Breastfeeding after Someone Else's Breast Reduction Surgery
A few days ago, I was flipping through a Weight Watchers magazine trying to see if the at least one of the "50+ Holiday Recipes" looked any good. The headline of a letter to the editor caught my eye. It read "All About Breasts". How could I resist reading it? Apparently last month Weight Watchers featured an article on breast reduction surgery called "Bosom Budies." Alas, I could not find it on-line. Fortunately, I did not need to read the article to understand the letter replying to it. The letter was from a pediatric nurse practitioner who stated that women who "may want to breast-feed should not consider breast reduction surgery." She claimed that she saw many mothers who are unable to breastfeed because they've had the surgery and indicated that she personally is devastated by it. Excuse me?
I'm appalled that this woman thinks it is all about her. I'm sorry she feels devastated by this. I notice that she doesn't say that the women who are unable to breastfeed are devastated by this. Not to pick on semantics, but I believe instead of saying that women shouldn't consider the surgery, because considering is not the same thing as doing, she means that women should carefully evaluate whether or not they want to have the surgery, if they plan on breastfeeding.
I believe many people are thinking about breastfeeding after breast reduction, because I have gotten a lot of hits from people using those search words recently. (Perhaps they read "Bosom Buddies" or "All About Breasts.") Despite what this particular woman might believe, the decision to have a breast reduction surgery is not like waking up one day and deciding to get highlights in your hair. I personally had the surgery because I was in extreme discomfort due to the size of my chest. I know many other women who had surgery for similar reasons. In my case, I was a competitive swimmer from childhood through college. I had to stop the running portion of my training halfway through high school because my back hurt so much. My neck hurt when I would bend over a desk or table to do my homework. I was in wonderful shape (I had to get my fat measured frequently while on the swim team) and overall had a small figure, but I had to buy large shirts for them to fit across my chest. I am slightly under 5" 4', but I was spilling out of a DD. Let me just stress again how much my back constantly hurt. Sometimes my shoulders would bleed from my bra straps cutting into them. Just thinking about it now makes my neck hurt.
After the surgery, I was able to run for a half hour every day with the swim team before our two hour swim practice. No matter how much weight I have put on with pregnancies or Thanksgiving festivities, I have never again had problems with bleeding shoulders or neck pain. (I did have back pain, but that's common with pregnant women regardless of whether or not they've previously had a large chest. The pain stopped with each boy's birth and did not come back with any holiday feast.)
When I decided to have the surgery, I was 19. I take that back. I made the decision when I was 13 and became physically and mentally uncomfortable with my size. It was a long 6 years until I actually had the opportunity to go through with the surgery. My parents wanted me to complete a year in college first to make sure that I was confident in my decision to have the surgery. I became confident that I wanted the surgery when I walked through the door of school in 7th grade. That confidence continued until I had the surgery. As upset as I ever got over my inability to breastfeed, I have never regretted my surgery. I'm sorry I couldn't breastfeed, but I'm not sorry I had the surgery. It was better than I had even thought it would be.
There are no guarantees in life. At 19 I couldn't guarantee that I would one day get married or have children. There is no guarantee that I would have been able to breastfeed even had I not had the surgery. Do I think that if it's important to a woman to breastfeed, than she shouldn't have the surgery? Absolutely. It's also solely her decision to make. It doesn't matter what I think. I resent being told what I should do. Breast reduction surgery is serious. In addition to including the common risks of going under anesthesia, the recovery is hard. While I do not know the current risks to having breast reduction surgery, I was warned of the following when I had the surgery:
I might have to have my nipples put on ice (this did not happen)
I might not be able to breastfeed
I might have significant scarring (I was fortunate in this one too. My scars are barely visible).
I might lose some feeling
I would have to wear a two cup sports bra (not the mono-boob kind) for 24 hours a day for 5 weeks
I wouldn't be able to lift anything heavy for a month
As I was telling a friend recently, I wanted this surgery so badly, that these things weren't a huge deal to me. When the surgeon had a cancellation and could perform the surgery a few weeks earlier, I jumped at the slot canceling a previously scheduled visit from my out-of-state boyfriend. (No, Big Giraffe, that doesn't count as a benefit to the surgery.) Obviously anyone considering breast reduction surgery should consult with a doctor regarding the current risks.
Of course I'm sure that there are women out there who regret their surgery. However, I don't regret it, and I know quite a few women who believe that the surgery changed their lives for the better. Empathy for women who are devastated by their inability to breastfeed is one thing. A personal sense of devastation on behalf of even women who are comfortable with the implications of their choice is misplaced. A stance that women should not even consider alternatives to years of physical pain and emotional discomfort is insulting.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: There are pros and cons that should all be considered carefully by anyone who may want to have breast reduction surgery.
I was 5'0" tall with size E boobs when I got my reduction. My parents were totally on board. I was 18 and did not want to go through college the same way I went through high school and middle school. The physical discomfort is one thing, but the emotional is quite another. Had I known what sexual harassment was when I was on the receiving end of it, I probably could have made a bundle.
Either way, I knew when I got it that breastfeeding would not be possible (and my scars are quite visible and probably always will be). At the age of 27 when my first child was born, I might have experienced a bit of wistfulness about not being able to breastfeed, but that was it.
I've NEVER regretted it. The last 13 years of my life would have been miserable. My kids are happy. THey are healthy.
I would have done the same thing had I been faced with the need. Nothing that you describe sounds bearable just to have the chance to breastfeed your baby years later.... bloody shoulders - NO WAY!
I personally have not had a drop of breastmilk in my system and I am perfectly healthy and happy. Proof in point, if you can breastfeed by all means, go ahead, if you can't, formula is perfect.
:-)
We get way too hung up on things being black and white. Nothing in life is black or white expect a zebra. All else is grey.
Great post Alex and I hope those who have had surgery and have been made to feel guilty about it by misguided nurses find your site and read this!
Very timely, thanks. I'm currently reading "Defining Your Own Success" which is a book dedicated to the idea of breastfeeding after reduction surgery ('cause duh, I had one, too). I'm experiencing just a tiny modicum of guilt, because I knew even when I had the surgery that I would want to breastfeed and that it would probably impair my ability to do so. But reading the book (and the fora at BFAR.org) have really hit home. My surgery was in 2000, and reading all the reasons women had the operation reminded me of the reasons I had mine, and those reasons were serious and numerous. I did the right thing for myself, and don't regret it. And I still intend to breastfeed, even if I have to supplement with formula. So PBTHTHTHTH to that nurse.
Shocking isn't it? Yes, I really did go to a breastfeeding conference today put on by the MA Coalition for Breastfeeding. It was open to doctors, nurses, lactation consultants, public health students, and bloggers. Alright, maybe the literature didn't say bloggers, but Dr. Alison Stuebe invited me to attend after we sparred on the Morning Show with Mike and Juliet.
