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Friday, September 22, 2006

Double-Oh Mom: The Squirrel Who Loved Me

Yesterday, I had my first confrontation with one of every preschool parent’s worst fears: a deranged-looking adult skulking around the parking lot of my son’s preschool. Fortunately for everyone’s safety, that bizarre adult was I.

My older son (OS) has done so well with preschool that I have to admit I was a little suspicious. Although the preschool encourages parents to visit whenever they want, I was concerned that visiting too early in the semester would blow my “calm parent” cover and reveal that I in fact am completely neurotic. I was quite excited when I had an “excuse” to go inside the preschool. It just so happened that despite my “type A” personality and love of binders, notebooks, geeky notetabs, and other accoutrements of organization, I lost my son’s first Scholastic Book form. I couldn’t believe it was only two weeks into preschool and I had already messed up. I decided that I needed to go inside and throw myself upon the mercy of the director so that OS would not be the only child not to get books from Scholastic.

It should be no shock to those who know A. Elliot that I am still concerned about making the best possible impression at my preschool. With the limited wardrobe and self-conscious body image of a new mother, I focused on the attribute most positively enhanced by my pregnancy: my luxurious, thick hair. When I got to the mirror with brush in hand, I realized something that my hair had unfortunately already caught onto…my younger son (YS) had just turned 3 months old. I haven’t compared notes on this with other moms, but for me three months is the magic age when my pregnancy hair goes away. As a result, hair is rapidly leaving my head in random spots, so it appears as if I am wearing a squirrel. Oddly enough, that hair isn’t falling out; it appears to be migrating to my eyebrows giving me a strong resemblance to one of Massachusetts’s most photogenic celebrities: Michael Dukakis. (I am hoping to fix this during this weekend.) So basically no matter what I do, I look like a deranged person.

After dropping OS off at the drop-off line, I parked my car and took YS inside the preschool with me to ask the director for another book form. I found that I did not need to beg at all. In fact, I learned an important lesson. I am not the first parent to lose a book form. Parents are apparently always losing forms, and it’s no big deal. It is so common, that the preschool actually plans on always submitting a second Scholastic book order to cover all of the late orders from parents who have lost the form.

Filled with relief and able to once again hold my squirrel-topped head high, I decided to take the opportunity to see how OS was doing. I opened the door to his classroom and poked my head in. OS was sitting contentedly in a circle while the other kids happened to be singing, “OS stole the cookie from the cookie jar.” Not wanting to cause a problem because OS had already spotted me when I opened the door, I quickly closed it and left the preschool. I have to admit that I was disappointed that I couldn’t see more and briefly considered trying to jump and see through the windows. It didn’t take me long to decide it would be a bad idea. With the squirrel on my head and the scary eyebrows, I was worried that someone other than my son might realize that I am a complete lunatic and call the police on me.

YS and I ran all of our errands and we ended up getting to preschool 10 minutes early. I was going to pull into the middle of the parking lot to wait, but just as I was pulling in I saw OS and his classmates walking in a line through the parking lot to the playground. Not wanting him to see me, I quickly pulled my car into an unofficial parking space right up against the building. Wedged in there I did my best to crane my neck around and spy on my child. He seemed to be doing fine. But then I lost sight of him. I got out of my car, hid behind the car next to me, and stood on my tiptoes to see if I could catch a glimpse of him. I barely could. I did notice a nice big Toyota Highlander parked in the space closest to the playground. It would have made the perfect hiding place! Seriously, if I hadn’t had YS with me, I would have squeezed myself between the Highlander and the car next to it so I could spy on OS.

Since YS was with me, I got back in the car and grabbed my cell phone and started to fiddle with it to pass the time. When I looked up, I saw the preschool director standing right there. I rolled down the window and claimed that I wasn’t really a lunatic; I had just gotten there early, and I didn’t want OS to see me. She responded as if this was the most reasonable thing in the world. Apparently parents are always acting like FBI agents in training. This led me to conclude that if I ever were to hire a private investigator, I would hire a mom. (On second thought, maybe not. We are apparently neither as tricky nor as subtle as we would like to believe.)

A. Elliot's two important lessons learned: One thing that every parent fears is a bizarre adult sneaking around a preschool parking lot. One thing that every parent will probably be at one time or another is a bizarre adult sneaking around a preschool parking lot.

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posted by Alex Elliot @ 9:55 PM   2 comments
2 Comments:

  • At 9/23/2006 8:03 PM, Anonymous Alissa said…

    That's too funny! We live next door to my oldest son's school, but a pretty good distance away (rural area). A few weeks back I had a day off and was home, and found myself standing on the back deck with my camera with the zoom cranked all the way up trying to see him playing outside. I felt silly but it didn't stop me.

    Funniest thing? That evening he said "Mom, were you taking pictures of me from our yard? I saw you outside today."

     

  • At 9/26/2006 10:02 AM, Blogger Suzanne said…

    I love the parent stalking thing. And I am sure that you do not look like a lunatic. Although if you did, you would have every right to, given that you have a new baby, a pre-schooler, two cats, and a dog with OCD.... I have no such excuses and manage to look like a maniac on most days.

     
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Name:Alex Elliot
Home:MA, United States
About Me:Professional Mom of two cats, a dog, an ant farm, and oh yeah...two boys: a 6 year old and a 3 year old. Also found in my house is my husband who is known on this blog as The Big Giraffe.
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