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Thursday, September 21, 2006

Playgroups are Really for Moms

Yes, it’s true. Playgroups are for moms. Of course no one told me that when I gave birth to older son (OS) 3 years ago. Imagine my surprise when during a new parent’s group the moms were talking about their children’s playgroups. My son was only 6 weeks old. How could I have already messed up? I had no idea that he was supposed to be in a playgroup. The pediatrician definitely did not mention it at his 2-week well baby appointment.

I immediately became stressed about this. Could I reverse the damage of not having my baby in a playgroup for the first 6 weeks of his life? And was he developmentally delayed because he had shown no signs in his first 6 weeks that he was ready to interact and play with other children? That’s when one of the moms let me in on the secret: playgroups are for the moms. Ohhh….Wait a minute what did that even mean? She invited me to join her playgroup the following week to see for myself.

I was completely stressed out about this playgroup. I mean I didn’t know I was supposed to have my son in a playgroup in the first place, so obviously my judgment was impaired. Not to mention that I had absolutely no idea how playgroups work. The hospital booklet wasn’t too handy in that department either. Not knowing what I needed to do to prepare, and already convinced that I was an awful mother, I focused on how to trick my fellow parents into believing I was the perfect mom. I zoned in on the most important details I could come up with: what were OS and I to wear? Let me tell you, we LOOKED fantastic. In the midst of all this fashion fury, however, I completely forgot to pack my son’s formula in my diaper bag. Sure, I had the bottles and water, but the formula sat on the counter in my empty house. And of course the minute I walked into my friend’s house OS wanted to eat and that’s when I realized I had no formula.

Totally humiliated I had to ask my friend if she had any formula samples, and she didn’t since she had given them to me in prior weeks because she was breastfeeding and didn’t need them. She then called her neighbor who also had a baby. No luck. Then, and this is so embarrassing, one of the new moms I had just met volunteered to go out and get formula while I just sat down and TRIED to relax. Did I mention that I also only had $2 on me? I was completely stressed out by that point.

So you’re probably thinking that after this horrible humiliation, I never went back, right? No, I’m still part of that same playgroup. After all, I couldn’t afford to miss a single hour if my son was to catch up with where he would have been if he had been playing with other children from the day after his birth. On a more serious note, I felt comfortable at the playgroup because I was impressed by how nice everyone was, and because no one seemed to judge me or in any way be concerned by my terrible omission. In fact, they all seemed more concerned that they might not have been nice enough to me, and worried that I might not want to come back. To this day, the other mothers who were there on that day have to be reminded about what happened to recall that I forgot formula at my first playgroup.

What can be so awesome about being part of a GREAT playgroup (emphasis on the word “great” – if it sucks get out!) is that’s it’s a great support system. Everyone is in the same boat as you. For every time I’ve forgotten diapers or wipes or even had my son in a friend’s daughter’s fuzzy pink outfit, there’s been a time where I’ve given out diapers and wipes or even given a little girl a fuzzy blue outfit to wear. That’s why playgroups are for moms. Seriously, if someone showed up to my playgroup without formula, I wouldn’t even bat an eye. I would encourage her to sit down, have a cup of tea and I would run out to the store. I have frequently seen fellow mothers be embarrassed by making some ridiculous mistake at a playgroup. I have rarely lacked previous experience making the same mistake.

So what do infants do at playgroup? They do the same things they do at home: eat, sleep, and dirty their diapers. The difference is that they are under shared supervision of often more experienced moms giving their own mother the chance to relax, socialize, and make silly mistakes without consequence.

But how do more experienced moms come to a playgroup for infants? I had always assumed that the kids in a playgroup should be the same age as my child. I found that one of the things I really liked about my playgroup was that the kids have always been of all different ages. As a first time parent it was great to be able to get honest advice on how to handle things. Expert advice is great, but a veteran mother who’s actually witnessing your child shrieking on the stairs can offer some fantastic feedback. Older children can also set a good example for a younger child by modeling behaviors that are a few developmental milestones ahead. (Cross your fingers that they are only modeling good behaviors. OS learned from his “elders” how to jump on our couch, spin Cheerios so they go flying, and throw other food onto the floor, and has in turn taught his peers and juniors critical life skills such as shrieking in public.)

Alex Elliot: Playgroups are like voting in Chicago; you should go early and go often.

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Name:Alex Elliot
Home:MA, United States
About Me:Professional Mom of two cats, a dog, an ant farm, and oh yeah...two boys: a 6 year old and a 3 year old. Also found in my house is my husband who is known on this blog as The Big Giraffe.
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For those of us who didn't get an instruction manual with our babies and for whom parenting hasn't always gone as planned. On a more serious note this blog is about supporting a woman's ability to make her own choices about parenting including the choice, for whatever reason, to bottle feed her babies formula.

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