I have to admit that I went back and forth about going a few times. Dr. Stuebe has said that she thought people would be interested in my ideas and observations from blogging and personal experience about supporting all mothers regardless of their choice. That was definitely a plus. On the other hand, I would be lying if I didn't admit that I was nervous about going for two big reasons 1) I was worried about zealots 2) I wasn't sure if I could emotionally handle it. After all, the benefits of breastfeeding were sources of my feelings of guilt when breastfeeding didn't work out. At the same time, while I don't regret having had breast reduction surgery, I do regret that breastfeeding didn't work for me. Given a second chance, I would still have the surgery.
After waking up and finding my milk had expired (no pun intended) and having to put my younger son's (YS) whole milk in my cereal and coffee, I set out for a commute that I had traveled 5 days a week for two years. It usually took me 40 minutes to an hour. Today it took me over 2 hours. I, along with many other people, was late.
There's so much to say about what I learned that I am going to break it up into a series of posts interspersed with my typical content over the next week. However, what I wanted to focus on in tonight's post was how I felt. Ultimately, I left the conference with the same conviction that got me to the conference - parents need to make sure that their babies are fed.
Even though I was late to the keynote speaker, I walked in on a positive note. The keynote speaker was addressing in passing the fact that the evidence from studies can be conflicting in general. One study will show X and then another study will show that X is not true.
My feelings were less positive when I found myself annoyed and frustrated by a woman who talked about bringing your baby to work so that you really could do it all. The logo on her PowerPoint template depicted a woman breastfeeding while on the computer and on the phone. While I'm sure this is very doable and enjoyable for some women, it made me feel sad. It was just one more way of setting an expectation that mothers to be supermoms. Fortunately my attorney and superfriend Linda (who deserves her own post) got up and challenged supermom. She argued that the real solution would be working with lawyers and state legislatures to get better maternity leave. A lot of people kept coming up to her throughout the day to express their support.
Back on the positive side, I really enjoyed learning about the effects of obesity on a mom's ability to breastfeed and on breastfeeding rates, as well as the effects of breastfeeding on a mom's obesity and a child's obesity. The speaker did a good job explaining why breastfeeding is so important. I thought the studies were well explained, although the answers to my questions about how external factors were controlled left me unconvinced that the evidence truly supported the speaker's original claims. However she did acknowledge the elements of the study that were shaky, although she also seemed annoyed that I had asked the question.
Later on I went to a session on whether or not there really is such a thing as insufficient breastmilk. The speaker had a list of factors that could increase a woman's difficulty in having an adequate milk supply. The list included factors like breast reduction surgery, PCOS, being overweight, having a c-section, and experiencing a high degree of stress. I initially believed that it would have been helpful to know this information before attempting to breastfeed. However after talking to another superfriend and lactation consultant Cee this evening, I came around to her perspective that this sort of knowledged would have been scary and overwhelming. However, I think it is really important for health care providers to be familiar with these factors so that they can discuss them with patients as appropriate. There is a fine line between education and demoralization, particularly since stress, attitude, and confidence all play a role in the success or failure of breastfeeding. Of course, I really really wanted to breastfeed and it obviously didn't work, so a positive attitude isn't everything.
I left the conference on a down note. This was after all a continuing education class for health care providers. However, I felt that one important subject was never broached - at what point do you acknowledge that breastfeeding isn't working the way that the mother would like? At what point do you advise a mother to supplement with or even switch to formula? I was fortunate in that my lactation consultant actually told me it was time to switch exclusively to formula. Her words carried even greater weight because I knew that she was a huge breastfeeding advocate. I therefore really believed that it was time to move on, which was a relief and a gift. The lactation consultant encouraged me to cry and reassured me that it is normal for women who want to breastfeed but can't to feel a sense of loss. When I raised my hand to raise this important point, the speaker ended the session without calling on me.
All in all, I'm really glad I went. I really respect people who try to see an argument from another viewpoint, even if it doesn't change their mind. I also found that there was wide variation among those who attended the conference. Most people seemed to be okay supporting those for whom breastfeeding did not work, even though they were strng advocates for breastfeeding. There were a few commenters whose comments bordered on zealotry. It was also good to be able to speak with Dr. Stuebe without the cameras on. Finally, as someone who always advocates provision of better resources for all moms, I was pleased to participate in a meeting that identified those "resources".
I leave you with 2 Lessons Learned:
At 4 months it is normal for your baby to reduce the amount of time spent nursing, often causing your breasts to feel less full and thus making it seem as if your milk supply is insufficient, because you are now more efficient at producing the milk your baby need. That said, if you feel like something may be wrong with your milk supply or your baby, contact your doctor or lactation consultant.
Each mom needs to make the choice that's best for her own baby. Your baby will be fine.
I will never forget my son's neonatologist when he was in the NICU (the same one who had prescribed me Reglan to help my milk come in) turning to be and saying, "You're done."
I guess it was the permission I needed to just let it go. Seventeen days after he was born, I was thrilled to move on and stop pumping. I've never looked back!
Your observations about the super mom presentation seem like such an important point to me. There seems to be a belief among some people today that female emancipation = the ability and the necessaity to do it all alone, and with this comes the belief that women who choose to be stay-at-home moms (for however long) are just disorganized or lazy for not balancing that with a career. The solution is definitely reforms on the institutional level - more parental leave - rather than more efficient supermoms. Although for women who can and wish to breastfeed their babies while typing away at work, more power to you.
I am glad that the conference was overall in many ways a positive experience. I would have been nervous about attending a breastfeeding conference for similar reasons.
I have a friend who has been pumping and bottle feeding for almost six months because she can't get her daughter to latch. I asked her why she didn't talk to a lactation consultant about it, and she said she was afraid she'd encounter one of the nursing zealots that would just make her feel bad.
How sad is it a woman who needs help won't get it because she fears that she'll be judged or pressured?
I really don't see why we can't just have supportive helpful people who will support whatever we want and help us if we need it without making us feel like crap if we can't or don't want to nurse. It's ridiculous.
I always knew I wouldn't be able to breastfeed because of my reduction, but the nurses in the hospital made me feel terrible. It was like, "Congratulations on the birth of your baby! You're a terrible mother!"
I'm glad the conference went well and that Linda went with you. Can't wait to read your future posts on this.
As for the woman who insists you can just bring your baby to work with you, I guess she doesn't work in the service industry. Forget being a supermom - I think she's from another planet entirely. Quite likely that planet is Uranus. She suckles beavers. harumph.
What a great opportunity for you, Alex, and how brave of you to attend in the first place. I wish there was some place, like a, um, Baby Feeding Conference? or something where mothers could meet to discuss the different implications of feeding their children however they choose to, without judgment that doing it one way automatically makes the other ways lacking for some reason. We all need to find the solution that works for our and our babies' needs at that time.
