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Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Yes, You Can Make Fun of Me


Like many new parents, I underestimated how hard it would be to put together baby equipment. If you have kids, I'm guessing you have an inkling of what I'm talking about. At first I took the directions at face value. A few hours and many swear words later, the baby equipment was in worse shape than when I had taken it out of the box disassembled. Upon further inspection with a magnifying glass and a miner's helmet with light, I realized that what I had thought were merely ink smudges were in fact microscopic illustrations of a team of twelve people whose help I would need to put together the baby equipment. I became better at analyzing every inch of the directions and assuming nothing because you know what they say about what happens when you assume.

In time I realized that you had to pay attention to the logo on the part in the illustration so you could see which way the piece was supposed to be facing because in an effort to perhaps be more eco-friendly or to pay the writers less, the companies must have figured that writing out, "place side with logo up" or whatnot was too much. Same thing to figure out at what angles the pieces should be placed. I figure when I go back to vet school some day I can try and finagle this useful skill into an improved ability at reading x-rays.

I didn't realize that this movement to cut out words from the directions had carried over into non-baby items. Guess those unions are really working hard. A couple months ago, I realized that the people in my spinning class were not merely looking at their watches every two minutes to see when this painful, exhausting, sweat hungry class would be ending like I was. It turns out they were wearing heart rate monitors. Who knew? Caving into peer pressure, and also after reading in my triathlon book that heart rate monitors were a really good idea, I bought one. It's one of the best purchases I made. That's for another post though. All I can say is if you work out or want to start working out, you should definitely get one. The ones that are built into exercise equipment are just not the same.

My new heart rate monitor arrived in the mail and like the geek I am, I read the manual from cover to cover. (Stop chortling, Big Giraffe. You aren't the only geek in this house!) It came in three pieces. A flat plastic piece that was the chest transmitter that attached to a stretchy band allowing you to wear it around your chest so it could measure your heart rate, and a watch where you could read the data, tell the time, see how many calories, and see your target heart range. I knew every feature and if I couldn't access it directly, I could tell you where to find it in the manual. I loved the monitor for the first two weeks that I used it. I finally figured out why I wasn't losing weight when I was just swimming - my heart rate was too low as was, not surprisingly, the number of calories burned. Then a really funny thing started happening. The transmitter band wouldn't stay put. It kept coming apart. Thinking perhaps it was too tight, I loosened it. No luck. Then I tried the opposite and tightened it. It shot off like a sling shot while I was working out. Nice. No matter what I did, it just wouldn't stay put. My friend told me to wear it under my sports bra. I did. The band still came undone. At least the transmitter itself stayed put thanks to my bra, a little help from "the girls", and some not so surreptitious adjustments made while swimming by sticking my hand down the chest of my swimsuit. I still loved my monitor, but after realizing that I was one band adjustment away from being kicked out of the pool for obscene acts, I figured that I just couldn't swim with it anymore.

I happened to mention it to one of the trainers on Tuesday. She insisted on grabbing a band from her office and showing me how to put the pieces together. She said the most common mistake people make is to latch it on backwards. I reminded her I had read the manual. I should have saved my breath for exercise. It turns out I was latching it on backwards. You're supposed take the chest transmitter piece with logo side up, and stick the tab from strap into it on the face side not from behind like I was doing. Yes, you can go ahead and make fun of me. I'd like to state for the record that I paused from writing this to check out the directions on-line. They do not specify this. The worst part was I had even commented to the Big Giraffe that for $100, I would expect not to have two rubber "nubbies" poking out of my shirt. Guess that should have been a clue. They aren't supposed to be there! I'm loving swimming with my monitor and have upped both my heart rate and my calories burned. Now I just have to go back to reading instructions more carefully. Hey these are my radiology skills we're talking about!

A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: When it comes to electronics, ask a teenager.


*Excuse the terrible picture quality; I can't find my camera so I used my cell phone.

Labels: , ,

posted by Alex Elliot @ 5:05 PM   8 comments
8 Comments:

  • At 3/11/2008 9:46 PM, Blogger Heather said…

    I find myself insisting that I'm right about things that I later find out I'm completely wrong about. But I still don't admit it.

    I wonder where my kids get that from?

     

  • At 3/11/2008 9:58 PM, Blogger painted maypole said…

    those heart rate moniters on the machines always register as me dead... they can never pick me up. i have a pretty low resting heart rate to begin with, anyhow.

     

  • At 3/11/2008 10:43 PM, Blogger Lady M said…

    My husband loves his heart rate monitor too! Y'all might have me convinced, once I start working out again.

     

  • At 3/12/2008 9:05 AM, Blogger Sally HP said…

    I was wondering when I'd get to see how you'd write about this one! Seriously something I would do, too.

     

  • At 3/12/2008 10:49 AM, Anonymous pinks & blues girls said…

    Oh gosh. I consider myself and my husband to be pretty smart people, but watch us try to put any kind of electronic equipment together and you'd swear we have a combined IQ of 3. My sister-in-law loves her heart rate monitor!

    Jane, Pinks & Blues

     

  • At 3/12/2008 11:16 AM, Blogger cathouse teri said…

    Maybe the companies that print directions have writer's strikes, too?

    I loved this post! Thanks for the laffs! :)

     

  • At 3/12/2008 1:39 PM, Blogger Worker Mommy said…

    When it comes to putting anything with more then two pieces together I give it to hubby. I know that sounds lame but that is one situation where I just do not have patience and frustrate easily!

     

  • At 3/13/2008 7:55 AM, Blogger Ladybug's Picnic said…

    Funny! I have the same HR monitor - it's an absolute necessity for me since I'm in my third trimester - my OB said it's fine to keep running, but to keep a very close eye on my heart rate. Once I got it all figured out I have absolutely loved it.

     
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Name:Alex Elliot
Home:MA, United States
About Me:Professional Mom of two cats, a dog, an ant farm, and oh yeah...two boys: a 6 year old and a 3 year old. Also found in my house is my husband who is known on this blog as The Big Giraffe.
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For those of us who didn't get an instruction manual with our babies and for whom parenting hasn't always gone as planned. On a more serious note this blog is about supporting a woman's ability to make her own choices about parenting including the choice, for whatever reason, to bottle feed her babies formula.

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