I have to say that the timing was ironic. It's rare at this point in my life that I think back to what it was like to not be able to breastfeed. It used to be that anytime the word breast was mentioned, immediately I would start thinking about breastfeeding and the fact that I wasn't doing it. There was no separation in my mind between breasts and babies.
The past couple months have brought a couple doctor's appointments where breast cancer prevention has been discussed. I also have lost more weight in the past couple months and now am in need of new bras. However, breastfeeding again did not come into my mind.
Yet I was at a child's birthday hanging out with my younger son (YS) when I had a brief but deep glimpse into that period of my life. YS and I were sitting in a chair on the deck while the other kids were participating in the birthday party activity. We were the only ones and there were plenty of chairs on the deck. Two lactation consultants were talking about breastfeeding. Fine. Then they came and sat next to me and continued their conversation. I'm not sure why out of all the available chairs there that they chose those ones, but they did.
Have you ever had one of those moments were time rewinds itself in a blink of an eye? That's how I felt. For the briefest moment I was 27 again and a first time mom with a newborn in my lap. But yet, 6 years have passed and as much as I may have felt like that mom for that moment, reality kicked in. YS and I moved somewhere else. It was the next day that I got Suzanne's call.
I have to say that I really enjoyed reading this book and as mentioned above my kids are a little bit older now. Last year Claire interviewed me for this book. She emailed me what she was going to write and then I didn't hear about it so it slipped to the back burner of my mind where many things are filed these days! I'm in there several times. My story is on page 173.
These days my mind is occupied with wonderment over when my oldest became a little boy instead of a toddler boy and why my youngest turned down a friend's graham crackers to eat hay on a hayride followed later by goat food. I was recently telling my husband that just like how having a newborn was a big change and required an adjustment, so does having a child in school full time. We have our first parent teacher conferences with the boys' teachers in two weeks. It's funny how something like formula feeding was such a big part of my life but then just as quickly was gone. I'm not sure what the boys' teachers will have to say about them, but I think it's safe to say that formula won't come up in the conversation!
Alex, you are such an inspiration to me... I love reading your blog and wish I had found it 10 months ago when I felt so alone and afraid about my inability to breastfeed... it is nice to know that someday (soon, I hope) I will be able to look at this issue with a bit less emotional involvement!
I would be so honored if you would check out my blog sometime... I had no idea yours existed when I started it, but now that I do, I feel like you're an unknowing "big sister" to us formula feeders...
I just got back from babysitting a 3 year old and a 3 month old. It's been a long time since I've given a baby a bottle. In fact, when I went to prepare the formula, I had to double-check the back of the container just to make sure I remembered the correct ratio of water to formula (and that it hadn't changed). It's funny how something I used to be able to do almost in my sleep seems so far away. In fact it made me remember that after I felt like an old pro at feeding and changing my older son (OS), I almost knocked my younger son (YS) out the first time I put clothes on him. I forgot how much head support you have to give newborns when pulling on those tiny shirts, and he fell forward on the changing table. Fortunately I caught him in the nick of time. For a while everything was smooth sailing with YS and then of course life changed.
Which leads me to today. Where in the course of parenting does it teach you what to do when your son drops a piece of pizza on his Tae Kwon Do uniform? Um...bleach? A friend already warned me that bleach will give the uniform a slight yellow tinge. I'm hedging my bets on Oxiclean. Where is the info on these important parenting skills because the Big Giraffe and are at a loss? Forgot crafty little projects to make your kids brilliant and fun recipes to trick your kids into eating vegetables. I just don't want to look like the idiot who let her kid eat pizza in his white uniform pants. If it doesn't stain it's like it didn't happen, right?
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: There is a fine line between parenting expertise and ignorance.
Pizza is a greasy thing that Oxyclean may handle but I like to spray that kind of stain with degreaser. My favorite comes from a hospital supply company but you can use one from the car supply store. I also have used this product called Goop Hand Cleaner. It is in a white tub with blue and white letters. Look in the automotive and laundry departments. I know I bought some at Walmart, on the reccommendation of Shannon at Rocks in My Dryer. I also bought some at Big Lots in the car section. Just slather it on then wash.
I always head to the trusty Stain Stick, it works for most things. Then if that doesn't work I'd try bleach or Oxiclean. Good luck!
And yeah it's funny how quickly you get used to toddlers. I held my friend's newborn last month and I felt like a total rookie again. The skill goes right out the window.
What kid doesn't have stains all over their clothes. If there were spotless that means they're not having any fun!
And your story about the bottle reminds me of the fact of how we're starting to try and toilet train our little guy, and I feel like I have amnesia on how we toilet trained our older son.
Cablegirl emailed me yesterday to tell me about a (Breast)feeding carnival that was happening over at Sarcastic Mom. When I checked out the link I realized that this carnival was the exact type of motherhood bonding that I'm always hoping to see: moms who breastfeed and moms who bottlefeed (or did/do both) get to tell their stories. How great is that? Sarcastic Mom gets a bottles up from Formula Fed and Flexible Parenting for that!
The posts were supposed to go up yesterday so excuse my tardiness. I've talked about my huge struggle with breastfeeding more than a few times here. I thought I would offer a different perspective now that my younger son is almost two and I've had some space from it.
I'm really glad that I tried breastfeeding both of my boys. With my older son (OS), it was a dark hole in my life. How then could I be glad that I did it? I'm glad because I know that I tried and that was important to me. Between his inability to latch and my barely existent milk supply from my breast reduction surgery (which I have never regretted) it just wasn't meant to be. That sounds much easier than it actually was. Really it was a long period of time where I just felt terrible about formula feeding.
When my younger son (YS) came along, his latch was beautiful. In fact it was so great, that the lactation consultant brought around a resident to see it. I know that sounds weird, but it was really affirming to me. YS and I had a wonderful breastfeeding experience together. I would be lying if I didn't admit that I cried myself to sleep when I was told that YS had lost significant weight and needed to be supplemented and I would lying if I didn't admit that I went to watch the nurse give him a bottle in the wee hours of the morning. I would also be lying though if I didn't admit how much relief I felt to see him look so content as his sucked on his bottle. When my milk supply cease to basically exist and I felt burdened by the pumping that was in reality giving me less than an ounce a pumping session, I packed it away, had one final nursing session and then that was it. I still struggled emotionally, but it was easier the second time around. When I had OS, bottle feeding was hard for me to talk about. When YS was 3 months old, I started this blog to be able to talk about what it was like.
Looking back, I wish that I could have really gotten it that my number one job was to make sure that my babies were fed. I also wish, particularly with OS, that I could have really gotten it that formula feeding has a beginning, a middle and an end. It goes on for a year more or less and that's it. End of story. Sure I would have preferred not to shell out cash for formula for a whole variety of reasons, but I haven't seen a bank statement yet where I've seen the "savings" from not formula feeding anymore. It's probably been pretty close to two years now since anyone has asked me whether or not my kids were breastfed. When they've been sick, which is rare, they've just been sick kids, not sick kids who were, gasp, formula fed. Again, there was a beginning, a middle and an end.
Looking back, I do feel like I lost those precious first few weeks with each my sons. Instead of feeling overjoyed, I felt sad and guilty. Instead of bonding during feedings, I was stressed out. So here's the controversial part of my post. Because of the way my breast reduction surgery affected my body, and based on my two births I know I'm never going to produce enough milk to sustain a baby past a week. I'm not planning on having any more kids. In fact my husband and I have given away our baby things. However, if I were to have a third, I probably would not attempt to breastfeed. If the mom to be "me" from 5 years ago heard that statement she would probably be horrified, but the mom who is me today looks back at those times and feels that to truly be the best mom she could be to a newborn, she can't engage in what she knows what would be a lost battle before it began. Hey, I even had a lactation consultant flat out tell me that "some women are not meant to breastfeed" and I was one of them. The mom that is me today now...now that I have some distance...finally understands this. More importantly the mom that is me today knows that each mom needs to decide for herself what is right.
Wanting to nurse and finding that you are unable to nurse your child is a very emotional thing. I felt like a failure to my baby when we were unsuccessful with breastfeeding. In truth, it still kind of hurts that I missed that with my daughter.
I was luckier with #2 and my son nursed like a champ, which was great, but also highlighted what I missed with my daughter.
I hope #3 nurses as well as #2 did. If not, I guess we'll all get by anyway. You just do what you have to do, right?
This causes so many of us guilt and it's sad but I have to say that I experienced some of it with my first when I was having a lot of trouble breastfeeding. I just wouldn't quit because I knew I would feel guilty....so it breaks my heart that you didn't have a choice and yet you still felt that guilt. I can understand a bit of what it must feel like. But I think your decision to avoid the whole battle IF you had a third is an excellent one. Why put yourself through that again?
I never had a drop of formula and I am pretty normal. Well okay so the jury is still out on that but you know what I mean.
Thanks again for sharing your perspective, I think it is so important for all moms.
I had a very similar breastfeeding experience as you did with my first daughter. My lactation consultant also told me flat out that "some women cannot breastfeed." The whole ordeal was terrible.
So, now that I'm 31 weeks pregnant with daughter #2, knowing that #2 is probably my last baby, I'm not putting myself through that again. Like you said, my job is to make sure she's fed and happy. I also need to make sure I'm happy and I don't want to miss out on so much the first month like I did last time. Thanks for this post.
I think it's just such an individual thing and a decision that each woman has to make for herself, and what's best for her and her baby. I think it's terrible when some breast feeding moms make formula feeding moms feel like they've let their children down in some way. It isn't right for everyone, that's all. I was really fortunate, I had plenty of milk and it wasn't difficult for me or painful in any way. My best friend had HUGE difficulties and had to bite on a cloth diaper every time she nursed because it hurt so much, and finally went to the bottle. You just never know until you're in that position. Great post!
Excellent post, as usual. I hope that other new moms see this and feel like they are not alone. The guilt is not worth it. Breast is best unless it is causing your baby to starve to death. Formula is way preferable to starvation in my opinion. No need for anyone to feel guilty about that! :)
Thanks! I feel much better having read your blog. I was made to feel very bad by the 'nipple nazis'; I could not breastfeed for a variety of reasons--apparently none too convincing for many people. The guilt is still there after 2 months.
One of the qualities that I most admire in people is the ability to see both sides of an argument, even when someone supports one side. I try to live by that myself, and I like to know both sides of even the arguments on which I have the strongest views. I feel like I truly can make the best decisions when I know all the facts. Knowing all the facts, doesn't mean that I will align with one side or another, but I like that I can make my own decision.
One of my reasons for starting this blog was to promote the idea that women (and men) can take all the facts out there and make the best decisions for their families regardless of what alternatives may be better for other families. For example, I have always been a strong proponent of breastfeeding, and I found it enormously painful to be unable to breastfeed my boys. After I calmed down and came out of my black hole of gloom for not being able to breastfeed, I realized that formula is an adequate form of nutrition for babies (with adequate meaning sufficient, meaning it gets the job done) and is not rat poison. I remain a proponent of breastfeeding, but I believe (and have lived) the fact that it does not work for all families.
There are still some specific points of argument in the baby feeding debate that I believed only have one side. For example, one of the many reasons that I was upset that I couldn't breastfeed was that I knew that that breastfeeding helps to prevent allergies. With my "zoo", I was concerned for the boys as well as my pets. Then one day I had a realization while I was munching on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and relishing the fact that I could eat whatever I wanted, unlike a few of my friends who had breastfeeding-related dietary restrictions. No matter how many peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, pieces of broccoli, onions, tomatoes, and chocolate I ate, my diet had no effect on my son's diet. His food was constant. I would still choose breastfeeding over formula, if I could, but since so few things in life are 100% problem-free, I wondered if any bad things do come through breastmilk.
Today I received a call from my friend Suzanne alerting me to an op-ed piece by Nora Ephron in the New York Times called "The Chicken Soup Chronicles". In a paragraph discussing the fervor of some breastfeeding advocates, she poses some interesting questions about allergies.
"...children today are far more allergic than they were when I was growing up, when far fewer women breast-fed their children. I mean, what is it with all these children dropping dead from sniffing a peanut? This is new, friends, it’s brand-new new, and don’t believe anyone who says otherwise. So: is it possible that breast-feeding causes allergies?"
Ms. Ephron doesn't provide any actual evidence that breastfeeding is harmful, and the overall tone of most of the piece is tongue-in-cheek. However, I find it interesting that except for the study in Australia that argues that breastfeeding does not reduce children's allergies in the long-run, this is the first time that I've seen something that questions breastfeeding.
As someone who is very pro-breastfeeding, part of me wonders if we should even bother wasting time, energy, and money studying something that has been found time and time again to be the best way to feed children. Does it really matter if there are some negative aspects to breastfeeding if they are so minor? Certainly there are a lot more important subjects to research. Would further research really change anything? Maybe not. However, it is kind of curious that little media attention has been given to the Australian study, and Ms. Ephron's question does highlight a health trend that does seem inconsistent with current research. Whenever I see a headline around children's health issues, I want to know what that study says. This doesn't cause me to question my belief that breastfeeding is generally better than formula, but it reinforces my belief that different approaches to feeding are better for different families.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Knowledge is power, particularly when that knowledge is about how to best feed your children.
Very thoughtful post on a difficult topic, as usual. When I read it, all I could think about was the protests that La Leche League are probably organizing outside Ephron's home at this very instant. Some people hate debate or intellectual curiosity. Usually those people are conservative Republicans or crazy religious fanatics, but not always. :)
Have I told you lately how much I appreciate you and your blog? No? Well, I do. You are calm, thoughtful, helpful, comforting and encouraging. If Nora Ephron isn't reading your blog already,I am sure would appreciate and support your words.
This is funny. I have a friend who pretty much exclusively breastfed her first born. She's not a zealot by any means, but she made it the whole year. Her second child is six months old and still being breastfed, but is getting three bottles of formula a day. We live pretty far apart, but when we visited over New Years I teased her about the "baby poison" she was giving her daughter (she knew how much grief I'd been given about not being able to breastfeed, so she was in on the joke.)
But her situation does go to show that even in the same family, it doesn't always work out the same for every child.
I'd think, however, that Ephron is taking her thoughts a little beyond the realm of logic. Why on earth would the natural way to feed a child make him or her allergic to foods. Interesting speculation and yes, it does seem that there are a lot of highly allergic kids out there, but to blame nature? I think not.
Hmmm. I would have to say that the significant rise in childhood allergies(and other diseases/afflictions) is probably related more to other factors than to the moderate rise in breastfeeding in the US. It's not like b.f. is a new thing that just started in these past 15 years. I'd make a wildly uneducated guess that the culprit would be more in the line of antibiotics, antibacterial soaps/etc., and a world that may be trying to heal itself by trying to get rid of some of its inhabitants (morbid thought, I know. Just a wild, esoteric idea of mine.)
Thank you all for your comments. I don't believe that Ms. Ephron argued that anyone is actually allergic to breastmilk. (I certainly don't believe in any breastmilk allergy.) My guess, with the key word being "guess", is that what she is talking about is the argument that increased allergies are caused by our increasingly toxic environment and our increased consumption of processed foods over past generations. With processed foods, there can be a risk of cross-contamination (bread being exposed to nuts for example) so that when a mom consumes, for example a piece of bread, she is also eating traces of nuts at the same time which can then be passed on to her baby. Again, not a reason not to breastfeed. Just food for thought so to speak.