Supermom, I think, is missing some important points there. Feeding time for your child is an important bonding time, so why would you look at that as just another item on your to-do list? Why go through the hassle of having a baby that needs to be taken care of all day long at the office so you can NOT pay a relative amount of undivided attention to him/her when it's feeding time? So not worth it, for mom or baby. I pumped for ages with my first two kids, and pumping's a chore, but I never wished the baby was there with me - I wished I was at home with my baby. Better leave policies and a nationwide "attitude adjustment" in support of parenting initiatives a whole are the better solution.
.."initiatives AS A whole" is what I meant to say - hard to believe I was an editor. :-)
I also wanted to mention that it would be sooooo worthwhile to all moms to be well educated in a variety of ways to feed your child, because your needs and results may vary at different times. Sometimes you can't breastfeed, sometimes the baby abruptly stops nursing, sometimes your appendix bursts and you need to be hospitalized, sometimes your baby won't take a bottle and you'll need to figure out alternatives if you can't breastfeed then. Our society doesn't do a very good job of educating without judgment.
Yay! I love that you were willing to put yourself out there and stand up for *real* women! Don't even get me started on "insufficient milk"--I think the LCs didn't believe I was "really" trying, even though I was pumping every 2 hours for weeks. I love the idea of LC's but when only the most zealous get into that profession it can slant things a bit, so go you! Rah rah rah!
The title of this post is a direct quote from Jodi. One of the things that was the hardest for me when I realized I needed to formula feed my older son (OS) was that I felt completely alone. As I've said before, I didn't really know anyone who was exclusively formula feeding. A cousin of the Big Giraffe was, but she lived over an hour away from me. I also couldn't learn about formula feeding from bloggers. Blogging wasn't as big then, and even if it had been, as valuable as it may as reading about other people's experiences, the written word doesn't have the same nuances or tone as real speech. When Jodi told me she was going to describe her experiences with formula on Motherhood Uncensored Blogtalk Radio, on the show entitled "Mommy Guilt: Don't Let it Eat You Alive," I was really looking forward to hearing her. First of all, I really enjoy her blog, but second of all, I wanted to hear what she said about formula feeding.
In the show Jodi describes her inability to breastfeed despite trying everything the lactation consultant suggested. Her son would not latch on. She also described about how embarrassing it was for her to pull out a bottle in public. I could empathize with what she said. My first experience in the world of moms friends was through a community new moms group. I was the only one in the group who didn't breastfeed. Two of the women in the group were very vocal about the benefits of breastfeeding to the extent that I began to doubt the science I had studied for my post-BA certificate, not to mention my parenting. My cell biology professor set me back on track by describing the different types of antibodies that are in the human body and how each are transferred, but the guilt that I was a terrible mom still remained. Jodi is right; when you're not comfortable with bottle feeding, pulling out a bottle in public is very embarrassing. Sara has a story on her blog about someone she knows who had a double mastectomy and got a hard time from someone when formula feeding her baby in public.
The second thing I wanted to address about Jodi's talk show was that no one ever told her that some babies don't ever breastfeed. I was fortunate that my lactation consultant gave me "permission" to throw in the nursing bra so to speak and assured me that my baby would be just fine. However, this was after OS was 8 days old and had been in the ER for dramatic weight loss. I needed someone to tell me it was okay. My husband and I were both breastfed. I come from a medical family. I had taken all these science classes and learned about breastmilk and antibodies. I needed someone with a medical background to support me and tell me that my baby would be fine. With my second child, I had to come to the place when I was pregnant where I could give myself permission to stop. There is a reason that my kids are 34 months apart. Before I walked into the hospital to give birth, I decided to take breastfeeding from moment to moment. At any point if I felt that I was seeping back into the black hole I had been in with OS, I would stop, even if that meant I never even tried to breastfeed. For me, my descent occurred after I came home from the hospital when YS was about 1 week old. By that point he was so frustrated with my poor milk production that he wouldn't latch. I continued to pump for 4 more weeks until my milk was basically gone, and that was that. Unlike OS who couldn't latch, YS did latch onto me. I am glad that I got to experience those moments on breastfeeding with YS. It leaves me with a happy feeling towards my breastfeeding experiences.
I thought I would share a bit about my kids health experiences. Again, this blog is pro-breastfeeding, but this post in particular is about what happens if breastfeeding just doesn't work for whatever reason. My kids are both very healthy. We're the ones who are always at playgroup. My older son has missed preschool (aka germ city) a few times because of vacation and because I've been sick, but only once because he's been sick. I'm pretty strict about taking a sick day if there's any question. My older son had ear tubes, but I have been reassured many times by his ENT that it's because his Eustachian tube is abnormally shaped, and that it has nothing to do with formula feeding. So where did this Eustachian tube come from? From my genes, not from my bottles. I have a long list of ailments that I have suffered, despite being solely breastfed. That is not to say by any means that breastfeeding isn't good, but simply to show that it's not a guarantee of good health:
10% hearing loss due to silent ear infections
Scarlet Fever in kindergarten
Pneumonia twice in kindergarten
Horrible case of the chicken pox in second grade
Viral meningitis
weird long lasting high fever for a week and terrible sweats not to mention a strange rash that has left minor scars on my arms when I lived in NYC right after college
My parents call my Typhoid Alex because I had so many weird virus growing up
Thankfully no allergies
One of YS's pediatricians said that she personally thought poor health and allergies have more to do with genetics and what kids are exposed to. I know that YS got his first cold much earlier than OS did, but then again YS also had an older brother who was in preschool bringing home germs. As Jodi said "you parent the child you have". My kids are formula eaters.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: There are Babies Who Don't Nurse; It's Okay.
I am so glad you enjoyed the show, and you wrote something this powerful and important from it. I do think we as moms tend to be too hard on each other, we need to trust we know how to do what is right for our kids.
I didnt even try with my two boys, because it was my choice not to, and I am still proud of it. I was never embarrassed by using a bottle in public, the one and only time someone ever said anything to me about "how could you just do that right here in the store," I laughed at them. Parents make their own decisions on whats best for their children, or what works, there is nothing to be ashamed of, be it bottle or boob in public.
I'm glad you listened too, and it is absolutely true that some kids just dont' latch on. I actually did mention some point in the show that my own son was diagnosed with an "ineffective suck" something that isn't often discussed by MD's but certainly is known to occur in infants. If I didn't expand that to specifically saying to Jodi that some babies don't nurse, I was remiss.
It is absolutely true that there are babies who don't breastfeed and it's not about the mother at all, it's about the baby's make-up and just nature being nature. Finally, let me add in my experiences as a social worker, not being breastfed isn't a typical precurser to why someone would come in to my office to meet me and address their mental health issues. Breast feeding seems like a big deal because the issue comes up right away, but in the big picture, it's not the be all and end all of their entire future successes. It's not a failure on anyone's part if breastfeeding doesn't happen, for whatever reason.
