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Saturday, April 25, 2009

A Note To My Husband

Dear Big Giraffe,

I hope you are having a great time with your friends. I really am glad that you're getting some time to yourself. I know your Blackberry died and so we've been playing phone tag today. I thought I would let you know what's been going on with the boys for the past 24 hours.

Yesterday we went to an egg hunt. The boys loved it. Unfortunately, our younger son (YS) left his purple Super Ball (did you have those back in the 80's?) at the egg hunt and proceeded to pitch a fit for the next couple hours. Not surprisingly, after I had made arrangements to pick up the Super Ball after our older son's (OS) Tae Kwon Do, he promptly forgot all about it.

The temper tantrum must have tired him out because he fell asleep on the way to Tae Kwon Do and slept through the entire class in my arms, transferred back to his carseat, and then slept the whole way home. It was truly the best Tae Kwon Do class I have ever observed because I actually got to watch OS instead of ~~threatening~~ persuading YS not to leap off the bleacher steps every 3 minutes.

During YS's sleep on the drive back, OS talked all about his playdate with his friend John last weekend and commented on the fact that John had two moms. We talked about what makes a family. Then he asked where the sperm comes from when two mommies have a baby. I wrote about this on my Facebook status and apparently your brother has some questions about it so we should plan on bringing along Amazing You when we visit him this summer.

Today was a good day. We headed off to OS's soccer game after lunch. I was pleased with new spectator chair that you purchased. YS particularly liked the cup holder. I was even able to pass as a veteran soccer mom! Half way through the game, YS announced he had to pee. Note for future solo parenting soccer games: do not fill YS's entire orange water bottle or you will have exactly 25 minutes until he's about to burst. Yes, he will guzzle the whole bottle in about a minute flat. We proceeded to head off to the world's scariest Port-A-Potty. At first I was confused by the lack of a lock. I was quickly distracted though when YS stuck his hand down the urinal shoot and declared it was a marble shoot. Gross!!!! After he peed, I turned around to grab some hand sanitizer and saw that one of the walls was covered in ants. No wonder there was no lock on that door; it must have been ripped off when someone bolted out of there after seeing the ants! I santized his arms outside.

I wish I could tell you more about the game, but seeing as I spent a lot of it dealing with the Port-A-Potty all I can say is that OS did great, but I have no idea which team won. After the game, we went to see our friends who just had a baby. We had a great time. The boys particularly liked playing with their dog. On the way back, YS guzzled down his water bottle and we barely made it in the house.

Later on we met up with Linda and John for dinner at Friendly's. YS managed to get a blue birthday cake Friend-Z all over me. I heard him announce something and he looked at me with a big grin on his face and pointed at his nose. Then he started squawking like crazy followed by a lot of sneezing followed by a lot of snot which of course ended up all over both of us. I couldn't figure out what was going on with him other than for reasons I didn't understand he appeared to have put a sprinkle up his nose. Being the good mother that I am, I just couldn't help but laugh ~~until I practically I practically had tears dripping down my face~~. Turns out the tip of a Friendly's crayon came out of his nose. Last week I found the arm to a toy lizard poking out of his ears. He told me it was sleeping there. A couple days ago he put a raisin up his nose. Am I losing my mind because seriously I don't remember OS doing any of this!

On the bright side, Linda told me a hilarious about the time in grad school she was drunk and snorted red pepper flakes up her nose on accident. Then she decided that the best way to stop the burning would be to snort up water using a straw. Just in case you were ever thinking about trying this, it doesn't work!

After the crayon was taken away, he again said he had to pee. This time there was no water bottle involved. I took him into the bathroom where apparently a monsoon had occurred in the only available stall. He insisted that he really had to go and couldn't wait until the other stall opened. I picked him up and waded through the water. Did I mention I was wearing sandals? Sick.

We had a successful bathroom visit and then made it back to the table where YS insisted and manhandling his shoes which as much as I would like to believe had been toilet water free, probably weren't. Needless to say, baths for all were in order when we got home.

I'd wait up to tell you all of this, but I'm too tired. I hope you're having a great time. Again, I'm glad that you're finally getting a break. You're a terrific dad and you deserve it. My lesson learned though is specifically for you for when you're the solo parent for the weekend.

A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Don't fill YS's orange water bottle more than a quarter full unless you will be around a bathroom in 25 minutes.

PS The cat also peed on our bed.

Labels: Humor (at least Attempted)

posted by Alex Elliot @ 8:35 PM 3 comments

3 Comments:

At 4/26/2009 8:49 AM, Goofball said…

man I have to pee from all those peeing stories :p

silly question: since YS is a son ...why can't he pee next to the soccer field somewhere rather than an obnoxious port-a-potty? At least that is the advantage for sons. Or doesn't he stand yet for peeing?
At 4/26/2009 2:13 PM, Heather said…

Peeing outside was a big thrill for my son when he was toilet training. I hate port-a-potties. Yuck.
At 4/28/2009 1:49 PM, Blackbeltmama said…

It sounds to me like YOU need a night out with friends!

My Profile

Name:	Alex Elliot
Home:	MA, United States
About Me:	Professional Mom of two cats, a dog, an ant farm, and oh yeah...two boys: a 5 year old and a 3 year old. Also found in my house is my husband who is known on this blog as The Big Giraffe.
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