When I breastfed Alex many years ago, we were told that whatever went through our bodies went into our baby. Therefore, we were told to avoid caffeine and certain allergen producing products. Are Moms still being told this today? It seems logical to me that if a mom ate a lot of peanut butter, that her infant just might be exposed to something inside the peanuts that could trigger an allergy later. I don't think Nora Ephron was questioning breast feeding. She was just wondering why so many more children have allergies. I have often wondered the same thing. Rather than shoot the messenger, wouldn't it be better to see what is passing through the breast milk?
People have always looked at me funny when I've said I can't eat tree nuts when I'm pregnant or breastfeeding. It's really hard when you're craving nuts too.
I've always wondered why people care so much how I'm feeding my baby. I don't really care how anyone else chooses to feed their children. If I ask if a mom is nursing it is only because I'm making them supper and want to make sure to make something non-spicy, etc.
I remember feeling like I needed to clarify that is was breastmilk in the bottles I was giving my daughter. I was crushed that she wouldn't nurse. So much so that I pumped my milk for 6 months before I finally gave up.
Thankfully my second child nursed easily and for more than a year.
I wasn't able to breastfeed my son, either, and it was heartbreaking to me at the time. He's grown up strong and healthy, though, and he doesn't have any of the allergies his dad does or that I do.
I'm not saying this to support Ephron. I do feel that she was being tongue in cheek and was really commenting on all the "special stuff" we do these days as parents, along with the fact that we all survived our less coddled childhoods. For example, my mother was encouraged, by her obstetrician to have a martini a day so that she'd have a relaxed, calm pregnancy. He also didn't think that the fact that she smoked was an issue. Does she wish she hadn't done either of those things? Of course! But I didn't have foetal alcohol syndrome and so far haven't developed lung cancer (knock on wood).
I really enjoyed your post. While breast is best, aren't we lucky to have some alternatives that our ancestors didn't. Without a wet nurse, your sons and mine wouldn't have survived. Horrible thought, isn't it?
When I read the title on Blogher (yay Blogher) I hopped on over to talk about MY allergies and breastfeeding.
My baby had allergies (not food allergies, pollen allergies) from the minute he was born, by the way, and I did breastfeed. He inherited them from me. I never had them as a child, but I have them as an adult.
My doctor told me to take benadryl for them when I was pregnant because it's safe for the baby in utero.
But, he did NOT tell me that benadryl would DRY UP my breast milk. So for 3 months I struggled to keep breastfeeding a starving baby.
First the milk wouldn't come in though I tried everything including beer (advice in a 1970s Le Leche League manual).
I would sit with the pump on my breasts for the majority of the day trying to revive my milk.
When the OB/GYN's nurse told me to stop the benadryl I started taking Zertek for allergies and it didn't help. It was spring and I HAD to take something. All the fenigreek in the world wouldn't make my milk come back.
By 4 months I gave up. The baby has allergies - but he had them when I was breastfeeding. He had them genetically from birth.
But, I'm still furious at that doctor for robbing me of my year of breast feeding and causing so much stress at the beginning by telling me to keep taking the benedryl.
J and I were just talking about the allergy issue, and he said that it's also due in large to the fact that parents are so paranoid about their kids' environments and they never get exposed to anything...in the good ole days before formula, they didn't have these extreme allergies either, but mom's didn't restrict their diet for breastfeeding then either. It's a tough call, but I'm glad that people are addressing the fact that there are, dare I say positives?! to formula. Good blog!
Today I got to be a guest speaker for a freshmen class at Simmons College. I was pretty excited about it. My friend teaches the class and was looking for someone to speak on the Mommy Wars. Of course I was thrilled when she invited me. She asked me to bring in a copy of the Mike and Juliette show and had her students read a couple of my blog posts on feminism and motherhood. We then discussed different issues and policies that mothers face. In preparation for the class, I asked her if I could have a copy of today's readings. One of the readings was the introduction from the book The Mommy Myth Idealization of Motherhood and How it Has Undermined Women by Susan J. Douglas and Meredith Michaels. I haven't enjoyed reading something that much in a long time. I really recommend it. It was thought provoking and at the same time, the authors definitely displayed a sense of humor.
Based on the clips and posts and the article, my friend asked her students what issues they thought moms face today. None of the students were married or had children. It was interesting to hear their responses both to the reading and to the clip. They made a lot of good points. However, as I listened to them and reflected on the reading, I had to wonder what has happened to feminism. Why do we have the Mommy Wars? The article talked about the increased pressure mothers have faced through the years from the media. One quote that seemed to sum it up for many of the students and me was, "You know, when our kids say 'all the other kids get to do it' we laugh in their face. But when the magazines suggest, 'All the other moms are doing this, are you?' we see ourselves being judged by the toughest critics out there: other mothers," (p. 19).
To me, feminism has always been about choice. It's been about believing that women are capable of making the decisions that are best for them and their families. It doesn't mean that we always like the choices of others or think that their choices are the right ones, but that we respect that their decisions are theirs to make. (Of course that openness assumes that these decisions aren't abusive.)
As a women's studies major and a woman who has always been fascinated by the roles of parenting in our society, I am always surprised by how many times smaller issues are part of a much larger problems. Yet they are not as easily seen as being part of a larger problem. Take for example formula feeding. There are many working women who want to breastfeed at work and/or pump at work, but are still often unable to do so because they lack adequate facilities or enough break time in the United States. Never mind women who are unable to fully establish a breastfeeding routine due to inadequate maternity leave.
One of the students offered another example. There is a lot of criticism of working parents whose schedules create latch-key kids. Given the prevalence of homes with two working parents in our society, shouldn't school schedules facilitate flexible parenting? No, the student did not encourage boarding school for preschoolers (although...); rather she suggested that pushing the start (and the end) of each school day back by an hour might make things far easier for both children and working parents.
One student described her negative impressions of mothers whose children have meltdowns in the grocery store. Of course, my children would never do this (I'm kidding.) While she seemed a little surprised when I said that temper tantrums at the grocery store are an undesirable but normal part of parenting. She seemed even more surprised that I said that I would like to see more fathers at the grocery store with their kids. That includes you Big Giraffe! Somehow I suspect that they would be given sympathetic looks. "Oh that poor overwhelmed dad. Isn't it nice that he's pitching in and taking the kids." On the other hand a mom would probably confront one of the following reactions:
An understanding smile from other parents who have been there too
A look of disdain or nasty remark for failing to control her kids
No reaction from oblivious customers do either to preoccupation with their own thoughts or lack of care. (Nothing wrong with this option!)
It definitely was an interesting discussion, and I am honored that I was able to be part of it.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Whether you believe in post-feminism or not, respecting other parents as people is important.
In Canada, we get a whole year of maternity leave... would I have breastfed if I had less.... probably not. It's hard enough nevermind throwing going back to work and pumping into the mix.
Anyway that was a bit off topic. What an interesting experience, and I have to say that until you have experienced the temper tantrum in the grocery store AS A MOTHER, you have NO idea!
Hi Alex! I have been lurking late at night (like tonight) but not commenting much. But, I have to chime in here. I absolutely hate, loathe, despise and reject the term "mommy wars". I honestly believe it was made up to sell some books and television airtime. Anyway, I know she's your friend, but I don't think "mommy wars" is a stellar college subject topic. That being said, it was really cool you were there and could shed some "mommy light" on the real world of motherhood. I blame so much of the misconceptions of motherhood on schmaltzy television advertising. Sorry darlin'. Kids have tantrums and exploding diapers and projectile vomiting at all of the wrong and most inconvenient times.
I like the comment about schools not thinking about working parents when creating schedules. My husband and I both work in schools so, we will always have this difficulty. But, I often think how blessed I am to have in-laws who can pick up my kids when there is another 1/2 day at school (these happen at least once a month). What about all the kids whose parents' do not have jobs that are that flexible or relatives that are wonderful?
It's been a while since I posted on formula because honestly, we're done with it in my household. That doesn't mean, however that if a new formula is on display at the grocery store that I don't notice it. It most certainly doesn't mean that if an article is published on formula that I skip over it. "What articles on formula?" you may ask. Well, since my blog is called Formula Fed and Flexible Parenting, I thought I would bring to your attention a good article by Jennifer Abbasi called "Choosing the Right Formula for Your Baby" that I read in the October 2007 edition of Parenting.
The article talks about alternatives to standard cow's milk formula, including soy, hydrolysate, organic, rice starch, preterm, toddler, and probiotic. Each type is defined, and then the article explains to whom each variety is marketed and for what babies each offers a good fit.
Of course as I was reading the article, I couldn't help but think "What brand?!". Yes, I know that my kids' pediatrician at least, says they're equivalent. I also know that there are federal standards that every single formula must meet. They may be equal, but they are not the same. When I recently sat with someone who was making a bottle, I could tell by looking that it was Similac. (No, I didn't see the formula container.) After all, I used Similac for almost a year with my older son (OS), and Enfamil for almost a year with my younger son (YS), and I know how each look. So as much as I liked the article, my take on formulas is a little bit different.
That said, I do agree with Jennifer Abbasi's Lesson Learned: Talk to your doctor before making a switch from the standard cow's milk formula.
I have to agree that formulas are not the same. When I transitioned my daughter to formula at 6 months she barfed up every brand of formula except Nestle GoodStart. So, that is what we used simply because it was the only one that would stay down!!
This post comes at an excellent time for me, because we are about to travel to the US and Ne Zealand for two months and of course the available brands and types are different from here in Germany. We are trying to avoid taking a suitcase of nothing but formula if the pediatrician says ok. Thanks for the article link!
I know when planning your Disney vacation two questions pop into your mind
How old does my baby need to be before I can ride all the adult rides?
Is there a place to heat up a bottle/nurse?
Fortunately, both questions have simple answers. The first is thirty. The answer to question two is yes.
I was quite intrigued by the Baby Care Centers in Disney World. In fact the Big Giraffe casually inquired whether or not we would be visiting one during our date night so that I could blog about it. Silly, Big Giraffe. Of course not! There's no reason to wait a whole week when we walked past one every time we walked into the Magic Kingdom. And sure enough, I grabbed my 15 month old and checked it out.
So what exactly is in the Baby Care Center? Just like everything else in Disney, it was well thought out and very clean. There were comfy chairs when I walked into the center. There is a separate room with a closed door for nursing moms only. I didn't investigate that since I'm not a nursing mom although according to this review from MousePlanet, it is open to moms who are bottle feeding their babies. However, I'm no longer doing that either. I do love the idea of moms whether they're formula feeding or breastfeeding being able to feed their baby in a clean comfortable environment. There was a kitchen where you could heat bottles and baby food. Forgot formula, baby food, diapers, baby Tylenol, etc.? Not to worry, because you could buy it right there. (A friend of mine who goes to Disney every year told me that all that used to be free.) The Baby Center itself is sponsored by Carnation.
There is a room that is filled with nice high chairs and a few kids tables and chairs. I saw some parents of toddlers feeding their kids there. That makes a lot of sense because it is quiet and air conditioned. I know we found that just going inside a quiet building or other calm place to eat seemed to recharge the boys when they got overwhelmed or overstimulated. Another room was filled with 5 changing tables. I was pretty impressed. I'm assuming that the other centers are similar. In addition to the Magic Kingdom, you can find them at MGM, Epcot and Animal Kingdom. The previously mentioned review MousePlanet for great pictures and more details.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: In the place where dreams come true, women can breastfeed and formula feed beside each other in peace.
I forgot about the baby care centers! They were absolutely lovely. One of the times I was in there when Sunny was a baby there was a woman in there who was bottle feeding, but I found that most of the times the mothers who were bottle feeding stayed in the room with the high chairs since there was a video screen in there. The nursing room was a very peaceful place, with dimmed lighting and no other source of noise than the people who are in there, with about seven rocking chairs. It was the nicest place for feeding your children in a retail establishment that I have ever seen. Customer service at its finest.
The first aid stations are also fantastic. I went to one at Disneyland with a blister and Mrs Nice Nurse Lady gave me a band aid and a free thing of Tylenol. Disney takes care of their guests pretty well, probably to make up for the price gouging.
That sounds great. I remember flying from NY to New Zealand with my 13 month old ( a trip I would only recommend to my worst enemies). THe airport in LA didn't even have a changing table in the ladies room but the airport in Auckland, NZ had a full "Mum's room" with a crib (cot), chair, etc, etc.... It makes all the difference.
That sounds very nice. It makes me sort of wish that places like that existed out in the world for adults to take a breather -- A place to rest for a minute when I get overstimulated running my errands. With snacks and nice hand creams...
The Breastfeeding Conference Part II: Supplementing
If anyone had told me that when my older son (OS) was just a few days old my husband would be using a syringe to push formula into a catheter taped to my nipple one mL at a time, I would have thought that they were nuts. In fact, I probably would have laughed at the images that this would have conjured up in my mind. When I think about it today, I once again see the humor. When it was happening, it left me in tears.
I had many frustrations about breastfeeding. One of them was the teeny tiny fact that I proved medically and physically unable to breastfeed for longer than five weeks.
A second frustration was that while the hospital dished out diapers, Tylenol, and Motrin as freely as tap water, they hoarded nipple shields because apparently nipple shields alone were responsible for rising health care costs. All I know is that we had to have nurses sneak them into my room, and I have a bizarre memory of a nurse telling me they lose an insane amount of money per week on nipple shields. I have a further memory (no less bizarre) of acting like a lunatic after my younger son's (YS) birth when a nurse discarded my bloody nipple shield out and I felt like I had just witnessed an object with the same value as the Hope Diamond being thrown in the trash. Luckily he got me a new nipple shield, and he did not get me a psych evaluation.
A third frustration was that I had a hard time finding information about supplementing. This frustration grew with the birth of YS since I was aware that I would need to supplement, and I was on the lookout for the information. I was looking forward to seeing how supplementing would be addressed at the conference. Based on my own personal experiences, it seemed like there is quite a difference of opinion out there.
Supplementing was first brought up in a presentation about obesity and breastfeeding. According to the speaker, research shows a woman's milk comes in a half hour later for every 1-unit (1 kg/m2) that she is measured above a normal BMI pre-pregnancy. So a woman whose BMI is 4 units above normal is not likely to be able to breastfeed until 2 hours after a woman with a normal BMI. What should a new mom do in the meantime to feed her baby? The speaker focused on hand expressing colostrum into a teaspoon and feeding that to the baby. My friend Linda, who accompanied me to the conference, was actually the person who added supplementing with formula to the conversation. She raised her hand to discuss her experience using a supplemental nursing system (SNS).
SNS is the official designation for a catheter taped to a nipple. The basic idea behind an SNS device is that it allows the baby to suck at the mom's nipple to stimulate breastfeeding or to supplement the breastmilk while at the same time providing the baby with formula. Using an SNS provided Linda with the comfort of knowing that her baby was being nourished while she was waiting for her milk came in. Once her milk came in, she was able to exclusively breastfeed her son and then, a year later, her daughter. While the speaker acknowledged that an SNS is a legitimate way to handle a delayed milk supply, she was somewhat dismissive of it. She also continuously referred to formula as an "alternate feeding method."
That same speaker also later delivered a presentation answering the question of whether insufficient milk supply is real or myth. Apparently she considered formula to be a mainstream solution when a mom does not have enough milk, because she abandoned the "alternate feeding method" euphemism and called formula..."formula." She also presented SNS as one of the first solutions that a mom could use to handle a low or delayed milk supply. I'm not really sure what made formula and SNS more acceptable in one presentation than another. I suspect it had something to do with the different focus of each session.