It's okay not to breastfeed, it's okay if your baby doesn't breastfeed. What we need to develop is a society that realizes it. Now, let's all nurse a few drinks at BlogHer, shall we?
oops, maybe you meant that no one ever told Jodi when she was struggling with the nursing that some babies don't nurse? I thought you meant that no one on the show told her this and I wanted to make sure you knew Jodi had gotten some reassurance and support later on in the show if you had not listened to the full program.
Husband and I were both bottle fed. He came out very well. I'm sure that my nuttiness has to do with other factors. :)
I read a great book by Dr. Jennifer Shu on newborns and she repeatedly stresses that the most important thing for babies is having non-stressed mothers. The judgments that parents must deal with are more harmful than formula feeding by far.
I stumbled accross this blog, and I must say it's awesome!!!!!!!! It's about time that someone took a balanced approach to these issues. I spent too many wasted hours feeling guilty that I couldn't make breastfeeding work, instead of enjoying my first baby. Alas, I was about to do the same thing again with my second. Thank you for the reality check!
One of the many things that I was surprised by when I was pregnant with my older son (OS) was how little my ob/gyn and the nurses seem to know about breastfeeding after a breast reduction (BFAR). While I do not have any current stats on how common breast reductions are or how common it is to have them before having kids, I know that it is not an unusual procedure. However, the reality was there wasn't a lot of information out there. I did speak with a lactation consultant when I was pregnant who not only told me that a good electric breast pump would be helpful, but that my insurance company would probably pay for it. She was right. She recommended one other thing: a book called Defining Your Success by Diane West which is about breastfeeding after a breast reduction surgery. People swear by it (at least in the reviews I read from Amazon.com). I tried to order it on-line, but at the time it was out of print. I eventually did get a copy of it before I had my second son. I was glad that I looked at it, and I'm glad that there's a book about BFAR out there. I think it's important to know that this book exists, but I personally didn't like it. More on that in a different post.
Shortly after this conversation, a La Leche leader who is a friend of my mom told me about a support group called BFAR. This group stands for breastfeeding after breast reduction. Despite my personal discomfort with this web site, there are testimonials from women in the group about how valuable it has been to them. That is why I'm posting about it. On the positive side, I like the fact that they provide an opportunity to discuss breastfeeding with someone who had also had a breast reduction. It would have been nice to know someone who's in the same boat. More importantly, they do have a lot of resources which, as I said above, is unusual. They also give information on what you can do to increase your chances of breastfeeding while you're pregnant.
What I didn't like about the site was the emphasis on regret. It appeared that it was more of an "I'm sorry I had a breast reduction" group. I am not sorry that I had breast reduction surgery. I also felt the site could seriously undermine any pregnant woman or new mom's confidence in her ability to breastfeed. Since to me confidence is an important component of being able to successfully breastfeed, I didn't think this group was a good match for me.
I recently checked out the website again, since it's been a few years, and I struggled most with a section about breast reduction surgery called "Should you have it?" I didn't like the way the site put all of the testimonials from women who were sorry that they had breast reductions at the top. The ones who weren't sorry were more hidden at the end. I feel that there is enough guilt that goes along with just being a parent. I don't need to start questioning a decision that I have always felt was best for me. I viewed it as medically necessary (hey, my insurance company certainly agreed) end of story. I also think discussing breastfeeding in a group that is at least as focused on regret as on supporting breastfeeding when I was having difficulty breastfeeding would have really put me in a black hole.
My efforts to breastfeed made me miserable, and, like I've posted before, the lactation consultant who visited me 4 times was the one who told me it was time to move on. Having her "blessing" made it a lot easier for me to let go. I know that if I had been around people who were telling me to keep trying, it would have been much harder. Ultimately, I was much happier being a mother when I switched over to formula. Ever since I became pregnant, I asked myself this particular question when I'm in a tough situation: "Will _ make me a better mother?" For me, breastfeeding, or more correctly my lack of ability to breastfeed, not only resulted in my son having a trip to the ER for severe weight loss, but it made me not enjoy being a mom because I was depressed, oversensitive and very irritable (not to mention consumed with guilt). That's not to say that I didn't have guilt when I started to formula feed (and quite frankly for a long time after) but at least I was happy and also equally importantly my baby was happy.
I emailed Suzanne today about a recollection that had made me feel better about formula feeding: When OS was a newborn my mom came out to help, and she bottle fed his supplements to him for me to give me a break. It helped me feel removed from the situation and made me able to see it through "new eyes," so to speak. When I saw how happy and content he was after eating, I felt better. My breastfeeding with my younger son (YS) had all the early hallmarks of success. However, he also started to lose a lot of weight. When I was told he needed to have a bottle in the hospital, I cried. At 3 in the morning my very supportive husband and I went to the nursery to "spy" on the nurse who was feeding YS. YS just looked so peaceful that I immediately felt better. Just like with OS, I gave him breastmilk and formula for 5 weeks until my milk dried up. With YS I was then able to move on to just formula leaving the guilt behind this time. Everyone around me was very supportive.
The part of the web site most evocative of guilt was the section where they talk about whether future moms should hold off on surgery until after they are done having babies, saying
"As mothers, we have to make hard choices and we often have to make some sacrifices to give the best for our children. This is one area that you can make a personal sacrifice that will have HUGE rewards. You can put off this surgery for a few years and give your children the incredible benefit of exclusive nursing (meaning without supplementation)."
At no time during my breastfeeding hell did it ever occur to me that I should have waited until after I had kids to have the surgery. Nor did anyone even suggest this to me directly. To ask women to live through years of pain, potential long-term physical harm, low self-esteem, and sexual harassment does not seem like a fair sacrifice to request. It also presupposes that a woman's complete control over her ability to have a child and over her physical ability to breastfeed absent breast surgery. Neither of these are guarantees, and it also begs the question, how long should a nineteen-year-old woman who is unsure about her childbearing plans wait? Is ten years of sacrifice long enough if she has not had a child by the age of 29? How about twenty years, if she has not had a child by 39? What if a woman subjects herself to twenty years of discomfort and then cannot get pregnant or has a baby but cannot breastfeed for other reasons. Talk about regret!
