The Big Giraffe and have wrestled back and forth over the years with whether or not to move. We would like a tiny bit more space. However, we love our home. Hence the difficulty of the decision. Our deadline to ourselves was always before our older son (OS) started kindergarten.
Somehow, the years went by quickly and before we knew it OS was starting pre-k last month. That's right, next year he will start kindergarten. This upcoming spring is the spring that we always said we would put our house up on the market. The Big Giraffe and I talked it over amongst ourselves and with our financial adviser. We decided to go ahead and do it it this spring. Of course this was all before the current economic crisis. However, we're keeping our fingers crossed (for more than just our own personal reasons of course), but even if we ultimately decide that this really just is a lousy time at least we will have gone ahead and readied our house to go on the market for the following spring.
While it's really exciting, it's also a little sad. We went ahead and looked at a couple of houses. As we were going on the tours, I kept thinking, "Need new furnace. We just did that. Needs new wiring. We just did that. Needs new kitchen. We just did that." It's just that we really fixed up our house so everything is relatively new or at the very least in working order. Everything is nice and pretty with tons of sunshine, and if I light a scented candle it smells good too. I always relax when I walk in the door. However, not sad enough that I don't want to move. That's where we are here in the Giraffe household. We're getting things up and running. Worst case scenario? We're super organized for the spring of 2010.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Once you finish improving your home, you are ready to move.
We looked and looked and looked and looked and decided that we'd remodel our beloved (but a little too small) house instead.
Then our realtor called us very excited. We had to come THAT MINUTE. D couldn't make it. I could. I called him. D you HAVE to see this!
We put in a bid within an hour. It's our perfect house and it was completely worth the wait. It will all work out. Yes, it was sad to leave our other house, and yes, we'll probably move when C is out of high school because it's too much house for just the two of us, but we really, really love it. It's been perfect for raising an active boy.
I enrolled my younger son (YS) as a community kid in an Early Intervention playgroup through my town. My older son (OS) was in the same playgroup when he was young younger and really enjoyed it. I thought it was a great program, and, as an added bonus, they had a parenting group run by a social worker for the last hour of each session.
The first time we went, YS loved it but I had to be pulled out of parent group because he was having some separation issues. What?! I had never been pulled out of parenting group before. Oh, yeah different kid. This last time YS did really well for the whole playgroup. There were no separation issues, and I was able to relax and enjoy parent group. The psychologist who led this group wanted to know if she could give advice on anything. I puffed out my chest (alright mentally because otherwise that's just weird) and gave myself a little pat on the back (obviously mentally!). This was my second child after all. Clearly I was an expert. However, a little voice reminded me of the drama I had...been through...that morning with both of my kids.
Alex Elliot (AE): This morning my kids asked for ceral for breakfast. However when I gave OS his bowl, he began to protest that he didn't like the bowl. Then his brother began to protest that he didn't like his bowl either. It turned from one protest into two.
Psychologist (P): So what do you do?
AE: I ended up switching ceral bowls because if OS doesn't eat breakfast in the morning he's a nightmare.
P: It sounds like you handled it well.
AE: What?! I totally caved in to to his demands! I set a precendent! It's a slippery slope! I now had four dirty bowls instead of two.
P: Do you have a dishwasher?
AE: Yes.
P: Then what's the problem? You don't want your kids to think you're inflexible. It's important to show that you know how to pick your battles and that you're willing to listen to something that's important to them even if it's not a big deal to you.
AE: I guess.
P: Did they both eat their breakfast? Was eating breakfast the ultimate goal?
AE: Yes.
P: So you got them to eat their breakfast. It didn't go exactly as planned but it's not like the extra bowls took up a lot of space in the dishwasher. Next time just play silly back at them and say "You know I think the Mickey Mouse bowl would make a better Tuesday bowl than Monday bowl. I think the red bowl is a good Tuesday bowl."