There are other ways to supplement. A lactation consultant at the conference said she sometimes advises women who cannot pump in their workplace to nurse in the mornings and the evenings and to have the daycare provider feed the baby formula during the day. Some moms breastfeed first and then provide a baby with a bottle of formula. This way the baby gets the mother's milk, but is able to finish with formula if he's still hungry. Although not mentioned at the conference, I've also heard of women who breastfeed in the morning when their milk production is higher and then formula feed in the evening.
As I wrote yesterday, there is a fine line between having a lot of supportive information and having information that makes breastfeeding overwhelming. When I think back to the images that I conjured in my head when the nurse first described an SNS to me, I wish that I had learned about it ahead of time. I also wish I had known about the hole in our health care system caused by nipple shields being stolen from the hospital and possibly sold on the black market how difficult it would be to obtain nipple shields, so that I could have saved up during my entire pregnancy to purchase my own nipple shields ahead of time; although while I'm not positive, I'm pretty sure I was billed for the ones I got in the hospital and they cost more than they do on-line.
Dr. Stuebe and I had a great conversation about the problem with the all or nothing attitude in the breastfeeding vs. formula debate. Many times a middle ground works best.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Some women can and want to exclusively breastfeed. Some women are unwilling or unable to breastfeed and thus exclusively formula feed. For everyone else, there are a variety of ways to combine both.
I actually found the SNS made BFing worse for me. When DD discovered that the boob with the SNS gave off milk more easily she stopped sucking as vigorously and made BFing even harder, leading to a further decline in my milk production.
As a person raised on the "alternate feeding method" who is married to someone also alternatively fed, I can see why we are so maladjusted in life. Or something. I know this has nothing to do with SNS, but I wanted to use the phrase "alternate feeding method" because it cracks me up, as though my mom came from Uranus and couldn't figure out how normal earthlings feed their kids.
"Weighting" for My Secret Formula Feeding Confession
I meant to write this last night and participate in the Blog Blast, but I fell asleep at an embarrassingly early hour. Yes, I'm a night owl, and I don't tend to sleep a lot. So why did I fall asleep? Because for the last few months I've been meeting with a personal trainer. Yesterday I met with him at 5:30 am.
In my time as a blogger, I've heard a lot of moms talk about mom guilt. I've also "met" moms who couldn't or chose not to breastfeed and who, like me, worried about their child's health. I've never met anyone who didn't breastfeed talk about one teeny tiny, selfish area: struggle with weight loss. Yes, I know it's selfish, but when I couldn't breastfeed I did think about the fact that my breastfeeding friends were automatically burning 500 calories a day.
Somehow in my mind, I came to the conclusion that had I breastfed, I would look like a supermodel. At the very least, had I been able to breastfeed, I would be my ideal weight. I would be lying if I didn't admit that I worried a lot about the impression I created when I went to BlogHer and told people the first two words from the title of my blog Formula Fed and Flexible Parenting.
When I think about this logically, I know that the only thing that breastfeeding would have guaranteed to me is that I would have burned the extra calories. I have friends who struggled (or are struggling) to lose their pregnancy weight despite breastfeeding, and I have friends and family who exclusively formula fed who have the physiques of women who were never pregnant. My primary care physician always says that genetics is a huge factor. The other women in my family breastfed, and they all struggled with losing their pregnancy weight.
A few months ago, I was inspired by two of my friends who were thrilled with the weight they were losing from meeting with personal trainers at our Y. I had been working out on my own regularly since December, but I was a lot less thrilled with my very slow weight loss. Ironically, or maybe more in reality, they had exclusively breastfed, but my mind tends to skip over that fact. Inspiration aligned with opportunity when I found that the Y was having a special on personal training packages. I signed up. Knowing that I was scheduled to meet with the trainer the following week kept me working out in between our sessions; no working out in between would mean a lot of pain.
Yes, it is expensive although personal trainers at the Y cost less than personal trainers at other gyms I've belonged to in the past. Is this really how I want to spend my money? No. However, it's working. I feel great. Don't tell anyone, but I'm actually starting to like going because at the end of every workout I feel like I've accomplished something. I've gone down 3 clothing sizes and have lost quite a bit of weight too. So that's my secret confession. Today I'm going shopping for some new, smaller, clothes.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Sometimes people (meaning me) feel guilty about not breastfeeding for selfish reasons as well.
Oddly, I've never felt bad about not being able to breast feed. I feel like I've had a lot of people treating me badly because of it, but I haven't felt guilty that I couldn't.
The way I see it, I HAD to get a breast reduction. I knew when I did it that breast feeding wouldn't be a possibility. I was only 18 years old when I made that decision, but I'd do it again.
If I hadn't had it, sure I would have breastfed or at least tried. But I did. It was the right decision for me. Those ten years before kids would have been miserable, and who has time for breast reductions when you've got little ones running around?
As for weight, you've seen my battle. I trained for a half marathon and didn't lose weight! My very thin (anorexic looking) SIL just rolls her eyes when I say that some people (like me) just don't burn calories the same way other people (like her) do.
There is most certainly a genetic component to it, the only people who say there isn't are naturally skinny!
Alex, hon, I've been either pregnant or breastfeeding for most of the last 8 years, and I've gained weight, not lost, for all of the last 8 years. I have been struggling with eating right and trying to get down to at least where I was when I got pregnant with the last baby, but in reality I have at least 30 pounds beyond that to get to a healthy weight for my height. It is most definitely genetics. That, and when you are breastfeeding, you can't take in those extra calories in Little Debbies (ahem).
How fantastic for you that you took the initiative to do something about it, that you are feeling good, and succeeding. I hope you enjoy your new clothes as much as the feeling good.
Kudos to you. People even make me feel bad sometimes that I didn't try to breast feed, even though PunditGirl is adopted.
But you could do it, they said. There are ways ko do it, they said. But you know what -- we're both totally fine not taking the path so many said we should.
Congrats on the weight loss and the initiative and discipline it took to do it. Congrats on the new clothes too!
I bf my son and gained a bunch of weight once he weaned because I was used to eating a bunch to keep up with his demand. Sadly, once he didn't nurse anymore I forgot to quit eating like that.
I thought you looked awesome when I saw you, but didn't want to say anything...next time, I'll say it loudly! Congratulations! FYI, I breastfed for 9 months, and gained a bunch of weight when I was done...how do you like them apples?
That's great that you have a personal trainer. Even if someone does lose weight from BF doesn't mean their body will be in good shape, losing weight exercising and a good diet is the best way to go for permanent success. Good for you!
Congrats on feeling good about what you are doing! I think that's as important as the weight loss, although it's nice that your hard work is paying off. I can guarantee that my ass is not going anywhere at 5:30 AM, let alone the gym.
Let me get this straight because I think I am understandably confused about what the heck is going on here in our country. Last week we bash formula feeding moms for making the choices that work for them, subjecting them to the same scare tactics that we use to prevent people from smoking cigarettes and doing drugs. Furthermore, we lump all of them together and assume that all moms who formula feed do so for exactly the same reason.
This week we're bashing breastfeeding women. We're saying that breastfeeding is obscene and should not be supported in public, on the internet or when taking tests. The student in this case will lose her fellowship if she does not pass the boards, and lack of adequate pumping time may cause engorgement and mastitis, neither of which are likely to improve her test performance. The ultimate irony? A woman may be unable to become a practicing doctor because she is following medical advice for how best to raise her children!
Really, I shouldn't be so surprised by the irony. We are constantly sending mixed messages.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Feeding babies is apparently socially unacceptable.
I know -- assinine, right??!! That is why I don't understand why it is so much FF vs. BFing because we really should all just say -- Hey, she made her choice and it works for her, so lets all jump up and down on these examiners because they are being idiots.
"The science section of The New York Times recently featured a lengthy study on breast-feeding and its benefits. Breast-feeding, the study found, helps reduce the chances of infection, cold, diarrhea, illness, and even later childhood obesity. No one argues with any of these benefits, but what the report neglects to mention, and what I have personally witnessed when counseling couples, is how breast-feeding can come between a husband and wife."
I guess it can come between a woman and her medical degree as well. She shouldn't fling such "scintillating pieces of flesh "around during tests, anyway. Ha ha ha. OK, I swear I will stop quoting him once I stop laughing.
Someone asked if there is a "petition" to sign. Petititions do nothing. Change laws. Find out what La Leche League is promoting for legislation in your state. See what the American Academy of Pediatrics is promoting for legislative action.
But make a phone call in support of something that will help mothers (and fathers) raise their children as they see fit.
I second what momsmoo said. We should stop pitting moms against each other and all just fight this kind of blatant discrimination against mothers in general. How ridiculous.
I went through four lactation specialists and prescription drugs to try and breastfeed my preemie, but it was eventually determined after 17 days of pumping HELL that I'm in that 1% whose milk is just not going to come in.
Eleven months later my daughter was born and I told my husband I was selling my soul to Similac, because I needed HELP, not breastfeeding. So glad I found you!
Crazy! I had the same problem while working at a university. There was no private place for me to pump or even plug in my pump in a semi-private location(I tried pumping in my cubicle by closing my door and posting a "Do Not Enter" sign--until one of my coworkers walked in on me). When I called the administration building they said they don't "support" breatfeeding moms. They told me to pump in the bathroom lobby (where all the young, hip college students were studying). And I did because I had no other option. *sigh* We live in a world of mixed-messages. Why don't we let moms make the best choice for them and then let them do their thing?
Between my older son's 4th birthday, 4th birthday party, and preschool open house, my dog's 6th birthday, and whatever else was going on this week that has left me feeling wiped out, I missed my blog's anniversary on September 4th. I can't believe I've been blogging for a whole year. In honor of that milestone, I am republishing my first blog post below:
A smidge over 3 years ago as the nurse handed over my first child to me to breastfeed for the very first time, I really thought that breastfeeding would work. After all I was the knowledgeable, well informed mom who had gone to the breastfeeding classes when I was pregnant. If I wanted to breastfeed than I would be able to breastfeed.
I had had a breast reduction 6 years prior, but my surgeon had many patients who were able to successfully breastfeed, and even the lactation consultant said it was possible. In fact the woman in the room next to me at the hospital was a fellow veteran of surgery, and after exclusively breastfeeding her first two children, her third had latched right on. I also attended the required breastfeeding class at the hospital when I gave birth and I met with the lactation consultant 4 times including one time at my home. It was a huge shock to me when my 8 day old baby ended up in the ER for dramatic weight loss, and I was devastated when the same lactation consultant told me "some women aren't meant to breastfeed and you're one of them". You know it's got to be pretty bad when the representative of the forces of breastfeeding tells you to throw in the nursing bra.
I grappled with thoughts like "how could this have happened when my son's weight was being closely monitored" and "I'm a horrible mother" and did I mention that it was September and September is National Breastfeeding Awareness Month? I then realized that while I had learned all this stuff about breastfeeding, I had no idea how to bottle feed a baby. Case in point: when I was in the ER, I let him drink the whole bottle of formula the resident had handed me. I let him try to get out every last drop. The resident then yelled at me to take the bottle away because apparently I was supposed to make sure there was a little bit of formula left over so he wouldn't suck in air and then get gas. (He gets enough without my help.) Gee, I sure wish someone had told me that BEFORE I had a baby.
Then there were all the issues of what formula to use, what bottles, why were the bottles leaking, what do you mean there's different nipple sizes, to heat or not to heat, etc. Never mind the pressure from some people not to use a bottle at all. Such a big deal was being made of this big move to breastfeed that those of us who couldn't were and have been left to fend for ourselves (the bottle feeding info was no better with my second child). I also learned that a lot of parenting in general involves trying to figure it out as you go. When my first child was born I started keeping a list of things I wish people had told me about parenting. This blog will contain the stories of my experiences and those of many friends through which we learned these lessons (and any other anecdotes I randomly feel like sharing).
A. Elliot's first lesson: Leave some formula in the bottle so you don't give your baby (extra) gas.
I can't read (apparently) so I first took this to mean your blog was 4 years old and I was like Holy Cow! But 1 year is still pretty good, so happy blogiversary nonetheless!
I'm shocked that your kids are normal and healthy since you selfishly chose to deny them of your precious breast milk. At one point, I considered calling child welfare and turning you in for abuse, you bad woman!
Seriously, I am happy that you are filling an important void out there. I adore your blog and always look forward to reading it. I admire you very much.
Today is Blog Exchange today. I encourage all visitors to the blog to read Heather's creative take on this month's Blog Exchange topic, "Dear Mr. President," which is right below this post. Those of you who are visiting solely because of The Washington Post article about politics, money, formula industry lobbying, and breastfeeding advertisements can jump to that post.
Dept. of Health and Human Services and Toned Down Breastfeeding Ads
Jodifur (as well as my friend Linda and my mom (thanks!!!)) sent me a link to an interesting article by Marc Kaufman and Christopher Lee today in The Washington Post. The article described the way heavy lobbying by formula companies may have played a significant role in persuading the Department of Health and Human Services to tone down a pro-breastfeeding ad campaign that would have employed scare tactics to persuade women of the evils of formula.
I have to admit that I struggled with mixed feelings as I read the article. On one hand, as a mother who couldn't breastfeed, I think the ads are terrible. They show syringes and inhalers with bottle nipples on them to make the point that your baby is at greater risk for asthma and diabetes if you formula feed. As I've said too many times to count, I think as a society we place an enormous guilt trip on women. It also seems like we are hypocrites. While we're trying to increase awareness and support for new moms suffering from depression, we consider this sort of scare tactic campaign to get moms to breastfeed. My friend's MIL who's a nurse told me this past weekend that she feels like we're telling women they have to nurse or they're bad moms, in a society that makes them nurse in dirty public bathrooms. At the same time, we're taking away formula samples. She felt that we're backing them into a corner. I still maintain that these actions each say that women aren't smart enough to be able to make their own decisions, particularly if people may not like those decisions.
On the other hand, hearing paid lobbyists for the formula industry express their gratitude to the Department of Health and Human Services for not "scaring expectant mothers into breast-feeding," makes me feel a little bit used. And, they pulled the ads because of concerns about lawsuits, which came down to money. It sure wasn't concern for the feelings of moms who can't breastfeed. There seems to be an awful lot of money that was thrown around to squash those ads. I find that disturbing. That's about personal gain, not about helping out new moms.
Before you think I'm jumping on the bandwagon to save the ads, let me assure you that I'm not. As disappointed as I am with the self-serving motivations of the politicians and the formula companies, I still find the ads offensive, and I am glad that they didn't air. I am concerned about The Washington Post reference to research that found that this sort of scare tactic to be effective, and that described its similarity to the scare tactics that the anti-cigarette and anti-drunk driving groups use. I find it to be appalling. Formula is a sometimes needed form of nutrition for babies. Putting it on the same level as cigarettes or drunk driving would be like arresting someone for breastfeeding in public as though they had committed a crime like murder. Oh wait, that can happen in our society. Using formula is not driving drunk, and treating them similarly sends a horrible message. Talk about spiraling guilt for new moms!
I don't understand why this is seen as the only way to encourage breastfeeding. If the government is willing to invest this amount of money into supporting breastfeeding, they need to stop ignoring the root cause. Ads and formula bans don't address the real issue that there just isn't good breastfeeding support out there. In a country where maternity leaves are 4-6 weeks, where there aren't protections for working nursing moms to have adequate breaks and clean sanitary places to breastfeed, where for the one millionth time it is still illegal to breastfeed in public in some states, and where even in the states where it is legal women are often made to feel as uncomfortable as if it were illegal, it's not surprising that the breastfeeding rates are lower. There are so many smart intelligent people working behind these campaigns. Surely they can come up with a better way to encourage breastfeeding than employing scare tactics. Surely there is a way to encourage breastfeeding in a way that doesn't promote parental guilt and depression but does promote general respect for the individual decisions that parents make for their kids.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: A society that considers public breastfeeding a crime while treating those who formula feed like drunk drivers should not have trouble explaining why new moms struggle with guilt and depression.