I was genuinely taken aback when I read the testimonials from women regretting their decision. This simply was not my experience. That is why I did not feel that this group was a good fit for me.
i too read the diane west book and visited the BFAR site before signal was born. and i completely agree with you. nearly everything i read was from women who said they regretted their reductions. and i do not.
even after the reduction (which i had 10 years ago when i was 17), i am a DD. and while pregnant with signal, my chest grew to an F cup. my back used to hurt all the time. and although at 17 they told my i might not be able to breastfeed, i gladly went ahead with the surgery.
signal was never able to latch properly, so i pumped with a hospital grade pump for 4 weeks and supplemented what i pumped with formula. after 4 weeks, my supply completely dried up.
i have to say that i am still a bit sad about it all. for me the idea of breastfeeding was more about bonding than nutrition. i think that if signal had latched, i would have felt better. if ru and i have a second, i'll try again. but i am realistic.
so know that you are definitely not alone. there are BFAR moms out there that don't regret their reductions. far more than you or i know about, i suspect.
To make women second guess themselves is outrageous, offensive, and ridiculous. It is true that parents (not just moms) need to make sacrifices for their kids, but to insist that living with excrutiating back pain is beyond anti-woman. (I'd also point out that such pain may prevent women from holding their babies, which hardly seems in the child's best interest.)
I will never regret having breast reduction surgery. It was one of the best decisions I ever made, period. And I resent the implication that my mother, who formula fed me, did not have my best interesets at heart. I seem to have come out just fine, as has my husband who was also formula fed.
Sorry I'm three months late to this. I had a breast reduction several years ago, knowing it might be years before I had kids, and knowing too that it might interfere with my ability to breastfeed. I want to breastfeed and I think it's valuable, but I also knew then and still believe now that the surgery was the right decision for so many reasons. I don't imagine I won't suffer ANY guilt (I hear guilt comes with the pareneting territory), but I also know I am going to be a good parent, boobie milk or no. I'm willing to take a breath and say "This is a thing I can't do. I'm okay. Baby will be okay." Thanks for writing about this. Fascinating topic. I'll have to chat with you from the doll bed about it... I hear I'm sleeping in it.
This post made me tear up a little bit. (Er, sorry I'm so late! I just found your blog.) I had a reduction a little under six years ago, when I was not quite 19. It was covered by my insurance company and one of the best decisions I've ever made. I never even considered regretting the surgery until I found the BFAR site, several years after my surgery.
That site scared me so badly. I have always wanted to breastfeed, and my surgeon reassured me before the surgery that I would be able to. When I think about my reduction now I get all twisted up inside, grateful that I have moderately smaller breasts (though! They're gone up a size and a half since the surgery and not due to excessive weight gain! wtf!) and terrified that I made the wrong choice based on information I simply didn't have.
When planning your plastic surgery in Oakland, make sure that your surgeon is board certified... It shows that they are talented and dedicated to their craft, and less likely that you will have plastic surgery you will regret.
I subscribe to a certain popular, nameless magazine that has a one word title including the word "parent" in it and ending with "ing". Every month they have a section in which they ask a question and encourage people (specifically women since the word "Mom" is in the name of the section) to submit their opinions by email. Then they choose 3 pro and 3 con and publish them. While I normally enjoy reading debates, I particularly dislike this section because the responses are only a few sentences each. As you can imagine then, I was particularly annoyed when their February issue had this as their debate: "Should formula cans have a warning that it's better to breastfeed?"
First, what's the point of this debate? While I may find fault with the format of the magazine's typical "female" parent debate, at least the topics usually involve parenting, unlike this unpaid consumer research, and they usually give me at least some food for thought. They're usually questions like "Should you let your 2 year old watch TV?" At least you can think about it and maybe even change the way you're parenting. This to me is a consumer question. And a stupid one at that. It's not like after reading the "pro" responses I'm going to say "They're right! I'm going to protest by not buying any formula for my 7 month old whom I physically cannot breastfeed!" (I guess a protest like that would require my son to go on a hunger strike.) The only real way for me to drive change based on this debate would be to take a bottle of white out and go from store to store covering up the warning messages. (Even if I thought that were a sane, legal, or feasible course of action, I don't think there is enough whiteout manufactured to cover the warning on every can in every store and factory in every city and town.) All this feature did was pit women against women (yes, I know that dads read this magazine too, but the name of the section would indicate that it is geared towards moms.)
When I first realized that I couldn't breastfeed, warnings that it's better to breastfeed used to really upset me. I mean, really! It's hard enough to deal with all the hormones from pregnancy and childbirth, but on top of that to not be able to breastfeed and then feel like I am being slapped in the face - or maybe the chest - by the breastfeeding campaign, was very painful. This is mean at any time; it is psychologically vicious to new moms. I wonder how many women who had postpartum depression and additionally could not breastfeed (or even those without postpartum depression who were just plain unable to breastfeed) shed a tear or two every time they saw that warning on a can, TV commercials, or in a magazine advertisement.
It is no surprise that I agree with a lot of what was said by "the cons."
"...to have 'breastfeeding is better' constantly slapped in our faces oversteps the boundaries of respect."
"I already get plenty of criticism from pro-breast-feeders hinting that I'm a terrible mom, though none bother to find out why I choose formula."
"There are times when breastfeeding isn't the best thing, such as when Moms need certain medications. Warnings on the can just make women feel more guilty."
I think I just became immune to the warning, because honestly with my younger son (YS), I've never even noticed them on the can.
When considering these warnings, let's look at the bigger picture: are we going to start seeing Oreo cookie bags with warnings saying "celery is better"?
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: "There are times where people need to mind their own business."
amen to that! i prefer to think, in fact, that we did not choose formula - formula chose us. it's like natural parenting forums (which in many many other ways we are most at home at) that do not allow discussion of formula-feeding because it is not in keeping with the "natural family" model. i suppose in accordance with that model i should have either tried to find a wet nurse or just set my son out on the hills to starve! (but then i suppose he might have ended up as a king or as the founder of rome, so maybe that is not such a bad option after all!)
I must admit that when I was breastfeeding the beautiful author of this blog, it never occurred to me to criticize someone else who chose to bottlefeed. It just seemed like such a personal choice. I feel that is the large difference between then and now. Even though women have come a long way, they have become a lot more critical and vocal of each other's choices. I was bottlefed and have no allergies, dd was breast fed and has no allergies. Maybe this has more to do with genetics then were we got our nourishment from as infants. It's just mean to try to make someone feel guilty over something that wasn't even a choice.
Understanding the situation and why those warnings exist would go a long way to resolving a woman's misplaced guilt.
Beginning around the 40's, doctors who were paid off by the pharmaceutical companies that created formula began actively discouraging women from breastfeeding. Doctors claimed formula was better than breastmilk. Unfortunately, they were so horrifically wrong, millions of babies worldwide have died as a result of that legacy. The campaign against breastfeeding, and it was a deliberate campaign, was so successful, however, many people still mistakenly believe that formula is a superior form of nutrition.
