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Sunday, May 13, 2007

Reflections on Mother's Day

I really enjoy Mother's Day. It's my day to sleep in, have breakfast in bed and to decide how I want to spend the day. Every year it's been a little different. This year I slept in, had breakfast in bed, went to church and then we all went to a petting farm/playground a few towns over. That might not sound like a lot of fun to most people, but I absolutely love animals and I love how my sons absolutely love animals. I enjoy sharing that gift with them, so that's how I decided that I wanted to spend Mother's Day.

Before I became a mother, I never really thought about how complicated a day Mother's Day can be. Then a couple days after my second Mother's Day, I attended my usual parent group that was part of my older son (OS) and my community playgroup. The social worker who ran the group went around and asked each mom about her Mother's Day. When she got to me, I excitedly told about what a great day it was and about how I had had the privilege of sharing how I felt about motherhood as part of the church sermon. All of a sudden, another mom tore into me and the other moms who had said they enjoyed Mother's Day. She was a single mother of an autistic son. She said that when she was pregnant, she thought that she would have a healthy baby. When her friends threw her a baby shower to celebrate the upcoming birth, and discussed who the baby would look like and what he would be like, no one ever said that her child might be autistic. On top it, her pregnancy was unplanned and she was single. She did not enjoy Mother's Day. It was hard for her to hear about moms who enjoyed it and see all the reminders that Mother's Day should be a day that she enjoyed. In fact she burst into tears and left the room. She really opened my eyes.

In the years since I have been a mom, I have had friends who love Mother's Day, and I have had friends who have felt stressed out by Mother's Day. Many times Mother's Day is not really their day. Because of family obligations, no matter how small they seem to other family members, they don't get a day where they can do exactly what they want. As one of friends said yesterday, they may have to be around people that they don't want to be around. I know a couple of moms whose own mothers celebrate Mother's Day on a separate weekend so that any visits, calls, cards, etc. are done on that weekend leaving the mom with a day to completely relax. The mom of a friend of mine gave up Mother's Day when her own daughter became a mom, and that friend plans to do the same when her sons have kids.

On the other hand, I know other moms who really enjoy having an extended family celebration. Or who don't make a big deal of Mother's Day. Or who inevitably become disappointed in their immediate family's lack of celebrating what they want to be their special day. Or whose Mother's Day is bittersweet, if not just plain sad because of the loss of a mother or a tough relationship. Or the women (and men) who desperately want to have a child but can't.

Ever since that parentgroup, I have viewed Mother's Day differently. I have heard numerous times that the holidays can be the loneliest or most difficult time of the year for people. What about Mother's Day? Interestingly, our minister gave a sermon on it today. I can count on one hand the number of times now that I've heard people admit that Mother's Day isn't always a happy and mystical day for everyone.

Well as I said, I really enjoy Mother's Day. I have no idea what I'll want or decide to do when and if I become a grandmother, but I have a long time to work on that. In the meantime, I would like to share what one family in the Big Giraffe's and my family does because I just think it's such a nice tradition. This part of the family believes whether you have kids or not, whether you're a woman or a man, there's a bit of "mom" in us all. It's the part of us that allows us to love other people. For that reason, everyone in the family gets "Happy Mother's Day," said to them and sometimes a card or a small gift. I really like that philosophy so to all of you reading my blog "Happy Mother's Day!"

Labels: Mom-Care

posted by Alex Elliot @ 6:53 PM 6 comments

6 Comments:

At 5/13/2007 8:47 PM, Jodi said…

I hear you on the family thing. We spent mothers day w/ my mom and my mother in law and it was all about them. Then I cooked dinner and did laundry and it was like any other sunday.

Sorry for the venting, beautiful post.
At 5/14/2007 6:56 AM, Jenn in Holland said…

This is a good perspective to have. I have had mixed feelings over the years about the day, initially finding it a day that I would end up feeling miserable as I compared myself to the "ideal, perfect" mother and recognized how woefully short of that status I fell. Since calming down a bit and gaining better perspective (is that wisdom?) in my old age I am realizing that it's okay to accept the celebrations in spite of the imperfections. And I do love the handmade cards that are an integral part of the holiday. And this year my teenage son spent his hard won allowance on me. Now, that was a sweet moment.
At 5/14/2007 8:47 AM, Nancy said…

Happy (Day-After) Mother's Day!!
At 5/14/2007 11:34 AM, Jessie said…

Best mothers day post Ive read today.
At 5/14/2007 8:18 PM, soccer mom in denial said…

I so feel for the mom in your group. Do you know if she's alright?

Happy belated mother's day.
At 5/15/2007 12:15 AM, Suzanne said…

Yes, Happy belated Mother's Day!

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Name:	Alex Elliot
Home:	MA, United States
About Me:	Professional Mom of two cats, a dog, an ant farm, and oh yeah...two boys: a 5 year old and a 3 year old. Also found in my house is my husband who is known on this blog as The Big Giraffe.
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For those of us who didn't get an instruction manual with our babies and for whom parenting hasn't always gone as planned. On a more serious note this blog is about supporting a woman's ability to make her own choices about parenting including the choice, for whatever reason, to bottle feed her babies formula.

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