Yet another wonderful, thoughtful piece of commentary on the insanity of our world. Today I spoke to my friend Mara who lives in London. She said that one of the moms in her playgroup complained a lot because her solely breastfed baby was not gaining weight, consistently over many weeks, and was in the 4th percentile for weight. Mara suggested that she supplement with formula, and the woman acted like she suggested blowing marijuana smoke into the baby's face. Mara told her that if she couldn't be rational, she didn't want to hear her complain again.
I totally agree with you. I breastfed all three kids, but only the last one was exclusive. I was sooooo thankful that I had the option of using formula when I needed it (and, yes, I needed it).
At the same time, it bums me out when I hear a mom say she doesn't even want to try breastfeeding; that it is 'gross' (I've heard this). I do think there are benefits to doing it, but, really, am I supposed to believe that formula feeding is akin to abuse? Those ads went too far.
Finally, the lobbying by formula companies sickens me. They are much more concerned with the bottom line, with pleasing stockholders, than they are with anyone's health.
BTW, the best way to make breastfeeding in public more acceptable is to do it. By #3, I could walk through Target with him attached to my boob while I pushed the other two kids in the shopping cart. Don't like it, look away.
I bottle fed both of my kids, and at the hospital there wasnt a problem, in fact they hooked me up with extra supplies. But then I had the first few checkups at the pediatrician, and it was there that I was made to feel like a complete idiot. There was a package for breastfeeding moms full of t-shirts, wipe samples, free cereal, etc. There were posters everywhere practically condemning me for bottle feeding, and if I werent a stronger person Im sure Id of taken it pretty seriously at the time and questioned my own parenting skills.
I agree about the way that breastfeeding is said to be best, but that it has to be done in the bathroom because its obscene or whatever.
I agree wholeheartedly. The benefits of breastfeeding are well-documented enough that there is no reason to use such cheap scare tactics. But I too felt a bit dirty being on the same "side" as the formula lobbyists in this one. I also hear too many mothers use this same sort of rhetoric about formula. What people who want to promote breastfeeding need to get angry about is the lack of support in the US for new mothers who do want to breastfeed.
I'm not sure if I have a "side". My brother and I were both formula-fed and we are pretty much okay. (My mom says it was just not "done" at the time to breastfeed.)
My daughter would not nurse (a whole 'nother post as I say) so I ended up pumping for 6 months and feeling enormously guilty for my inadequacy as a new mom.
Two years later my son was born who nursed immediately and for 13 months. It took me some time to feel 'okay' to nurse in front of family and friends. I never felt comfortable in 'public' but I did nurse at friends and families' houses.
There is much pressure on moms, no matter their 'choice' or what they eventually 'have' to do to feed their babies.
My daughter, who never nursed, has had ONE ear infection at 15 months...she's 5 now. My son, who nursed 13 months had so many ear infections that he had to have ear tubes surgically inplanted.
Soccer Mom in Denial just sent me this New York Times article on Raw Milk. What is that?! Basically, there's a movement by some people towards drinking unpasteurized milk. According to the article, it's now booming. Some people claim that they do it because of the taste. Others are doing it for alleged health benefits. I'm sure that some people do it for both. I have to admit that this wasn't something that I'm very familiar with. In fact, I can't say I know anyone who has drunk raw milk or considered drinking it, much less gone through a lot of effort to obtain it like some people are doing. Also according to the article, it's illegal in 15 states. On the other hand, not only is it legal in CA, but it's relatively easy to find. Some people are willing to jump through hoops to find top secret locations to get raw milk or find ways of the circumventing the law in states where it is banned or restricted. My favorite example from the article related to people who arrange things so as to pay for the cow's room and board rather than for the raw milk itself. Of course I just had to research this myself and look for additional evidence. I found 3 primary arguments in favor of raw milk.
One argument is that the pasteurization process kills many beneficial bacteria and enzymes. Unpasteurized milk supposedly allows calcium to be better absorbed and is more filling because it's harder to digest. A friend told me that she heard it allegedly cures asthma. Apparently some people are even giving it to their newborns.
A second argument is that pasteurization was not truly implemented for any health benefit. Rather, some opponents argue, it was encouraged by those who sold expensive pasteurizing equipment as a means of making money. Even if there are health risks from raw milk, it isn't too difficult to imagine that kind of behavior.
A third argument is that people drank unpasteurized milk for centuries, so it must be safe.
I'm all for giving choices. However, I personally prefer to err on the side of safety for my family and myself. While people did drink unpasteurized milk for centuries, back in the olden days people did die from terrible diseases, many of which were linked to milk consumption. Milk is pasteurized for a reason. According to the FDA's article Got Milk "Some of the diseases that pasteurization can prevent are tuberculosis, diphtheria, polio, salmonellosis, strep throat, scarlet fever, and typhoid fever,". In addition, there are many things that we used to do in the past that we now know are bad ideas, like using leeches to cure sickness or going to the bathroom in chamber pots.
The author of the article Raw Milk vs. Pasteurized Milk argues that when raw milk is clean, then there aren't risks. Only unclean raw milk is a source of risk. Even if that's the case, it is still scary to realize that there maybe not be regulations depending on where you live to ensure that raw milk is clean. You can end up getting any of the illnesses listed above. When you choose milk, you may not be choosing between clean raw milk and pasteurized milk (unless you get it from somewhere that is regulated). You may be choosing between raw milk that may be unclean and milk that you know has been pasteurized. If cleanliness resolves most of the health problems with raw milk, however, I would prefer that the government regulate raw milk to ensure its cleanliness instead of banning it.
The New York Times article ended by describing how the pregnant wife of one of the advocates for raw milk who is in med school decided not to drink raw milk at this time. I would make a similar choice, if I were "exposed" to the option of raw milk. I find the idea of even clean raw milk too scary, particularly because I'm not an expert at cow's milk (although maybe I will be after vet school!) I also will not be giving my boys unpasteurized milk.
Soccer Mom brought up an interesting question. Do most raw milk drinkers oppose formula feeding because formula is processed while raw milk is "all natural"? I bet I know the answer to that!
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: There are no easy answers in choosing how best to feed yourself and your children.
When I sent the link to you I never dreamed such a thoughtful post would come out of it. All I could sputter in my email to you was "eewwwww! Gross! Yuck!"
I like the comparison to leeches and chamber pots. Gosh you're smart AND funny!!
You make very good points Alex. Sure, it was done for hundreds of years, but it was NOT safe. I'm sure these are the same people that won't eat any cooked food (macrobiotic) or those vegans who will only eat food that fell off the plant naturally (meaning it's rotten). I won't stop people from doing what they want, but I won't partake either.
I think you made a great point about how we pasteurize milk for a reason. People probably think they're all "big and bad" for drinking milk in its natural state now just like in the olden days, but they are not considering the consequences or rationale for pasteurizing in the first place. I just don't get why people are so paranoid about everything. It's kind of driving me nuts lately. With the bottles, etc... I have enough to worry about without all of this, you know?
Very interesting information. A friend of mine from Eastern Europe swears by unpasteurized honey as balm against illness and, for some reason, allergies.
Great post! I am a dairy farmer's little girl and I am a big believer in using all available technology that benefits better health.
Yep- here in Ohio there is big hulabuloo about raw milk. People all pitch in and buy like 1/13th of a cow and then go over and dip into the unpastuerized bulk tank for their family. YIKES!!! Take a vitamin or something!
A few months ago, a Raw Milk company out here in CA had to pull everything down because of salmonella. Thats one thing, but what scared me from it was the farmer's attitude toward it. He was more concerned about losing all that money than the fact that his milk might make people sick. Sure, it was just one batch or whatever, but it scared me enough to not do raw milk. However, we do organic milk because of the lack of rBGH.
Hi Alex! I've actually had raw milk (this weekend, in fact) and it tastes good---not as heavy as whole milk, but still creamy. There is a raw milk dairy in MA---the woman who runs it used to be a dairy inspector and had some interesting things to say about her time visiting regular dairies and what is 'allowed' in milk b/c pasturizatin will kill off the bacteria. She has to be so very clean and held to high standards to insure the safety of her milk. I know it isn't for everyone, but I like that people can choose for themselves.
I'm glad you point out how this is a personal choice. After researching the history of milk and pasteurization (brought about by problems with swill dairies), I feel confident about the safety of the raw milk I obtain from healthy cows on pasture eating a natural diet. Unfortunately, the government has decided that I'm not intelligent enough to decide for myself what I should put in my body.
For your readers that believe the history of milk started just prior to the time of compulsory pasteurization, I recommend the book The Untold Story of Milk. Real milk is safe; factory milk is not.
Interesting topic, for sure - and great writing on your blog. I am a professional writer and i found your posts to be easily readable and thoughtful.
On to my comment, My wife, one child and I are lactose intolerant. Despite that, we all need milk because, after all, it does a body good, right? (Great ad campaign, by the way) So, we found alternatives to milk and were expecting soy, almond, lactaid, etc. What we found was Goat Milk products. It is still milk but the proteins in it are as close to mother's milk as anything on the market. And we found that it didnt make any of us sick. There are tons of products on the market with the Goat Milk tag. And suprisingly, it does not have that goat cheese tangy taste. And on top of all that, we found a goat milk ice cream that we love. It is healthy, tasty and unique. www.laloos.com
I know milk is an essential ingredient to a healthy, balanced diet. But let's not sleep on goat milk.
I read an article by Annie Murphy Paul in the New York Times magazine about a diet pill for babies. The idea is that babies' genetics can be tweaked within the first few weeks after birth to help them avoid avoid becoming obese. Ideally they can be transformed into the type of person who can eat anything without putting on weight. Hmmm...can I get that pill for myself?
According to this article, the pill would be added to baby formula. I'm all for advancing baby formula. I hope that baby formula continues to be re-examined and researched, but I am very uncomfortable with the idea of adding drugs with unknown effects to baby formula. I prefer research that makes it more similar to breastmilk, not less! At that point, I personally would just stick with the standard formula available at BJs.
To be clear, this is not something that we need to worry about seeing in stores tomorrow. So far, actual research has only been done on rats, and those working on this admit that, even if it proves feasible for humans, it will be years, if not decades, before it could be available.
However, I was really struck by Ms. Paul's last paragraph which read: "The deep concern, even desperation, expressed by Cawthorne and other obesity researchers is perhaps the most unsettling development of all. Remaking the age-old survival mechanisms of the human body appears, to some, more feasible than altering the environment humans have created. Oceans of soda, mountains of baked goods and sparkling glaciers of ice cream are now a permanent part of our landscape, and it may be easier to change us than them."
That is a terrifying conclusion, and I would like to believe that it is not true. The alternative, not mentioned by Ms. Paul, is education. I realize people have been saying forever that we just need to eat healthier and adapt healthier lifestyles. However, if it were that easy, it seems logical to believe that there wouldn't be such a problem with obesity. I am not claiming that ignorance explains all bad food choices. For example, there is enough information out there to make it pretty clear that frequent fast food adds fat. However, I suspect that a lot of parents who aren't taking their toddlers through the drive-through may be making other mistakes. In fact, I think a lot of people don't really know how to eat healthy. Providing parents with educational information with real meal suggestions could go a long way.
I had a few surprises about nutrition within the last few years. For example, from when my older son (OS) started on solid food, I consistently avoided giving him junk food. I therefore thought I was doing well. Until he was around 15 months, he got the same breakfast that I grew up with: 1 bowl of cereal. (For the record I remember to this day always being hungry even after I ate the cereal, but I didn't learn from that.) At 15 months, OS began having a meltdown at 10 am every morning. I thought it was just the age. I happened to discuss the situation with my friend C who used to teach parenting classes. C advised me to give OS protein in the morning. I started giving him a piece of meat such as leftovers from dinner or deli meat with breakfast, and miraculously he stopped having temper tantrums. Because I didn't know better, I was feeding OS wrong. Now he eats cereal with fruit and some source of protein every day.
I understand that obesity is a disease, and learning to eat healthy and adapt healthy lifestyle changes requires hard work. It involves a lot of reading and talking with doctors and other parents. It certainly would be easier to be "re-programmed" to avoid obesity. However, a medicine that programs you to be thin doesn't guarantee that you will eat healthy meals or live a healthy lifestyle. I would encourage the researchers to find a different way to conduct their experiments. I wouldn't want this drug in my baby formula.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: There is a lot more to healthy eating than avoiding junk food.
Im actually writing a book on the subject of healthy eating in kids, which is going to be published very soon (and I was actually wanting to send a copy to you to review, since you are on the same page with a lot of the things that my book is about) and I am all for a change of diet, not a miracle break through solution that will make kids skinny. You noticed a problem with your son, he got cranky, and you changed his diet. Why cant parents see that their kid is getting heavy, and switch the pop tarts to melon and whole wheat toast? It seems simple, and youre on the right track here, because would it truly be worth it to give kids the go ahead to "eat whatever they want?" Whether or not it makes you gain weight, chocolate covered cereal and Hot Pockets arent exactly healthy to begin with.
My sons are complete sticks while my daughter, who you have met, is being "watched" for her weight. I kid you not. She has a bmi of 18 something and that has her pediatrican nervous.
But I would never give her a pill. And how do you know what type of body your kid is going to have after infancy? Aren't they all round and pudgy at that age?
Changing metabolism (or something else) in a baby? And what if there's a famine where you actually need to keep the energy on you? Interesting research, but a little scary.
Wow. That is honestly very scary. What happens when some sort of crazy drought or other natural disaster hits and kids are suddenly starving left, right and center because their metabolisms were changed in infancy.
A couple weeks ago, my blogging friend Hedda Dabbler, asked me if my younger son (YS) was finding it difficult to transition from formula to table food. She specifically wondered if I was concerned that he was getting enough to eat. I was not concerned for two reasons. First, I had already gone through the stress of watching my older son (OS) transition to solids at what I thought was an extremely leisurely pace. Second, YS actually transitioned to solids quickly and easily.
When OS was first introduced to solid foods, he wasn't that interested in them. He liked his cereal and his baby food fruit and vegetables, but that was about it. No Cheerios, Goldfish crackers, meat, or any food that wasn't pureed. Well, almost no food that wasn't pureed. He actually loved string cheese, and in fact "cheese" was his first word. However, he was very particular in his cheese taste. For example, cheddar cheese made him cry after he took a bite.
Initially (and initially lasted for a long time) I was concerned. Every time he had a pediatrician's appointment I would bring it up. "My son likes formula better than anything except cheese, and there is a limit to how much cheese I will let him eat. What do I do?" The pediatrician kept telling me not to worry about it (which I carefully filed under easier said than done). She said that kids all learn to eat at different rates. When I rationalized that perhaps he was slow to eat solids because he only had two teeth, she burst that bubble by telling me that teeth have nothing to do with it. (Those of you who know my husband, the Big Giraffe, casually can probably imagine this news cutting off his longwinded toothbrushing lecture to the boys listing all of the reasons why teeth are valuable mid-syllable. Those of you who know him well probably realize nothing can cut off that lecture. He simply didn't buy the pediatrician's claim that babies can consume solids without teeth, and I admit that I was skeptical too.)
