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Tuesday, October 07, 2008

A Little Bit of Humble Pie

I enrolled my younger son (YS) as a community kid in an Early Intervention playgroup through my town. My older son (OS) was in the same playgroup when he was young younger and really enjoyed it. I thought it was a great program, and, as an added bonus, they had a parenting group run by a social worker for the last hour of each session.

The first time we went, YS loved it but I had to be pulled out of parent group because he was having some separation issues. What?! I had never been pulled out of parenting group before. Oh, yeah different kid. This last time YS did really well for the whole playgroup. There were no separation issues, and I was able to relax and enjoy parent group. The psychologist who led this group wanted to know if she could give advice on anything. I puffed out my chest (alright mentally because otherwise that's just weird) and gave myself a little pat on the back (obviously mentally!). This was my second child after all. Clearly I was an expert. However, a little voice reminded me of the drama I had...been through...that morning with both of my kids.

Alex Elliot (AE): This morning my kids asked for ceral for breakfast. However when I gave OS his bowl, he began to protest that he didn't like the bowl. Then his brother began to protest that he didn't like his bowl either. It turned from one protest into two.

Psychologist (P): So what do you do?

AE: I ended up switching ceral bowls because if OS doesn't eat breakfast in the morning he's a nightmare.

P: It sounds like you handled it well.

AE: What?! I totally caved in to to his demands! I set a precendent! It's a slippery slope! I now had four dirty bowls instead of two.

P: Do you have a dishwasher?

AE: Yes.

P: Then what's the problem? You don't want your kids to think you're inflexible. It's important to show that you know how to pick your battles and that you're willing to listen to something that's important to them even if it's not a big deal to you.

AE: I guess.

P: Did they both eat their breakfast? Was eating breakfast the ultimate goal?

AE: Yes.

P: So you got them to eat their breakfast. It didn't go exactly as planned but it's not like the extra bowls took up a lot of space in the dishwasher. Next time just play silly back at them and say "You know I think the Mickey Mouse bowl would make a better Tuesday bowl than Monday bowl. I think the red bowl is a good Tuesday bowl."

The discussion did make me view the situation differently. There was no problem with the bowls today. She was right that the kids did settle down once I switched bowls, and I will begrudgingly acknowledge that it is important to be flexible. Hey, that's in the title of my blog after all and if there were ever a reason to be flexible surely that's it! I'm kidding. Yes, it wasn't a big deal to put in the extra dishes. Flexible about switching bowls I can be, but flexible about being conned into doing more dirty dishes no matter how much easier it might be to wash them hmmm...that might take a while to work on that.

A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: There is something to be said for flexible parenting.

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posted by Alex Elliot @ 9:23 PM   6 comments
6 Comments:

  • At 10/07/2008 10:26 PM, Blogger Mayberry said…

    I love that--I have that debate with myself ALL the time (Did I just cave or was that "choosing my battles"?)! Glad to know the psychologist was on my side, and yours.

     

  • At 10/08/2008 9:14 AM, Blogger Heather said…

    My husband really has a hard time in being flexible. I wish he could have a psychologist tell him it's okay to give the kids what they request once in a while!!

     

  • At 10/08/2008 2:48 PM, Blogger Tracey said…

    Being rigid is important over certain issues but life is about being happy and if having a different bowl gave them some control and happiness, it was worth switching.

     

  • At 10/08/2008 5:53 PM, Blogger Jen of A2eatwrite said…

    I love the little ironies of parenting. ;-)

     

  • At 10/10/2008 9:26 AM, Blogger Goofball said…

    hmm I think I would have refused to give them a new bowl.

     

  • At 10/10/2008 10:12 AM, Blogger Trenches of Mommyhood said…

    Whenever we have controversy in the Trenches (often!), in the back of my head, I'm always repeating, "Pick your battles, pick your battles."

    Otherwise there would be WWIII. A lot.

     
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Name:Alex Elliot
Home:MA, United States
About Me:Professional Mom of two cats, a dog, an ant farm, and oh yeah...two boys: a 5 year old and a 3 year old. Also found in my house is my husband who is known on this blog as The Big Giraffe.
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