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Monday, January 26, 2009

The Toy Horse Shower

Dear Vet School,

In the years since I have declined your acceptance, I have been working on my skills to reapply in the future. In addition to working on my gag reflex by changing countless diapers, cleaning up vomit, and tasting food that has been in my children's mouths, and probably for that matter rubbed on a filthy floor in an infrequently cleaned McDonald's, I have also been working on non-verbal communication. I believe communicating with my children through interpretative dance will help me understand animals' conditions better. Why in fact just the other day I was able to determine that my dog did not in fact defecate on the dining room floor despite my younger son's garbled claim to the contrary because the dog was in fact asleep in the other room. Plus the tire tracks on my son's legs offered solid evidence sticking him to the crime.

More importantly though, I have been working on my animal surgical skills. A couple days ago my friend Suzanne and her hubby gave my older son (OS) a Playmobile Horse Shower. Not only did this give me more exposure to horses, but it allowed me to practice being in an operating room. Well perhaps my dining room room isn't exactly an operating room per se, but how hard could surgical reconstruction of a cat be now that I have spent hours putting together a microscopic horse shower? What's repairing a dog's knee after putting together the that shower with directions that only have drawings and no words? What's neutering a rabbit after putting together that shower that is so microscopic that only the specific mini-screw driver that comes with the set can be used to put it together? The true miracle is not that the shower was eventually put together, but that the screwdriver actually came with the directions. Unfortunately I did not discover it until half of the "screws" were already place. Much like how one abnormality can look like another, the screws resembled small red blocks.

Lest you think these have been the only areas of professional growth, let me highlight another important skill set: legal recourse. I am well aware that vets are sometimes sued and thus have malpractice insurance. Although I fortunately have never been sued (knock on wood), I have almost had the opportunity to seek legal recourse thanks to that horse shower. When the shower squirted water out of the tank, instead of the hose, and splashed all over me, despite the fact that I placed it in a jelly lip sheet, I had planned on calling Playmobile and asking for their toy Farmhouse to compensate me for my injuries to my...pride. However, Suzanne wisely pointed out that I could instead demand that they replace my entire house, since the malfunctioning horse shower may cause a mold infestation in my current house.

Oh, and in case someone in the admission's office does not know what a jelly lip sheet is, I am happy to further demonstrate the knowledge I have picked up since declining vet school. My friend Betty introduced me to the jelly lip sheet, which is a cookie sheet with an edge around it.

In summary, when I do reapply to vet school I will have had years of practicing all of these skills.

Best,
Alex Elliot

A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: There are many ways to build the skills needed to become a veterinarian.

For the record, the boys absolutely love the horse shower and seeing as it keeps them occupied for hours at a time, I give it a high rating as well.

Labels: , ,

posted by Alex Elliot @ 6:26 PM   4 comments
4 Comments:

  • At 1/26/2009 10:52 PM, Blogger Heather said…

    I haven't been able to be brave enough to try Playmobil yet. I've heard only horror stories about putting them together! Glad it seems worth the hassle though!

     

  • At 1/27/2009 2:50 PM, Blogger Goofball said…

    you are crazily hilarious

     

  • At 1/28/2009 7:36 AM, Anonymous CableGirl said…

    Seriously, who writes those instructions anyway? Absolutely useless half the time.

    Love the letter format.

     

  • At 1/30/2009 4:16 PM, Blogger Suzanne said…

    A) Glad the boys enjoy the horse shower.
    B) Glad that it did not destroy your home or your sanity.
    C) Glad that you are still talking to me after purchasing such a item.

    You'll do well in vet school, as clearly you've mastered the virtue of patience.

     
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Name:Alex Elliot
Home:MA, United States
About Me:Professional Mom of two cats, a dog, an ant farm, and oh yeah...two boys: a 5 year old and a 3 year old. Also found in my house is my husband who is known on this blog as The Big Giraffe.
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For those of us who didn't get an instruction manual with our babies and for whom parenting hasn't always gone as planned. On a more serious note this blog is about supporting a woman's ability to make her own choices about parenting including the choice, for whatever reason, to bottle feed her babies formula.

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