Right before OS turned a year, he ate non-babyfood chicken for the first time. It was the first non-cheese, non-pureed food he was ever willing to swallow. After that chicken, it was like the barn door had been left open, and his tastebuds were on the loose. In a few short weeks, he was eating exactly what we ate. As importantly, he was eating more solid foods and decreasing his formula intake. (Our pediatrician insisted that OS continue to take in at least 18 ounces of formula a day.) By the time I switched him over to milk at 13 months, he was doing great with table food. Of course, the big giraffe and I were able to count several teeth in OS's mouth at that point, so we felt vindicated.
When it came to YS, however, things went differently. My toothless wonder was able and more than willing to eat pretty much any table food I set in front of him starting at 7 months (leaving the big giraffe and me eating our words). With OS, each food was introduced with great care over several days. It seemed like we were giving him new foods for ages. With YS it seemed to just fly by. I can't even remember when he first started eating what we ate, but he's only 13 months and we've been eating the same meals for a while now. In addition to YS's greater comfort with table food, he wants to do whatever his big brother does, so he was never happy with baby food. We also were far more laidback in introducing foods to YS because neither OS, the big giraffe, any of our extended family, nor I have any food allergies. That said, we are still waiting a while before we let YS try nuts or shellfish.
My biggest advice would be to talk to your pediatrician. That way you can get
Advice specific to your child
Instructions on how to assess whether your baby is properly chewing and swallowing food
Up-to-date information on how often and how much the baby should be getting from the bottle or the breast
Feeding babies table food is definitely something that I've found to be easier the second time around (although I know that's not true for everyone.)
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Different babies transition to solid food at different speeds, with different levels of enthusiasm, and showing different food preferences.
My son gave up baby food before he gave up the bottle, and I took away the bottle the week after his first birthday. He then went on what I like to call the "Cheerio Diet (tm)." He alternated between eating mass quantities of red grapes, Cheerios by the bucket, and yogurt.
And that was it.
At nearly four years old, my son will now eat nearly anything. He even eats asparagus. I don't know why I was so worried!
My daughter was toothless until the week before her birthday, and she was able to gum anything with ease.
That's good to know. My son is 18 months and only now just settling in with real people food. I was worried about the teeth thing, too, because he didn't have any molars until about a month ago. With my second due any day now, I was anxious about have to puree and spoon feed him all the while caring for a newborn.
Hopefully his little sister will follow in YS' footsteps and transition earlier.
at 7 months old my son rejected baby food outright. I called the ped. and they said "give him table food." I was shocked. But, he ate it right up and never looked back. I think if I ever had a 2nd one I would skip baby food. It's really an american invention. In other countries, babies get what the parents are eating, and none of this, start with cereal,then vegetables, then fruit, then meats nonsense.
At the moment Signal is eating breakfast (usually avocado mixed with some other fruit and cereal) and supper (a veggie or two, some fruit and a few rice puffs), but he seems more like OS in his relaxed approach to it all.
He's currently still taking in about 32 ounces of formula a day, so I'm not exactly worried about that. I'm just not sure that I can see a total cut off of formula at a year. Only time will tell!
Oh good, somebody else obsesses about what their kids eat. To hear the women in my family talk, "kids will eat what they'll eat" and you are NOT to concern yourself with it or you'll end up one of those calorie-counting freaks who steers her kids into anorexia or obesity. Mine is NOT into table food.
With the severe reflux and the constant feeding problems, I'm always noting every bite/drop that goes in my kid's mouth. Mine's 8 1/2 months, and has shunned table chicken (and jarred meat of any kind, for that matter). She will, however, eat little pieces of pasta from your soup, and BOY howdy, you'd better hand over that orzo the minute the waitress drops the bowl on the table.
Glad my kid isn't the only one who will definitely be a late bloomer, table food-wise.
I was paranoid enough about nutrition to continue offering a cup of formula until my son was 15 months or so. (Forget the exact age.) It is more nutritious than cow's/soy milk, thanks to the addition iron.
Now that he is 3, unless he is sick, I figure my job is to serve a healthy variety of food, and let him eat it.
I think with formula in particular, it is easy for FTMs to become obsessed with measuring, and the switch from 32 ounces of formula a day to none can be rough ground because who really knows what actually ends up in their mouths? :)
Blog Round-Up on the Morning Show and Breastfeeding Ban
Because the segment on Fox TV was so short, none of the panelists got to fully express our points of view. I wanted to do one final post to reinforce a couple of the arguments that I consider to be most critical, and to link to all of the posts that I have seen that have further discussed and debated what happened on that show. Several of them include vigorous comment exchanges representing both sides of the issue. I would recommend that anyone who is interested in either side of the argument take a scan.
Suzanne also wrote several posts about the show on CUSS and Other Rants including This Just In which was a shout-out announcing it in which expressed her support. "I am excited to sit in the audience and give her a big thumbs up as she talks. I think it is no one's business to question why a woman uses formula." Suzanne also wrote Formula Feeding and Beaver Suckling which described her experience backstage before the show, and More Beaver Suckling which included some further reflections on the show.
Mrs. Chicky wrote Let's Hear it for Alex on New England Mamas providing a succint summary of what actually transpired on the air and sharing her personal support.
Amy spawned an extremely vigorous debate on formula feeding and the ban with her post on Club Mom entitled Blogger Takes on the Ban. Her words spoke directly to the issue of social pressure and guilt in saying "My first lactation consultant -- the one who admitted I needed to supplement, and supplement NOW -- described the formula in hospital bags like "sending someone home from rehab with crack in their suitcase."" She also clearly argued that just because breast milk may be best, does not make formula a bad choice when it is appropriate. "Breast milk is amazing. It's wonderful, almost miraculous stuff. But like Alex said, formula is not rat poison either...We moms have enough pressure and choices to obsess and worry about already. Give us our choices, give us support and information, give us encouragement. Not a stupid "I Eat At Mom's" onesie.""
Jodi also shared her personal experiences in Yeah for Alex stating "I tried, I failed, I moved on. But not without a substantial amount of guilt. Look, we all know breast milk is better. There is no debate on that. But not all of us can, or, want to nurse. For me it was an impossibility." Jodi also challenged why a formula ban should even be a priority of our government. "I also think our Government has more important things to worry about. Aren't we in a war? Doesn't NYC have crime, poverty, school funding issues?" "
Kristen earns two distinctions. First, she is responsible for announcing my appearance on Fox from the most places, including from Motherhood Uncensored, the Blog Exchange with Blog Exchange Participant Alex Elliot on Mike and Juliet Today, and, with Julie, posting Parent Bloggers in the News on the Parent Bloggers Network. Second, her link from Motherhood Uncensored is one of the few things that I have ever seen leave my husband, The Big Giraffe, at a loss for words. Since he is Jewish, we both got a few chuckles from this blog getting a link from a post entitled A Woody with a Hoody Can be Sort of Goody.
With all that said, I want to share five key points that I consider most critical in this debate.
As I said in my original post, "As women, I think we are able to make our own decisions. I think as parents we do the best that we can, and we make the decisions that we feel are in the best interests of our own children."
Banning formula samples has the biggest impact on people who want to breastfeed and plan to breastfeed but can't. When my older son (OS), the Big Giraffe, and I got back from the emergency room at 3am when he was a week old, we knew that he had not been getting enough to eat. We were told to give him as much formula as he would drink. The hospital formula samples saved the Big Giraffe from having to choose between taking a dehydrated newborn out to a pharmacy in the middle of the night or leaving a dehydrated newborn in my care one week after I underwent 40 hours of labor followed by a c-section. Both of those choices were unpalletable. Not every community has a nearby 24 hour pharmacy. I know several other people who had almost identical experiences. It is great in the abstract to say that mothers can still request formula samples, but the people who most want to breastfeed are least likely to request those samples. The ban is potentially harmful to those families.
Using formula samples in time of need does not preclude women from going back to breastfeeding if they can do so and want to do so. I continued trying to breastfeed OS for several weeks (with heavy supplementing) until my lactation consultant told me that we could not make it work, and I tried again with my younger son (YS). Several commenters shared similar experiences, and I know many women personally who used formula for support, not as a crutch.
Even if some women abandon breastfeeding when the going gets touch if formula samples are available, Christina provided a comment sharing eyewitness accounts of mothers who fed their newborns regular cow milk if they were unable to breastfeed, which is far worse than any formula.
While breastfeeding is better than formula feeding, when it works, formula feeding is better than starving a child when breastfeeding does not work.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: There are a lot of strong feelings around how best to nurture children.
I just wanted to say that your take on this discussion really hit home for me. I was one of the women who ended up never really having milk come in and ended up rushing to the emergency pharmacy for bottles, formula, and a sterilizer. More than 4 months later we are still successfully combo-feeding a very happy, healthy baby and I get tired of justifying this decision to every other mother that I meet.
Well said, well argued, and thank you. We were sent home from the hospital failing at breastfeeding - daughter was a very poor latch, and a quickly frustrated screamer. We tried though the night to breastfeed her, and Thanksgiving morning at 6 AM we were desperate. I sincerely doubt we'd have found formula at that hour on that holiday. Thankfully, we got the small can of Similac and a sample bottle, and for the first time since I delivered her, my daughter stopped screaming and actually looked me in the eye.
What I want to know is why hospitals boot you out when you are clearly failing at breastfeeding but wanting to so badly. It's like they expect you to quit (or never get started, in my case) anyway!
PS - can't watch the clip from the show, there's a picture of a coffee carafe instead...???
I used that sample container of formula when I was told I couldn't breastfeed for a week due to medications I needed for complications. I breastfed afterwards, and having the sample made no difference in my choice, but it was sure nice to have - like you described, one less thing for a late night run to a pharmacy.
I think that pulling formula samples is a ridiculous move and purely economic in nature-not for the formula companies but for public assistance. As county hospitals are located in poorer sections of the city and their patients usually rely on Medicaid and WIC for themselves and their children, the government doesn't want to pay for formula if it doesn't have to--thus the push for breastfeeding and pulling samples.
For the record, my 2 daughters were given pumped breastmilk until 6 weeks and 3 weeks, respectively. I had to stop for various reasons. I had to find the right kind of formula for each of them, samples came in handy (also having an aunt working at an OBG office and a very giving pediatrician) but now I take any samples and formula coupons for the ones we don't use and donate them to a women's home.
What is next, pulling the disposable diaper samples? That is another debate...
I just wanted to put up a quick post to thank so many old friends, people I just met at BlogHer, and new visitors to this site for linking, commenting, and sending emails offering so much support.
For those of you who did not catch the show on TV, there is a clip on-line. There was more to the discussion, particularly where we got into discussing the actual New York City policy banning city-run hospitals from including formula samples in diaper bags gifted to new moms and how formula is an acceptable alternative for women who can't or choose not to breastfeed. This video will at least give you a "swallow from the bottle," as it were.
You can go down two posts by scrolling or clicking to see more of my argument against The Latest Formula Ban, or check back over the next few days as I share more on the subject.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: I always believed that we bloggers are a community. Now I know it.
Formula Fed and Flexible Parenting will be on Fox TV Tomorrow!!!!
Yes, you did read it right! I am so excited to be appearing on The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet tomorrow to discuss my post from yesterday about why the government should not ban formula samples from hospital gift bags for new Moms.
No way... that is too cool!! Can't WAIT to hear all about what it's like to be on TV!!! And I'm going to try to figure out how to Tivo it... BTW- was great to meet you in Chicago!
Fantastic job, Alex. You managed to make it clear that breast feeding is the optimum decision but if breast feeding is not an option, then women should not be made to feel guilty. It is all about choice and not having the government make a paternalistic decision for women.
I love your blog! I also enjoyed watching you display such a confidence on TV!!! Many congratulations. I subscribe to your blog with Bloglines and look foward to reading you almost everyday. BTW...I kinda let loose on Newsweek yesterday. You may appreciate my long winded rant http://blogspot.expectingexecutive.com/2007/08/06/blog-challenge-mom.aspx
Keep up the FANTASTIC work. Erin www.expectingexecutives.com
Last year Massachusetts almost banned the inclusion of free formula samples in hospital gift bags for new moms. New York City has now instituted such a ban. So what did I think of the action in MA? My opinion hasn't changed much since then. I still don't understand why it's an either/or situation. Yes, I've heard the arguments. A good friend of mine is a lactation consultant. She believes that if there is formula in the house, then a frustrated, tired new mom will reach for it instead of trying to continue breastfeeding. That may very well be true or it may very well not.
As women, I think we are able to make our own decisions. I think as parents we do the best that we can, and we make the decisions that we feel are in the best interests of our own children. (Note that I decided not to say your children.) We know ourselves best, and we know our babies best. New moms already feel shaky enough about parenting a newborn baby (if you didn't then you have my sincere admiration and congratulations); we don't need the guilt trip on top of it. We already do that to ourselves. As such I find it offensive that lawmakers don't feel that we're capable of saying that we don't want the formula. Certainly when I was at the BlogHer conference this weekend, I purposely did not take swag that I didn't want including the free Curves bars (don't even get me started on Curves) because I knew if I had them I would eat them, and that's not what I want to spend calories on.
Of course, I should clarify that moms in NYC will still get formula if they ask for it. Likewise, many places have 24 hour pharmacies or grocery stores where formula can be bought. However, to me the point is not quibbling over $5 worth of formula, but the principle of it: we should be able to decide for ourselves. I know many mothers who chose not to take the formula. Then there are other moms like me who needed it (and realized that we needed it at 3 am when we were home, unable to breastfeed with a crying newborn). We got to choose. What is that saying about us as adults and particularly as women when we need to have a decision like that regulated by law? I am not arguing that formula is better than breastmilk. However, it's not as if we're feeding our babies rat poison. The government does not need to protect adult women from the choice to give their babies formula.
I have heard people argue that formula should be banned from gift bags because it allows a commercial venture to place their product samples with new moms in a form of shameless self-promotion. I have yet to hear that argument applied to the sample magazines, sample medicines, or other product samples that are often given for free by hospitals, sometimes in the same gift bags. This is about delegitimizing a women's choice to feed her child formula. It is not about striking down the excesses of capitalism.
We should not be attempting to hide formula. We should be promoting breastfeeding. There is still a terrible lack of support for breastfeeding moms. It is still illegal for moms to breastfeed in public in MA. Here's what I think would be a great gift inside the free diaper bag in NYC: a certificate for a free lactation consultant session. That may be asking for too much. On the other hand, it ought to be possible to give new moms a refrigerator magnet with phone numbers of lactation consultants and resources for breastfeeding. For example, my insurance company has a nurse hotline 24 hours a day. Presumably that hotline offers some breastfeeding advice, but it would be nice for new moms to have absolute confidence that they know where they can find help. If I were committed to breastfeeding and frustrated in the middle of the night, my first instinct would be to call a hotline for help. If that weren't possible, then my next instinct would be to call first thing in the morning. Yes, my hospital provided lactation consultants, but I know from my own experiences and from friends, the consultants were overworked and that they did not always have the time to give a really great breastfeeding session.
My final complaint is about the t-shirt. It says "I Eat At Mom's". I'll give you that it's clever. However, I view breastfeeding as a beautiful and natural occurrence; a special bond that can be formed (don't be so surprised, this is one of the reasons I was so devastated that I couldn't breastfeed although I did treasure my bottle feeding experience.) To me, it's the equivalent of eating at a 5 star restaurant. I wouldn't cheapen it by putting a t-shirt on your kid that basically says "I Eat at Ed's" (Ed Debevics anyone?) when your child has just eaten at the Rainbow Room. Ultimately though, it's your decision because just like everything else in parenting, we get to make our own decisions.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: It is possible and desirable to promote breastfeeding without limiting any woman's choice for whatever reason to feed her child formula.