Nutritionally (and it's aggregrate other benefits many long term), human breastmilk is a superior source of nutrition for human infants. Formula, for all its leaps forward in quality, is still only an adequate form of infant nutrition. It exists because some small portion of women physically cannot produce enough milk to feed their own infants. And, thank goodness it exists in those circumstances! I wouldn't wish for it to not exist.
However, because of the formula manufacturers continued misrepresentation that formula is equivalent or superior a form of infant nutrition to breastmilk, those warnings are legally required to be posted on the cans themselves as well as any marketing materials.
Those warnings are a very important step in preventing the commercial interests of pharmaceutical companies from controlling what should be your family's infant nutrtition decisions.
Mamaloo, thank you for commenting. I do hope that this blog will be a welcome home for people with all different points of view, whether or not they agree with me. I have conconsulted with a doctor about some information that you presented that is not consistent with what I found in my own research. Neither of us were able to find evidence of doctors being paid off. If you could provide a source for that information, it would be very helpful.
Technically, the formula manufacturers are not pharmaceutical companies; in fact we all know Nestle, which I believe was the company that got into the most trouble for promoting formula in Africa, as a Swedish food company. I also believe that most of their success was due to effective marketing and the availability of a large volume of formula samples. In addition, most medical and nutritional advances up to that time had proven to enhance the quality of human life. In that context, there was a rush to embrace formula, because it seemed to be so positive an innovation. While there is no denying a for-profit company's desire to make money, the social reasons for formula's success go far beyond "nefarious manipulation" by the formula companies.
I am also not aware of large numbers of babies in industrialized nations who died as a result of formula, and the areas where formula is blamed for a large number of deaths tend to be areas where there are already high infant mortality rates. That is not to suggest that it is somehow morally acceptable to let children suffer or die based on where they live, but rather to suggest that it may be more difficult to determine what caused particular health harms.
In addition, even beyond the warning labels, I have yet to find any current literature from any formula manufacturer in the US that claims that formula is even as good as breastmilk, much less that it is better.
However, here are the three areas where we most fundamentally disagree:
1. I do not believe that "understanding the situation and why those warnings exist" does anything to resolve my "misplaced guilt." I consider myself pretty well educated on both the social and scientific issues involved, and I still struggled through a lot of pain and grief after OS's birth.
2. Formula is not just for women who "physically cannot produce enough milk to feed their own infants." It is also for women who choose not to breastfeed for whatever reason.
3. You believe that the warnings help prevent "commercial interests from controlling what should be [my] family's infant nutrition decisions." I believe the warning messages are an effort by a well-intentioned but nonetheless paternalistic lobbying group and the government to control what "should be [my] family's infant nutrition decisions."
The advocates of this warning are hypocrits. They claim that they trust you to make decisions that are best for you and your family, except when they don't like your decision because they really know what is best for you and your family. And don't you dare suggest otherwise!
The Oreo warning is a perfect analogy. You are so funny.
* I know this is an old post, but hey, I'm catching up here!* First of all: My hubby stumbled across your blog here and all I can say is I wish he'd found it months ago. I had my heart and mind set on breastfeeding for most of my daughter's first year, but between her issues and my, uh, equipment, we were physically unable to breastfeed. I pumped as long as I could, but eventually bottle fed her Similac Advance. She has reflux, but has yet to have an illness of any kind. But I was 'supposed' to breastfeed! And I still feel guilt and pain because of it. Thank you for your support of the 'formula feeding community'. :-) That said...
I subscribe to "Partenting" as well, and although I like most of the mag, I'm right w/ you on their slightly catty little debate forum. The formula can debate particularly hit home, as hubby and I discuss this issue frequently w/ friends who also use formula. I personally feel that it's unnecessary, because no modern woman is under the impression that formula is better - it's been beaten into us that we're giving our baby a supposedly inferior product and we should darn ashamed... I'm annoyed that bottles of fruit punch don't have warnings labeled "Attention Parents. You are giving your child liquid candy.", if we're going to be so concerned with parents' perception of the health of their child's beverage.
"Parenting", in general, pushes breastfeeding quite hard. And well they should, I'm sure, but I feel that they do it to the point of alienation of their formula feeding readers. A recent article had a heading asking, "Why Won't My Baby Eat?" My 6-month old has particularly bad reflux and this question had me very hoping for some help. I read the article...NOTHING about formula feeding. It's all breastfeeding advice. Why, "Parenting", why do you not acknowledge the existence of bottle-fed babies? Hurts every time (but I'm getting better, and blogs like yours help a lot!).
I agree that no warning is necessary, and I further suggest that formula cans aren't the only place where a formula mommy gets "slapped in the chest". It just hurts particularly badly when you see it there, as you go to mix up a bottle.
I was just reading a post called Pump It Up Working Moms, and I thought I would share the comment I left on her blog. I hope that everyone knows that A. Elliot firmly believes that it is a woman's choice to decide how to feed her baby. Although I formula feed/fed my children, I am a strong supporter of breastfeeding.
I was unable to breastfeed my children for more than 5 weeks because my milk supply dropped off due to prior breast surgery. However, when I was pregnant with my first son, someone encouraged me to call my insurance company to see if I qualified for a free breast pump because of my surgery. I did, and I got a free Medela Pump in Style in the mail.
Pumping was made easier by the time I had my second son, as I learned that the hospital where I gave birth, in an effort to promote breastfeeding, looked up breastfeeding mothers' health insurance policies to see if they covered the Pump In Styles. Then they delivered the brand-new pumps to their hospital rooms. (Just to be clear, in most cases, there wasn't anything wrong with their breasts or their ability to breastfeed.) Many of my friends were able to get these pumps for free. Unfortunately, this is dependent on the insurance coverage a woman has, but I thought it was worth mentioning. Anyone can call their health insurance company to see if they are covered. It doesn't have to be someone from the hospital. Believe me, my insurance company didn't call me up and say "Do you want a free really expensive breast pump?" I had to insist on talking to a couple different people.
A. Elliots Lesson Learned:It doesn't hurt to pick up a phone and call your insurance company; you may be eligible for a free breast pump
We got a tip from my coworker who had done this, but we waited to get our pump until we went to the hospital to deliver. While we were there, we asked the lactation consultant to give us a pump (the Medela Pump in Style) and put it in our records as a needed item. Our insurance company covered it along with all the other bills that were part of the delivery. Easy, easy!! Thank goodness for our pump. I wouldn't be able to breastfeed without it since I'm a working mom. Another tip (one I wished I'd used earlier!) is to get one of those bras that allows you to pump hands free. It helps me get more volume, and allows me to pump at my desk at work (I simply lock my classroom door and put up a do not enter sign during one of my prep breaks.)I even pump in the car during my commute while driving with the hands free bra!! (And hooter hider, of course, so no unsuspecting fellow drivers witness the pumping.)
Anyone hear of the pumpstation? I love that place, they have all sorts of products and stand by them. They test everytihng so they only sell what they think is good. it helped me alot.
