previously Last July, I began counting down the days until school began last year. This year I am counting down with much more intensity, particularly after today when my four year-old son was dealing with boredom while I was dealing with horrible cramps and a headache. Last year, I was so excited for him to start school. In fact the night before his first day I did what I know all you parents of preschoolers are doing right now (if you haven't already done so) - vacuumed my car for the pick-up drop off-line.
Because I had been anticipating preschool and more importantly my few hours of freedom two days a week, I was really surprised by the tears that occurred after I dropped OS off on the first day of school. As soon as I pulled away I burst into tears. The hours completely dragged. I have an incredibly embarrassing recollection of myself parked myself at a table inside a nearby coffee place so that if they called me on my cell phone, I could dash over to get OS. The hours completely dragged. I never received a call, while at the table, but I somehow did receive a donut. I have no idea how it got there. The hours completely dragged. Finally I picked OS up and he was fine.
The next preschool day, I worried how I could make it through counting the minutes until pickup time yet again. I got on the phone with a friend after dropping him off and I almost forgot to pick him up. That was the last time I worried about OS's preschool time dragging for me.
So once time no longer dragged, did I enjoy those few hours of freedom? (Pause to laugh.) OS was in preschool for two hours and 30 minutes. That was basically enough time to go to the grocery store, put the groceries away, do a quick email check and then go back out the door to wait in the pick-up line. Not exactly a lot of time, and, more importantly, I had a newborn.
We'll see what happens this year on the first day of school this year. Did I mention that my kids are driving me crazy these days? Do you think that if I bribe the preschool, they'll alter my younger son's records so that he's "officially" 2.9 years instead of 14 months?
Last year's pick-up at the parochial school (that lone Friday I did the pick-up with all the other moms) was a crazy social scene! The clothes, the hair, the cars.... EXCUSE ME - I thought this was time to pick up our kids not parade around like a beauty pageant. I'll let you know how tomorrow's pick-up at a public school goes.
So this was a long-winded comment of solidarity over cleaning the car. That made me spit wine on my monitor!
Happy birthday my sweet older son (OS). As I type this, you had just been born 4 years ago today. I was so concerned about how I would know that I was in labor (pause as I laugh thinking about that.) You knew when you wanted to make your grand entrance into the world, so on September 1, 2003 at 4:30 am I woke up to find my water had broken. There was no doubt that you were ready, and so I went into labor on Labor Day. After a long, long labor, you were born on September 2 at 8:44 pm, which coincidentally enough was actually your due date.
I can't believe how quickly four years have gone by. In particular you've seemed to have grown several years in the last few months. All of a sudden you really are a little boy and not a toddler. We can have conversations, and, not only can you give me your opinion, but you can tell me why you have that opinion (even if it's during a meltdown.)
I am so impressed with how caring and sweet you are with your brother. It makes my heart melt when you "order" for him in a restaurant. You always make sure that he's included in everything. Even if someone calls to talk to you, you always insist on holding the phone up to your brother's ear so that he can have a chance to talk on the phone too. And I can't even describe the impact when you want to give him a goodnight hug and kiss, and when you say that you love him.
Last year was a big year for you. You got a new brother, had to share a room (not to mention your life), and you started preschool. No wonder your creativity showed through, and we saw you wearing a dish towel on your head starting back in March. The big boy that you are though, you announced this morning that you were ready to mail the towel to grandma, and we packaged it up to go. Since you can't read yet (and don't have internet access), I will admit on this blog that I'm not really going to mail it. I'm saving it in my keepsake box.
Happy 4th birthday, OS. I am proud of you. I love you.
I nearly peed myself when you said that you wondered how you'd k now if you were in labor. Before MJ was born I thought the same thing. How silly of us!
Professional Mom of two cats, a dog, an ant farm, and oh yeah...two boys: a 6 year old and a 3 year old. Also found in my house is my husband who is known on this blog as The Big Giraffe.
For those of us who didn't get an instruction manual with our babies and for whom parenting hasn't always gone as planned. On a more serious note this blog is about supporting a woman's ability to make her own choices about parenting including the choice, for whatever reason, to bottle feed her babies formula.
that is incredibly exciting indeed!