I absolutely agree Alex. Having the choice to do what is best for you and your own baby is what matters. For my part, I had initial trouble breastfeeding my oldest child, and had formula nearby in case things didn't take off. Knowing that I had an option didn't make me cave on TRYING breastfeeding, it was simply reassuringly sitting there assuring that my baby would be fed, even if we couldn't get the hang of the breastfeeding thing. With each of the others I was grateful to have that supply on hand as well. I think to take it away is akin to telling a new momma what she has to do. And that is not what we want to do!
I really see your point. Admittedly when MJ was first born it was my intention to not formula feed and although I could have had free samples of formulas did I desire them (I gave birth at a midwife center which did not give out samples unless you specifically asked) I chose not to take them. I was idealistic and thought we would never have BF problems.
I agree that BFing needs support and it is absolutely absurd that women can not legally BF in public in any place. My argument to people who claim that it is inappropriate or disgusting somehow is that I find overweight people snarfing down McD's cheeseburgers disgusting, but I don't insist that THEY eat in a public restroom.
I also don't think that women who have tried to BF and have failed (for whatever reason) get enough support. My experience with places like LLL is that they are mean and judgmental women who have no sympathy for honest to god problems. (I'm not making this as a blanket statement because that would be ignorant. I'm only commenting on my own experiences.)
I never really gave two thoughts about the inclusion or exclusion of sample packets from hospital take home bags but you have given me something to think about. I never wanted them, but then again I always hate those stupid sample perfumes etc that fall out of magazines when I'm trying to read them. However, not that I think about it, I do think you're right. Why refuse samples? Why not include certificates towards LC sessions?
BFing does need to be promoted and supported, there is no doubt about that in my mind, but I don't think it should be at the morale expense of formula feeding mothers.
Thanks for this post, Alex. It is quite thought provoking.
This kind of stuff pisses me off. Of course we need to legislate whether hospitals can give out formula, because women are too freaking stupid to make their own decision about it.
"Oh, I was planning to breastfeed, but I got this free sample, so I guess I need to bottle feed instead."
Absolutely ludicrous. One of the most insulting things I've ever seen.
And, if the argument is that "product placement" shouldn't be in the hospital, then they need to stop giving you diapers too. Let's make all pregnant women bring their own diapers, or else hand out cloth diapers. That'll learn 'em!
I get kind of fired up about this because of how I was treated when my son was born. I cannot breastfeed. I will never be able to breastfeed. I've know this since I was 18 and had the massive breast reduction that rendered my nipples useless and ugly. My surgeon told me this. When I was pregnant, my OB/GYN confirmed it. So of course, every nurse in the hospital had to make me feel like crap.
I was barely out of recovery when a nurse came in and said, "You're breastfeeding right!" I responded with a polite, "No, I can't..." Before I could finish, she started up, "Oh yes, you can!"
Thanks lady. I already feel great about my inability to have a vaginal birth after 3 days of labor, maybe we could just top it with a nice dose of guilt over my non-functional boobs.
Here is my opinion. Women aren't stupid. It's your body. It's your baby. It's your decision. It doesn't matter why. You have the choice to feed your child however you want, and the message shouldn't be, "Congratulations on the birth of your new baby! You're a terrible mother!"
I think breastfeeding needs all the help it can get. We can fan the flames of the mommy wars, or talk about the real issue at hand. Most moms don't even initiate breastfeeding. I am terribly sorry for all the moms who couldn't due to surgery or other problems, but, the underdog is still the breastfeeders, as far as I am concerned. I think lactation consultants should be paid for by insurance or available free, and I don't see what this has to do with formula samples.
Having formula coming from the hospital makes it seem endorsed by the hospital, IMO. No one pretends that most moms shouldn't use disposable diapers or children's Tylenol, so those samples are irrelevant. There is no Healthy People 2010 national goal for cloth diapering or abstaining from Tylenol that our country is failing miserably at.
If a mother CHOOSES to feed formula, she can ask for the samples. In fact, she can ask for enough formula to feed her baby the entire time she is there. How is choice being impeded here by NOT sending it home with everybody, regardless of their feeding choice?
Choice is key. I did both. I simply couldn't keep up with the demand of two babies. So I breastfed and formula fed. There is nothing wrong with either. I really wish the government/state would step out of this particular issue.
Hilary - so are you honestly saying that you think this is an issue that *should* be legislated? That's just absurd. No matter if BFing is underdog or not. How is it appropriate to legislate this issue at all?
Way to go Alex. I think it is insane to say that hospitals endorse formula over bottle feeding because they give out a few samples. Do they then endorse one parenting magazine over another? Or one disposable diapers over another?
It sounds to me like there is PLENTY of encouragement at the hospital for women to breastfeed and just throwing some free swag in a bag is not going to damage that. People need to get off their high horses about breastfeeding and mind their own business.
Well said. I found your take on this topic extremely interesting. As a mother who breastfed but who also received the free formula I never saw the big deal fuss for either argument: for or against. But I did have a problem with the perceived monopoly of one certain maker of formula. You comparison to the magazines in particular made me think.
Speaking as a mother who breastfed - and whose children both self-weaned at five months - I was glad to have a few samples of formula sitting around. That shit is expensive.
Having it in my cupboard didn't make me want to give up breastfeeding. Cracked and bloody nipples did that.
I find it highly entertaining that many people who are pro-choice can also be so militant about breastfeeding. Inconsistent much?
I don't know what I think about legislation on this issue. I am a labor and delivery nurse who believes strongly in the benefits of breastfeeding.
HOWEVER...
My nursing philosophy is that we, as nurses, give patients information. Our patients are always free to make their own choices. If the patient makes a choice that I don't agree with, I still have a professional responsibility to support that patient and to continue to do my best to maintain a therapeutic relationship.
This is a really difficult balance to maintain in obstetrics -- because, so often, the decisions being made are benefiting or harming a fetus or newborn -- not just the mom. I still firmly believe that those choices are the mom's to make. But, Alex, I wish that you could see some of my patients. The ones who come in to L&D with a cigarette hanging out of the side of their mouths, or the ones who try to feed their 45 minute old baby a french fry. Or the ones who have to have a police escort because they "went into labor" as they were being arrested. Or the ones (so many of these) who don't get any prenatal care and just show up at our door when their water breaks. I guess I hope that somebody holds my hospital accountable -- so that these women, with whatever hardships they have endured that have led them to be under informed about the childbirth process -- so that my hospital will only be allowed by law to give them the most beneficial gifts to take home.
But, I totally see your argument and respect it. And I really don't know what the answer is. But I am awfully fond of typing.
Can I also take a minute here and ask if I'm the only person that feels like breastfeeding IS promoted? Every mom I know breastfeed. I felt like a complete outsider when I'd whip out a bottle of formula.
Amy - you're not the only one. I formula fed (long story), I did try to breastfeed and could not - despite my best efforts, three weeks of trips to a lactation consultant, herbs, teas, fenugreek, you name it, I tried it - and I felt like virtually everyone else was breastfeeding. I caught many the hairy eyeball when out in public with my infant as I whipped out a can of enfamil.
Thank you for writing this post. I managed to breastfeed for four months and pumped for one addditional month after my son just stopped wanting to nurse. What did I do? I reached for that free sample of formula. I was glad to have that on stand-by for the moment nursing didn't carry on.
I came to this post via Motherhood Uncensored and can I say thank you so much. I was a mom who had always thought I would breastfeed (my mom was very pro-BF, and it was what I knew). It never occurred to me that it might not work for me. But after dangerous blood pressure, a very hungry baby and very stressed husband and me in tears, we decided it was going to be the bottle. We never regretted it. My mom was there when we made the decision and she was so supportive. I have been made to feel like less of a mom because I used formula. But my take is that there have always been bottle babies, we just have much better formula these days than straight milk from the cow, goat or water buffalo. I also have fairly big boobs that look like I should have breast feed for sure.
The part that kills me about this is that it seems that many people are incapable to discussing it rationally. Why read this post as anti-BFing (I'm speaking of a conversation I had with someone else). I think it is CLEARLY not.
Why is it that it is so difficult for people to have discussions about BFing and FFing without it turning into personal attacks?
I don't see why this is a discussion about feeding anyway. In my mind this is a discussion about legislation getting involved where it shouldn't. Why focus on samples? Because it is an easy thing to do and it makes people *feel* like something is being done.
The suggestions Alex made in her post would be MUCH more effective that banning samples.
Very interesting discussion going on here. I have to say, at least in South Florida, breastfeeding is MOST DEFINITELY the underdog! Between my relatives who work in labor and delivery and my friends' and relatives' first-person accounts, newborns are routinely given formula in hospitals, and mothers aren't even asked if they plan to breastfeed. If you don't state it and are firm about it, staff moves forward with formula. (Just another reason why I chose not to give birth in a hospital).
At least in these parts, BF is rare and it's hard for nursing moms to find support outside LLL. I mean, I personally have heard it referred to as "that thing" that is "gross".
The assumption here is that moms will not BF, and hospitals generally do NOT offer information/support in the same way they hand out formula cans. There's a big discrepancy, and that's my main problem with the practice.
I don't believe that removing an promotional item (formula gift bags) from the hospitals deprives anyone of the choice of formula feeding. The aim of removing the advertising samples of formula is to stop letting formula companies have free access to mothers in the hospital under the guise of a gift. Nurses should not be shilling for the companies.
In addition, most formula bags include powdered formula, which can put some infants at risk to severe illness and possibly death from bacteria (like e.sakazaki).
That being said, I do not deny that support after mothers get home is one of the biggest changes our society needs in order to help mothers breastfeed.
I was glad to have some formula samples lying around. It helped introduce the bottle when I didn't have much breastmilk pumped.
The pressure to breastfeed was stifling, and yet the nurse fed my son formula while he was in the "continuing care nursery" without consulting me first.
I had lactation consultants screaming at me for "letting" him have formula, and I had nurses screaming at me that clearly he wasn't "getting enough" from me, so they would have to supplement.
In the end, the way I was able to successfully breastfeed was to also offer a bottle of formula once a day. Less stress for me meant a greater milk production, so eventually I was able to feed exclusively breast for several days in a stretch, BUT, I could also have my husband feed formula if I needed a nap.
(Yes, I pumped, so sometimes those Daddy-fed bottles were of breastmilk.)
Our hospital dispatched lactation consultants to all new mothers: it was a demeaning and frustrating experience. I wish they could have helped instead of lecture - encourage instead of guilt-trip. If they want more moms to (at least try to) breastfeed, they should be supportive rather than condescending.
I get really fired up about this because new moms face so many pressures to do things a "certain way" and it is not worth the stress. Newborns need moms who can feel secure in their choices. Newborns need moms who won't be resentful. Newborns need moms who can heal from the delivery rather than staying up pumping and being criticized by nurses and lactation consultants.
(PS: My son has been diagnosed with autism. Some of the sensory situations that affect him no doubt impacted his ability to breastfeed. Over and over again, the "right" way to do things isn't correct for his particular situation. Like you say in your blog title, we need to be FLEXIBLE!)
Absolutely. That little can of free formula saved my ass with my first daughter. She hated breastfeeding from the start, and fought it every chance she could. When you have a baby screaming in the middle of the night because she's hungry and won't latch on, I'd rather give her formula than let her starve because I have a point to prove that breastfeeding is better.
My first was partially formula fed until she was four months, and then completely formula fed after that. My second is so far completely breastfed and hates bottles. I'm glad I finally get the chance to breastfeed with her, but I still have my free can of formula sitting in the kitchen in case I need it.
And sadly, I think the free formula is needed for another reason. There are some less-caring or less-educated mothers out there who would wake in the middle of the night, be unable to breastfeed, and either let the child scream himself to sleep in hunger or give him a bottle of cow's milk or something else unhealthy. My mother sees it all the time at the hospital where she works. Better to have the formula there than risk hurting a newborn's delicate digestive system and malnourishing them just because we want to push breastfeeding.
I feel there is a class issue at play here as well. Afterall, formula feeding moms with discretionary income can just pack their own Enfamil in their hospital bag.
Banning free formula samples, as others have mentioned, has the potential to hurt infants, and disproportionately to harm lower income infants. Might formula samples sabotage a breastfeeding relationship? Sure, but of the number of mothers I know of who successfully breastfed--many extended bf-ers--almost all of them used some formula, whether it was in those first rough days, or shortly after when they needed to leave a bottle and did not feel like pumping, or were unable to do so.
If we want to promote higher breastfeeding rates, we need to first make real maternity leave available for *all* mothers, AND throw in your idea of free consultations with LCs.
Until we have the structural support in play within our society to really make breastfeeding a workable majority goal, I simply cannot get behind banning formula samples.
Can you imagine the flak those moms who ask for formula will get? I have a few friends who were unable to breastfeed the first time around, and decided not to even go there with future kids, who were harassed when they made the choice to use formula from the start with kid #2 or 3.
I feel there is a class issue at play here as well. Afterall, formula feeding moms with discretionary income can just pack their own Enfamil in their hospital bag.
Banning free formula samples, as others have mentioned, has the potential to hurt infants, and disproportionately to harm lower income infants. Might formula samples sabotage a breastfeeding relationship? Sure, but of the number of mothers I know of who successfully breastfed--many extended bf-ers--almost all of them used some formula, whether it was in those first rough days, or shortly after when they needed to leave a bottle and did not feel like pumping, or were unable to do so.
If we want to promote higher breastfeeding rates, we need to first make real maternity leave available for *all* mothers, AND throw in your idea of free consultations with LCs.
Until we have the structural support in play within our society to really make breastfeeding a workable majority goal, I simply cannot get behind banning formula samples.
Can you imagine the flak those moms who ask for formula will get? I have a few friends who were unable to breastfeed the first time around, and decided not to even go there with future kids, who were harassed when they made the choice to use formula from the start with kid #2 or 3.
I'm wicked late, so I doubt anyone is checking this, but to Hilary:
Three-quarters of all women attempt breastfeeding. It's hardly the underdog. Maybe back in the 60s, it was (in fact, it most definitely was), but it's back in vogue with a vengeance, and for good reason.
However, whether it's formula or breastfeeding that's the underdog, that is no reason to judge anyone for their choices. As Alex said, it's YOUR baby, and mothers do what's best for them.
Coming from a culture that has the alarming and outdated belief that nursing is something only poor uncivilised people do (I am a Malaysian Chinese and my MIL was the one who told me that - the rich, apparently, hire wet nurses when formula had not been invented), Malaysian nursing moms are, sad to say, a dying breed.
Formula/bottle-feeding is the preferred mode of nutrition today because of a custom we call 'confinement' where a mother is supposed to turn into a vegetable and remain horizontal for four weeks or risk having her uterus fall out in old age.
As a mom who formula-fed her first daughter and breastfed her second, I don't feel as much guilt as I do regret for not having persevered with my first child because once I'd gotten the hang of it, it was the most natural thing to do in the world. And therein lies the difference - I never felt guilty for not having nursed my first child BECAUSE other moms did it. What other moms did/didn't do have no bearing on my ability to be a good mother.
Still, I cannot tell you how many times I've wanted to slap a new Malaysian mom on her head when asked why she decided not to bf and her answer is, "My husband says my breast milk smells!" or "Oh, my mom says breastfeeding will make my boobs sag/shrink/implode". I must confess to having wished that my government would erect laws against formula-feeding, just for the first few months you know, to see how these women will react.
Just an experiment. For a while.