Wow that’s great. It's wonderful that you have put together such an inspiring blog., please check this informative site. Our mission is to nurture, support and empower all mothers with compassionate service, quality information and outstanding products. We serve as a breastfeeding resource center that educates, guides and encourages each mother as she learns to care for herself.
This is really a great blog for moms and soon to be moms. I also use breast pump for my 3 y/o daughter. Being a working mom and a single parent it is not easy to do everything, when ever you don't have any companion on your side.
So my companion in life is my hands free breast pump. Getting one is surely wanted the most. I could give the nourishment that she wants coming from a mom's care.
I just thought I would share some info I found out a couple months ago, when I had my second son, on breast reductions and breastfeeding. When I had my breast reduction I was told that there was a good chance I would be able to breastfeed. My doctor had patients who were able to successfully do it and like I said in a previous post the woman in the room next to me in the hospital had had a breast reduction and she had successfully breastfeed two kids and had her third child latched right onto her. So why is it then that some women who've had breast reductions can breast feed and some can't?
The lactation consultant I saw with my second son said it's because women only use 60% of their mammary tissue to breastfeed. That's women who haven't had breast reductions just to be clear. That means 40% of the mammary tissue isn’t used. This tissue looks the same as the tissue that is used. For some women who have breast reduction surgery the tissue that is removed just happens to be that 40% that was not going to be used anyway, or of that 40% depending on how big they were before the surgery that wasn't going to be used anyway. Thus, the 60% that makes milk is left untouched and they can produce a full milk supply despite having breast reduction surgery.
A lot of women, myself included, have part of the 60% removed meaning that we can produce milk, but our supply can't keep up with the needs of our babies. Some women have all 60% removed and can't produce any milk at all. Incidentally, mammary tissue can regenerate with each additional pregnancy so it is possible to have better and better success breastfeeding with each pregnancy. It's also much harder to breastfeed, if not impossible depending on the situation, if you've had you’re nipples detached during the surgery.
The lactation consultant told me there are several markers that women who've had breast reductions surgeries and who want to breastfeed have to pass in order to be able to exclusively breastfeed. The first is having the baby latch on (which is the same as for women who haven't had the surgery), the second is the milk coming in, the third is the milk supply at two weeks, and the last is the milk supply at 6 weeks. She said it is very common for a women to be able to exclusively breastfeed for the first 2 weeks, and then when the baby goes through a growth (usually around day 10) to fall short on the milk he needs (ie the baby needs 4 ounces, but the mom can only produce 3 so she needs to give one ounce of formula after breastfeeding.)
A. Elliot's lesson learned: You just won't know about your milk supply until you give birth
Dang. I was kind of hoping the signs would be ones I could check right now! As it is, we're still trying to conceive. I had my surgery about 4 1/2 years ago, and I'm really hoping I can breastfeed, but have decided I'll get over it if I can't.
Why the Choice Not to Breastfeed is a Feminist Issue
During my second pregnancy, several out-of-state friends and family told me that a Massachusetts agency had acted to ban hospitals from giving out free diaper bag gifts, containing formula coupons and samples, to mothers giving birth. The goal was to promote breastfeeding, and after doing some research on this, I cannot find a single argument in favor of the ban citing anything other than the fact that breastmilk is better. I was disturbed and outraged. Let me just start out by saying that I would never try to claim that formula is better than breastmilk.
Before getting into why I find this action so disturbing, I was shocked that coverage of this administrative action was so much better outside of New England. The administrative action banned the gifts, but the ban was subsequently suspended for review. Yet even now, many of my fellow New Englanders are genuinely surprised to hear about it. It was buried in news reports with a bunch of other administrative actions and just didn't get a lot of press. I consider my husband and myself to be fairly well-informed people, but neither of us knew about it.
Part of me wonders what the public reaction would have been had there been better coverage. Sadly, I get the sense that most people don’t care because they believe it is a women's issue. Many people out there just don't care about women's issues.
So why is this a feminist issue? Basically this administrative action assumes that women are incapable of making our own decisions and need the government to come in and tell us what's best for our babies. It is further a statement by the government that formula feeding is not a legitimate choice. By extension, the government is suggesting that our breasts are not are own and that the state can require us to use our breasts solely as milking machines with which to feed our babies.
A friend of mine signed a petition for this ban because she felt that women who are having difficulty breastfeeding their babies might be more likely to use formula if they had free samples lying around. That may be true, but it may also may not. After all, many women who have difficulty breastfeeding continue to do so even though most hospitals are giving out diaper bags. It certainly doesn't seem to be a problem outside of MA. I think there are far more likely reasons why our breastfeeding rate is so low when compared to other first world countries, such as the US's incredibly short maternity leaves and less frequently available paternity leave when compared to other countries. Maybe more people in Massachusetts would breastfeed if Massachusetts weren't so backward in its legal protections for breastfeeders. Thirty-two states allow breastfeeding in public. Fifteen exempt breastfeeding from public indecency laws. Ten states provide legal protection for breastfeeding in the workplace. Ten states exempt breastfeeding mothers from jury duty. Massachusetts does none of these things. Scroll down this web page and see for yourselves. There is a big blank next to the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. I would sign a petition in support of any of these laws. Mothers who work outside of the home can't breastfeed for 8 hours a day, and we are worried that a $10 gift bag containing less than 2 day's worth of formula will make it too easy for women to stop breastfeeding? Let's focus on what matters.
Even if the gift bags do reduce breastfeeding, so what? It's not like formula is rat poison. Like I said before I certainly would never argue that formula is better than breastmilk (although I do feel there are advantages to formula feeding, just like there are advantages to breastfeeding.) I will argue that it is a safe alternative. There's a whole generation of formula-fed baby boomers who are out and about and doing just fine. The big allergy explosion is happening to today's kids, not the baby boomers. (I am not blaming breastfeeding for allergies. I am merely demonstrating that formula feeding isn't to blame for allergies either.) The fact that breastfeeding may be better than formula feeding does not mean that formula is bad or that formula feeding is not a legitimate choice. To that extent, it is fundamentally no one's business whether another mother chooses to use formula, and it is infringing on a woman's freedom to deny her the opportunity to make the choice.
I hesitate to use this example because I do believe that formula is a safe alternative for those of us who cannot breastfeed either medically or because of personal preference. However, I think that most people would agree that cookies, cakes and sodas can make a person overweight. They were all options on my food service menu both times that I gave birth. I didn't see the government stepping in and banning junk food because it is unhealthy, yet they are perfectly willing to ban formula because it is healthy but not as healthy as another alternative.