The discussion did make me view the situation differently. There was no problem with the bowls today. She was right that the kids did settle down once I switched bowls, and I will begrudgingly acknowledge that it is important to be flexible. Hey, that's in the title of my blog after all and if there were ever a reason to be flexible surely that's it! I'm kidding. Yes, it wasn't a big deal to put in the extra dishes. Flexible about switching bowls I can be, but flexible about being conned into doing more dirty dishes no matter how much easier it might be to wash them hmmm...that might take a while to work on that.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: There is something to be said for flexible parenting.
I love that--I have that debate with myself ALL the time (Did I just cave or was that "choosing my battles"?)! Glad to know the psychologist was on my side, and yours.
My husband really has a hard time in being flexible. I wish he could have a psychologist tell him it's okay to give the kids what they request once in a while!!
Being rigid is important over certain issues but life is about being happy and if having a different bowl gave them some control and happiness, it was worth switching.
I know I've been MIA this week. I have been reminiscing a lot about my single days. No, not the images of being young and carefree but rather the memories of when I was able to call in to work, take the day off and then curl up in my blankets and go back to bed if I were sick. It was even better when I got my first cat because she snuggled up next to me. Ahh, those were the days: feverish, throwing up, dirty tissues covering the bed, but most importantly peace and quiet. I really and truly had those days off.
A couple of Fridays ago, I woke up at 1 am and threw up. I felt nauseated for a couple hours and then fell back asleep. I canceled everything for the day figuring I had the stomach flu. Nothing else happened though. My stomach felt delicate for a few days, but other than that I felt fine. I figured it was stress because we've had a lot going on and any time I've thrown up, whether from morning sickness or an amusement park ride, it's taken me a few days to be able to eat normally again. A couple of days later, I developed a sore throat for a couple of days, followed by a cold for a couple of days, followed by losing my voice followed by a trip to the doctor followed by spending the rest of the day in bed. Had I been back in my single days, I would have called in sick and curled up with my cat. I probably would have even had food delivered. However, I didn't feel feverish, and to "call in sick" would involve my husband calling in sick to work and I can pretty much guarantee there wouldn't have been peace and quiet. Plus the cat still hasn't gotten over the fact that I had kids and tends to make herself scarce during the day. More than likely had I tried to snuggle with her she would have peed on my bed. I would complain to the management, but that would just be writing a letter to myself. I just tried to cut back on everything and to try not to be around too many people lest I expose them.
Apparently there is a virus going around that starts with GI issues and then morphs into a cold. Of course, anything could have brought me to the royal throne, so I may or may not have had this virus. However, it had gone on long enough to not feel right and more importantly for that sore throat to prevent me from doing my two most favorite things: eating and talking. For the record, my kids loved it because I also couldn't yell at them and they couldn't really hear anything I told them to do. My doctor prescribed antibiotics because she was concerned that I was developing a sinus infection. As I described it, "This is the crappiest I have felt in years." Whether the virus ran its course, I had been suffering from allergies that developed into something more, or the problem really was bacterial, the antibiotics seemed to do the trick. Hopefully in the next day or so my voice will fully return. In the meantime, I highly recommend the Spooky Friend-Z from Friendly's. Yes, it is everything that you should not feed your kids: sugar and artificially colored orange. I enjoyed it immensely. Of course I also couldn't really taste anything either!
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: It is easier to get ill with kids. It is easier to be ill without kids.
My friend, who's one of those parents who only fed her children organically grown things that she grew herself, handmade baby food, no television, only reading, etc., etc. listened to me whine about being sick when C was about the age of YS.
This is what she said,"Buy tons of junk food, put together a pile of his fave videos, and you get comfy on the couch and just let him sugar and stupor his way through your illness. He'll get back to normal when you do."
My jaw dropped and I was shocked, but it actually worked. I got the rest I needed, got back on my feet more quickly, and C was (really) no worse for the wear.
Is there some monkey virus going around? I swear everyone I talk to is getting sick and for a long time, including me. Starting at labor day weekend, I walked around with a cold for a month. And probably b/c I couldn't just curl up in bed with my cat, too. B/c those were the days, I have a cat also and did the same thing, pre-kids days.