As for laws against free formula, don't the govt know better than to ban swags?!
Just one comment that I believe needs to be said to your otherwise very intelligent and articulate post...
NYC has banned smoking in public places, trans fats from all restuarants and now formula freebies. The first two didn't raise an eyebrow. I do NOT understand why people get all upset about the government saying that breastfeeding IS best. It is no different from saying trans fats are no good and therefore, even though you are a competant adult and able to make your own decisions, we are making this one in the interest of public health.
As you stated, if you want to formula feed, then all you have to do it ask for it, just like if you are having trouble with breastfeeding and feel the desire to continue then you just need to ask for the help. Our society has become so self-entitled that they get their panties in a wad because it isn't just handed to them? Absurd in my mind.
Although the fact that MY tax dollars are actually going to this crap, does bother me, but I feel as though we have let the horse out of the gate already on whether we are going to allow the government to make these health choices for us.
We are talking about asking for formula samples vs. being given them under the guise of a "breast feeding support kit" No one is taking away the samples. They are just *trying* to promote the healthiest option.
This so not about breast vs. bottle. It's about giving women the correct information... and the formula companies are not going to give you anything to help you breastfeed in their "support kit" They kind have a vested interest in you buying formula.
I do not understand why this has to be a "law" per say but as the previous comment said the government in NY has been banning things and putting policies into place long before now. Why is this one such an issue? I suspect it's due to the tired ol' breast vs. bottle mommy wars.
I think they should allow women to make their own choices. Perhaps there is a better solution than just saying either everyone gets them (unless they specifically ask for them not to be put in) or no one gets them. Perhaps they could make a bag for exclusively breastfeeding women, one for bottle-feeding women and one for women who do both or are unsure. Or perhaps instead of putting the sample itself in the bag, they could put a coupon for a free can, then it's a 2 step process. You're frustrated with breastfeeding but you have to go to the store to get your free formula.
I do have to admit that they accommodate people who breastfeed in the hospital by having lactation consultants available why wouldn't they accommodate people who going to bottle-feed.
I do think it's a waste of our tax dollars for them to be passing legislation on it. It seems like sometimes they just don't think they have anything important to pass legislation on so they think up stupid stuff. How about trying to get us out of Iraq?
Alex - the magnet with lactation consultant info on it would be fantastic! With my first (who also came one month early) I felt like I had no one to turn to. My doctor supported our decision but didn't offer us help when really needed. Since it was my first, I didn't have any friends to turn to. All that has changed and my breastfeeding attempts went much easier with the other two (although number two still had failures, I wasn't as upset/second guessing my decision as much). By the time #3 came, I tried again. And she's the one I nursed the longest (10 months). However, I still supplemented when I needed to because I knew it wouldn't harm her.
Also it's surprising that it is illegal to nurse i npublic in MA. In CT it's illegal to stop someone from nursing. I believe I probably nursed daughter in public in MA without knowing. I know I did in VT and RI....
Imagine going to jail for breastfeeding in public! ha! I love that this blog exists, having had mucho breastfeeding problems and experienced much guilt about having to bottlefeed. Thank you!
I know that this is a very old post, but since I found it presumably others will as well. First of all, let's keep in mind the the issue is not only whether mothers breastfeed their babies or not. The mother's (or the parents') decision relates to the most vulnerable members of our society, newborn babies. So we must make doubly sure that their interests are not compromised. Banning formula samples does not limit a mother's choices. All mothers know that formula is an option. But countless studies have shown that formula samples DO impact mother's choices. In fact it limits them, because once a mother has switched to formula returning to breastfeeding is harder. AS long as she is still nursing she can always wean. And what if she can't afford the formula? It's naive to assume that mothers--or anyone--are immune to marketing. Especially mothers of newborns, who are in hormonal flux and naturally concerned about health of their babies. They are especially vulnerable to sophisticated marketing techniques. And even one bottle can increase a baby's risk of allergy and illness. I know many experienced breastfeeding mothers who were persuaded to offer formula to their babies by hospital staff. If we can limit cigarette and alcohol advertising to teens, surely we can ban free samples of an unnecessary and risky product for our youngest citizens. Formula marketing has no place in hospitals.
Today the boys and I went over to a friend's house for a playdate. OS and Jake play together really well. Usually they play a game where OS and Jake yell out "Ready, set, go!" and then they do a loop through my friend's first floor. I'm not sure what exactly the point of this game is other than just having fun, but they love it. YS also loves it. He crawls behind them as fast as his little legs can move. They usually have completed two rounds of this before he makes it to the appointed finish line which is typically a chair. I like it because it tires both of the boys out so that they have a good "quiet time" in the afternoon. Plus I can talk to my friend since the kids are all occupied.
OS was particularly excited because tomorrow morning he gets to go over to Jake's house since YS is having ear tubes put in. I would be lying if I didn't say I was nervous. He's my baby after all! I do worry about the anesthesia. OS had a whole bunch of difficulties and some speech and gross motor delays which were later attributed to the fact that he had a lot of fluid in his ears. He tested as deaf during his audiology test.
When we first were referred to the ENT, I was adamant that OS not get ear tubes. I didn't really understand them. I was picturing them to be some big contraption that everyone could see and that would prevent him from swimming. As a former competitive swimmer, it was unthinkable to me that OS wouldn't be able to swim. I also was convinced that we would have numerous problems with them. The ENT said he could do a course of super-antibiotics instead of tubes and then see what happened.
The antibiotic worked, but left OS with diarrhea and a diaper rash that bled. The ENT then explained to me the full scoop about ear tubes and cleared up my misconceptions. OK really I called my dad (who's a doctor) and was completely hysterical until he talked to a couple of his friends who were ENTs and got their recommendations and explanations. The ENT also said that OS's Eustachian tubes were abnormally shaped and that ear infections were basically unavoidable. I have to admit that it had crossed my mind (actually more likely hit me like a semi-truck on multiple occasions multiple times a day) that OS might be sitting in the ENT's office because I formula fed. The ENT said that wasn't the case at all. Truth be told, as I've said before, I was exclusively breastfed and I lost 10% of my hearing from ear infections. It was definitely genetics at play here.
Genetics remain in play for YS. Except this time was different. When YS had his first ear infection I was already on his pediatrician's case about being closely monitored. After two more I was quite clear that I didn't want the same problems that we had with OS. I definitely was neurotic, but hey you're your child's best advocate. Tomorrow at the crack of dawn, we will be driving over to the ENT for our 12 month old to get ear tubes. His pediatrician recommended them and the ENT thought it was a good idea.
I know people have had problems with ear tubes. It definitely is not a decision to make lightly. I also know that at least when OS got his tubes the latest research said that they didn't decrease the amount of ear infections in children. I'm honestly not sure what the current research has said. I do know this though: for OS they seemed to perform miracles. He has had them for 2 years (yes, they've never fallen out) and he has had only one ear infection which was within a month of first getting them. I knew because the fluid dripped right out of his ear like I was told it would. With a couple weeks of the surgery, he started speaking in simple sentences. Obviously each child is different and each parent needs to make their own decision based on their own child. As Jodifur says "Parent the child you have."
Hopefully the ear tubes will work as well for YS as they have for OS. As for Jake's mom, well her family normally doesn't get up until much later in the morning and we'll be dropping off OS at 6:15 am. She has reassured me many times that it's OK. We're surprising her with a gift certificate to a restaurant she really likes so she can get take-out for dinner tomorrow night. As for me? Of course you know I'm still not going to sleep well tonight. YS is blissfully unaware and right now asleep (sans mashed potatoes in his hair since the Big Giraffe gave him a bath immediately after dinner.)
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: With any medical procedure, it's best to get the most current information and not rely on information from when you were in 2nd grade.
I especially like your lesson learned on this. And it's nice that YS gets to benefit from your previous experience. There is a lot to be gained from not being first-born!
Last week I took my younger son (YS) to the doctor because I was convinced that he had an ear infection. YS's pediatrician wasn't in the office that day so we saw a different doctor in the practice. Thankfully, and much to my surprise, YS had popped a molar and that was what was causing the pain. After convincing the doctor that I wasn't a first time mom, he asked the usual questions including wanting to know if YS was still on Enfamil Lipil. Actually he's not because I ran out of formula and dipped into the supply of free Enfamil Next Step formula that Enfamil mailed to me. (They had also mailed samples to a bunch of my friends who generously passed the samples to me. )
Let me just back track to say that when my older son (OS) transitioned from formula to milk the doctor told me that I might have to mix the two because OS might not like the taste of the milk. However, this was not the case for him. I was also told that I could transition him at 11 months which I ended up not doing because we had a lot of formula left.
YS did just fine with the straight transition to the Stage 2. I wasn't too surprised because his pediatrician had told me that the literal formula for the two formulas is similar. However, he will be 1 year old on June 21st (I can't believe it!) and so I mentioned to the doctor that when the cans run out I might just switch him over to whole milk. He said in reality YS would probably be just fine. However he himself recommends doing a week of 40% milk to 60% formula, followed by a week of 1:1, followed by a week of 40% formula to 60% milk to allow the enzymes time to build up and thus reduce the chance of a lactose intolerance.
I thought this was very interesting. I told him that I went straight to whole milk with OS at 13 months (that's when we ran out of formula) except for an initial bottle where I combined the milk with the formula. He said that since OS did fine and that YS has done fine with other milk products (yes, that would include ice cream. What can I say except that he's a second born.) that YS would probably be fine. Now of course I have a little bit of mom guilt. I know that knowledge is supposed to be power, but I was very happy thinking that I was going to give YS a straight bottle of whole milk in the next few weeks. I have a feeling that I probably will initially mix the two and continue to mix until I run out of formula. If that gets me to the "second week" of mixing, then I'm not going to go out and buy another can of formula.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Different doctors have different opinions on transitioning from formula to whole milk; no big surprise there!
I think I have learned not to ask the doctor if I just want to do it my way. But that said, both of my big kids had trouble with the transition to milk, so we did the soy thing for several months, gradually getting their bellies used to the cow's milk. Neither of them has a problem now. My youngest did fine with milk straight away. I just wish his food vocabulary included more than milk and peanut butter.
We're going to wave our wand of Mommy Guilt absolution over you! sure the doctor has his recommendations, but he's not the one who will be feeding your son for the duration. Easy for him to recommend all that extra work of mixing and measuring. He's not the one doing it. We're not saying his way is "bad" what we are saying is your way is probably fine too. Weigh them both and see which one feels right to you. But also remember your doctor did say it was probably fine to do it the way you described too! You know your kid, you know his tummy, and even if you make a mistake and he has a more difficult time than expected, you are mom, not a psychic, so just allow yourself the freedom to "Do over" just like our kids say all the time! If you need more absolution, we'll be at BlogHer too! We're not saying ignore your doctor, we're just urging you not to discount your own feelings either!
One of the benefits of formula feeding, is that my husband, The Big Giraffe (BG), was able to handle all the night-time feedings and diaper changes for our younger son (YS) while I have been recovering from my c-section. With YS turning eleven-months-old today, BG is suddenly starting to get suspicious. We had the following conversation earlier this evening:
BG: When will you finally be fully recovered from your c-section? AE: What? BG: When are you going to be able to start getting up with the boys at night? AE: I'm still recovering. BG: Still recovering? I think that's nonsense. When do I get to catch up on sleep? AE: You got to sleep last night! BG: Umm...OS got up at 5:00 this morning, remember? AE: That's right, but he always prefers you when he's scared at night. BG: That's not true, and anyway he wasn't scared. He wanted a new pullup. AE: Well you weren't awake to hear him. He said "I want Daddy. Mommy doesn't do as good of a job."
I just don't think he's buying it. Perhaps it's time to have a third baby.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: A c-section recovery doesn't last forever.
I've heard of women trying to use the post-partum time to get out of cleaning the kitty litter box.
My husband can sleep through the most high pitched screaming. And when I do get him to climb out of bed to help a kid, he just brings the kid back into our bed.
Nice work Alex! It would never work for me, Al after all "Has to go to work in the morning". Unlike me of course, I just sit around and blog all day. :)
my wife's c-section recovery ended when MY four months off work were up. then she was the one who had to get up alone (we used to get up together - it was sickeningly sweet!). i am not sure how long this will last though...
The title of this post is a direct quote from Jodi. One of the things that was the hardest for me when I realized I needed to formula feed my older son (OS) was that I felt completely alone. As I've said before, I didn't really know anyone who was exclusively formula feeding. A cousin of the Big Giraffe was, but she lived over an hour away from me. I also couldn't learn about formula feeding from bloggers. Blogging wasn't as big then, and even if it had been, as valuable as it may as reading about other people's experiences, the written word doesn't have the same nuances or tone as real speech. When Jodi told me she was going to describe her experiences with formula on Motherhood Uncensored Blogtalk Radio, on the show entitled "Mommy Guilt: Don't Let it Eat You Alive," I was really looking forward to hearing her. First of all, I really enjoy her blog, but second of all, I wanted to hear what she said about formula feeding.
In the show Jodi describes her inability to breastfeed despite trying everything the lactation consultant suggested. Her son would not latch on. She also described about how embarrassing it was for her to pull out a bottle in public. I could empathize with what she said. My first experience in the world of moms friends was through a community new moms group. I was the only one in the group who didn't breastfeed. Two of the women in the group were very vocal about the benefits of breastfeeding to the extent that I began to doubt the science I had studied for my post-BA certificate, not to mention my parenting. My cell biology professor set me back on track by describing the different types of antibodies that are in the human body and how each are transferred, but the guilt that I was a terrible mom still remained. Jodi is right; when you're not comfortable with bottle feeding, pulling out a bottle in public is very embarrassing. Sara has a story on her blog about someone she knows who had a double mastectomy and got a hard time from someone when formula feeding her baby in public.
The second thing I wanted to address about Jodi's talk show was that no one ever told her that some babies don't ever breastfeed. I was fortunate that my lactation consultant gave me "permission" to throw in the nursing bra so to speak and assured me that my baby would be just fine. However, this was after OS was 8 days old and had been in the ER for dramatic weight loss. I needed someone to tell me it was okay. My husband and I were both breastfed. I come from a medical family. I had taken all these science classes and learned about breastmilk and antibodies. I needed someone with a medical background to support me and tell me that my baby would be fine. With my second child, I had to come to the place when I was pregnant where I could give myself permission to stop. There is a reason that my kids are 34 months apart. Before I walked into the hospital to give birth, I decided to take breastfeeding from moment to moment. At any point if I felt that I was seeping back into the black hole I had been in with OS, I would stop, even if that meant I never even tried to breastfeed. For me, my descent occurred after I came home from the hospital when YS was about 1 week old. By that point he was so frustrated with my poor milk production that he wouldn't latch. I continued to pump for 4 more weeks until my milk was basically gone, and that was that. Unlike OS who couldn't latch, YS did latch onto me. I am glad that I got to experience those moments on breastfeeding with YS. It leaves me with a happy feeling towards my breastfeeding experiences.