Want another example? I think that most people would agree that diapers are taking up an enormous amount of space in landfills. However, we haven't seen the government act to prohibit hospitals from using and handing out free disposable diapers because it may encourage exhausted parents to turn to the dark side and, gasp, yes dare to use a disposable diaper. No one thinks that the government can prevent parents from learning of and using disposable diapers by not providing them in a hospital. Or at least, they don't have the chutzpah to try.
Here's one more example. There are a lot of arguments as to why a balanced vegetarian diet is a lot healthier than eating meat. You don't see vegetarians or even PETA looking to remove meat from hospital menus or eliminating sampling of meat at deli counters or in other areas of a grocery store.
My examples all speak to the fact that the government's lack of respect for a legitimate choice. There is a starker issue, which is that sometimes breastfeeding is not an available choice. I know many women who wanted to breastfeed but were not physically able to do so. Almost every one of them describes the day that they realized that they could not breastfeed as a horrible time in their lives. I call it the dark period in my life, and I honestly have a hard time remembering what those few weeks were like when I made the adjustment to solely formula feed. I find administrative actions like the diaper bag ban extremely painful emotionally. Why do we need to make women feel like they are bad parents or bad people if they can't breastfeed?
Oh and one other thing. I have recently learned of another argument in favor of the ban. Some people claim that it is a form of marketing by the formula companies and thus is inappropriate for a hospital. Every woman who gives birth at a hospital who does not believe in marketing should not accept the packets of Tylenol and Metamucil and free diapers and wipes that are routinely handed out. Not to mention the parenting magazines that give out free issues to encourage subscriptions, the breastpump companies that provide information at the hospital breastfeeding classes, the list just goes on....Attempts to take the moral high ground on this issue are merely false efforts to mask an agenda that is really focused on controlling the way women feed their infants.
So here's A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: The choice to formula feed is a legitimate personal decision and protecting that choice is a feminist issue.
Great post. I think you make really convincing arguments that the ban on formula samples is clearly bullshit, and your stats on protections for breastfeeding in public are very useful. Thanks for the info!
Good post! I'm a mom of two who breastfed both for 2+ years each, despite great difficulties including two months of painful latching with the first one, and working out of the house full time.
That first experience makes me think this whole debate is about the wrong thing. I don't think including formula samples in diaper bags are any big deal. What disturbs me is the bottles and nipples that come with them, which (according to the lactation consultant that taught the breastfeeding class at my hospital) are specifically designed to make the baby prefer bottles and refuse the breast.
New moms desperately want some reassurance that their babies are okay. With a bottle you can measure out an amount and see it vanish into the baby, so you know how much the baby is getting. Not so with the breast. Even a mom making good milk can be a nervous wreck and want some reassurance that her baby is being fed. What's wrong with that? It would be great if a mom who wants to breastfeed her baby, in her moment of desperation, uses that sample to know her baby is really getting some nourishment, and then can resume nursing again after that, instead of having the baby refuse to even try to latch on because they were spoiled by that easier bottle, wouldn't it? It can be hard enough without another hardship added under your nose. I would support legislation that forces those sample bags to include easy-to-read and attractive literature about "nipple confusion" and bottle nipples designed to avoid it.
I've known several women who had every intention to breastfeed their babies, only to be undermined and thwarted by that very thing. They'd tell me how tired they were and desperate for some reassurance that their baby was fed, so they'd reach for that sample and the bottle that came with it, and after that the baby just wasn't interested in the breast. They just didn't know.
In fact, my two months of painful latching is partially due to that free bottle. I wasn't getting enough sleep (the nurse said I was clinically sleep deprived) so I used a pump to express a meager amount of milk (actually the nurse said one ounce was quite good, but how was I to know that?) and then go to sleep and kept sleeping through the next feeding. Boy, I needed that. I can't help but think the next two months would have been less painful if the bottle had a breastfeeding-friendly nipple, or if we'd been educated about alternatives to using a bottle for that one feeding.
The lactation consultant also said the free pump included in the sample bag was junk, and in her opinion it was included as another way to discourage women and make them think breastfeeding is too hard, so maybe junk pumps could be banned. I was fortunate to have a double electric pump on hand.
A smidge over 3 years ago as the nurse handed over my first child to me to breastfeed for the very first time, I really thought that breastfeeding would work. After all I was the knowledgeable, well informed mom who had gone to the breastfeeding classes when I was pregnant. If I wanted to breastfeed than I would be able to breastfeed.
I had had a breast reduction 6 years prior, but my surgeon had many patients who were able to successfully breastfeed, and even the lactation consultant said it was possible. In fact the woman in the room next to me at the hospital was a fellow veteran of surgery, and after exclusively breastfeeding her first two children, her third had latched right on. I also attended the required breastfeeding class at the hospital when I gave birth and I met with the lactation consultant 4 times including one time at my home. It was a huge shock to me when my 8 day old baby ended up in the ER for dramatic weight loss, and I was devastated when the same lactation consultant told me "some women aren't meant to breastfeed and you're one of them". You know it's got to be pretty bad when the representative of the forces of breastfeeding tells you to throw in the nursing bra.
I grappled with thoughts like "how could this have happened when my son's weight was being closely monitored" and "I'm a horrible mother" and did I mention that it was National Breastfeeding Awareness Month? I then realized that while I had learned all this stuff about breastfeeding, I had no idea how to bottle feed a baby. Case in point: when I was in the ER, I let him drink the whole bottle of formula the resident had handed me. I let him try to get out every last drop. The resident then yelled at me to take the bottle away because apparently I was supposed to make sure there was a little bit of formula left over so he wouldn't suck in air and then get gas. (He gets enough without my help.) Gee, I sure wish someone had told me that BEFORE I had a baby.
Then there were all the issues of what formula to use, what bottles, why were the bottles leaking, what do you mean there's different nipple sizes, to heat or not to heat, etc. Never mind the pressure from some people not to use a bottle at all. Such a big deal was being made of this big move to breastfeed that those of us who couldn't were and have been left to fend for ourselves (the bottle feeding info was no better with my second child). I also learned that a lot of parenting in general involves trying to figure it out as you go. When my first child was born I started keeping a list of things I wish people had told me about parenting. This blog will contain the stories of my experiences and those of many friends through which we learned these lessons (and any other anecdotes I randomly feel like sharing).
A. Elliot's first lesson: Leave some formula in the bottle so you don't give your baby (extra) gas.
Professional Mom of two cats, a dog, an ant farm, and oh yeah...two boys: a 6 year old and a 3 year old. Also found in my house is my husband who is known on this blog as The Big Giraffe.
For those of us who didn't get an instruction manual with our babies and for whom parenting hasn't always gone as planned. On a more serious note this blog is about supporting a woman's ability to make her own choices about parenting including the choice, for whatever reason, to bottle feed her babies formula.
How odd for the NP to feel devastated by the actions of other people. I think she needs a hobby or something.
I'm glad to read that you are happy with your decision and had good results.