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Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Douche or Juice?

Last night I made a quick run to the grocery store to buy some more milk and a couple other items we needed. One was more juice. Between my older son's (OS) dislike of milk and my younger son's (YS) high calorie diet, their pediatrician suggested giving both boys 8 ounces of calcium fortified juice a day. A couple weeks ago, I went to a different grocery store than usual and picked up Apple and Eve juice because it had calcium without added sugar. The boys were excited because Elmo was on the jug. I thought the name Apple and Eve Juice was clever. The boys decided it was called Elmo Juice. I can't say that they considered the name clever, but they certainly liked the juice.

Last night, though I was back in my usual grocery store. While I could find Elmo Juice juice boxes, I couldn't find the larger containers. I went and paid for my groceries, figuring I could buy it at another store. As the cashier was ringing up my items, I asked him what the process was for suggesting grocery items. He told me to talk to the cashier right behind me at the next counter. This cashier said all I needed to do was to write the name of the item on the back of an old receipt that he handed me and he would give it to the manager. Out of curiosity he asked me what I was requesting.

I have no idea what happened. All I can say is that I didn't get much sleep the night before because OS slept in our bed after I delivered a poor parenting explanation of stranger danger. Regardless, after blanking on the what preceded "Eve" in the name, I suddenly belt out, "I know! It's Summer's Eve!" Fortunately, my cashier was the only teenage boy on the planet who is apparently intimately familiar with women's hygiene products, so his guffaws drowned me out when I realized what I had said and allowed a certain four letter word starting with the letter "s" to escape my lips. Unfortunately, they did not drown out my protestations that I had misspoken, and they certainly did nothing to hide the fluorescent pink blush on my face. While almost everyone in the store was staring at me as though I were a lunatic, one person proved oblivious. The cashier who had agreed to deliver my request to the manager compounded my embarrassment when he calmly said "Okay just write it down."

Of course, that's when I started rambling. "No, I mean it's juice, ~~not douche~~. It's called 'Something' Eve. It has Elmo on the container. Well, some have Big Bird. It's the Sesame Street characters you know. None of your juices have calcium added to them unless they're juice boxes."

Through his laughter (and presumed surreptitious texting to his friends about the crazy customer requesting douche), my cashier did acknowledge that douche and juice do sound similar.

A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Though they may sound similar, there are major differences between douche and juice.

I quickly scribbled the part about it "Something" Eve and then why I thought the manger should order it and handed it back to the cashier and then tried to leave the store with dignity and with grace. I seriously don't know where Summer's Eve came from. I don't think I've thought about it since those awful "Not so fresh feeling" adds aired way back when I was in junior high. Then again, it did pop into my mind today when the spinning room was so packed, hot and humid that the wall mirror was completely covered in steam. I think it's safe to say that even the guys had that "not so fresh feeling" this morning.

Labels: Humor (at least Attempted), Mom-Care

posted by Alex Elliot @ 8:41 PM 6 comments

6 Comments:

At 7/09/2008 8:48 AM, Sally HP said…

HA! I freakin' love that story! I bet you were felling not so fresh when you left the store ;)
At 7/09/2008 9:30 AM, Goofball said…

ok I don't know "Summer's Eve" and their adds but I remember the story of a Canadian exchange student in Germany.

he was so shocked that his German host sisters were so open as to announce in public that there were going to have a douche....and when they came back even comment on how good it had felt to take that douche etc...

He didn't know yet that "douche" is in German/Dutch/French and other languagues probably the very common word for a shower. Something we do regularly and we feel no restrain to mention that openly :p.

But I learned from him that douche in English can have a totally different meaning. And it does sound like juice :p
At 7/09/2008 9:39 AM, Jen said…

I will be laughing about this all day! I mean....sorry you were embarrassed.
At 7/09/2008 10:15 AM, Heather said…

That's hilarious.

I was just wondering that the other day...whether people from other countries mistakenly buy feminine products thinking it's something for the shower.
At 7/09/2008 12:26 PM, Suzanne Reisman said…

Given the odd scents (Tropical Rain, Island Splash) of douches, I think it makes sense that Summer's Eve would have calcium-fortified cranberry-apple. Heh.
At 7/09/2008 2:39 PM, Chantelle said…

Too funny.
Aren't these little slips of the tongue great. Especially when they happen to someone else :)

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Name:	Alex Elliot
Home:	MA, United States
About Me:	Professional Mom of two cats, a dog, an ant farm, and oh yeah...two boys: a 6 year old and a 3 year old. Also found in my house is my husband who is known on this blog as The Big Giraffe.
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For those of us who didn't get an instruction manual with our babies and for whom parenting hasn't always gone as planned. On a more serious note this blog is about supporting a woman's ability to make her own choices about parenting including the choice, for whatever reason, to bottle feed her babies formula.

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