Some of the questions he might ask you won't be able to answer, nobody will.

Good luck though.

 

Good luck! I never really got a good explanation of death, and I would love to do better with my own child.

 

We didn't take the girls to their great-grandmother's funeral, however, we did tell them the truth. They asked alot of questions (and for a long time after, kept asking more) but we answered as best and truthfully as we could. They were able to deal with it very well, even thought they were sad. They knew she was very sick and that now she wouldn't hurt anymore.

I was a tad miffed when Meenie came home from school and said the classroom pet went to live at the vet's because it was sick and when the vet made it better, it was happy and he liked it. So they adopted two brother hamsters. I can understand the teacher's reasoning and I will respect her decision (and will not tell Meenie) however, I can't say I agree it was the right one to make. I knwo she didn't want a classroom full of upset kids.

 

I think it's a wonderful idea for you to bring your children to the funeral. Every mammal has the basic need to have closure with death. Those that are deprived of it tend to show the strain later. Not that I'm implying your boys need closure, but I think it is a great opportunity to teach them that death does not need to be feared and is a good way to gain that much needed closure.

Of course they will ask many many questions you will not be able to answer, but I'm of the opinion that it is not a bad thing for children to realize that their parents do not know everything.

 

It sounds like you are being very smart about it. My kids have not really had to deal with death yet but with some very elderly relatives, I know it's coming soon.

Can you note the books you read, if you like them and think the boys are getting something out of them?

 

You are a very thoughtful parent. I don't know that I would have the foresight to plan for this discussion that you did.

 

It's a toughie that's for sure... we have been lucky enough to only have to deal with the death of animals so far... and not our own.

Sounds like you are handling it the perfect way for your family!

 

We've been talking about death at our house lately, and my mom who is a social worker, therapist, and former daycare worker has given me a bunch of books to read with the kids, if you are interested in any titles. I thought the ones at Borders looked AWFUL. (Read overly religious.)

 

I think one of the important things for kids to realize is that it's another facet of life.

I lost my sister when C was about your OS's age, and he found ways of thinking about it. He also had a ton of questions. And he finally decided that when people die, they just become a part of "GOD" who is one giant being made up of all the dead people. It was interesting. We also used to say that God was everywhere, so he decided all the dead people we loved were all around us all the time and that was very comforting to him. Probably more comment than you wanted/needed. I must be rambling today!

On a much lighter note, I'm delighted you'll be joining us for the Writing Game!

 

When FIL passed away in 2000 it was my girls first glimpse of death. We explained it as best we could, and they did ok with the wake and the funeral. I think the blessing to having such events is most people enjoy having the younger ones around, and if questions are asked will help answer questions that you can not answer yourself. Some of the answers none of us can give.
When my Grandma passed away at the age of 96 in 2006 we took my 18 month old to the funeral, when one of her older friends asked at the wake if I was taking him to the funeral the next day, my grandma's oldest friend spoke up, and said Hulda would never forgive her if she didn't, that baby, those babies (including my girls) were her life the last couple of years.

 

I wrote about the boys asking how do you say goodbye to someone in a casket. It led to me recounting, in tears, the last conversation I had with a friend dying from cancer.

It has always been important for me to tell the kids what I believe but stress they can believe whatever they want to feel safe. I don't believe in heaven, etc and have told them so.

You and BG can combine what you like about your traditions and make that the basis of the conversation.

Oh, and I left something for you at my place.