Seeking the formula for parenting

BlogHer
I'm Going to BlogHer 08

Flexible Links

My Blogging Inspiration
Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS) & Other Rants

Flexible Affiliations


Parent Bloggers Network
- Crazy/Hip Blog-Mamas+
(Random Site)
A Member of Bust's Girl Wide Web
Parenting Blogs - Blog Top Sites
blog search directory
Search For Blogs, Submit Blogs, The Ultimate Blog Directory

Friday, February 01, 2008

The Wake

Today was the big day. Actually it was the "big day" for several reasons. First of all, the Big Giraffe flew in this morning. I had been worried because last night before I went to bed, he told me that some flights into O'Hare were delayed more than 8 hours. It was looking pretty bad out this morning so I was pleasantly surprised to learn that not only did his plane land, but it landed on time. The boys and I were thrilled to see him.

The other reason that it was the Big Day was because today was the wake. We talked with our older son (OS) again about where we were going. The thing is, he's only 4 so it was understandably hard for him to comprehend Quite frankly my 36 year old husband is Jewish and he also finds the embalming and viewing confusing because they are not done in the Jewish faith. We realized that we could only say so much. This was something that OS would just need to experience.

A few people have asked me this past week whether we would bring the children to the wake if one of my children's grandparents died. I am not sure. However, we are out of town and there isn't anyone available to watch our kids. More importantly, we believe that this is just the natural cycle of life and not something to fear. This is of course because we know our kids and we know how wakes/funerals are run in my family. I have a small family that I know wouldn't get offended if we had to leave part way through the wake or funeral because one or both of the kids struggled with it. Another factor is that my boys do not know my great aunt. Yes, OS met her, but that was when he was two. This isn't a sad event for him like it would be if he knew the deceased. YS is only 19 months old. The bottom line is that I am not suggesting that every parent should bring the entire family to a wake; I am saying that we believed it was the right decision for our children in this situation.

We got the wake and the boys were immediately greeted by my family members. They are the only kids. They both loved all the attention. When things settled down, OS and I walked up to Aunt Julie's casket. OS looked at Aunt Julie and it reminded me of when our cats see a dog at the vet's office. His eyes widened, and he snapped his whole body back and then went to go sit with my mom. That was fine. That was also it. The boys spent the rest of the time in the upstairs living area with the Big Giraffe, various relatives, and me. The funeral home had a very nice kids room off of the living room. We had come to pay our respects individually and to be a support to our family. That's exactly what happened.

Even though Aunt Julie's wake was from 1 pm - 9pm, and everyone was planning on being there for most of the time, it didn't occur to us to bring food or ask anyone to bring food when they asked what they could do to help. Another family was having a wake at the same time, and several friends brought platters of food. It struck me that the next time I am struggling with how to help a friend in the face of such a tragedy, bringing food to the funeral home would be a really great way to do so. The Big Giraffe commented that it is traditional to bring food to the home of those mourning in the Jewish faith, when making a "shivah call." It certainly gives those in the midst of grieving one less worry.

A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: Bringing food to a funeral home can be one way to help a family that has just undergone a tragedy.

Labels:

posted by Alex Elliot @ 9:11 PM   5 comments
5 Comments:
  • At 2/01/2008 11:00 PM, Blogger Heather said…

    Good idea with the food. I remember being very hungry at my grandparents' wakes because no one thought about what or when we would eat.

     
  • At 2/01/2008 11:43 PM, Blogger tammy b said…

    you're not alone.....each family needs to do what is best for them. last year my mil passed and we had to travel several states for the funeral - we have 3 children, they were aged 3 (twins) and 5 at the time. had to take them to the whole shebang. at the viewing the twins stayed out with older cousins who didn't want to go in, but my 5yo was adamant on going in. she had made grandma a card and wanted to give it to her and say goodbye. she would have been heart broken had i not acquiesced. i remember my gma dying when i was 5 or 6 and i wasn't allowed to go to the funeral...i still think about it (i'm 41) and i didn't want her to go through that. as for the funeral itself, people understand. if they don't, they should. what better juxtaposition is there than hearing a baby laugh or even cry at a funeral?

     
  • At 2/02/2008 9:29 AM, Blogger Suzanne said…

    Glad that BG got there in a timely fashion. Husband was supposed to leave for Arizona via a connecting flight in Chicago yesterday and his first flight was canceled, his replacement flight caught on fire before he boarded and was thus canceled, and when he tried to board the third flight he was place on, they rescinded his ticket and put a pilot on the plane because there was a severe crew shortage at O'Hare.

    I hope the rest of your weekend goes smoothly! And sorry about my seething response to yesterday's post.

     
  • At 2/02/2008 10:08 PM, Blogger Jen of A2eatwrite said…

    I hope the rest of your trip goes well. Again, my condolences on your aunt. It also sounds like you have a wonderful family.

     
  • At 2/03/2008 10:19 PM, Blogger Mayberry said…

    I'm so glad a potentially really tough day worked out OK. Have a safe trip home.

     
Post a Comment
Home
 

My Profile

Name:Alex Elliot
Home:MA, United States
About Me:Professional Mom of two cats, a dog, an ant farm, and oh yeah...two boys: a 4.5 year old and a 2 year old. Also found in my house is my husband who is known on this blog as The Big Giraffe.
See my complete profile

Flexible Media Appearances

The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet, Fox TV, August 3, 2007

Flexible Feeds

More Flexible Parenting

Grasshopper New Media Parents
Just Cause
Birth Days

Flexible Categories

Previous Posts

Archives