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Monday, September 18, 2006

I Was Hoping No One Would Notice

As my older son was licking the floor of the post office today as part of a silent protest for having to be there in the first place, I reflected back to an old, judgmental viewpoint I had back when I first became a mother.

Once upon a time, everything I had for the baby was washed in Dreft and was very, very clean. Heaven forbid he had even the littlest bit of spit up on his outfit, and, if he did, the offending outfit would be quickly removed and replaced with a new outfit that was freshly washed in Dreft. It was with this mindset that I joined a mommy and me aerobic class at the Y. One might find this in and of itself amusing since any aerobics class at the Y conjures up images of sweat and disgustingness, and not that of a sterile environment.

A couple of weeks into the class I was completely horrified when I noticed a 7 month old baby gnawing on the latex stretch bands the Y gave us to use for the class which is another way of saying latex stretch bands that had been handled by hundreds of sweaty hands for at least the past couple of years and probably never been washed. Thinking that this was the equivalent of licking the inside of a public toilet, I made frantic motions to the mother. I was so upset I could barely get the words out. The mother, no doubt thinking I was having a heart attack or some other life threatening condition, rushed over to see what was wrong with ME. I calmed down and explained that I was convinced that her daughter had just contracted the bubonic plague and we needed to call 911. She looked very amused and said, “ I was hoping no one would notice. I’m just glad that’s she’s quiet.” Then looking at my son she inquired knowlingly, “Is he your first?”

I resolved right then and there that I would NEVER allow anything like that. Well anytime in my three years of parenting that I have said, “I will never blank,” I have really meant that there is basically a 100% guarantee that I will do it. Fast forward to 10 months later when I was shopping for party supplies for my son’s first birthday party. I heard a gasp and then felt someone grab my arm. “Do you know that your son is gnawing on the handle of the shopping cart?” I turned around to see a little old lady staring at me like my son was the poster child for child abuse. Trying to keep a straight face I said, “Yeah, I was hoping no one would notice. I’m just glad that he’s quiet”. My son looked at her and gave her a big grin. She clucked her tongue and hurried away no doubt to tell her friends about the horrible parenting that she had witnessed.

That brings me to today. Was I pleased that my son was licking the floor at the post office in an act of defiance? Obviously not, but I was just glad that he wasn’t having a temper tantrum and I was hoping that no one would notice. For the record, despite his putting totally disgusting things in his mouth, he’s rarely ever sick. He only had 2 colds last year (one in November and one this past June) and that’s with being in childwatch at the Y at least 2 times a week.

A.Elliot’s Lesson Learned: Quietness (not cleanliness) is next to godliness

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posted by Alex Elliot @ 11:44 PM   2 comments
2 Comments:
  • At 9/19/2006 12:27 PM, Blogger Suzanne said…

    Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Oh my god. I can just picture a tot licking the floor at the post office. I mean, I know it is not funny, but Claudia and I cracked up.

    You are completely my favorite parent. I think you already know that, but I want to make sure.

     
  • At 9/20/2006 6:57 AM, Blogger A. Elliot said…

    Thanks! As a little postscript to this event, when I got home from the post office there was a message on my voicemail saying that in my hurry to get out of there I had left my credit card behind (I've never done that before!). Anyhow, I ran a quick errand first and to make a long story short I had little cash and I had to double check that the store took another credit card. I started telling the cashier how I was actually going to the post office next to pick up my credit card. She told me that when her son was younger he would always lick the floor of the post office when they were waiting in line! I almost fell over. A friend of mine told me her daughter, who's also 3, licks the mirrors at her dance studio.

     
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Name:Alex Elliot
Home:MA, United States
About Me:Professional Mom of two cats, a dog, an ant farm, and oh yeah...two boys: a 6 year old and a 3 year old. Also found in my house is my husband who is known on this blog as The Big Giraffe.
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