I thought I would share a bit about my kids health experiences. Again, this blog is pro-breastfeeding, but this post in particular is about what happens if breastfeeding just doesn't work for whatever reason. My kids are both very healthy. We're the ones who are always at playgroup. My older son has missed preschool (aka germ city) a few times because of vacation and because I've been sick, but only once because he's been sick. I'm pretty strict about taking a sick day if there's any question. My older son had ear tubes, but I have been reassured many times by his ENT that it's because his Eustachian tube is abnormally shaped, and that it has nothing to do with formula feeding. So where did this Eustachian tube come from? From my genes, not from my bottles. I have a long list of ailments that I have suffered, despite being solely breastfed. That is not to say by any means that breastfeeding isn't good, but simply to show that it's not a guarantee of good health:
10% hearing loss due to silent ear infections
Scarlet Fever in kindergarten
Pneumonia twice in kindergarten
Horrible case of the chicken pox in second grade
Viral meningitis
weird long lasting high fever for a week and terrible sweats not to mention a strange rash that has left minor scars on my arms when I lived in NYC right after college
My parents call my Typhoid Alex because I had so many weird virus growing up
Thankfully no allergies
One of YS's pediatricians said that she personally thought poor health and allergies have more to do with genetics and what kids are exposed to. I know that YS got his first cold much earlier than OS did, but then again YS also had an older brother who was in preschool bringing home germs. As Jodi said "you parent the child you have". My kids are formula eaters.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: There are Babies Who Don't Nurse; It's Okay.
I am so glad you enjoyed the show, and you wrote something this powerful and important from it. I do think we as moms tend to be too hard on each other, we need to trust we know how to do what is right for our kids.
I didnt even try with my two boys, because it was my choice not to, and I am still proud of it. I was never embarrassed by using a bottle in public, the one and only time someone ever said anything to me about "how could you just do that right here in the store," I laughed at them. Parents make their own decisions on whats best for their children, or what works, there is nothing to be ashamed of, be it bottle or boob in public.
I'm glad you listened too, and it is absolutely true that some kids just dont' latch on. I actually did mention some point in the show that my own son was diagnosed with an "ineffective suck" something that isn't often discussed by MD's but certainly is known to occur in infants. If I didn't expand that to specifically saying to Jodi that some babies don't nurse, I was remiss.
It is absolutely true that there are babies who don't breastfeed and it's not about the mother at all, it's about the baby's make-up and just nature being nature. Finally, let me add in my experiences as a social worker, not being breastfed isn't a typical precurser to why someone would come in to my office to meet me and address their mental health issues. Breast feeding seems like a big deal because the issue comes up right away, but in the big picture, it's not the be all and end all of their entire future successes. It's not a failure on anyone's part if breastfeeding doesn't happen, for whatever reason.
It's okay not to breastfeed, it's okay if your baby doesn't breastfeed. What we need to develop is a society that realizes it. Now, let's all nurse a few drinks at BlogHer, shall we?
oops, maybe you meant that no one ever told Jodi when she was struggling with the nursing that some babies don't nurse? I thought you meant that no one on the show told her this and I wanted to make sure you knew Jodi had gotten some reassurance and support later on in the show if you had not listened to the full program.
Husband and I were both bottle fed. He came out very well. I'm sure that my nuttiness has to do with other factors. :)
I read a great book by Dr. Jennifer Shu on newborns and she repeatedly stresses that the most important thing for babies is having non-stressed mothers. The judgments that parents must deal with are more harmful than formula feeding by far.
I stumbled accross this blog, and I must say it's awesome!!!!!!!! It's about time that someone took a balanced approach to these issues. I spent too many wasted hours feeling guilty that I couldn't make breastfeeding work, instead of enjoying my first baby. Alas, I was about to do the same thing again with my second. Thank you for the reality check!
As I mentioned in a previous post this week, my younger son (YS) had the rotavirus. Yes, I know lucky us. We have had a couple of evenings where we've sat down to dinner only to have one son start crying, followed by the second son crying, followed by the dog barking ferociously at leaves outside that he's convinced are vicious intruders. I also found a blanket in the basement that I'm convinced the cats peed on, but either way it got thrown in one of the many loads of wash that we did.
Much to our relief, YS is doing fine. When he first got sick, I put him on soy formula even before I took him to the his pediatrician's office. I brought up switching to soy for the duration of the illness with the nurse practitioner, and she thought about it and then said it sounded like a good idea (I never had this issue with my older son (OS) because he had diarrhea for the first time this week at the ripe old age of 3.5 years.) Anyhow, I had him on it until the symptoms cleared up and then gave him a bottle of his regular formula, because first of all he seemed fine and second we were all out of soy. He was fussy, which honestly could have been from teething, but we didn't know for sure. Since OS already had a doctor's appointment, the Big Giraffe called and got permission for YS to be seen also. This doctor recommended having formula fed infants on soy formula for a full week. It is so interesting to me how different formula advice can be. I don't know why I'm surprised though because it seems like every doctor has a different opinion on food, sleep, potty training etc. which also isn't surprising since it tends to largely be based on their own experiences as doctors. She gave the Big Giraffe a sample of Prosobee Concentrate (concentrate is a liquid formula to which you add water as opposed to premade which is good to go) which was good seeing as we had run out of soy formula at home.
When it came time for YS's next bottle, I opened the can with one of those old fashioned can openers that make a triangular puncture. I then added equal amounts of concentrate to equal ounces of water. I have to say that I was so much happier with the concentrate that when the Big Giraffe went to go get a couple more cans of soy formula to see us through the end of the week, I asked him to get a premade or concentrate and not the powder. A while back I did a post on premade vs. powdered formulas. If my child were permanently on soy formula for his first year, I would still use the powder. However, for such a short period of time I chose the concentrate for the following reasons:
I had a hard time getting the powder to stay in solution. In fact, I noticed on some of YS's bottles that after sitting out for a short while (so maybe I'm not the best at getting the bottles into the dishwasher right away) the powder and the water separated
It left a weird film on the bottle even as YS was drinking it
YS seemed to prefer it and since we're supposed to be "concentrating" on getting him to drink as much fluids as possible, this was an important factor
He's only going to be on soy formula for a week and if I bought a can of the powder than I would have it for a very long time and it may not, hopefully will not, get used. YS is already 9.5 months. The cans only last us for a couple of days
So while not as exciting as my post on embarrassing childhood dramas or imaginary chinchillas, I thought it was worth mentioning.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Premade and concentrated formula are smoother than powdered formula, which sometimes makes it a better fit.
Interesting... I used concentrate once for a plane trip, but otherwise used those little single-use powder containers thereafter. I used to shake up the bottles seriously to make sure all the powder dissolved. Of course that equals bubbles, but if I made several bottles in advance it settled in time. Out here, concentrate is so much more expensive than powder that we chose the latter; but, I can see how the former would be great for those who can swing it!
You think the soy formula is weird? Try the actual soy milk! My son was never able to switch to regular milk, so he gets the store bought soy milk in his little sippy cups (hes 20 months)and the little bit at the bottom that gets left, if not washed out right away, turns into this thick mudslide goo stuff. And yes, the formula is weird too, but regular milk at least chunks up, soy just turns to sludge.
Karianna: Yes, the concentrate is more expensive here too!
Jessie: I try to drink a little soy milk when I have bad cramps (a friend suggested it and it does actually seem to help me), but as the carton starts to empty, it gets sludgy at the bottom and that's with it coming straight from fridge and being drunk in under a minute.
Samantha: That's such a good point about premies. In fact this is what I pulled off of the Enfamil site : "However, powdered infant formulas cannot be made commercially sterile and should not be fed to premature infants or infants with immune problems." (http://www.enfamil.com/app/iwp/Content4.do?dm=enf&id=-8791)
My younger son (YS) had his 9 month appointment last week. I was very curious to see how much he had grown and how much he weighed. Of course I was also excited to do a little "undercover work" for Formula Fed and Flexible Parenting. This time though I was really curious to know the answers to my questions because I genuinely didn't know.
Let me just back up and say for the past few months, I have received many generous donations of free samples of Enfamil Next Step formula from friends who have gotten it and didn't need it and perhaps a friend or two who may have "had a baby for me." That's just a rumor though! I also have received a few of these samples myself.
According to the label for the Enfamil Next Step, it's for babies as young as 9 months. Hey, that's YS's age! Could I save a bundle by switching over and using up all these free samples instead of going out and buying more of his regular formula?
I asked the pediatrician her opinion on these stage 2 formulas (also known as toddler formulas.) Her answer: pure marketing. She did say though that for some kids that have problems with milk or transitioning to milk, it's a good idea. Her recommendation was for me to try and switch YS over to whole milk at a year. If he was having difficulty with it, we would discuss different options. She also said that the literal formula for the formulas was slightly different. As such she would recommend just keeping YS on his current formula since it was going so well. A quick search on drugstore.com shows that Enfamil Next Step is actually cheaper than Enfamil Lipil. Even ignoring the sale, it's $1.02 per ounce versus $1.03 per ounce (the cans are different sizes.) So there you have it. My recommendation is to ask your own pediatrician. These stage 2 formulas appear to have popped up in the majority of the formula brands so obviously people are using them. Again, if you think it might be a good fit for your baby, ask her doctor.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Ask your child's pediatrician about her views on step 2 formulas.
Thanks for commenting on my blog! You're right that at least the Enfamil Step 2 formula does have more iron in it than regular Enfamil Lipil (2 mg vs 1.8 mg). I couldn't find the exact amounts on Similac's website. What YS's pediatrician had said was that the literal formulas or recipes for the formulas were in fact different, as you know, but since YS was doing so well on Enfamil Lipil, I should just leave him on it. Thus in my family's case, there was no need to switch.
It sounds like your son had a specific health issue, and that he is doing much better since the switch. In that situation, the switch might be a better move. I would still recommend a quick phone call to your pediatrician to double-check. That's what your pediatrician's office is there for, right? Did your doctor tell you to try and get your son to eat the infant cereals? When OS switched from formula to whole milk at about a year, we gave him Poly-VI-Sol with Iron which is over the counter liquid vitamin. http://www.enfamil.com/app/iwp/Product.do?dm=enf&id=-8816 If you want to consider that approach, you should absolutely consult your son's pediatrician.
Like I said in my post, my experience with doctors and formula (and just about everything else) is that every pediatrician has their own opinion. I also think a lot of it depends on what that parents come in saying. For example I remember when OS was just about 10.5 months, one pediatrician told me that if I wanted to I could start transitioning him to whole milk. That's because I had come in there though with the concern that perhaps it was better for him to start daycare already having transitioned to whole milk rather than to be transitioning to daycare and transitioning milk at the same time. I still wonder if I would have been told the same thing if I had not brought up those transition issues. Let's put it another way, the same pediatrician didn't say anything about transitioning YS to whole milk at 10.5 months when I was asking her if YS should stay on Enfamil Lipil until he turns a year.
Well, it probably won't surprise you to hear that I agree with what she wrote. I don't understand why there are so many judgments out there. I agree with making breastfeeding education available to pregnant women and offering good access to lactation consultants to new parents. It makes me mad that it is illegal in some states to breastfeed in public. I do think breastfeeding is best if it works. I've had a few interesting conversations with people both in person and over email about how I feel about breastfeeding. I absolutely support it. If any of my friends were to get pregnant and wanted my advice, I would absolutely encourage them to try breastfeeding.
On the other hand, I would never question anyone who decided that breastfeeding was not for them. There are a whole bunch of reasons why breastfeeding might not be best for a particular family, ranging from physical inability to emotional reasons to impracticality because of work schedules. And, as several people commented on the article, I think it is more important that the baby is fed than how the baby is fed.
I have heard some breastfeeding advocates make an absolute argument that because breastfeeding is natural it is somehow guaranteed to work. After all, in the good old days, there was no formula, and every baby was breastfed. I think these advocates have forgotten that society wasn't Utopian. A lot of women depended on wet nurses to feed their babies, if they were unable to breastfeed. I don't know about you, but I can't remember the last time I looked in the jobs section of the newspaper and saw an ad for "wet nurse for hire." And while I can't give you a specific link (you can do a google search on your own) I also remember learning that back in the olden days where multigenerational families always lived together and other relatives lived right by you, if you couldn't breastfeed your baby, then maybe your sister or sister-in-law could. Either way, there was a much higher infant mortality rate; I am not claiming that is linked to breastfeeding, but it does show that breastfeeding alone is not a panacea for all childhood health issues.
The two best two classes that I took in my life were college statistics and research methods. (I'm a graduate of Wellesley College, and if you're a woman, taking those classes at a women's college is pretty cool. Most of what we analyzed were studies done on women.) Every time I see a study, regardless of the subject - even if it is on gardening, I am grateful that I took those two classes. They taught me how to assess the validity of a study, based on its parameters and how to read and interpret the results.
If someone asked me what they should do to prepare for parenthood, I would encourage them to study statistics and research methods. After all, you can get knowledge from any number of sources on any parenting subject, without needing to take a class. One of the keys to parenting is knowing what information you should believe. My classes have given me substantial cause to question many of the studies that claim to prove the inferiority of formula feeding. Please read the next statement carefully: It is not that I believe that they are necessarily wrong; it is just that I believe that there is a common societal belief that the studies have made a far stronger case than I many times believe the data warrants. Along those lines, the largest problem with these studies in my opinion, is the a failure on the part of the public to differentiate between a correlation and causation.
There are often outside variables that you can't separate or in other words "are the other reasons why this could have happened." For example, many studies have shown that breastfed babies tend to have be smarter than formula-fed babies. Does that mean that breastmilk makes babies smarter? Not necessarily. The correlation could be the result of other factors. One argument that I've read in numerous sources is that more educated parents tend to be more likely to emphasize the value of education and ensure that their children are better educated (not something that was accounted for in the study.) More educated parents also tend to breastfeed their children. Thus the correlation between children being breastfed and children being more educated could plausibly be explained by the educational level of their parents.
My older son(OS) required ear tubes due to fluid in his ears from multiple ear infections. My younger son (YS) is being watched to see if he needs the same. Aha! They both were formula-fed. Could that be the cause? Well...maybe there are other factors. I was exclusively breastfed, but I lost 10% of my hearing from childhood ear infections. My exclusively breastfed husband had so many childhood ear infections that he was one ear infection away from tubes. When I asked my ENT if only breastfeeding for 5 weeks could have caused OS's ear problems, he looked at me like I was crazy and said it was because OS's Eustachian tubes were abnormally shaped and that it would have been a medical miracle if OS hadn't had problems with ear infections.
For the record, OS has never once had diarrhea either. So am I saying that you should go formula feed your babies to avoid diarrhea? That my mom should have formula-fed because, hey, I lost 10% of my hearing anyhow, so she might as well have thrown in the towel? No, I am simply pointing out once again that just because something might happen doesn't mean that it will, and even if it does, you don't necessarily know what the cause may be. (Again, I wish I had been able to breastfeed my kids.) OS might just have a great digestive tract. Maybe it's because since he was an only child I didn't take him to parks and indoor playgrounds until he was older, as opposed to my younger son who's already been to parks numerous times because OS wants to go. Maybe it's because I make him use soap and water to wash his hands before meal times (I'm not a big fan of those hand sanitizer gels but that's another post). Maybe as an only child he didn't have anyone bringing in germs from preschool...See how great a stats and research methods class can be?
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Understand the research before you believe it.
Yes, thank you. Despite the fact that I was unable to breastfeed due to a breast reduction, I still feel very self-conscious every time I have to give Signal a bottle. Thanks for pointing out to me that there is more to the breast-bottle debate than meets the eye.
I'm so glad you enjoyed the article, and I so agree with you. I attempted to and could not breastfeed, and it's nice to here people discuss that it is not the end of the world. While my ped. was quite supportive b/c of the problems we had, others were not.
Here is my blog post about it- http://jodifur.blogspot.com/2007/01/thing-i-never-planned-to-blog-about.html
Professional Mom of two cats, a dog, an ant farm, and oh yeah...two boys: a 6 year old and a 3 year old. Also found in my house is my husband who is known on this blog as The Big Giraffe.
Congrats on your fame!