You Just Never Know Who's Going to Be at Your Door
No, it wasn't Publishers Clearing House telling me that I had one a prize. I was on the phone with my triathlon training buddy telling her about the home improvement projects we are going to be doing. After 7 years of trying to handle it on our own, we have realized that the Secret Garden look we have going on outside is just way more than we can handle. Thus, we have been getting bids all week for landscapers to tidy up our front yard. I'm jokingly saying tidy it because the work is going to involve big machines to dig up various weeds, bushes and vine "trees" that we have growing all over the place. We also need to have two small dead trees removed. I was in the midst of explaining all this when I saw someone in our driveway. It was our realtor (more on that later) wearing ladies sunglasses and carrying a saw on a giant pole. No, this wasn't a planned visit. He came over to chop down some branches to save us money and since I was home give me a lesson in tree branch cutting so I could save even more money. After removing at least a half dozen good size tree branches (many of which were dead), he loaned me his saw and I removed some more branches this evening. Again, how is it that I've been training for a triathlon, but yet cutting down branches made me feel like I had just completed about three triathlons?
I'm looking for a couple more bloggers to review Jooners. Please leave me a comment or email me if you're interested.
Speaking of the Jewish holidays, I had a little bit of a whoops moment yesterday. My older son's (OS) preschool follows the local public school's calendar. I had heard friends discuss plans for what to do during Rosh Hashanah since their children had the day(s) off and they don't celebrate it. In fact I remember that when growing up we had both days off from school. Thus, when I was invited to take my kids to the zoo with a couple other friends and their children, I happily agreed.
The kids had a wonderful time. OS in particular was excited to be included on a fun outing since he's convinced that his little brother has all the fun while he's at school. The zoo was fairly crowded. You can imagine my surprise then when I checked the on-line preschool calendar to find out if OS's school gave both days or only the first day off. I found out that not only did he not have the second day of Rosh Hashanah off, but in fact he was not supposed to have the first day off. Whoops!
It's preschool. It's not like he missed his SATs or anything. However due to a cold I've had since Friday that seemed to be getting worse instead of better, I went to lie down while the Big Giraffe, who does take both days of Rosh Hashanah off to observe the holiday, took both boys and dropped OS off at preschool. He got to explain why OS wasn't in school yesterday. The teacher thought it sounded reasonable.
OS had a fun day, the Big Giraffe got to do the explaining, and I woke up feeling much better.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Just because some members of your family take certain religious holidays off does not mean that schools will close for other members of your family.
That is totally something I would do. My school actually has Weds and Thurs off next week, which is sorta strange since it's a non religious private law school and it doesn't take any of the other Jewish holidays off. But I refuse to complain any time someone wants to give me time off.
Tis the time of year that the Big Giraffe and I get the usual question: what holidays do you celebrate? Don't get me wrong, I am more than happy to answer questions about it. My husband is Jewish, and I was raised Catholic. We are part of a Unitarian Universalist church, and our children are being rasied as UUs. However, sometimes the sarcastic side of me wants to say that we celebrate Festivus. Seinfeld anyone?
My Catholic upbringing explains the several years of Catholic school and CCD. My dad is Jewish, but we did not celebrate the Jewish holidays. This always seems to lead to a complex question and answer session.
Random Dude or Dudette (RD0D): Why did you not celebrate Jewish holidays? Alex Elliot (AE): Because I'm not Jewish. I was raised Catholic. Judaism is passed through the mother not the father. Thus, by Jewish law I am not considered Jewish. I was baptised in the Catholic church and confirmed. My brother, mother and I celebrated all the Catholic holidays. For a time in high school, I was actually pretty religious, although when I was in high school, we had dinner with another family with a Jewish father and Catholic mother and children on Passover.
RDoD: So you did celebrate the holiday when you were there?
AE: No, my dad and Mr. C celebrated the religious holidays and we participated in the festivities. Brace yourself for this one, but aside from the dads, we were all Catholic.
RDoD: So do you celebrate the Jewish holidays now?
AE: I do not. My husband is Jewish. He celebrates the religious holidays in the religious sense. The boys and I join him at the meals, and he explains the rituals to the boys.
RDoD: Do you celebrate Christmas?
AE: Yes. The boys and my husband join in the meals and festivities. I teach them about why people celebrate Christmas and the other Christian holidays.
RDoD: This sounds confusing.
