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Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Birthday Parties

When my older son (OS) was a baby, I started to hear a lot about birthday parties from parents with older kids. It seems that people have some pretty strong opinions on them, for example: believing that parties should only include families, believing that parties must include friends, believing the number of guests per birthday must be less than or equal to the child's age, believing the party has to be in the house, believing the party has to be out of the house, and the big ones: either believing that goody bags are a vital necessity or that goody bags are abhorrent. You can get into a fierce debate on that one alone.

One the issues that I heard "tsk tsking" about was inviting a whole preschool class. Apparently to some, that sends the message that you just want gifts (is that wrong?). I have to say that I didn't agree with that one when I heard it because it just sounded...well...lame. To me, a parent might invite the whole class because she didn't want anyone to feel left out.

I should have also paid more attention to this statement that I've heard repeatedly: "when the kids are about 5, you start to invite their friends from school whom you may not know, instead of the kids of the parents that you're friends with". Like I said, I'm relatively new to the whole "friend party" thing, so I didn't pay too much attention.

OS just recently attended a birthday party to which his entire class was invited. Yeah, I know you're picturing a college lecture hall worth of preschoolers, but rest assured it was really just about 10 (if that) plus some of the birthday girl's other friends. As the parent of a quiet child, I was thrilled when OS was invited. It was his first party where he wasn't invited because I was friends with the birthday parents. Notice how I said "I" was thrilled. That should have tipped me off right away about this new territory in parenting, but it didn't. I should add that OS couldn't wait for the party.

The big day arrived and OS and I arrived at the children's "museum/activity center" where the party was being held. We took off our coats, gave the birthday girl her gift, and got settled with snacks and drinks. Then we looked at each other like "now what?" All around me other nervous parents were exchanging similar looks with their kids except for a couple of the parents who already knew each other. That's when it hit me: "Sh*t! I have to make friends!" Absolutely NO ONE warned me about that one. If they had, I might not have been so thrilled. :-) I wasn't very good at this the first time around when I was in preschool, (or elementary school, junior high, college, first job, or really any other point in my life), so why would I be any better at making friends the second time around? Let me put it another way: it's no surprise to me that OS is quiet.

So I did what I normally do when I'm in a social situation that demands some sort of interaction with other human beings: I pretend I'm outgoing. There was talk amongst some of the parents about where other kids in the class had already had their birthday parties, and they apparently typically invited the kids of parents they knew (hence the above statement which I never had paid attention to, that until he turns 5 OS is riding my coattails when it comes to friendships). Since my son's social connections appeared to depend on this, I had to pull out the big guns and pretend I was Tyne Daley from "Judging Amy." As her, I was able to go up to each and every parent there and introduce myself and my son (although I pretended to be Tyne Daley pretending to be me so that I could use my real name). I even managed to set up playdates with a couple of them. For the record, OS had a great time at the party.

A. Elliot's Lesson Learned: At birthday parties, you need to make friends with the other parents.

Labels: , ,

posted by Alex Elliot @ 9:44 PM   2 comments
2 Comments:

  • At 1/17/2007 10:57 PM, Anonymous Suzanne said…

    God, reading this just gave me all sorts of social anxiety.

     

  • At 1/18/2007 8:18 AM, Blogger Stephanie said…

    You must be better than you think! I recently took my daughter to her first party and didn't walk away with any playdates. Then again, 98% of the kids there were little boys.

     
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Name:Alex Elliot
Home:MA, United States
About Me:Professional Mom of two cats, a dog, an ant farm, and oh yeah...two boys: a 6 year old and a 3 year old. Also found in my house is my husband who is known on this blog as The Big Giraffe.
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For those of us who didn't get an instruction manual with our babies and for whom parenting hasn't always gone as planned. On a more serious note this blog is about supporting a woman's ability to make her own choices about parenting including the choice, for whatever reason, to bottle feed her babies formula.

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