As usual, this is an amazing post, Alex. I'm heading off right now to read Erin's post. I already respect it just from the quote you posted.

 

Everything could be so different by changing just one choice in our pasts. I think about that sometimes, but it usually just makes me sad, because I most likely wouldn't have the family that I do.

 

Alex - what a great post. It's something I think about on occasion, but always come back to the same answer, no I wouldn't change a thing. I love that Husband and I are still young and that we will hopefully watch not just our children, but our grandchildren and possible great grandchildren grow up. Sure, we've put off traveling and stuff now (something we both want to do) but again, once Moe is in college, we'll both be in our mid 40's so there plenty of stuff we'll still be able to do.

One thing I think about most was working more prior to having kids. In the year and a half between graduating college and having our first child, I worked per diem which often wasn't much. Why? Because I didn't have to. Husband had a great job that totally took cafe of our carefree lifestyle and supported us. However, had I worked more, I don't know if I would have adapted to my role as a SAHM very easy. Would we have gone the daycare route and have both of us working?

Gah, now you have me thinking and over analyzing again!

 

Aah, the mommy wars. Don't get me started. I will simply say it's sad that they exist. Erin's lesson is a good one. We are all trying to do our best in a difficult world. We should respect one another for our different choices (rather than disrespecting and debating and criticizing)

 

I had my first child in my late 20s and the other two in my mid 30s. Sometimes I wish I'd had them earlier so they could all be grown and out of the house by now, like some of my friends' kids. But then again, I do like that none of them is old enough to give me any grandkids yet. And life is so fleeting; I'm glad I get to "enjoy" them for a long time to come.

Great post. (Saw your headline under BlogHer ad.)

 

This is such a wonderful and thoughtful post, and thanks for the link to Erin. I often think about how my life would be different if I hadn't done this or that, but I'm glad that things worked out how they did. Or at least about most things (maybe not my career choice, but that's another saga).

 

Absolutely riveting and superb post. And Erin's lessons learned is so, so important!

 

It's such a hard question to ask AND answer, you know? Once you have your kids, I think it's pretty impossible to look back and wish you could change things, but as women and mothers, I think it's in our genes to always question. Thanks for your perspective!

 

Oh Alex, I am such a fan of yours and I am truly moved that you would included me in your blog post. I wanted to wait a few days to comment to see what feedback you received. Your comments, like the ones I received, have been amazing.

For me, having a baby has been an equally joyful and depressing experience. In my post, I wanted to reach out to women who choose not to have children and women who cannot have children to know that, after now having a child, I don't believe it is an essential life experience for a woman.

If I had it to do all over again, no, I would not have had a baby. That is not a statement of regret, it is a statement of hindsight - and hindsight is always 20/20. It is my hope that my ability to say that "out loud" may offer other women who are on the fence about having children or feel the need to defend their decision not to have children an alternative opinion to the Motherhood Myth.

With much appreciation and gratitude- Erin