AE: Perhaps, but I grew up in a household with parents from two different faiths, so it's all I've known.
RDoD: Was it confusing to you growing up?
AE: It wasn't confusing for me as a kid, and I doubt my kids are confused by it. When I was little my friend's mother explained that God just reaches everyone in different ways. This made sense to me at 8 because I viewed choosing a path to appreciate God the same way I choose a dessert. We all like different flavors of ice cream, and some of us even prefer sorbet.
RDoD: So what exactly is a Unitarian Universalist?
AE: We believe that everyone creates their own relationship with God, a spirtual being, the world around them, their fellow human beings, a sense of justice or a combination of all five. It is basically the grown up version of my 8 year old ice cream theory. The kids learn about all the major religions. You do not have to convert, and there is no one creed. There are people in our congregation who are Catholic, Jewish, Humanist, Atheist, Wiccan, and Buddhist, for example. Our minister is a Buddhist UU, and her late husband was a Jewish UU minister. Some people just identify as UUs. It's up to each person to define themselves. I identify as UU.
RDoD: But you said you were going to church to celebrate the Jewish holidays?
AE: Yes, UU churches observe the holidays of all major religions holidays, but not necessarily on the actual day of the holiday. We tend to dedicate the nearest Sunday service to the holiday. For example, our Yom Kippur service is next Sunday, even though Yom Kippur actually starts on the following Wednesday night.
RDoD: So are you Jewish?
AE: No.
RDoD: Are your kids Jewish?
AE: No, they are UUs.
RDoD: Did you celebrate the Jewish holiday this evening?
AE: Yes, we had tacos, challah, and wine, and my husband said the blessings.
A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: There are many ways to enjoy a sweet new year.
That is oddly reminiscent of a conversation I've had with an acquaintance about Episcopal (me & kids) and Catholic (hubby) churches and the beliefs and will our children have their first communion (yes) at a catholic church (no), why (because they're not catholic) and will they be able to get married in a catholic church (uh, they're 4 and 3, that's not my list of concerns right now)...Very circular.
Under Reform Judaism, you are, in fact, also considered Jewish from the father's side if you observed the Jewish rites of passage as a child.
I'm from a very similar background, but I was the UU kid. Our UU church was not as ecumenical as yours, even though it was supposed to be. It was a horrible, confusing experience for me growing up, but it was such a different time (the 60s) and people who didn't fit into boxes were very confusing to others and were ripe for being teased (from my Jewish friends: You're NOT Jewish - you're not one of us; from my Christian friends: You're NOT Christian - you're not one of us).
It sounds like your family has worked all of this out well. I'm envious, in a way. ;-)
I agree with Jen. Just because the Orthodox are narrow minded and evil does not mean that you could not be considered Jewish because your mother is not one of the tribe. As an atheist Jew raised in the reform tradition, I believe that anyone who wants to consider her/himself Jewish can do so if they follow basic Jewish tenets. (What those basic Jewish tenets are, I have no definition for.) It enrages me that someone should be left out because his/her mom was not born to Jewish parents. We should respect a person's individual beliefs. Sorry for my rant, but this hits a raw nerve - intolerance in the Jewish community disgusts me.
We grew up similarly! My father was Jewish, my mother Catholic. My 3 siblings and I were raised Catholic. My father only attended Mass on Easter Sunday and Christmas Eve. Every other Sunday, he stayed home because someone had to "watch the house."
And now? We attend Pop Warner football games on Sunday morning, being the heathens that we are.
that's so interesting and so great. When Jan and I get children later on, we'll have a mixed situation too: catholic and atheist. I always fear that it'll get confusing for them
Professional Mom of two cats, a dog, an ant farm, and oh yeah...two boys: a 5 year old and a 2 year old. Also found in my house is my husband who is known on this blog as The Big Giraffe.
For those of us who didn't get an instruction manual with our babies and for whom parenting hasn't always gone as planned. On a more serious note this blog is about supporting a woman's ability to make her own choices about parenting including the choice, for whatever reason, to bottle feed her babies formula.
I'm a little jealous that you at least sort of have that option to move! My husband would never move.